


No Strings Attached

by CoffeeProse



Category: Fruits Basket (Anime 2001), Fruits Basket (Anime 2019), Fruits Basket - Takaya Natsuki (Manga)
Genre: Alcohol, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Car Sex, Child Death, Comedy, Drama, Drugs, Drunk Sex, Enemies to Friends, F/M, Friends With Benefits, From Sex to Love, Humor, Minor Character Death, No Strings Attached, Oral Sex, Post-Divorce, Romance, Secret Admirer, Semi-Public Sex, Sex, Sex Talk, Sharing a Bed, Shower Sex, Stillborn, Vaginal Sex, Wakes & Funerals
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-02
Updated: 2019-09-02
Packaged: 2020-10-05 17:42:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 33
Words: 156,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20492723
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CoffeeProse/pseuds/CoffeeProse
Summary: "Friends with benefits means being good enough to hang with, good enough to lay with, but not good enough to be with." A one night stand becomes a year of Friday nights between them. But with physical attachment comes emotional longings. And that? That, my friend, is where the trouble begins.





	1. Hit It & Quit It

**Chapter One: Hit It & Quit It**

My hands were dyed with the feel of his tan skin. My body was stained by the measure of his. Every sound I made, he owned. Every pace I broke, he picked up and reclaimed those sounds. Our body language said, "I love you." While every word that passed between our lips when they weren't connected screamed, "I hate you."

In the light of day, he was distant and cold. If he were a season, he'd be hot tempered as Summer and frosty as Winter.

But in between his sheets - or in this case - my sheets, he was inviting like Autumn and made me hopeful like Spring.

I turned him on, he became Autumn, and I melted under the heat of his touch. Like clockwork...we borrowed each others beds and Friday nights for a few hours of sex before we once again became strangers in the only other thing we shared, math class.

As I climbed off of him, I collapsed back onto the bed. My head still spinning, my hips still stinging from where his nails were, and my heart still a tangled up mess. Even though I knew this was what we agreed to. This was an imitation of the night we met at that party. And this was all the scraps I'd get.

He rolls up into a seated position to sit on the edge of the bed, even though just a moment ago he was laying with his arms folded behind him as I straddled him. He was eating like a king, and tonight I was serving him what he'd asked for. That's why it was lost on me as to why he was running his hands through his messy hair like I didn't just bang his stress away.

"I can't do this anymore," he grits out, his hands landing forcefully at his sides.

I sit up, pulling the sheets up over my chest as I stare at his back in a daze.

I know we didn't exactly do heart to hearts and pillow talks (in fact, we hardly talked at all) but after the year this had been going on, he never once complained about it. So I don't know what crevice he pulled this out of, but he could shove it right back in.

"What are you saying?"

He flops back in frustration, rubbing his eyes with his fists. "My GPA sucks, and if I let my grades slip any further, I won't graduate."

I was exhausted.

It _wasn't _the sex, even though he knew how to tire me out.

It wasn't even the fact it had been a long day.

As boozed up as I was, it couldn't blind me to the fact that Kyo didn't give a single ounce of a crap about his grades. Graduation or no graduation. I just couldn't figure out why he'd bother lying to someone that just borrowed his body, but didn't own his heart.

Instead of calling his bluff, I decide to entertain this excuse of his to see where he would take it. "Even if that's the case...what does that have to do with me? I only take up a few hours of your time, let alone keep you from studying the rest of the time."

"And besides..." I protectively shield my body, blinking back tears like the emotional drunk I can be. "Its not like I'm your girlfriend or anything."

He snorts bitterly, staring up at me from upside down. "You don't think I know that? They're a waste of time and energy. I only want you for the sex, just like you only want me for the same. Girlfriends just want you to buy them things and tell them they don't look fat in their dress." He sits up again, his back to me as he searches the floor for his wayward boxers. "I'd never want you to be my girlfriend."

I couldn't tell you why his words broke something inside of me. But the pain shot through my heart and spread until I was sick to my stomach. How could I be so hurt? My heart took beatings like this all the time, and yet...it still refused to stop beating. But right now, if felt like the worst pain in the world, and it had only taken eight words.

I turn away as he yanks up his plain black boxers, and I close my eyes as I take a deep breath.

I became a completely different person when he was inside me. Six days of the week, I was Gina Hiyashi. I was a straight A, introverted, loner with an un resolved painful childhood and an uncertain future. But on Friday nights, like this one...I was simply Kitty. I embodied sex and could make the same boy that broke my heart beg for me to touch him.

But tonight, he hurt Gina. Kitty? She could take it. She could take it and turn it back around on him so quick it'd make his head spin and his lips moan her name. So instead of licking my wounds, I crawl toward him on my knees and wrap my arms around him.

He tenses immediately, pausing with his hands at the waistband of his boxers. "I don't do cuddling."

"Oh, I know..." I drop my tone to a sultry low, running my tongue along the edge of his ear. "But I wasn't done with you yet." I lightly dance my fingertips down his torso until I reach his abs, causing him to tense for a different reason. A really good reason.

"Kitty," he breathes, clearing his throat when he realizes how he sounds. "I told you we need to call it quits."

I laugh to myself, ghosting my lips over his jawline as my hand inches lower. And this time, he shudders at the anticipation of my fingertips, even though I hadn't even really touched him yet. "I need to hear you admit it for the bull it is so I can just do you like you want me to."

He tries to scoff, though it comes out as more of a pant. "I-I'm serious. And nothing you're gonna do to me is gonna change my mind. I don't think with my penis like-" his words break off with a moan as my hand covers his, slipping past the waistband of his boxers.

"You were saying?" I taunt in his ear, tasting him and beer on my tongue. "If you really care so much about your grades, hire a tutor. Consider me the incentive for after you pass your exams."

He groans, spinning around and pushing me back to the bed. His mop of orange hair spills over his eyes as defeat and helplessness shine in them. "Forget school," he says, removing the rest of his clothes all over again before crushing his lips against mine.

I smile against him, tugging at his hair until he takes the hint and shoves his tongue into my mouth. His hips intuitively roll against mine, and I turn my head as my eyes roll back at the sensation. He grabs me roughly by the mouth, because he knows its a turn on, forcing me to face him.

"You wanted me back in your bed, so you don't get to hide from me." He kisses his way down the column of my neck, taking a less gentle approach than our first round. In a contrast of sensation, his nips and kisses feel feathery until halfway down, he bites me harder. And I gasp in surprise as stars flash across my vision, surprised at how much I liked that. He seems to notice this, licking the very same spot as his eyes met mine.

In the daylight, he was angry and sad and lonely. He carried a massive chip on his shoulder for reasons I didn't know or understand, and no one was safe from his glares and his insults. But at night, when I had him all to myself...he was aggressive sometimes and gentle others. But then, so was I. I'd only seen the tender side of him twice; once when we met, and now as he looked me in the eyes with his lips reclaiming my lips.

I bite his lip with a sigh of anticipation as I run my fingertips down the curve of his spine, feeling the warmth of his tan skin. His hand inches down between my legs to tease me with the fleeting drag of his thumb over my inner thigh. Even though we both knew I wanted more.

We continue for the next hour, in a battle of wills to see who could outlast the other until he moved as if to leave again. Even though he'd been part of me only seconds ago, unknowingly giving me birthday sex seconds.

As I saw him once again look for his clothes, I started to panic. It would be a few days before my parents would be back from their baby-moon, and I didn't want to be alone. Especially not on my eighteenth birthday.

I had no one else.

"Kyo, don't go," I rush out, apprehension fluttering in my chest. "We can just hang out or you can pass out if you want. I just-"

I thread my hand through my messy hair, my lips still loose from the alcohol and the high of the moment "We don't even have to talk."

He stills, just like the air around us. Like he's processing everything and it makes him start to shake his head, a frown on his lips.

"I should have known this would happen. I thought you were cool with things the way they were, not the clingy type."

This dredges up the memory of what prefaced us going at it again, reminding me of what he'd always made clear with me from the start.

It had to happen without any strings attached or all bets were off.

I didn't like that he was implying I'd breached that agreement.

"Excuse me?"

"What? Do you not understand Japanese?" He snaps, whipping around to glare at me properly. "I said I should have known you'd get attached to me. I thought you knew what this was."

"What this was?" I burst into laughter, even though I don't find this remotely funny. "You mean screwing each other and then pretending like we hate each other every other day of the week?"

"Who says I was pretending?" He bites out, flipping his hands up. "You're annoying."

I work my jaw back and forth, refusing to allow tears to pool in my eyes. He didn't deserve the satisfaction. "I'm annoying except for when I'm getting you off. Tell me, Kyo. How many girls do you have hopping in and out of your bed? Because if they can get you as hard as I do when I touch you, then be my guest...have at them."

He watches the rapid rise and fall of my chest, hesitating at my ire. He found my feisty sexy so long as it was when my body was under his. Now, he didn't know how to act.

He opens his mouth as if to further his cause and defend himself, when he clamps it shut instead. He yanks the sheets back and slips in beside me, grumbling, "Annoying woman," as he slaps the pillows to get comfortable.

I blink at him, finding my anger dissolving in complete shock of his actions.

"Take a picture, it'll last longer," he mutters, rolling over on his side so that he faced away from me.

He leaves a three inch gap of space between us, leaving me no solace except to stare at the back of his head as a resigned sigh leaves him. "So long as I don't have to talk about myself or talk about you, I'll stick around."

I move onto my back, clapping my hands once to throw the room into darkness with my sound activated switch. I stare at the shadowy outline of those same hands as my Kitty mask slips off and my real self comes circling back around. As it always did. I feel cold without his warmth covering me or the headiness of being connected to him in a way no one else was allowed to. But I knew he had boundaries. And once sex was done, so was the contact. He would never touch me or talk to me or call me beautiful outside of it. So I settle for him sleeping beside me, keeping his distance, and not telling me goodnight as I massage the bruises left on my hands from practice in the ring.

Because I know he won't say it, because I didn't tell him and he wouldn't care if I did...I whisper it into the dark of the room as the sound of his even breathing fills the chasm of space between us.

"Happy Birthday."


	2. Anything Goes

**Chapter Two: Anything Goes**  
  
"Size three?" I roll my eyes, holding a sexy dress against my body. "I haven't been that small in years...I must have blacked out when I was shopping and grabbed the wrong one," I grumble before hanging it up on the dressing room hook. Some poor sales associate that could probably fit in it would have to deal with it, now. I only had so much allowance and so much time before I had to head home and help mom set up the nursery.  
  
Baby bro was expected in T-five weeks.  
  
I try searching the store for a comparative alternative to that glittery red dress, but kept finding halter tops when it was a sweetheart. I sink in disappointment when I finally do find it in a size up, only to discover it merely brushed the tops of my thighs but choked me at the waist. It was also too tight across the chest, and pinched me with its itchy material. It was short enough for what I had in mind...but, it was cutting off my air supply, and I didn't want to leave the store blue in the face.  
  
I almost abandoned hope until I stumbled across a sunset orange crop top. It wasn't the dress I came for, but it was better. It fit, it showed off my naval piercing, and it was in Kyo's favorite color.  
  
Sold.  
  
And not a moment too soon. If I wanted time to hit the ring to blow off some steam after helping mom, then I'd have to hurry. Boxing has been like a dear friend that I've known since I was a child. When I was seven, dad let me watch Rocky behind mom's back. It was rated PG-13, so I was too young to see it. But he always did things like that back then...he'd risk her wrath just to make me smile. He even bought me all my favorite candy and let me eat myself sick.  
  
I shake my head at the thought, wondering how that man was the very same I only heard from once a year. If it was a good one.   
  
I was awful at fighting in the beginning, and could barely lift my own hands in the heavy boxing gloves. But with a year of weight-training, I improved my speed and agility. My strength and resilience. As soon as I took up kickboxing, it was there to catch me as my parents swept me off my feet with one fatal blow...their divorce. Thinking back on it now, maybe fighting was put in my life for such a time as this. To cope with the pain of my father's absence, but also to brace for my step-father's attempts to fill that void. With a new baby on the way...as if they were doing a hard reset to the life we knew.  
  
I quickly grab a nearby red eyebrow stud and add it to my pile of jeans, my crop top, and a bottle of body spray that smelled gorgeous. I thank the girl at the checkout counter and step out of the botique, watching the world of people in the mall's courtyard blur in front of me. Children with ice cream cones and soft pretzels, couples sharing earbuds and laughter, hopefuls tossing their coins into the fountain.  
  
I may not have what they have. But like fighting, I had something that hurt me as much as it helped me.  
  
A boy, a bed, and a Friday night.  
  
...  
  
"Mom, I'm home!" I call out into the seemingly empty house, setting my shopping bags on the granite countertop of our kitchen. My eyes bounce around the room in search of her, taking in the mess of pots and pans and cookbooks lying open next to the stove. The burners were on as if a chef was whipping up their masterpiece, only its my mom we're talking about here. And with her pregnancy brain on top of her history of burning meals, I wasn't sure what disaster may lie ahead.  
  
I switch the eye of the stove off, taken aback at how much she was doing for the sake of the baby. He wouldn't be able to eat normal food for awhile, but she was trying to improve her cooking so he wouldn't have to live off of takeout and charcoal. Only problem was...we were the test subjects for her creations. Or, experiments, as Satoshi and I liked to joke.  
  
"I'm in the nursery, sweetie!" She shouts back, followed by the sound of hammering and a yelp of pain. Fearing Braxton Hicks, I rush into the room that loops around the stairs, right off the master bedroom to see my mother sitting on the floor. She was nursing her swollen thumb as a hammer lay haphazardly by her swollen feet.   
  
I sigh, kneeling down to confiscate the hammer to prevent further injury, and pick up where she left off. "What is this for, anyway? I thought this is what we pay contractors for."  
  
She removes her thumb from her mouth, not at all amused. "Ha-ha." She jabs her other thumb behind her, where a bunch of frames and her painting originals lean against the wall. "I'm trying to add a bit of personality to the room. If your step-father had it his way, the room would remain the blase', colorless sponge room that is."  
  
Yeah, but if you keep this up, you'll end up in a hospital before your water breaks.   
My mom was an amazing artist, a budding Monet or Picasso. But when it came to projects involving tools outside of chisels and spikes, it was like putting a baby behind the wheel of a car. That's where I came in.  
  
After I hammer the last nail, I pick up a painting of a smooth sea and hang it delicately before stepping back to make sure it wasn't crooked. I squint at it, just to be sure, and move in to correct when my mom decides its the right time to ask the worst question.  
  
"So...any cute guys at school grabbing your attention?" I flinch, glad to be facing away from her so she couldn't see the pain it caused me. "I know you don't like to broadcast your intelligence, but that doesn't mean you don't like the smarties. Like, say...a lab partner? A tutor?"  
  
I force a laugh, though it comes out cynical and sarcastic. "If you're asking about whether or not I have a crush, then no. I don't. Boyfriends are useless, meaningless distractions." At least, that's what I told myself everytime I flirted and kissed and touched Kyo. Because it felt like we were together, even though we couldn't be further apart.  
  
I can hear the pout in her voice when she says, "That's no fun. You don't sound like a daughter I would raise." I glance at her over my shoulder, watching as she puts her feet in front of her to improve her circulation. "Where did this pessimistic, doom-and-gloom attitude come from?"  
  
Let's see.  
  
You and dad's divorce, for starters. When you didn't have the best example for what a relationship should be, it was kind of hard to convince yourself that a good relationship even existed. I don't even know how they stayed together as long as they did.  
  
"I want...my baby happy," she whimpers, tears welling in her eyes that fill me with dread.   
  
"Mom, you're not seriously about to cry, are you? I was half-joking."  
  
Just as I say it, a tear spills over her chubby cheeks, her emerald eyes shining with backup. "Sorry honey, its the hormones. When you're this close to delivery, its all I can do to not go cry in a dark closet." She swipes at her cheeks, sniffing. "But its not like its a dream of mine to know only daughter is this jaded about dating. I mean, you're only eighteen for crying out loud! You should be thinking about who you're going to prom with. Homecoming....your wedding!"  
  
"Mom!" I groan, face-palming. "You're overreacting about all of this, really. If it makes you feel any better...just because I'm not wanting to date now, it doesn't mean I won't be open to it later."  
  
Not entirely sure if that's true. But if it gets her to shut off the waterworks, it was worth a try.  
  
I return to my task of slipping the next painting over a nail, choosing to ignore her long suffering sigh. As if she were saying she would wait however long it took for me to come to my senses. I try to pretend to be straightening the golden trim frame, but I realize that the entire conversation rubbed me the wrong way.  
  
There was nothing wrong with the way I did things, or what positions I did them in. What Kyo and I had was good enough. He got pleasure and I got pleasure. Equal, fifty-fifty enjoyment for the both of us. So, it wasn't that I felt slighted or like I was missing out. But...sometimes, and only sometimes, I wish we would talk about all the mess and pain in our lives instead of just burying it with sex. Because even though whatever hurt me went silent in the throes of it, it was still there as soon as I came down. Because you always come down, eventually.  
  
After I finish up, I slump to a corner and flop down in an exhausted heap. It may not seem like it, but hanging up some artwork was a workout. Museum workers must be jacked.  
  
Speaking of, if I wanted to still hit the gym before there was no one to spar, I would need to leave in the next half hour or so.   
  
But the moment my mom waddled over with a sheepish smile and a red face, I knew I wasn't getting out of here anytime soon.  
  
"Sweetie," she drawls, only making the suspense worse with the way she dragged out the inevitable. "I forgot the walls need a fresh coat of paint, then we put the paintings up." She laughs, trying to lighten the situation. "Baby brain."  
  
When I don't join in, she immediately stops, though she apologizes over and over again as I set to work on removing ten different pieces of art and ten nails.  
  
So much for having a partner.  
  
...  
  
Before I even step into the hot gym, I know someone is here. From the sounds of insistent taps of rapid fists against red leather to the squeaks of shoes that spoke of fast and fancy footwork. An intensity tore a hole into the otherwise empty atmosphere, layered with endless focus and determination.  
  
As I walked on, still having not put a face to the sounds, I grew amped up at the idea of having my sparring partner after all. This could be my chance to try out some new moves and refine some signature ones. I didn't have any official or underground fights on my radar, but that could always change.  
  
I stop in my tracks at the shock of tan naked shoulders that were so familiar it made my heart jump. The same shoulders my tongue danced over as I made him forget the past and the future. But this present...it was nothing short of awkward.  
  
I drop my gear with a an echoing thump, and immediately freezes mid roundhouse kick as he snaps to attention. I fold my arms across my chest as I watch him spin around, narrowing his eyes in accusation. Like he had a right to wonder what I was doing here. This gym was like my second home.   
  
He could just go home.  
  
I shift my hands to my hips, staring him down in a clear show of defiance that far outpaced any confidence I felt in confronting him.  
  
His chest heaves up and down with his irritation, beads of sweat sliding down his torso to the waistband of his boxing shorts. I bite my lip at the sight, hating that he can do this to me without even trying. I almost breathe again when he ducks under the corded rope and hops off the platform, making quick strides toward me. I roll my shoulders back and fast walk to meet him halfway, not one to back down from any of his challenges. Not one to break our staring contest.  
  
When we finally come to stand toe to toe, I find myself annoyed all over again that I have to angle my head up just to look at him.  
  
Him and that stupid, sexy face.   
  
"What are you doing here?" He spits, mussing up his hair. "What? You get lost on the way to the mall or something?"  
  
I scoff, rolling my eyes. That's the best he can come up with? "I know exactly where I am. Not so sure about you, though..." I pointedly eye him up and down, allowing my eyes to linger below the waist before reuniting with his. "Little as you are, you'll probably burst into tears over a little bloodshed."  
  
"What?" He bites out, stepping even closer. "If I were so little, you'd be able to take me. Last I checked, you couldn't even walk the next day when I was done with you."  
  
I grab him by his shorts, tugging him against me so quick he gasps. "Last I checked, I made you feel so good you brought me to the shower and did me again."  
  
And you're not about to intimidate me out of my second favorite thing to do.   
  
Instead of making a comeback, he pivots to grab his duffel bag and sling it over his shoulder, making his way to the exit.  
  
"Wait, you're seriously leaving? Are you giving up that easily?"  
  
He stops, his shoulders shaking with laughter. "Like I would ever fight a girl." He laughs even harder. "You're out of your mind."  
  
"And you're out of your league," I throw back at him, my cheeks burning. "That's a lame excuse to weasel out fighting someone that intimidates you."  
  
I close the distance between us, jabbing my finger into his back. "My fighting has nothing to do with my sex. And my sex..." I wrap my arms around him, tugging at his earlobe with my teeth. "Is even better."  
  
He lets the bag slip off his shoulder to land at his feet, turning so that he faced me again.   
  
I cock an eyebrow, daring him to try and say no to me. "Are you pulling out, scaredy cat?"  
  
He brings his lips a mere centimeter from mine, daring me to back down. "I think you and I both know I don't pull out of anything."  
  
I shiver as his fingers tease the hem of my sports bra, closing my eyes. "I know what you're doing...but I don't care."  
  
"Yeah right," he says, withdrawing his hand to wrap it in bandages. "Anyway, you're on. Anything goes. And if I win..." his smirk deepens. "I get to pick what we do Friday."

For some reason, whether it's from the inevitable fight or his words, my heart picks up its pace, so I take a step back under the guise of beginning my stretches. "Fine. And…if I win, you'll tell me your favorite food."

He looks up at me like I'm crazy, snorting at the mere suggestion of talking like civilized human beings. "That wasn't what we decided."

I breathe in, closing my eyes as I pull my leg up and behind me, preparing the muscles for the fight as I try not to let that disappoint me. He was right. I lost my head for a second.

"Ok. Then if I win, I decide what we do Friday. Deal?"

The tension in his features softens almost imperceptibly, when he finishes with his bandages and starts for the ring. His shoulder brushes against mine and he stops walking, long enough to say, "Deal."

Then, the match begins.


	3. Bonnie & Clyde

**Chapter Three: Bonnie & Clyde**

We go to our separate corners, and when he rings the bell, we begin. Kyo starts off on the defensive, shuffling around the ring like he's too scared to hit me. Apparently, the only way he'd see me as a serious opponent is if I strike, and strike hard. I throw a straight punch, forcing Kyo to duck like I wanted him to, and I land an uppercut to his chin, sending him flying into the ropes that cage us in. He pants, massaging where I just hit him and watching me as I ready myself to block any incoming attacks. I smile pretty at him, batting my eyelashes as I bite my lip.

I straighten my black sports bra so that it clings to my skin, and raise my fists again. "Are you gonna come and get me or what?"

He smirks, so sure of himself as he and I start to circle one another. I pivot my foot counter-clockwise, a second before he attempts his first blow, following up with a cross-punch. I stay light on my feet, playing the cat-and-mouse game, allowing him to chase me, but not letting him get his catch. The round is rapidly counting down, reaching fifteen seconds by the time he rushes me and wraps his arms around me.

"This isn't wrestling, Kyo," I gasp out, struggling to break free from his hold. But his grip never loosens and the sound of his breathing whooshes in my ear as we stand suspended, in the middle of the ring. His lips roam across the back of my neck, forcing my body to shiver as it always did when I felt him or was _this _close to him. And it feels so good that my eyes want to close, I want to give in, but I had something to prove. I wasn't about to let my smack talk go to waste. I jab him in the gut with my elbow, making my escape and I drop to the ground, sweeping his legs out beneath him with a kick. He turns as he falls, protecting his head to shield himself from the impact. Huh. He must know a little martial arts or something if he knows how to fall properly.

Once he's lying flat on his back, I straddle his waist and pin his wrists to the floor. His crimson eyes blaze as they bore into my green, while the seconds of the first round tick away.

"Tap out," I demand, finally catching my breath. "We've only got five seconds left."

He shifts beneath me, bucking his hips to throw me off, and rolls over so that he reverses our positions in two seconds. Our chests rise and fall as he and I wait for the round to conclude. Half of me was beyond irritated that he won the match…but the other half didn't mind it as much.

His mouth moves to descend upon mine to send me into a frenzy, but he stops right before. His breath fans over my lips as his eyes search mine like in the times he treated me with fragility; the rare few. The palm of my hand meets his chest, like it has a mind of its own, and I feel the climbing speed of his heart soaring as his lips hover over me. His calloused hand slides under my thigh to bring it over his hip, as that orange hair fall into his eyes.

"Kyo," my voice comes out breathless, instead of the warning tone I was going for. "We can't do this now."

"Why? You scared?" He taunts, nipping at my neck. "I've gotten bored of the same places, anyway."

Well it was a little hard to argue when he was doing things like that.

Even though he didn't know what I was like before; he didn't know what I enjoy outside of our Fridays; and he doesn't know what I want to be when I finish high school, he knew how to get me to stop talking and thinking and being. The only thing that I focused on when I was around him in those moments was what I was feeling.

"No," I answer, seizing the opportunity to resume dominance and flip him over. "I've just never done it before. Have you?"

I'd expected him to tell me that it was none of my business, because that was his go-to answer. But he doesn't.

"Nope." He sighs, running his hands down my waist. "But I don't care. That doesn't matter."

I settle myself between him, running my hand through his hair in that way he likes. "You won, so…what do you want? It's Friday, after all."

"I want you on top," he replies, immediately. "Here."

And a deal was a deal.

He and I have never broken one yet.

But…I don't know if I'm okay with that.


	4. Pink Slip

**Chapter Four: Pink Slip**

It's the night before exams when I finally decide to take a break from my cram session to get a midnight snack from the kitchen. I raise my hand to push my glasses up when I remember…I'm wearing contacts. I hate when that happens. I guess studying for seven hours straight has fried my brain beyond all hope.

I slide the folding pantry doors open, scanning shelves of canned soup, syrup bottles, and empty cereal boxes. I don't know why I thought there would be food after we just stopped by the grocery store yesterday. Silly me. Man! Now it leaves me no choice but to eat some of my mom's vegan friendly soup.

I turn to use the can opener when a face _way _too close appears in front of me.

"Aigo! What the heck, Satoshi?" I jump ten feet into the air, annoyed that my step-dad decided it would be fun to scare the ever-living crap out of me.

"I'm sorry," he gasps out, in between cackles. "You make it so easy, jumpy as you are." He starts coughing as his voice grows raspy, becoming red in the face as he laughs at my expense. Serves him right.

"I'm leaving," I deadpan, spinning on my heel to make an exit, but he grabs my arm before I can go anywhere.

"Wait, wait…I have something for you," he insists, calming down enough to speak normally. "I have a whole stash of candy and things of the like if you're interested. It always got me through my college exam study sessions."

I narrow my eyes, skeptical. "What are you? My dealer?" I look left, then right, before sighing in surrender. "What have you got?"

I'm not joking when I tell you that he leads me to his study, inputs a combination to a vault that opens to a whole storehouse of sweets and treats. Marshmallows, Gummy Worms, Lifesavers, Skittles, M&M's, Gumballs, and the works are in there.

"Take your pick, sweetie. I'm heading to bed. Your mom doesn't like me staying up to late conducting business calls, so I gotta go."

I acknowledge him absently, occupied with the diabetic coma that awaited me as he makes his exit. I scoop up a couple of Milky Way bars and Nerds, closing the door behind me, and running up the stairs at full speed. I was going to guard this candy with my life. Give me a few chocolate bars and you can just call me Gollum.

…

There were all kinds of alarms these days; phone alarms, digital alarms…but the worst and the loudest of them all was the analog alarm. It was the only one I managed to hear in the morning because it was shrill and blared halfway across the room, from where I put it so that I had to get up to turn it off. It seemed like a full proof plan to put it out of my reach so that I'd have no choice but to wake up. Unfortunately, I just as easily shut it off and collapsed back in bed.

This is why I woke up ten minutes before school started; this is why I arrived at Kaibara with mismatched vans and my makeup half done. I rush down the hall as the bell sounds across the building, throwing open the door of my math class and plopping down in the only seat available – right at the front. So much for not being the center of attention in the only class I shared with Kyo.

"Miss Hayashi, I hope you are aware that this is your fifth tardy this month, which means…a detention for you," Sensei Ayoshi drones, slapping a pink slip on my desk before making her way to the far back and addressing her next victim. "You as well, Mr. Sohma. I will be seeing you both in detention this afternoon. If you had any plans, I'm afraid you'll just have to break them. You should have thought of that before you decided it would be a good idea to write such inappropriate words about your classmates on school property. You are to treat your desk with respect."

That's the thing about our Sensei. She gave out detention slips like they were going out of style. The amount of students subjected to it were practically coming out of the woodwork.

I like to think I care about most people, even if I don't know them well. But Sensei Ayoshi…_she _was one of the few exceptions.

As if taking exams wasn't enough torment for today.

…

Before detention, I managed to clean up my act a _little _so it meant that I no longer had false eyelashes hanging on for dear life, trying not to fall off as I took tests. As soon as I step into the room, I notice three other students all sitting nearby one another, Sensei Hateful at the front, and Kyo taking up residence in his usual seat; he's sitting in the far back corner, propping his feet up on the desk in front of him and glaring daggers at the cheap ceiling tiles.

I smile, flopping down right beside him. He turns his head just enough to look at me, rolling his eyes before facing forward. "You _would_ get detention," he mutters, smirking as he shakes his head.

"You can't talk, citrus boy. At least I didn't call an innocent bystander a whore, in red ink."

"Sorry," he says, rubbing the back of his head. "Guess I should have done it in blue. It wasn't me, dummy. Get your facts straight."

I fold my arms. "Oh _really_? Then why does Sensei Killjoy think so?"

He gives a dry laugh, looking back at me. "Because she's eighty years old and doesn't know me from a girl."

_Too easy._

"Who would have thought she and I would have something in common? I can't tell the difference between you and a girl either," I say, winking at him.

He snorts, digging through his clattered desk for a wrinkled sheet of paper and a pen that's well on its way out, scribbling something as Sensei tells us that detention has begun. According to her, detention meant: no talking, no breathing, and no funny business. I'm pretty sure she won't have to be too worried about that last one considering _some _of us have standards. The time at the ring was different…no one was around.

A sheet of paper falls on my desk, with sloppy handwriting done in black pen, that I presume to be Kyo's doing.

** _I doubt that._ **

I bite my lip to stifle my laugh, breaking out my own pen to write back to him.

_How do you like detention? ;)_

I tap my fingernails on my desk, keeping a lookout to see if the Sensei was paying us any mind. Thankfully, she was reading a newspaper (who reads newspapers in 2016?)

Before I can really consider this, that same paper ends up in front of me again.

** _Nothing I like better._ **

Hmm…this could make detention not so bad.

_That riveting huh?_

** _You spelled suck fest wrong._ **

_Suck away, I guess._

** _That sounds dirty. Why am I not surprised?_ **

_Oh shut up. You say worse things._

** _Like you don't like it._ **

_No comment ._

** _Do you?_ **

_Do I what?_

** _Like it? What I do I mean._ **

I duck my head, refusing to blush.

_Yeah. I wouldn't keep coming back otherwise._

I sneak a glance at him, watching as a smile tugs at his lips while he reads my response and writes his.

** _You're not so bad at fighting y'know. For a girl of course._ **

_That is so touching. Thank you honey pie! :3_

** _Don't make me throw up._ **

_I'm not scared x)_

** _That's sick._ **

_And I was starting to think we'd never sext each other. This is close enough to it, I suppose_

** _Like I said. Sick._ **

_You know you like it, darling-dear._

** _Anyway. What do you want to do tonight?_ **

_You're letting me choose? O.O_

** _Yeah. Don't make me regret it._ **

_But Kyo, this is unprecedented. Never before seen. Do you understand that we're making history? xD_

** _Screw what I said. I change my mind._ **

_No, wait! I'm sorry. I was joking. I just…I've never been asked this before, and I don't know what to say._

** _How? It's not like I was the first person you had sex with._ **

_What if you are...?_

_Would you hate me?_

I hesitate, drawing a line through my original response and re-writing it.

_Actually, that's a stupid question. I know you already do. I don't even know why we're talking. We never do._

** _We aren't talking, dummy. And I don't hate you._ **

What? You don't? :O

** _Never mind..._ **

** _I'll see you tonight._ **


	5. Reflection Of Rejection

**Chapter Five: Reflection of Rejection**

"What? No!" I groan at the rushing torrents of water pouring out of the sky, startled at the flash of lightning and jumping at every clap of thunder.

Usually I was prepared for every situation beyond what was normal. I always had bug spray, sunblock, tissues, feminine products, painkillers, condoms, and...my umbrella.

But since I was in such a rush to get out the door on time, my grape colored Walmart umbrella was still resting on my desk next to my microscope and my forgotten extra credit work.

The pop of an umbrella makes me whip my head in its direction, and my mouth falls open at the sight of Kyo drawing the fluorescent orange shield above his head as he steps out onto the curb. He glares up at the sky, like the rain somehow hurt him in the past, only for his expression to soften a touch as though it was forgiven. He warily snatches his gaze away from it to rub at his bare wrist with his free hand. And its then that I notice the white outline that declared the absence of jewelry.

Huh.

Kyo didn't really strike me as a guy that would wear bracelets. Or anything that would dangle or cling to him, really. He hated things that clung to him.

Including people.

I shake off the thought, drawing my textbooks high above my head, sighing as I step out to brave the rainfall. Just because we were about to be sharing a bed, didn't mean we would share anything else. My AP books serve to be a pathetic attempt at protection, as the wind causes the rain to lash at my legs and splash in my eyes.

This was about to be a _long _walk.

I swipe at the rain in my eyes, about to start for his place when a hand roughly grabs me by the shoulder. He yanks me towards him and the scent of him and the rain fill my nose as his tacky umbrella hangs over us. I look up at him, noticing the hard edges of his jaw as though he's gritting his teeth. My eyes follow the tense outline of his body before swooping back up to his expression, his eyes ahead as if he can't bare the sight of me this close to him.

I tuck my textbooks beneath one of my arms, and I place the other hand on his hip, finally earning his fierce attention. I choose to say nothing at first. Instead, I just slide my fingers over the ridge of his hip, wanting to relax him. Wanting to thank him. Wanting to melt the irritation and anxiety in his eyes.

"Thank you," I say at last, stroking my thumb over the space between his shirt and his pants. "Though, I am disappointed you aren't even a little excited that I got wet." I gestured down at myself, jarring him as he just notices how tightly my uniform clung to my skin. That the soaking white blouse made his favorite bra of mine visible, and left my figure almost completely exposed.

For a second, I can tell he likes what he sees.

But its as if the moment pops like a bubble, as an angry grunt leaves his lips, and he searches the area around us. Not many people are close by. Some students are scattered across the front lawn and the patio, but most had already gone home as we'd stayed after for detention. Was he looking for someone in particular? Or was he about to touch me out in the open and he was trying to see if anyone was looking?

After a quick survey of the area, he grabs my hand in his. And he stares at it, hesitating. Like its some bomb he doesn't know how to handle. Instead of dropping my hand, he shoves it into the pocket of his slacks, and he starts heading towards his home.

I stumble after him, unable to slip my hand out of his pocket at the pace he's moving, but also...maybe...not wanting to?

I peer up at him out of curiosity, a strange sensation weaving itself into my gut as I gnaw on my lower lip. He refuses to look back at me. Even though I know he feels me. Looking at him...thinking about him...touching him. He almost seemed possessive after I made the comment about the rain's effect on my outfit.

"You should close that mouth of yours before you catch flies," he bites out, falling back half a step to allow my shorter legs to better match his gait.

It takes a full minute for my brain to come back online, because this was just so weird for us. "Actually, most bugs - including flies - hideout during rainy weather because they sense atmospheric pressure differences. They know to take shelter, because they can sense it before we can. Like someplace dark and hidden, typically under a leaf or some small space."

He manages to look back at me then, his eyes growing wide out of surprise or I don't know what. And I feel a little embarrassed that I let a little bit of the old me slip out. If it weren't for the fact I had my hands full carrying my textbooks and tucked into Kyo's pocket, I would pinch myself for allowing it.

_Guys don't find smart girls hot._

_They find them annoying._

_Guys like it when they're the strongest, most intelligent in the room._

_Above all, they hate being corrected._

_They left girls that told them they were wrong. Or thought they were good enough to teach them a thing or two._

But instead of commenting on it, Kyo relieves me of my textbooks and he jerks his head in the other direction. "Let's hurry. I want to order Chinese food before they close and get into something warm."

...

After making the ten minute walk over, the sky is still dumping buckets of rain over the city of Tokyo. But at least we're inside the entryway of Kyo's and as far away from thunderstorms as we can get.

I hated thunderstorms.

I rub my arms and turn to kick off my shoes, but I'm really trying to hide my shaking. I didn't want anyone to know because it was humiliating. Children were scared of thunder.

I couldn't let anyone else see me like this.

Never.

Especially not my mother, or she'd freak if she knew.

Especially if she knew the reason.

"Here," Kyo says, tossing me a fluffy green towel that smells strongly of men's deodorant. "Its Kazuma's, but its all I've got because I'm behind on laundry. Dry off and then you can throw your clothes in the dryer."

I'm still quivering and my teeth are still chattering, but maybe Kyo thinks I'm just cold. Maybe I want him to think that. "Why, little ol me'?" I joke, fluttering my eyelashes. "Your're letting this ol' girl use your dryer? Wow. I think that's by far the hottest thing you've ever said to me."

He rolls his eyes, stripping off his shirt as if he's about to toss his clothes into the dryer too. "This is why I can't be nice...just take off your clothes so I can order from Happy's, and we can get this over with."

"I stand corrected," I add, towel drying my hair. "That's the hottest thing you've ever said to me."

He doesn't even respond to that one. He just makes his way into the laundry room and I heave a long sigh. I didn't know how to act in this situation. Was I supposed to ask him to borrow his clothes while mine dried? Or, was I expected to hang out with him in nothing more than my underwear because pretty soon I'd be losing it anyway?

Also...since when did we grab food together? Since when do we do anything for each other out of bed?

I fling my top off, glad to be free of the damp material and I set it at my feet. Then I pause, because what was I doing stripping in the middle of Kyo's entryway when his dad could walk in any minute?

I snatch my top back up and cover myself, my whole body blushing just as Kyo jogs back into the room having changed swapped out his uniform for a pair of sweats.

"What's taking you so long—" he stops short, taking in the panic burning across my skin. "What's up?"

"You-I mean...um..." I stutter, not knowing just how to start my sentence. "K-Kazuma? Home?"

He snorts, leaning against the threshold to the dining room. "That's what's bothering you? You know he's away on weekends or I wouldn't bring you here."

_Ouch._

He might as well have said, he wouldn't bring a girl of my kind around his nearest and dearest because I was just his pleasure doll. And you didn't bring the girl you sexed around family.

"Here," he says, beckoning me forward.

I reluctantly drag myself over, and he takes the green towel and my top to sling them both over his shoulder. He cocks an eyebrow at me, expecting something more.

"Skirt."

I fold my arms across my chest, the cool air conditioning rushing over my bare arms in a way that felt arctic. How was he not freezing wearing nothing but his sweats?

"Is that any way to ask me?" Feeling vindictive for his earlier comment, I drop my arms from where they hugged my body. And I slide my palms downward until I'm cupping my knees, bent at the waist as I stare at him from my lower position. My act of not-so-innocent schoolgirl making him swallow.

"How about you ask nicely? I'm a lady, after all."

He laughs, but it comes out forced. As if he's finding himself under-equipped to handle me right now. "Why should I? You take off your clothes for me no matter what I do."

Because I'm easy, right?

I purse my lips, straightening and sliding the side zipper down before stepping out of my skirt. Fine. If he didn't want to be sexy or at least try to play along right now, then I would take a break from being Kitty for a moment, too. All I needed was for him to get my mind off the storm raging outside. But he couldn't even do that much for me.

Not that he knows about my fear...

He collects my clothes, but he stands there for a minute. Wearing a strange, conflicted expression. I was wearing his favorite bra...his favorite underwear. But all he could do right then was stare at me like he didn't know what to do with me. What to do with himself.

Instead, he turns on his heel and shuts the door to the laundry room behind him.

...

An hour later, we're seated on the carpet of his bedroom surrounded by brown paper bags decorated with yellow smiley faces, napkins, chopsticks, and two cans of cheap beer. He'd rounded up the last two he had from his usual supply, as he hadn't hit up his cousin for another pack.

But, I hardly drank, so it hit me just like it always hit a lightweight.

Even with food, I was more than a little tipsy already.

He didn't offer me one of his shirts and I didn't ask. It was too personal and too close for either of us, so I stayed in my lingerie while we sat here eating dinner. But even though I was practically naked, it was getting warmer and warmer. Maybe it was the alcohol. Maybe it was the food. I doubted it was the company.

I click my chopsticks together, drawing a strand of Lo Mein to my lips as I watch Kyo fight to get the Wonton soup open. The tips of his ears burned red, embarrassed by his own efforts, and I thought to help him.

Then I thought about my parents.

_Guys hate being corrected._

_Guys hate being wrong._

_Guys hate being weak._

But as I watch him clenching his teeth and squeezing his eyes shut in his struggles like an anime protagonist, I can't help it that time. I snort and my food almost goes down the wrong way, causing him to rip his eyes away from the container to glare at me.

"What's so funny?"

_Guys hate being—_

"You," I say, shutting up those thoughts temporarily as a laugh breaks through my chest. "I've seen you tear my clothes to shreds, but you can't remove the top of a food container."

"Oh yeah?" He pops the top off at last, as though it just needed a little more elbow grease. He knocks it back like he's been dying of hunger and thirst, before crumpling it in his hand like its nothing. And shoots me a haughty look. "It wasn't even that big a deal. I just didn't want to make it seem too easy."

"Sure, sweetie," I say, mockingly stroking his ego. "If that helps you feel better about yourself...then, sure." This time I pick up a piece of crab, still trying to contain my laughter. "That soup's got nothing on you."

"Shut up."

This time I giggle, covering my hand with my mouth as giddiness flutters through me. Already, the pain and panic had loosened with every drop of alcohol that touched my tongue. And...it felt like I was flying a little bit. I wanted to get even higher though.

I roll my empty can back and forth on the carpet, smiling to myself as I thought about barrels in Donkey Kong. Then I imagined what would happen if I shrunk down and could fit inside the can. What would it feel like, then?

I throw my head back in laughter at my next thought.

I wonder what sex would be like in a beer can.

"Kyo..." I pause, staring up at him with wide eyes. "Am I...high? I haven't felt or thought stuff like this since the party. I feel high."

Did he lace my drink? If I didn't know any better, I'd think I hit a bong with the direction my thoughts were teetering.

He shakes his head, leaning his arm back to rest his elbow against the edge of his bed. "No, you're not high. You're tipsy. Or..." he squints, taking in the flush of my cheeks and my unfocused eyes. "Drunk, by now."

I bob my head quickly, and then I laugh when I think of a bobblehead. Yeah...I was definitely far from sober. I can't even spell sober, right now. S-U-B-U-R-R-

"You want to know something?" I ask, abruptly cutting the conduit of thought my mind was racing down. Instead of waiting for acquiescence I would never get, I continue, "This isn't real Chinese food. I mean...its closer than the states' version of it. But if you want to experience the real thing, my Aunt does it right. She's made it her mission to get in touch with our half-Chinese roots, lately. And wants to share the culture so it can be passed down."

"Huh...what does she make?" He asks, breaking open the carton of shrimp fried rice, next. "And please don't say Wonton soup."

I smile despite my shock, not having expected his response to be anything short of negative and curt. "You mean, you're...interested? Really?" He gives a short nod and I pause at the gravity of this moment, blinking dumbly. "Kyo...are you drunk, too?"

He tilts his head, narrowing his eyes. "No...

I search his eyes, hoping he was being as serious as he was making himself sound. Not finding a hint of playfulness in his eyes, I plow on. "She makes incredible Peking Duck, Xiao Long Bao, and Phoenix Claws. But she can make Kung Pao sing, if you know what I mean. No Won Ton soup, though, thankfully."

At this, he genuinely laughs, spooning rice into his mouth. And I feel pleasure that has nothing to do with sex, soar through me at his approval. There was no sarcastic reply, no insult, not even flirty banter. He didn't reject me for offering up a piece of myself that didn't require me to remove my clothes, and he just...listened.

And its a huge turn on.

Which, I recognize is pathetic...and sad.

"You never gave me an answer about the other thing," he says, shaking me free of my chaotic, blurry thoughts.

"What other thing?"

He sighs, shoving his plastic-ware back into the carton and setting it aside. "What you wanted to do. Whatever you wanted to try…I was leaving it up to you, remember?"

Oh yeah.

He was letting me decide what we do for the night. Which was pretty ballsy...and pretty dangerous. I mean, he already made the room a little hotter when he let me get personal with him. Short and fleeting as it was. I realize that I like being listened to. I never knew that I lacked a voice until someone willingly sat there and heard me.

I hear the hum of the dryer still running, our clothes bashing around the inside of its drum. The rain hadn't let up, Kazuma wasn't home, and our clothes weren't ready. So what did I want to do with all this time on my hands?

I search the room hoping inspiration will strike when my eyes land on the mirror propped in the corner of his room. My stomach twists in anticipation, and I pull myself up on wobbly legs as I cross the room to where its standing. I cant my head, run my hands along its wooden edges. I push it back and forth to test its weight and decide its not too heavy that I can't carry it back towards the bed.

"What are you thinking?" He asks, appearing behind me so that he fills the background of the mirror's reflection.

We lock eyes in the mirror, and I almost choke with the surge of resolve swelling inside my heart.

Its official.

I _really _want this.

Wordlessly, I pick up the mirror and cart it back to where we were sitting, and I set it down at the foot of the bed. His eyebrows knit together in puzzlement, the idea not yet dawning on him of what I was getting weaker and weaker just thinking about.

"I want to watch us," I blurt out, gripping the back of my neck with my hands as I stared at my body. "I want to see how I look when you touch me. But, the only rule is...we can't look away. No matter how intense it gets."

He swallows hard, eyes flashing in excitement.

It felt like the beer was wearing off, even though I couldn't be sobering up so soon. But all of a sudden I was just a vessel of nerves because this was new territory. This me offering that I be vulnerable, and making him vulnerable with me.

He reappears behind me, resting his chin on my shoulder as he faces my reflection. He smooths his palms over the front of my body until his arms came wrapped around me. And I suck in a breath as his lips meet the back of my earlobe, and I watch the shift in his eyes as he takes it between his teeth. He nips me hard and I lose the rhythm of my breath. And then his lips and tongue and teeth trace a path down my throat that really disrupts my breathing pattern. I bury a hand into his hair and fall back against him, wanting desperately to shut my eyes as pleasure broke me down touch by touch.

"I take it you like..." I bite down hard as I can on my lip to stop the gasp when he presses against my back, and I almost can't speak again. "You like this, idea?"

His hands continue their descent down my body, even as his gaze never strays from the mirror. But he and I both know that his length I felt from behind me was answer enough.

"Yeah, dummy..." He rains kisses across the slopes of my shoulders, growling when I dig my nails into the hair at the nape of his neck. Already overwhelmed by the sight of him enjoying how I taste. Craving every inch of my skin. His body romanced mine just by pressing against it. But the seduction of his fingertips floating across my stomach, dancing down my thigh...retreating towards—

My voice breaks off into a moan, and I squeeze my eyes shut. No...it wasn't fair that he made me feel so much in such a short amount of time. But he knew my body too well. He memorized all the cheat codes, but he didn't bother skipping any levels to get to the end. Because...he wanted me to remember every sensation...he would take his sweet time.

He tugs lightly on my hair, reminding me to look at him.

I take in dark passion in my eyes, the pink of my cheeks. But also the redness of his own ears. This time he wasn't hot with mortification. He was hot for me.

"What do you want?" He asks, his voice heavy with need.

Still holding his stare, I grip the mirror with both hands and bend slightly. And the brush against the front of his sweats makes him groan deliciously, and I swivel my hips slowly to tease him with friction.

"I want you," I pant, knowing that's what he needed to hear. Knowing he's what I needed. "But I want your pants off first."

He grabs ahold of my undulating hips, and thrusts forward once. But its enough that we both breathe out at the same time, and I shut my eyes again. Unable to keep teasing him right now.

He slaps me on the butt, and I glance back at him through hazy eyes. "You weren't looking," he says, trying for stern but coming across breathless and needy. "Don't you want to know how you look when I make you lose it for me?"

Unable to formulate a reply, I grab the back of his head and direct his lips to mine in a collision that feels almost as good as the sex itself. His lips move firmly, bruisingly against mine. And I kiss him back just as hard. Though its not enough because I want him inside my mouth...inside me.

My heart soars as he parts my lips with his tongue, and heat races to my stomach. I throw my arms around his neck as he squeezes my butt. "Hop once," he commands, his voice so gruff it makes me ache.

I do what he says and he catches me, slinging my legs around his waist as he carries me to the bed. His mouth clashing against mine with even more fervor than the first. And when my back hits the coolness of the sheets, he shoves his pillows to the floor and moves between my legs, teasing my lips apart the same way his knee spread my legs.

He goes back to making his mark on my neck to catch his breath, and I turn my head so that I look at us in the mirror. And when I see him yank my bra strap down and take me into his mouth, the sight of it is too much and I cry out for him.

"Its too much," I get out, clawing at his shoulder blades as he grazes his teeth over me. "I need you, Kyo. Please."

He smirks, thrusting against me again as his eyes find mine in the mirror. "Do you tap out?"

I want to be mad at him for doing this to me.

But I want to kiss him even more for doing this to me.

I use my heel to push at the back of his sweatpants, making them slide down until they sat low on his hips. But he was distracting me too much to get them any further. And each time his hips promised pleasure to mine, I couldn't find my voice to ask him to help. And the more I squeezed and contracted, only to come away empty...the more desperate I felt. Because it felt so, so wrong that I was still empty.

Having enough, I sit up and force him to sit back on his heels in surprise. I undo my bra and toss it, which may or may not have landed on his desk chair. But I don't really care at this point. I just want him. And I want him now.

I shove him onto the bed, making my way down his body so that I grab at his pants and yank them down his legs. Kicking them aside when they're off.

"Kitty—"

"Nope." I cover his mouth with my hand, climbing up until I straddled his hips. And I fully sink my weight onto him, and I hurt so much for him. But as I watch his face twist up into pleasure, I realize I want to decide how this plays out. I wanted to reverse our roles even though guys wanted control.

I rock against him, riding his hips and he digs his nails into my hips. His eyes are closed tight at the myriad of sensation that bombards him. But that's not what I wanted. I wanted him to see me move on top of him. I wanted him to watch us.

"Open your eyes, Kyo," I demand, tilting his chin so that our eyes reunited in a mirrored image.

"Yes, ma'am," he says, his smirk flimsy as I hit him with wave after wave of unbridled sensation. I lower my head and kiss my way down his forehead, his jaw...I kiss the hard plane of his chest and the ridges of his defined abs, knowing things were coming to an end but wanting to freeze time. Just this once.

But as the crescendo builds, so does the urgency.

It becomes a flurry of hands anywhere they can touch, and our tongues anywhere they can reach as my mind fades into silence and the sensations become screams. Raindrops patter against the window as his whispered words of my beauty roar in my ears. Louder than the applause of rain clouds that boom outside the room that felt more and more like ours with each piece I offered him and got in return.

But when it ends, because it always ends, I come out of fantasy and trip into reality with a new awareness. A tiny fracture that I'd been ignoring screams in my heart. One that became deafening the moment our bodies separated and we became nothing again.

We'd been at this for a year.

Over 52 weeks, over 52 Fridays...

But something felt different.

Something changed when we saw the reflection of our vulnerabilities, mirrored each other. Pain drove itself into my chest. A pain that shouldn't exist, because our Fridays should have been meaningless, beats against the inside of me. And no matter how many ibuprofen I took, it couldn't touch the agony I was feeling.

Normally, this is the part when I roll out of his bed and go home. Its been a really long storm, as it was still going, and I wrestled with myself on whether I should go...or try and convince him to let me stay. I was trashed then and I was buzzed now. But I know that if I hadn't been, I still would have needed to be by his side. For good or for bad.

I start when he settles under the covers, driving me back against him and throwing an arm around my waist. I hold my breath, fearing the worst. That he's pranking me or testing me or that this was all just a dream.

"I don't really have a favorite food," he mumbles sleepily, taking another random turn in the conversation. "But chives? Never give me that. Or I won't talk to you again."

My eyes widen and I glance back at him, observing as he pops an eye open. A small smile tugging at his lips. "Okay...maybe I'll talk to you. But I won't like it."

Before I can respond, his eye falls shut and he brings me even more firmly against him. Slowing his breaths...trying to drift off.

The sky is dark as tree branches whip around in the howling wind, casting shadows on the walls and carpets of Kyo's room. I think about escaping, because this was something that usually left me petrified. Short of breath. Instead of running, I tentatively reach for his hand and squeeze it.

His fingers twitch and he draws his hand back, like I'd committed a crime. Or worse. That he found me repulsive, even though my heart couldn't take any more storms today. Especially not his rejection.

But then…

His hand moves back.

And all of a sudden, I feel calm.

And it scares me.

...

The sun awakens first, kissing our skin in orange and yellow patterns as it ascends and I stir. My eyelashes flutter open and I blink a few times, feeling the weight of a warm, familiar body and the soft sounds of even breathing.

I turn my head, still trying to clear it off its fog as a pressure squeeze against the inside of my temples. I needed to lay off the drinking. If I can't handle one can, I had no business having any.

His head rests on the sternum of my naked chest, his entire body coiled around me like a lazy cat might wind itself around its owner. And I tell my brain to slow down my heartbeat before it woke him up and everything came crashing down.

I lift a hand, hesitatingly hovering over his severe bedhead that I found so...strangely...endearing.

I lightly brush my fingertips through it, pulling back as if burned.

He let me do it during sex. But I didn't have his permission to so much as touch him any other time, because...because...we just didn't. It wasn't our thing.

But then, he _was_ cuddling me right now.

My hand moves back to his hair, unable to resist running my hands through his orange locks like he really is a cat, and I giggle when he mewls like one. I wonder what he'd say if I told him he reminded me of a feline. He'd probably punish me for it. Which...didn't sound half bad.

But if I did joke about this soft moment. This one that was so rare it almost felt unreal...it would ruin it. Whatever it is.

He rouses from his sleep several minutes later, and I retract my hand. Paralyzed with fear of his reaction if knew I'd been selfishly touching his beautiful hair. He glances beneath him in sleepy confusion, his half-lidded gaze flicking up to mine in question of how he ended up in that position. Much to my relief, its not accusatory. In fact, he just looks...curious.

He rolls over onto his stomach, rubbing the remaining traces of drowsiness from his eyes. I just lie there, struck dumb that he's not kicking me out of his bed. He's not protesting, he's not angry, he's not even begging me for more.

But the weirdest thing?

There was no three inch gap of space this time.

There wasn't much space at all.

"You must have ended up on top of me in the middle of the night," I rush out, trying to dispel the awkwardness. The questions...the confusion. He peers at me through his peripherals, and I scoot away from him. Maybe he forgot we usually have those three inches between us. Maybe sometimes, I had to reestablish broken boundaries.

He moves so that he rests against one hip, and even the sheets slipping down his waist can't distract me from whatever conversation we were trying to talk around.

"Do you care...? That I did."

"What?" I ask, my heart hammering, my hangover echoing. Now I couldn't tell if the hangover was a result of that one beer...or him.

"Do you care that I ended up on top of you?" He repeats, resting his cheek in his hand as he watched me. "Because for some reason, I really don't."

I open my mouth, then close it.

I open my mouth...but nothing comes out.

He breathes out forcefully, returning to laying on his stomach with none of his questions or mine answered. But our arrangement always meant dodging questions.

I don't know why, but I feel like I hurt him. Maybe because it took a lot to admit to wanting more. And I did nothing to soothe his worries about saying as much.

Instead of trying with words, because I'm no good with that, I get on his back. He stiffens, though me melts into my touch as I begin to knead and work at the knots in his back. And I follow my massage with kisses down the length of his back, trying to explain to him what I felt. That no, I didn't mind that he ended up snuggling me. Yes, it pleased me that its what he wanted in his subconscious. And no, I wouldn't mind if he did it again.

He hisses as I come across a particular knot in his lower back, but exhales once he's pushed past the point of pain and I've further soothed it with a long kiss.

"What are you doing?" He asks, trying for cool and casual. Though we both knew he couldn't keep the interest or the enjoyment of his voice.

"Repaying you for letting me stay the night..."

His eyes close, like he's in pain, and I have to wonder if I'm being too rough or not. But then he tells me, "Don't think too much of it. The weather was bad and I don't want Kazuma getting mad at me for letting you go out in it."

"Really?"

"Yes." He scowls, putting more conviction into his tone when he notes how dubious I sound. "Its not like we're—"

"—Friends. I know, you don't have to tell me," I mumble, pressing deeper into his tissues.

"I was gonna say dating," he quips, turning his head to rest on his crossed forearms. "We're not dating."

But we're not friends either, Kyo.

After I've thoroughly worked all the knots out, I climb off him and make my way down the hallway until I find the laundry room. I was able to memorize things very quickly. And the layout of his place was no different. I only needed to see it once to retain it and recall it.

I dress in my clothes from the day before, not even realizing that he'd followed me until I turn and almost smack right into him.

"What's the rush? You've stayed here all night, you might as well stick around for a shower and some breakfast." He lifts one shoulder in a lazy half-shrug, like it really didn't matter to him either way. "I can pay you back for the massage."

I laugh. "You'd pay me back for paying you back?"

He thinks about it for a moment, nodding. "Yeah, I guess."

A smile threatens to take up my entire face at his cuteness. Since when was _Kyo _cute, anyway? Its not exactly the first word I think of when I hear the name 'Kyo'.

"Unfortunately, I have a previous engagement. And I always rise to the occasion when it comes to my family."

He scratches the back of his neck, ducking his head as if to hide whatever emotion splashed across his face just now.

"Where are you headed?" He questions, like we normally consulted each other on daily plans. I'm beginning to wonder if I fell asleep and woke up in an alternate universe.

I step around him and search for my things, remembering most of them were in Kyo's room. My textbooks? Check. My bag? Double check? My bra?

I stop in the middle of the room, not having a clue where I would have tossed it in the heat of the moment. I remember sending it flying somewhere. But after that...it was all Kyo.

Oh well.

He could return it to me later, or I can grab it next Friday. I didn't really have time to go searching today.

"Kitty," he calls, snapping me back into focus of the part I played. I sling my bag over my chest, looking at him in question.

"I was asking, where you're headed?"

"Oh yeah...um, today's my mom's baby shower. Its not going to be the most riveting thing, as its just my aunt and my mom, but its for her. And I have to be there."

He catches himself on the corner of his desk, his lips parting in unconcealed shock. If it were another moment, she would take advantage of it and kiss him silly. But it just wasn't the time or the place.

"Your mom's pregnant?" He repeats dumbly, his hands balling into fists as he stares unseeingly at the carpet beneath my feet. A million feelings flickering across his movie like a film blinking across a projector screen. "I didn't know...that..."

"How could you have known?" I ask, making him lift his head as if remembering I was still here. "We don't talk about ourselves, y'know? Last night and this morning are...exceptions."

Anomalies to the pattern we'd formed over 52 weeks ago. And this would be the one and only stitch we'd miss in the pattern. Things were just a little off their axis for us, right now. It wouldn't always be this way and I needed to remind myself of that.

"Yeah..." he moves around me, about to barricade himself in the bathroom to take a shower. "I'm not keeping you. Go, do what you need to do."

"But—"

"Go," he says with finality, shutting the door with the click of the lock.

...

I finish blowing up the last yellow balloon, knotting it to the other white ones dangling in the air. I blow a strand of dark hair out of my face, afraid that I sprained my lips because of how many balloons I blew up in the last hour, alone. But it was for my mom and for Yasu, my baby brother to be. And that made it worth the sprained lips.

My aunt was already starting on her third traditional Chinese dish by the top I stepped through the front door. Satoshi had brought home a vanilla cake with buttercream icing and left immediately after. Which, I couldn't really blame him about. It was a lot of estrogen and pregnancy hormones in one room, and it was usually a female only event.

It also didn't hurt that my aunt threatened to forcibly remove him if he dared try to sneak a piece of the cake again.

After I showered Kyo and any remaining emotions of last night off me, I was put on game and decoration duty.

We were all set to get things into motion when the doorbell rang, pulling me away from setting out the last game.

I rifle through my memory, completely baffled as to who could be here. Mom already ordered everything she needed on Amazon for the baby, and she hadn't been expecting any more deliveries.

I pull open the door to come face to face with three girls my age that I vaguely recognized. Maybe they're...in my homeroom? Thing was, I think the have Mayu-sensei. Then who...?

The brunette in the middle with bright brown eyes hoists a huge wrapped box at me. And its then that I notice the dark haired girl and the blonde are also carrying gifts of their own.

"Hi! We're here for the baby shower," the bubbly girl says, her smile so blinding I wish I wore my sunglasses. "Is this the right place?"


	6. Body Rhythm

**Chapter Six: Body Rhythm**

"Hi! We're here for the baby shower," one of them say, bowing before training her sparkly blue eyes on me. "Is this the right place?"

"Um...yes? I'm a little confused here. I don't mean to be rude or anything, but I have _no _clue who any of you are."

The blonde sighs, rolling her eyes. "That idiot orangetop didn't tell you?"

Orangetop?

"He invited us," the raven-haired girl speaks, her voice bordering monotone. She looks at the other two. "Its apparent that Kyo didn't inform her of any of it."

The brunette's blue eyes become saucers, as she registers this. "I'm so sorry! We don't mean to intrude or anything. I haven't even properly introduced myself. I'm-"

"Its alright. You don't have to apologize," I cut in, scared that she was on the verge of a heart attack. "You guys can come on in inside. The more the merrier and all that."

She beams, letting me know that she was Tohru, the blonde was Uotoni, and the mostly quiet one was Hanajima. They were all fourth years, just as Kyo and I were, and had been invited to help make the party feel a bit more full. And it was because of this gesture that I couldn't wait to get things into full swing.

...

The first game was known as _Feed The Baby _where we are paired up, one partner blindfolded, and the other feeding them baby food. The person blindfolded has to guess what kind of nasty, rank food they were eating based on their taste buds instead of their eyes.

It was: Mom and Aunt Fei, Tohru and Hanajima, Uotoni and me.

Unfortunately...I was the taste tester this time around.

As soon as the round begins, Uotoni shoves a spoonful into my mouth, and closes it. "Swallow the whole thing. Don't spit it out." I can't help but blush at the thought of how Kyo would have responded to that, gathering my wits enough to decipher the flavor.

It was chunky and tasted like week-old squash that had been sitting out in the sun for far too long. I shiver as I force myself to swallow the nasty goop and ignore the horrid textures, preparing myself for the next.

"Wait, you have to guess first. What food is it?" The blonde booms, her tone insistent.

"Do I have to?" I ask, wanting to die when the aftertaste hits. "I don't know...squash. Rotten, disgusting squash."

"Yup!" She pipes, opening the next with a creak and a pop. "Apple, squash, and zucchini all rolled up in one."

I gag, right before she shoves the next sample into my mouth and my eyes water.

Never.

Never again.

...

The next game we played was Baby Shower Bingo. You'd think it was just harmless, wholesome fun, right? Wrong. Uotoni made it into a game of gambling, and Hanajima read everyone's hands like they were see through. Tohru turned out to be quite the card smith though I was just barely holding my own against my aunt, and the 'yankee'.

"Baby bib," Mom calls out, followed by what seemed like the twentieth whoop tonight.

"I win. Beat that suckas!" Uotoni cries, flashing her card in the air like it was a million yen check.

I give a watery smile, smashing my head against the table as I realize my defeat once again. I can just tell that girl is just skipping towards my mom to claim her stupid little prize for winning the entire game. She won a bunch of diapers, so let's see how much fun she'd have with that!

...I'm such a sore loser.

...

We decide to close out the baby shower with the creation of a time capsule, intended for Yasu on his eighteenth birthday. It would be filled with our hopes, dreams, predictions, and gifts so that he could see what we imagined and how it compared to reality.

Dearest Yasu,

If you're reading this, its your 18th birthday. Congratulations, we love you baby. At the moment, we're only three weeks from the time you're going to be born, and we're so excited to meet you on that day. We hope for you to have a fulfilling, successful life. For you to know that its okay to mess up, and you'll be better for it as you learn your way throughout adulthood. Your big sister is hoping for you to find someone that can make you happy; someone whom stands by your side when things get tough. We want that for you too. Your father hopes you're into games of strategy so he'll have someone to teach and beat (in his dreams). All I (your mom) wants is for you to achieve want you want, to live life to the fullest, and to find someone with a heart as big as yours is sure to be. Please visit us and let us know how things are going every now and then. Even though you're older and on your own, we still want to be there for you. We want to cheer you on when you do well and to cheer you up when you don't. But we have high hopes for you as a young man and onward.

We love you,

Mom, Dad, Gina, and Aunt Fei

After its complete, we stow it away in the nursery's closet, hoping for the best.

…

The glow of sunset seemed to drape itself across the room; an overdose of seductive pinks and reds that set Kyo's orange hair ablaze. And when his crimson eyes look over me, trying to guess what I'm wearing underneath my clothes, I saunter over to him in that agonizingly slow way he has. A smirk curves his lips as his hands slip into my back pockets.

"I should probably study," I drawl, trying not to smile.

He rolls his eyes, bringing me against him. "Who cares about that crap?"

"Weren't you just telling me about your GPA not too long ago?" I ask coyly, batting my eyelashes. "But you're right...I'd much rather study you."

He snorts at this, dipping his head down to take my lip between his teeth. I sigh softly, already anticipating another night in his bed. "Lame."

"Should I be more obvious about what I want, then?" I trail my hands beneath his black shirt, feeling hard muscle shift beneath soft skin. "What do you want me to do for you?"

Breaths of air caress strands of brunette that sweep my cheeks. His thumbs work circles into the curve of my waist as he whispers his request. "Strip for me."

I grin, feeling apprehension take flight in my stomach. "You want me to put on a show for you?" If it was a performance he wanted, it was a performance he was gonna get. And though I would probably never tell him, I was thanking him for what he did during last week's baby shower. It was...nice. And surprising.

"Okay," I purr, bowing out of his hold and pulling his chair out and away from his desk. I push him gently so that he sits, sauntering back towards the far end of the room to create space between us. I breathe in and out, attempting to quell the awkwardness I feel that battles the Kitty persona, telling myself that none of this was as scary as it seemed, and that I just needed to visualize myself as the seductress I always was around him.

The more I feel the beat of the sensual music, the stronger and bolder I become.

I strut towards him like I'm on a catwalk, commanding his eyes to me with the sway and swivel of my hips. I latch my hands onto the arms of his chair, moving in close like I wanted his mouth on mine, before drawing back and retreating to the wall in a tease. I hook my thumbs through the belt loops of my jeans, moving the waist of them up and down as the music eases into the chorus and sultry vocals stream out like honey. I let the material fall, revealing a black garter connected to a pair of matching, sheer underwear. As the beat pounds out, I roll my body, running my hands through my brunette hair and watching for his reaction. I smile when his eyes follow the flow and undulations of my body, returning to the wall in one fluid motion, pressing my palms flat against the surface and slinking up and down as the third verse comes.

I arch off the wall, dropping to the ground and stretching onto my stomach like a cat, before rolling and kicking my legs into the air, eyeing him from upside down as I widen my stance from my current position. He swallows, his eyelids dropping a little, as I showcase the length of my calves with my slow movements. When he seems satisfied with the view I give, I languidly rise to my feet, making my shirt the next thing to go before I make my way back to the red-head I was giving a private dance.

"Want to help me with this next part?" I ask, over my short breaths. I place his hand on the buckle that holds the thigh-band in place. "Want to take it off me?"

His hand grips it, ripping the belt out of its hold, as his other hand moves everywhere else. Once he manages to get both undone, he practically tears off the flimsy material that's left, sending it behind him. He tries to pull me into his lap, but I shake my head and break his embrace, creating just enough distance between us for him to get that impatient look on his face. He needed just one more push...one more until I sent him over the edge.

I smirk as I turn so that my back faces him, rotating my hips as I tease the clasp that keeps my bra in place. He allows a groan of frustration and salacity to leave his lips, awaiting the climax of a stripping escapade. And the anticipation gets my adrenaline going as I undo each latch, one by one, freeing my shoulders from its straps. I cover my boobs with my arm, pivoting to toss my bra in his lap, waiting for what comes next.

And that's all it takes before he closes the distance, yanking me against his body so hard that I have to tighten my hold on him to stay upright. But it isn't long before he takes me on his carpet and in his bed, as a playlist we both added songs to runs in the background.

Dancing for him was the most fun foreplay I've ever had.

…

Usually (at least from what I hear in magazines) people are too tired after sex to do much of anything. Or their mind is on whether they should shower or wait until morning; to try and make conversation or return to their own beds. But me…all I can think about is food. I don't know. I just usually get hungry afterward.

"Kyo? Are there any leftovers or something else that I could eat?"

As expected, he looks at me like I'm insane and it brings on that dreadful blush of mine.

His mouth opens and closes a few times, like he's unsure of how to respond, before he rolls out of bed and starts for the door, running a hand through his mussed up hair. "I'll bring you something…"

"Thanks," I squeak out, shoving my head under the pillow in embarrassment. What was wrong with me? "Should I go?" I ask, peeking from behind my covering.

He just shrugs, turning to look at me as the light from the hallway pours into the room. "I don't care. Do you want this food or not?"

"Yes."

With that, he closes the door behind him and I uncover my face, lying on my back to stare up at the stars. That was something I always adored about his room; the fact that he had a sunroof with a view fit for stargazing and constellation sighting. A little bit after my parent's divorce – when I was still just starting out with boxing – I began going up to the roof and spending evenings up there. I wasn't suicidal, but I was angry, and wanted to make my mom worried about me; to gain her attention. It was something that started off stupid and selfish but quickly became…a hobby. Before I knew it, I was spending every evening out on the roof all the way up to a year ago when I stumbled across Kyo at that party. Then, I started only looking at the stars once a week, on Friday nights. It made me feel like it was us against the world, conquering the depressing moments of life every time we touched or connected. It was intimate. And lonely.

"All we have is some rice balls that Tohru made," Kyo mumbles, closing the door with his foot and setting the tray down on the center of the blanket.

"Wow," I start, teasingly, "Is she your girlfriend or something?"

He goes still, his lips set into a grim line as he slips under the covers. Was it just that it was a touchy subject for him…or was it the fact I was asking him more personal questions?

"To even the score, I'll tell you my favorite food," I offer, biting into the cold white rice.

He shakes his head, reaching over me to pull a beaded cord on his lamp, casting light across half the room, leaving shadows in every other corner.

"I didn't ask you to."

"I know. Its crab, by the way. I practically live and breathe for seafood."

He smirks, poking around at his own portion. "I thought you lived for sex with the way you go at it."

I pout, crossing my arms. "Excuse me, sir. Sex is a two person job; it takes two to tango, or some crap like that."

He scoffs at this. "It doesn't always take two. For all I know, you touch yourself when I'm not around to do it for you."

Rice flies out of my mouth, and I slap my hand against my chest in an attempt to calm my coughing fit. "What the heck, Kyo? You can't say things like that!"

He cocks his head to the side, observing me through narrowed eyes. "All of a sudden you don't like it when I talk dirty to you? What are we? Strangers?"

I continue to gape at him, wondering who he was and what he did with the real Kyo. The real Kyo didn't have this sense of humor. He didn't…he didn't look this amused or smile. And the strangest and most revealing truth of all, he didn't kick me out of his bed when it was over. I put my plate off to the side, thinking over his abnormal actions, before looking at him once more.

"What's gotten into you?"

He moves the tray and his plate to the floor, settling back into his side, maintaining his three inches of distance. "I don't know what you're talking about."

I pull the covers up and I shift so that I'm lying on my side. "This. I don't know…everything. You're just acting different." Not that I was complaining or anything, but I was more than a little suspicious of it all. It was like dangling scraps in front of a starving dog.

But instead of giving me the satisfaction of an answer, he changes subjects.

"Hey…I want to fight you again, someday."

"Really?"

"Yeah…" he rolls over on his side, facing me under the glow of his lamp. "Why are your feet so cold?"

I scrunch my nose up, deciding to let the previous matter drop for the time being. "I don't know. Should I toast them for you, Kitty-Kat?" I laugh when his lips curl into a snarl and his eyes darken to match cinnamon.

"What did you just call me?"


	7. Flying High

**Chapter Seven: Flying High**

As I exit the plane terminal, wheeling my purple suitcase behind me, I search the pool of faces even though I know none of those signs have my name on it. Parents, siblings, children, girlfriends...all holding decorated pieces of paper with the name of their loved ones.

But not a single one said Gina in glitter or sharpie.

I duck my head, ashamed that I even expected it as I make my way out into the cold night, embraced by snow fall and a breeze that whipped my hair around. I pull my luggage up to a stop at the curb, craning my neck to see when my shuttle would arrive when my heart stops at the sight before me.

A tall red head leans against a bright yellow taxi cab, arms folded and his lips fighting a smile as he stares right at me.

I squint against the harsh blast of wind, snow clinging to my eyelashes as I try to make sense of it.

"K-Kyo?"

He snorts, flipping the hair out of his eyes. "No, its the Keebler elf—yes, its me, dummy."

"What are you doing here? How did you know what time my flight landed? Since when do we do this?" I don't even know which question I want him to answer first. I was just shocked and - as much as I don't want to admit it - pleased that he was here.

"Just get in and I'll explain on the way to the hotel."

At this I have to grab ahold of my suitcase to keep from tipping over, one leg crossing over the other. "Hotel? What hotel? I thought I'd go home to relax or something."

"On a Friday night?" He asks, an eyebrow raised. "You're mine on Fridays, Kitty. So get in already."

I huff at his bossiness, straightening and lifting the handle of my suitcase to bring it behind me. "What, you're not gonna open my door for me?"

"Like I would. Get it yourself so we can go already." To show how serious he was, he walks around on the other side and closes himself in the cab.

"Rude..." I grumble, popping the trunk to shove my heavy baggage into the back before I get in on the other side of him. "For someone practically kidnapping me, you're pretty cocky thinking I would just listen to you instead of going home."

He laughs, tipping his head at me. "Look where you are...it worked, didn't it?"

I roll my eyes, though I'm thankful that its warm enough in the cabin that I can remove my gloves and get a moment away from all the noise.

I rub my hands together, sneaking a look at him as he stares out the window, his thoughts drifting in a million different directions like the snowflakes that scattered the air. As I watch him, I wish that I was close enough that I could cozy up to him without it being a big thing. I mean...even lovers cuddled up, sometimes. Maybe the rules were different when you were just a weekly booty call.

I check the driver's mirror to see he's not paying us any mind before I look back at Kyo. Taken aback to find him already staring at me.

"You cold, still?" He asks.

"Maybe..." I turn towards him as much as my seatbelt will allow, even though it actually wasn't too bad. "Why? Did you bring hot chocolate or something."

He scoffs. "Don't be ridiculous. Never mind...forget it."

I ball my fists in frustration, even though he was always this difficult. As I look around the cabin and notice and array of buttons, a devious smile plays on my lips as an idea pops into my head.

I lean forward and push the one that raises the partition, amused at the shock and curiosity in his sienna eyes.

"I want you...now."

His breath leaves him in a rush. "Now?"

I nod, clicking my seatbelt until it releases and I scoot over until my leg is pressed against his. "Badly. What about you?" I run my lips over the hard edge of his jaw, my other hand dragging the zipper of his jacket down until it came completely open. "Do you want to feel me?"

He nods as I slip a hand into his jacket and press it to his side, his arm lifting so that it settles around my waist to bring my body against his. "I was gonna wait until we got there, but—"

"Oh...you thought I meant banging you." I smirk, knowing good and well that's exactly what he meant. "I meant that I wanted you...to warm me up. See?" I direct his attention to my hand in his jacket, his arm around my waist, and my leg as I throw it over his.

"You asked if I was cold. Well, now I'm not."

He yanks his arm away, though he still allows my leg to rest over his. "Just buckle your seatbelt. Don't expect me to cry if something happens to you."

I bump his jaw with my nose, feeling a weird urge to kiss the living daylights out of him for being such a cute pouter. "I know you wouldn't. It would be annoying if something happened to me, because you'd be a witness and get questioned. I get it." I slide back to my side and put my seat belt back on, about to lower the partition when I hear something in the softest voice I didn't know Kyo had.

"I would care...and I'd cry, and then I'd be mad I cried." He looks at me then, his gaze piercing me like swords. "But I'd be mad if I didn't feel something... scared, even."

"Why?" I whisper, my heart beating louder than my voice.

"Because...it would mean I'm too far gone to not care about something happening to another human." He shrugs out of his jacket, as if the honesty and the conversation made him hot. I felt it too. It was starting to feel thick in here.

It sounded like he had experience. Maybe not necessarily in his words, but the pain was there. Because the harder you fight it, the more your voice breaks...as though your body will talk if you don't.

"We've arrived," calls the driver, slightly muffled behind the velvet barrier.

As I get out to grab my things, it hits me.

What kind of fancy taxi did Kyo splurge on that had velvet partitions and a gentlemanly chauffeur? If I didn't know any better, I'd believe Kyo was spoiling me.

...

When we finally get to our suite and open the door, it's as if Kyo can't get me out of my clothes fast enough because he doesn't even bother turning on the light. Not that I minded doing it in the dark. Plus, it was hot how desperate he was for me. How he was so parched, that he wanted to just drink me in for minutes and hours.

I break the kiss we fell into long enough for him to pull my shirt over my head and he flings it somewhere, his lips roaming over mine the second its off. I work his shoes off with my own feet, allowing him to tease my lips apart with his tongue.

He drives me back into the door of the suite, his hands moving everywhere and anywhere like he was afraid I'd disappear to another country again. And he was trying to feel me while he could. I move quickly to undo the buttons of his shirt, wondering why there were any at all. Then I get frustrated when I can't get one out of the stupid slit, and I practically rip it in two when I finally get it open.

"I thought you'd never get back here," he growls out, ripping off his shirt and throwing it behind him like he was as over it as I was. "You were away too long."

"You know what they say," I don't know actually, because I'm unable to focus as his tongue ran the length of my neck in a sloppy kiss, "Absence makes the heart grow wetter-I mean, fonder."

I blush, especially when he pulls back to try and squint at me.

"That's not what it sounds like. I meant...ugh!" I smack him on the chest. "I can't think when you kiss me there, it's not fair."

"No." He grabs my butt, pulling me so close to him I smell Cinnamon and egg nog on him. "What's not fair is you making me wait to have you for two weeks. You know how hard it is for me to go without this?"

I slap him on the cheek for that one, though I didn't hit him as hard as I could have. "You think it's easy for me? I needed it too."

And it feels like I'm trying not to say I needed him. But...I didn't. I could have had it while I was in China, staying with my Aunt. There were plenty of hot guys that spoke Mandarin and Japanese I could bag. I wasn't tied down or committed to Kyo.

So why did I hold out so long?

He grabs my wrist right after my hand makes contact with his cheek, and he runs my hand over his mouth. Allowing my fingertips to brush his soft lips before he parts them, and he sinks his teeth into my fingers.

And it hurts.

But it hurts in a good way.

"You want it rough, tonight, huh?" He asks, walking me back until my heel hits the bed and we fall backwards.

He hooks his thumbs into the belt loop of my jeans, slowly moving them up and down like waves just to tease me.

"So what if I do?" I taunt, making him stop in his tracks as his lips landed above the waistband of my underwear. "You know what I like...but you also get off on making me work for it."

He laughs, nipping at the skin of my stomach so hard it makes me grip his wild orange locks with my hand, wanting the pressure to let up, but also wanting him to do it again.

"I tried to be all romantic and crap, and you didn't even notice." He bites me again, and he pulls a long hiss from between my teeth as I grip his hair even tighter. "Those roses you're laying on aren't cheap."

"What?" This jolts me out of my pleasured stupor a bit, causing me to turn my head and literally smell the roses.

Huh.

Guess I've been so busy catching up with Kyo, I didn't notice the petals brushing against my arm or tangling in my hair.

It was hard to register if I even liked roses because his hot, shallow breaths roaring in my ears just made me want to focus on how much my body liked his.

"Is a bed of roses really what we've come to?" I ask, sighing in relief when he licks the undoubtedly reddening bite marks that sting from below my pierced navel. "Since when are we those people?"

He scoffs, yanking down the zipper of my jeans. "I don't want to talk about this right now. I shouldn't have done it...or brought it up."

As he slips a hand inside the front, past my jeans and past my underwear, all my arguments fail to flow from my brain to my mouth anymore. All I can do is arch into his hand and whimper at his really convincing distraction. Boy, was it a good one.

"Since I haven't seen you in two weeks..." I say, in between breaths, "I almost forgot what you looked like."

His lips find the base of my throat, and his laughter sends vibrations dancing across my skin. "Bet you didn't forget how I feel."

"Maybe I did," I counter, though I never could. I remembered him even when I wasn't thinking about him.

"Want to remind me?"

He takes on the challenge with that smirk of his, and I get stranded in the chaos of everything like he did best.

"By the way," I say, in between kisses, "Do you still have my bra?"

He pulls on my bottom lip with his teeth, before flicking his tongue over it. "So what if I do? You gonna take it back?"

Before I can say anything, his palm cups one of my boobs and I moan like he wanted me to.

My hand drops from his hair and lands on top of rose petals, but he moves it right back as he continues his strokes.

"I like it when you do that," he rasps, his voice tight with restraint. "Because I like it rough, too."

I nod quickly, unable to breathe right as he did things to make me scrape my nails across his scalp and down his back and to his hips. And then I completely stripped so that I could make him bury his face in my neck and bite me as I met his hips with mine in a loose and uncalculated rhythm.

When we finished and we collapsed by each other, with my long dark hair strewn over his sweaty chest and his rough hands cupping my waist, my heart still raced. It galloped like men were betting on it, though it felt like it couldn't last with every emotion crammed inside it at once. Like the attic of a hoarder running out of room to fit it all.

After we lay like this for a few minutes, he rolls up into a seated position. He hesitates, rocking a thought in his mind back and forth before he stands. And he grabs me by the hand to follow through with his idea. Which seemed to lead us into a warm shower in the hotel's bathroom.

I scan it for shampoo and conditioner bottles, a bar of soap, the black eye on Kyo's face.

_What?_

"Kyo, what happened to you?" I exclaim, breaking character as I trace the yellow-green ring around his eye. "Who gave you such a big shiner? It looks days old! Maybe even _longer_!"

I want to step back because I was pushing boundaries and was stepping into friend or girlfriend category with my smothering. But the doctor in me wanted to tend to his wound and kiss it better. Or maybe that was the girlfriend in me.

He removed my hands from his cheeks before I can fully determine what stage of healing it was in, and he pins them above my head against the wall of the shower.

"Don't worry about it," he whispers, standing so that the warm water weighed down his hair and made it fall into his eyes. The mop of orange somehow looked sexier the messier it was, and right now I felt like I wanted to run my fingers through it and mess it up again. But he currently has my hand in the tight grip of his calloused ones. The same rough palms that had seen martial arts had played against the curves of my body once a week in his bed...in the shower.

Millions of questions were forgotten as he spun me around so that my back was to him, and he moves my hair over my shoulder so that he can lay a soft kiss to the back of my neck. I moan softly, and he does it again, this time opening his mouth slightly.

I feel like he's trying to stop me from thinking about it... and I hate that he gets me weak enough that it works.

But the thing that does me in is when he lathers the bar of soap between his hands.

And he smooths it over the front of my body, cupping me in his hands.

I suck in my lip and let my head fall back against his chest, my eyes rolling back as he covers me in lavender scented suds.

"If you wanted more, all you had to do was ask," I say, my voice wispy as kisses his way down my spine, my legs. "Though begging works too."

He plants a peck against the back of my thigh, his hands gripping my hips. "Shut up, I'm trying to do something."

"What? Are you trying to be romantic, again?" I tease, throwing my head back in laughter as he nips the back of my knee. "That was pretty cute."

"You won't be making fun of me when I do this."

"Do what? Write me a love song? Surprise me with a romantic getaway to Paris? Dance the wal—" I yelp as he pinches my butt, making me jump.

Even though I was already full on naked in front of him, _this_ turned my face as red as a card on Valentine's day. It was flirty and cute and it made me feel like...like...

_His?_

"I want to bend you over, but I feel like punishing you another way," he says, massaging shampoo into his hair. "I'm not gonna reward you with another round of sex after you laughed at me."

"Oh, is that right?" I challenge, stepping under the shower spray and coming chest to chest and toe to toe with him. I lean right into his face and pointedly stare him down. "You like when I'm naughty, but then get mad when I am. You need to make up your mind because you can't have it both ways."

"Naughty in the way you dress and talk when I'm inside of you, not you joking about my attempts to do better."

This surprises me. Because I didn't think our relationship, or lack thereof, even had grounds for standards. But before I can ask him anything else, we're interrupted by a phone call.

I reluctantly drag myself away, grabbing a towel hanging nearby on the way back into the room to check the caller ID.

It was coming from a smartphone that was a version or two behind, vibrating so hard it shook from the pocket of my coat. I slip it out and startle at the name that glares at me from my bright, dying phone.

Mom? She didn't call me on weekends, especially after midnight. Maybe she wanted to see that I landed safe and wasn't kidnapped or something...

I glance in the direction of the bathroom, where I hear Kyo finishing up.

Well, at least I got here. I couldn't say I wasn't kidnapped though.

I slide my thumb across the screen, bringing it up to my ear and forcing my voice to sound as normal as possible.

"Hello?"

"Hey sweetie, its Satoshi. I'm calling from your mom's phone. Listen, we're at the hospital."

Oh. My. Gosh.

My hand trembles so badly the phone starts to slip between my fingers and I forget to catch it. I'm so freaked out by it that I don't hear my phone hit the floor or Kyo walk in or anything above the silence of my heartbeat.

Whenever someone called saying your mother was in the hospital, using your mother's phone, how could it be anything but bad? My hands fly up to my ears and I clench my eyes shut, my heart squeezing in panic like it was put through a juicer.

Was she in the ICU? Was my brother being born a preemie?

Wait...my brother.

I snatch my phone back up, my head spinning from standing up too quickly.

"Is my mom in labor?!"

At this, Kyo starts and he moves closer as if he wants to listen in but thinking he wasn't allowed to.

Satoshi sounds confused when he says, "Yes, sweetie. That's what I just told you...was I breaking up or something?"

Oh. My. Gosh!

"No, no. You're good," I rush out, my hand going to my forehead as relief chases out the dread. "What is she dilated at?"

"7 centimeters."

Whoa, she was close. Little brother was probably already crowning at this point. It would take 10 before she could start pushing.

"Wow! Is she okay? Do you guys need anything? How are you so calm? I'd be freaking out. Your mother, uh, wife is about to have a baby! This is—"

"Sorry to cut you off, but I have to get in there. I'm letting you know that it's almost time and your mom wanted you to be here to support her. We both do. We're at Sonata hospital. Can you get there?" He blows out a breath, the only sign of his stress. "I know its late, so if you need me to pick you up I can."

I glance over my shoulder, noticing Kyo drying his hair with a towel from nearby, returning my attention back to the call.

"No, I can call a cab. Tell mom I love her, please."

"Will do, sweetie."

"Ok. See you soon, Satoshi."

"Bye, Gina."

I hang-up, searching the floor for my clothes as Kyo ties his damp towel around his waist. Though the V shape his hips made leading to one of my favorite parts of him made me pause as droplets slid down its toned surface. "What was that about? I thought you were about to have a heart attack or something."

Myocardial infarction, I automatically think to myself. My brain auto-corrected laymen's terms to medical jargon and I couldn't turn it off anymore.

I shrug into the straps of my bra, thankful that it clasps in the front, my heartbeat speeding as I register his question and the fact that my baby brother was on the way. I mean...really, truly let that sink in.

"My mom's going into labor..." I bubble over with laughter as I hear myself say it, euphoria pouring into my chest. "I'm heading over to the hospital once I get dressed." I grab a fresh pair of underwear from my suitcase, and ignoring the slight tear in it for the time being. That was the result of one Friday night we'd spent most of in foreplay, and by the time he had me to himself he forgot that I might like to keep it and tore it. The jeans I button up has met a similar fate, but I'd just have to break out my traveling sewing kit later.

"Want to come with?"

He freezes, just as taken aback by my proposition as I was. It was like we set a wrinkle into the rules we made, and when it came to asking about his black eye or for his company at the hospital, we tripped over it and fell on our faces.

But that's just it.

We fell together.

"Yeah, fine. Just let me get dressed."

"Really?"

I want to smack myself stupid for that one. He already sounded unsure, I was only making him more unsure by questioning him. Did I want him to change his mind?

"Don't think too much of it," he says, about to brush past me when he stops. And he reaches out a hand hesitantly, ruffling my hair until my waves looked messy.

I blush, hurrying to smooth it back in place. "What the—"

"I like your hair messy," he admits, grabbing for his own pants. "It looks like I gave you the best sex of your life."

It shocks me how we were both thinking similar things when we couldn't be more different. If we weren't skin to skin, we were usually at each other's throats. But then he told me he would care if something happened to me. And he mussed up my hair with a small smile on his face.

I can't pull my gaze away when he tosses his towel on the bed and steps into his pants. He skipped boxers this time and I hadn't even noticed.

"Yeah, well...I like when you go commando. Because it looks like you expect good sex from me." I land on the foot of the bed to shove on my snow boots, and allow my hair to hide my expression. Because written all over it was amusement and affection. And I didn't understand it enough to explain it if he asked.

He flings his shirt at me and it smacks me in the face, getting caught on my hair.

At this he bursts out laughing as I yank it off me and throw it right back. I had completely forgotten I was supposed to contact an Uber and go see my mom as she was giving birth all because he was here. And he devoured my focus like it was his favorite dessert. Like I was his favorite dessert.

I don't know what we are anymore. I don't know if we hate each other or tolerate each other or even like each other.

But...I like it.

Whatever this is.


	8. Broken Record

**Chapter Eight: Broken Record**

I arrive just in time to see the flutter of a plain white sheet as it covers a small, still body. A body small enough to fit in two hands that had yet to take in air. Tiny lungs that remained flattened and deflated like exhausted balloons that had never met oxygen.

"No, God! Please!" I cry, shaking from my head to my toes.

And I stumble back against the wall in the hallway, the world tilting and tunneling and whirring around me. Voices slipping in and out of the distance as blurs rushed across my vision in splotches of random color.

A sob that sounds inhuman breaks through the room, and I feel my hands cover my ears as the sound rakes through them like nails on a chalkboard.

My body slides down...down...like I'm sinking under quicksand. Swallowed under the floorboards...devoured by an overwhelming darkness that drowns out all other noises and sights and feelings.

"I need to lie down...I _need _to lie down."

My mouth falls open, though no air can rush into my lungs...my body refused to take it in.

Somehow I find myself moving back to the waiting room, lifeless with my heart sinking to my shoes. It feels like an eternity passes between each stride. And another. And another.

We were supposed to go home as four.

We were supposed to go home as four.

We were supposed to go home as four.

But instead I'm standing in the waiting room, chasing something that could bring me relief. Something that could just make this all stop. But the vending machines and the receptionist and the other people waiting for their loved ones did nothing but hurt me. I was so jealous that none of them knew this pain. None of them were hurting like this. No one knew what it was like to feel all your organs shut down and die at the same time.

Everything in me screams for help.

For _someone_.

I find that someone seated in of the green chairs, his leg pulled up to his chest as he tapped his other foot.

One...two...three...stop.

One...two...three...stop.

As soon as he looks up, its as if his eyes bleed into mine from across the room. He jumps up, wasting no time to close out the tangible space that separated us. And I can tell that he's curious about the verdict. Desperate for information. But as he searches my expression for answers, his lips turn down into a concerned scowl, his hands coming up to grab my shoulders.

"...Kitty?"

I shake my head, and I watch as pained understanding floods his expression. A sorrow that carves itself into his features, his eyebrows drawing together as tears fill my eyes.

He knows.

My lip trembles, my shoulders shaking beneath his strong hands. I fold into myself as reality reshapes and molds normality into something unorthodox and unfamiliar. Something that feels so wrong...so unreal...My head falls forward with the weight of burden, and my knees feel like they're going to buckle the more I stand here. But Kyo's strong enough to keep me standing. To keep me from collapsing in the middle of the hospital floor among the dying and the broken.

He yanks me against his body, his hand resting on the back of my head as I stare unseeingly at the swinging maternal ward doors. My heart threatens to explode out of my chest as no scenarios of life after this moment come to mind.

My hands grab the back of his shirt, bunching it in my tight grip as I choked on a sob. And I bury my face into his chest as he holds me there. Holds me up. Trying to hide every cry lurching through my body, every quickening breath, every tremor within the earthquake of emotion crushing me.

One Hour Earlier...

I had no idea they'd allow me in the operating room. All this time I believed only the father of the child was allowed to be there to support the mother. But I was excited to get an inside look at what it was like to watch life begin, alongside my mom and the man she loved; the man I'd warmed up to and loved myself.

My mom was glowing—radiating, even as she was going through one of the most painful experiences. A nurse was stationed beside her in sailor moon scrubs, informing her that it was safe to push now. My mom tightened her hold on Satoshi's hand, leaving white finger impressions.

I smile, anticipating the first glimpse of my baby brother that wouldn't be far behind.

But then...

There's panic.

I hear words.

Words I knew from studying medical textbooks, because I wanted to be a doctor one day.

Words like breach.

Phrases about turning.

And just how dangerous that can be.

Sounds of fear and concern.

Shouts and yells.

And...a cry.

But not from the voice of a newborn.

It's feminine. Mature.

Its my mother.

Its cracked and broken, wrapped in raw ache.

I leave the room, afraid of what all of it meant. Too out of it to know what was being said or what was happening. I just have to go. To not find out for as long as I can avoid it. Because none of it sounded good. Not like the celebration I'd expected. Not the tears of joy that I wanted to believe I heard instead.

But when I return to this very hallway, everything grows distorted.

Voices and faces.

Forms and hues.

It all runs together like a watercolor painting, drenched in the downpour of cynicism and misery.

I arrive just in time to see the flutter of a plain white sheet as it covers a small, still body. A body small enough to fit in two hands that had yet to take in air. Tiny lungs that remained flattened and deflated like exhausted balloons that had never met oxygen.

"No, God! Please!" I cry, shaking from my head to my toes.

And I stumble back against the wall in the hallway, the world tilting and tunneling and whirring around me. Voices slipping in and out of the distance as blurs rushed across my vision in splotches of random color.

A sob that sounds inhuman breaks through the room, and I feel my hands cover my ears as the sound rakes through them like nails on a chalkboard.

My body slides down...down...like I'm sinking under quicksand. Swallowed under the floorboards...devoured by an overwhelming darkness that drowns out all other noises and sights and feelings.

"I need to lie down...I _need _to lie down."

My mouth falls open, though no air can rush into my lungs...my body refused to take it in.

Somehow I find myself moving back to the waiting room, lifeless with my heart sinking to my shoes. It feels like an eternity passes between each stride. And another. And another.

We were supposed to go home as four.

We were supposed to go home as four.

We were supposed to go home as four...


	9. Panic Mode

**Chapter Nine: Panic Mode**

I make my fifth trip to the nearby coffee machine in the hospital's cafeteria. At this point, I could make a cup with my eyes shut, which was fantastic because if I didn't tape my eyelids open, that might just happen. After selecting Columbian and the strongest espresso drip setting, I start it and mindlessly watch as brown liquid trickles down into the same styrofoam cup I'd filled four times over. It was getting kind of soggy and sticky, dented and crumbled. But, like the man beside me with bedhead and a wedding band rustling in his pocket, we had plenty of reasons to stay awake.

If you don't sleep, you don't wake up. If you don't wake up...the merciless inevitable won't have a chance to hit you like a train. Because nothing can prepare you for the pain that would rip through your skin, tear through your muscle, shatter your bones.

Besides, I think to myself as I blow over the top of my coffee, I needed to be by her side. I might be the best person to try and coax her out of the shock she's been in for the past seven hours, and get her to eat something more while she's recovering.

Before I can actually sip from my still steaming cup, a tan hand rips it out of my grip, keeping it just out of my reach. I spin in the direction of the coffee snatcher, narrowing my eyes when I recognize him.

Traitor.

"Go sleep," he commands, taking a sip of my drink. "You haven't slept in days."

I scoff. He clearly doesn't know how to tell time. "What are you talking about? I've only been up since last night."

"No," he corrects, shaking his head in disbelief. "You've been awake for the past two days. No wonder you can't think straight, you're a mess."

"Excuse me?" I demand hotly, trying again for my stolen drink, when he finishes it off and chucks it into the trash. "This is none of your business!"

"You made it my business when you invited me here," he argues.

I move to get another empty cup. "I'm fine. And I'm not a child. I know my limits."

He has the nerve to take that one from me too, before returning it to its dispenser. When he tries to touch me, I jerk away. I hug my body as I try to move around him to make a new cup, but his arms wrap around me and he lifts me off my feet, carrying me further and further away from the only thing keeping me awake.

"Let me go, Kyo! I'm not kidding," I snarl, struggling and straining in his arms as they flex with the effort to keep me restrained.

"Good. 'Cause neither am I," he shouts back, his voice tickling my ear. And I hate that my body shivers in response to it. It always did, no matter how annoyed I was with him.

He carries me down an emptying corridor, earning us giggles from passing nurses and strange looks from a couple of the hospital custodians. I glare at the tiles beneath his feet as he carts me off to some corner like a child. What? Was he gonna give me time-out now? A spanking? If it were a different mood, I would have been turned on.

"Are you gonna punish me, Kyo?" I ask, as he finally sets me down and releases me. Though I pointedly don't fix my top back. "Not usually my kind of sexy, but I can adapt to a new kink." A couple of male visitors were ogling the thong peaking out of from my jeans, and I almost laughed. Let em stare. I hope it makes Kyo as mad as he's making me. I get the reaction I was expecting when he's distracted with telling them where they can go if they keep looking at me that way, long enough that I can start looking for an exit.

I'm just about to make my escape when a door opens from the end of the hallway leading to the outside, flooding the area with blinding sunlight that makes me stumble back as I shield my eyes. The sudden motion combined with an overdose of caffeine and sleep deprivation makes my head spin and the walls tilt. I start careening, caught by Kyo a second before my skull can break open against the tile floor.

When I look at him, I see his lips moving, like he's asking me something and I feel my heavy eyes starting to drift closed, though I fight desperately to stay conscious.

My fingertips trail the yellow-green patches around his eyes, his irises upstaged by the sickly shiner that ringed them. And as I stare into those worried siennas and his mouth falls open in shock - at what, I couldn't tell you, I brush the back of my hand over his cheek. And I find myself smiling as my eyes finally fall shut...my body fading away...my thoughts going quiet.

Its as if all the color falls away. In swatches. Splashes. Strokes.

And my world goes black.

...

I jolt awake, panting and heaving with pain scratching the walls of my heart and sweat dripping off my body. I kick at the blanket just to get it off me. Because I need it off me.

I'm trapped.

I'm trapped

I'm trapped.

I notice an arm around my waist, and look over to see it attached to a sleeping Kyo. And for the first time, I don't want him touching me. He feels like a prison and I need to get out. I need to get out.

I need to get out.

I slip out from under his arm in my efforts to not wake him, and swing my legs over the side of the bed to stand. But my head pools with thoughts as heavy and thick as sludge, darker than tar, permanent like ink.

I press my palms to my eyes and try to breathe, but my breath won't slow down long enough for me to catch it. And my heart was beating so hard I thought I'd throw up. But I still feel so suffocated in this bed and in this room and in this body and in this mind that I want to run.

I stand, finally, and slip into Kyo's bathroom. Tears beginning to pour out of my eyes. Because I want to run away from misery and grief and heartache and myself. I try to be quiet but it was hard to tell if you were or not when your mind was making so much noise...producing nothing but bad thoughts and static.

I twist the handle to his shower and throw myself under the water, jumping at the shock of cold relentless droplets churning out of the removable showerhead. And for a moment...all I can think about is how cold I am.

But then, the water warms up and I feel too comfortable, and the world is too quiet.

And a sob breaks through my chest with fury that burns, making me slide down until I'm sitting in the shower. Unable to stop the next one that leaves my mouth.

"I hate this," I squeeze the words out, clenching my teeth as I hug my knees. "Its not fair...its not fair..." I hear myself say over and over again.

Like my mind did when I found out that my brother passed away before he lived. Could see the top of his tiny head as they covered his still, tiny body. And everytime those thoughts came back, I was back in that moment. And I just said, "No, no, no, no, no, no," over and over. I couldn't stop.

When I was in my mom's hospital room, I collapsed to the floor on my back and stared up at the ceiling. In complete shock of my life and reality and death.

Tears spilled out of my eyes as I lied there, and my breath couldn't find its way back to me.

Ever since then, I stopped being able to breathe normally. And...I just...

Panicked.

"Kitty!" A voice snaps me into focus slightly, though everything is still so foggy. And all I see is water. Tears or from the shower, I couldn't tell. "Kitty! Open the door!" He beats on it and it sounds like my heart when it still remembered how to beat what felt like hours ago.

I don't hear what else he says because there's loud groaning and weeping and someone struggling to breathe. Whoever it was, they sounded broken beyond help.

He sighs, and I hear a thunk as if he's resting his head against the door. "It isn't locked, but I was trying to give you privacy. But..." He exhales again, and I feel jealous because I wish I could do that.

Breathe...

"...but, you're hyperventilating. So, I'm coming in whether you like it or not."

Oh...hyperventilating...

Is that what this was?

The door slides open, and I hug myself tighter, shuddering even though I distantly feel the water warm on my skin...like an embrace...

It feels like arms around me, pulling me in and whispering to me that I was ok. That it was here and it wasn't going anywhere and I needed to slow my breathing.

So I gasp for air, reaching for a huge gulp of it.

"Good, now do this," Kyo says, somehow having materialized behind me, holding me. He breathes in once slowly, then out slowly. In...and out...in...and out...

"You're not following me," he says, panic snaking its way into his voice. I must really freak him out because he places his hands on either side of my head, and forces me to face him before trying again.

"In..." He inhales, and this time I inhale, which softens his expression. "...and out..." He exhales and I breathe out with him.

After countless more rounds of this, he stops, nodding his head.

"Now that you're not gonna pass out on me, what happened?" He reaches over to rub my back, and its then I realize the water wasn't soothing me before.

It was him.

And I'm just as thrown by his question as I am his comfort.

His thumbs move to caress my cheeks, to catch my tears that spill onto them. And I feel so magnetized by the empathy and understanding in his eyes, that I collapse against him and cry into his chest.

And words fly out.

"I still can't believe this happened. Yasu's gone and it feels like every day since, I remove yesterday's outfit of grief and put on a new one.

My chest hurts so badly every day, and I can't sleep most of the time. I can't eat and I can't look at my mom or Satoshi without feeling so overwhelmed and hurt for them. I can't stop thinking about him the moment before I open my eyes, and after I went to bed because he's in my dreams and thoughts constantly." I heave out a breath, and frustration bubbles over in me.

"I can't get out of this feeling. I can't get it off me. I feel stuck. All the time. And nothing gets my mind off it for long." I cry even harder then. "I feel anxious and sad all the time, and I don't know what to do."

Kyo just holds me in silence. Which, I guess is fine because I'm doing more than my share of the talking. And I couldn't really blame him. Our dynamic wasn't normally this uneven. But it was like death was a free pass or home base, where nothing was off limits so long as we mourned it.

And I want to forget it so badly. I'm tired and Kyo's here, and all I want to do is just crawl back into his bed and forget.

I pull back just enough, to plant a sloppy kiss on his mouth that's slippery from my tears and the shower. When we break apart, an emotion like worry is evident in his sienna eyes. But that's where it ends.

Our lips meet as he scoops me up out of the shower, shutting it off and carrying me back to his bed. He separates long enough to grab a towel which he uses to dry me off before he uses it on himself. I stare at him through heavy, most likely bloodshot eyes as he tosses the towel into his dirty clothes basket. And he looks me over with sex on his mind, even though I feel the least sexiest that I've ever been.

But sex wasn't always about pleasure. Sometimes, it was just about pain.

And I wanted to erase that pain more than ever.

"Do it," I demand, my voice dull as I spread my legs. "Its the only thing we're good at."

I feel him hesitate. Maybe its the detached note to my voice, the fact I had a breakdown in his shower mere minutes ago. But I wanted - no, needed - this. Because this pain never happened. That moment in the hospital didn't exist. I decide to stop thinking, to try and stop time by silencing his words with my own lips, as if nothing was wrong. But everything was wrong.

"Touch me," I add, daring him to disobey. I wanted control tonight and I would take it. If I had nothing else to control...I would choose what we do in his bedroom.

He chews on his lip, and it makes me wonder if he picked up that habit from being with me, before he swoops down to recapture my lips. I practically shove my tongue into his mouth as his hands smooth over my hips, down to my thighs before I wrap them around his sides. He moans against my mouth, saying, "You weren't this flexible a few days ago."

I slip a hand between us to take him in my palm, causing him to grunt as he pressed his lips to my shoulder. "I also wasn't this screwed up a few days ago. Actually...I was. I just can't hide it, now."

He pants as I work him up with the feverish circles my thumb makes, his hands falling on either side of my head on his mattress. He bunches up the sheets as he rocks against my hand. And I stare at the sheen of sweat on the hard plane of his abs.

I didn't really know what happened between the hospital and my ending up in his bed. But...there was this sadness, of sorts; the kind you can't shake no matter how hard you try. And I needed him to make me feel something else, anything. To color me in with his body, wash me in the feel of him.

How it felt when we fit together was the only way I knew I was still alive and human. It was hard to tell the less I felt and the more I emptied.

I was usually so clumsy when it came to handjobs, but it was like I was a completely different person tonight. Like the ocean deep sadness motivated me to step up my game.

"You can thank me...by giving it back to me," I say, considering wiping my hand on his sheets. But then I think better of it and trail my fingertips over my lips, aware that he's staring with wide eyes as I trail my hand down my own body. And I close my eyes because it feels so good, that for a moment, it turns my pain inside out. And all I feel is...amazing.

Powerful.

It turns me on more that I was making myself his. Even if it was just for this moment.

It must make him hot because he grabs my hand before it can move any lower, and he pushes it into my mouth. And I moan at the salty taste as I reopen my eyes to stare into his.

He blows out a breath at the sight. "You should see how you look, right now...you're so sexy, I'm losing my mind again..." He pulls my fingers out of my mouth, before reuniting my lips with his. "How is it?" He asks, settling between my legs as he gives a teasing thrust of his hips against mine.

I purr against his mouth, leaving it at that.

When he enters me over and over again, I leave red marks on his back, making a hiss leave his clenched teeth as we shared in the pain.

He doesn't offer useless condolences, because somehow...he knows that's not what I need right now.

But when he doesn't fill the emptiness like I hoped he would, it only stirred up the tears.

Where did Yasu go?

Where do all babies that don't survive entering the world go?

Heaven?

Paradise?

Would I meet him one day?

How am I supposed to live this long without knowing for sure? How am I supposed to watch my mom get eaten alive by guilt day and night as she did nothing but blame herself? How can I?

I tell him to go faster and deeper because I—

I can't...

...stop...

thinking...

He increases his speed until his hips are slamming into mine, and despite himself I can tell he's loving every minute. But its so hard to enjoy this right here with him.

Flashes of moments I could have had if my baby brother hadn't died at birth pulse through my head.

Useless dreams of teaching him about the stars that fascinated me.

Showing him how to box.

Telling him to refuse to settle for anything less than love, because this was all so screwed up. And boundaries were becoming more unclear the longer we perpetuated the inevitable heartbreak.

"Kitty," he drags out my fake name in a cry, tensing as his whole body froze right before release. He throws his head back as he grips the sheets even tighter, my name on his lips louder.

"That was..." He shakes his head, words falling short as he tries to catch his breath. "Wow..."

I fall back against his pillows, even more exhausted than when I woke up. He falls back with me and he slings the blanket back over us, with every intention of going back to sleep beside me. I turn and tuck my head under his chin, tangling my toes in his warmer ones and he flinches.

"Your feet are freezing. How is that even possible when you were just in the shower?"

I shrug, wrapping one of my legs around his instead to get comfortable. "I don't know...but as long as you keep me warm, I don't care..."

His thumb strokes my arm as we stare up at his ceiling together. And I start counting the grains, just to keep my mind elsewhere. Anywhere.

Thoughts were rushing back at a million miles an hour, and I needed them to stop.

Now.

A pause of breath is all it takes before the mood teeters, causing Kyo to tense from beside me as if expecting a punch. Only he's the one that throws it.

"Why are you acting like nothing happened to you?"

I sigh, moving to a seated position and smoothing my sex hair into a halfway decent ponytail with the hair tie from my wrist. "You saw I was a hysterical mess. Well, now I'm not...as far as I'm concerned, nothing did happen. There's no reason to talk about it. It wasn't our agreement."

He slams his fist into the blanket, gritting his teeth. "Don't give me that bull crap. You just lost someone." His face falls further, his next words hovering above a pained whisper. "I know what that pain's like. And I don't care if you vent about it. Just, stop acting like that..."

"Like what?" I ask, barely keeping my voice from wavering.

"Like...you feel nothing at all. Like this is some kind of cheap deal."

"Isn't it? Look, you got your wish," I say, breaking out of his embrace to snatch my clothes up off the floor. "From now on, I'll only let you bang me instead of crying into your arms about my problems. I won't bother you outside of that."

I move to the bathroom door, preparing to change and head home when he comes up behind me. The heat radiating off his body hits my bare back as we stand in the threshold. When his hands grab my hips, I inhale sharply, followed by his chin resting on my shoulder as he brings me fully against his body. But there's nothing sexual or physical about it. He's just...holding me here. Not saying anything or making advances. His lips trace my cheek for a few seconds like he's decided to offer his condolences after all, before he pulls back, returning to his bed.

I reluctantly spin around, immediately lonely in the absence of him.

"You can leave now and go pump coffee into your veins to worry about your problems all night. Or, you can get in my bed and stay the night and complain to me about how much life sucks. Take your pick."

I bite my lip, tears that I thought I'd run out of, forming as the grief I separated myself from comes hurtling at me. His arms are folded across his chest with his sienna eyes smoldering, but somehow softer as they fill with question.

Did he want me back in his bed as badly as I wanted to?

I don't even have to consider weighing my options, as I climb back in with him and nestle into his side. His arm lifts, awkwardly, like he's unsure of what to do with it. Maybe he was beginning to realize how many of our own rules we've been breaking lately.

"Its ok...you don't have to touch me. And don't feel like you have to listen to me, or anything." I force a smile, pain hitting my heart like a chisel as I bury myself under his warm blanket.

He heaves a resigned sigh, throwing his arm around my waist and nuzzling into my neck. "Just this one time. Got it?"

A tear rolls down my cheek, though I'm quick to swipe it away so he won't notice. "Your offer expires at midnight or something?"

He pinches my hip for that, laughing under his breath. "No...when we wake up, we'll go back to normal. Tonight, you need this."

When we wake up...that had a nice ring to it.

"Go back home afterward, be with your mom. Its stupid to spend all your time with me." He grumbles, switching on the lamp on his night stand. "She needs you. And... forget I said any of this."

I roll my eyes with a small smile, amusement making a dent in the sadness. "You're ridiculous, Kitty-Kat."

"Stop it," he warns, narrowing his eyes. "There's enough Kittys in this world as it is."


	10. Broken Home, Empty Heart

**Chapter Ten: Broken Home, Empty Heart**

When I was younger, I used to think my parents were a pretty, young couple bottled into perfection. They would kiss and I would giggle and the neighbors would scream at them to get a room. I never understood how you could grab a room, because it looked pretty heavy to me. They would look at each other the way I looked at stars in the night sky, with awe in their eyes. Holding each other's undivided attention as if their reason for breathing was standing right there.

Yup.

It seemed like sunshine and happy days until...it wasn't...

Because eventually, storms do come. And when it rains...it pours. One night, the thunder was loud. Really loud. So loud it sounded like it was coming from the next room.

I had cracked my space sticker covered door open, poking my head out to find the noise booming from the living room in surround sound. I thought the whole world could hear it. Maybe the TV was on too loud. That happened sometimes during a game or an adult movie.

But the closer I got, the more ominous it seemed to get...and dark...the more I tiptoed down the long stretch of hallway. And as I shot around the corner, I pulled up short at the angry silhouette before me. And I watched, paralyzed, as that hulky shadow smashed things that meant the world to my mother. Picture books, canvases, sketchbooks, vases, photo frames...I shrank back against the wall, my chest rising and sinking so rapidly I thought my little heart would burst right there.

That shadow followed the man that sat me on his lap and told me stories about our family's history. The shadow belonged to the man that helped me decorate a strawberry cake for my then sick grandma, telling me to add more star shaped sprinkles.

But in this moment, he looked absolutely nothing like my father.

When I willed myself to look back at where my mother fell at his feet, begging him to stop with tear stains painting her cheeks in messy strokes, and my father clutched the broken neck of a vase...my brain held onto it. And it began to associate thunderstorms with their argument, just as easily as if I were learning that 1 +1 always equaled 2. I learned that thunder meant my father smashing things that belonged to the only person I loved, and it always equaled my mother's tears.

Even so...when I return home to a quiet house, I feel nothing but a detached sadness. Still, coming apart like worn shoelaces as my eyes sweep the abandoned spaces.

It was unnatural for it to be this silent. To hear every pause of my breath. Laughter from my next door neighbor's children frolicking in their front lawn sprinklers.

I wanted to tell them to get a room. Because happiness was a sham, and theirs was making my heart hurt and was turning me nauseous.

I wheel my suitcase up the seventeen steps, passing by the crawl space that was my mother's art studio until my feet meet the threshold of my lonely bedroom. I haul in a practiced breath, feeling the burn of it wrap around my chest and back as I step inside leaving the lights off.

I flop back against my bed and scroll through my phone, mindlessly browsing social media in hopes of it feeling a little more crowded. But, no...a few trends about who they decided to cancel that day and I was screaming into my pillow. The only thing that would make this tolerable is if I found Kyo's profile.

I toss the pillow aside and lunge for my phone, where it had tumbled between the bed and the wall.

Maybe it was a shot in the dark, as I doubted he had a major digital footprint. But maybe, just maybe...

Aha!

It was a platform on the rise for people my age and people pretending to be my age called Mania. With its amassing popularity, Kyo's name did come up in the search. Ten Kyos, actually.

My thumb swipes across the Kyos from Korea, Australia, and Norway until I find one sourpuss from the heart of my beloved city. Hoping it wasn't a fake, I click on it. And I feel myself light up the moment I read the bio.

**Leave me alone.**

**I mean it.**

If that wasn't a Kyo statement, I wasn't a natural brunette.

I find myself smiling without even realizing it, and I force myself to stop. How dare I when my mom was sobbing so hard beneath her stress, her blood pressure was spiking when I'd left her side to shower? Or when my step-father stepped out saying he was gonna stop for orange juice in the hospital cafeteria, but crumpled like a balled up sheet of paper in the middle of the corridor?

Instead of adding him and dishonoring his request for his space, I add Tohru, Uotani, and Hanajima. I thanked them for their rescue mission at the baby shower, but it hadn't really gone much further than that. Maybe I was seeing something that wasn't there. But, on that day, they seemed to care. They seemed like...like...

Friends?

I shake my head, shutting my phone off before making my way down to the basement.

I need a drink.

...

Normally, I was fond of the scent of a newly opened textbook. The knowledge bound together by glue or a series of leather string had an irresistible aroma. One that called to me. Made me pull up a chair in a library or a study or at my humble desk, turning on a lamp and turning my ear to its whispers for hours. But today, no amount of math or history or science could cheer me up. The same way no greasy burger or gatorade could do enough for my vicious hangover.

"Class, I have an assignment for you all tonight," Sensei Ayoshi says, scribbling notes on the dry erase board. "I will be pairing students together based on weaknesses and strengths. If one student is strong with quadratic equations, but struggles with logarithims...I will assign them to someone who excels at logarithims who needs help with quadratic equations. This should teach you collaboration and increase the class average."

A chorus of groans ripples through the classroom, but I'm barely paying attention to any of it. After a weekend sentence to it just being me, myself, and my loneliness...I haven't slept right in a week, and found it even harder without being in the comfort of Kyo's bed.

I snap my head up in shock of this revelation, my eyes moving to Kyo in fear of him guessing my thoughts. But he's just resting his chin in his hand and staring out the window. His mind a world away from me and from everyone else. If he was on Saturn, I was on Venus. Close together but so, so far from here. And like Jupiter, an anticyclonic storm was eternally brewing over us, sucking up everything in its path.

"...Sohma and Hayashi," Sensei's voice breaks in. And suddenly, at the same time, Kyo and I are ripped back down to Earth like a magnet drew us back. "Hayashi is strong with all concepts, so make sure you take advantage of her help Sohma." She looks pointedly at him over her glasses, all serious.

He rolls his eyes and slides down in his seat. When she turns her attention back to listing off partners, I accidentally catch his eye. I level him with a stare...and he stares right back...daring the other to shrink back.

My mind jumps to the night I was crying in his shower, and I rip my gaze away. Refusing to look up from my lame attempt at notes from today's lesson. I would never live down the shame of having a panic attack right in front of him. He would hate me if he knew how emotional and messy and sloppy I could really get.

If he really got to know me.

...

Kyo cornered me after class to tell me to meet him at the smoothie bar five minutes from school. I thought about suggesting his place, but was still feeling raw from the last time I was there. Despite the fact he held me as I cried about my life until I finally fell asleep that night. So I tell him I will before spinning on my heel and making my way to AP History.

Somewhere between the final bell and my AP Psych course, the three girls from the event that shall not be named, converge on me as I stuff my books into my bag.

"Hey, Gina," Uo shouts, and my eyes dart around in a panic. Hoping Kyo was nowhere to be found. "How's it hangin?"

"Um..." I sling my bag around so its in front of me. Those its as weak of a defense as flimsy cardboard for shelter. "Okay, I guess. Did you need something?"

"We were wondering if you would accompany us on a shopping spree tomorrow afternoon," Hana chimes in, black painted fingers clasped in front of her. "We all pitched in to rent a venue for a costume party. And, should you want to, you're invited."

I look to Tohru, the girl with a face that you could trust, and I relax when I see her nod. Maybe this wasn't a hazing. They seemed serious.

"A costume party huh...? Who all will be there?"

We start walking towards the student parking lot together, basking in the sun's warmth and bright blue skies.

"You, me, Tohru, Hana..." Uo ticks off on her fingers. "The Prince, Hatsuharu, Momiji, and Orangetop."

I come to an abrupt stop, motionless, even as they keep going having not noticed yet.

Kyo? He would be there?

_Willingly?_

I jog to catch up, finding that I'm breathless for a completely different reason. "Uh, can you guys keep my name on the down low?" I cringe because I know its stupid and I know they won't understand it. "Kyo knows me as Hayashi and..." Kitty, I add mentally. But that somehow feels embarrassing to admit. Its my bedroom persona and it felt too personal to divulge.

I shake my head, leaving it there. "So could you—"

Tohru tilts her head, studying me with a curious smile. "I don't think Kyo would mind if he knew your name."

I blink hard, not so sure about that. "My full name is Ginavieve. I sound like a medevial princess."

"You say that like its a bad thing," Hana teases. "Maybe that could be your costume."

I imagine it. A tall hat with a streamer coming out of the top, long sleeves and an even longer skirt, constricting corsets and an itchy slip. No way. If I was gonna wear a costume, I was gonna do it right. And now that I think about it...I had a few fantasies of my own about what I'd like Kyo to wear.

A Superman costume would make me laugh, but it would show off what a great butt he has.

Or if he dressed up like a mob boss, complete with the fitted pinstripe suit, fedora, and cigar rolled between his enticing lips.

Maybe he could come as a doctor, and I could play the part of his sexy nurse.

Or maybe—

"Earth to Gina." Uo snaps her fingers in my face, bringing me back to reality. Where we were stopped at the fork in the road where they went towards their neighborhoods and I went to mine to get ready for the smoothie place.

"Right. Sorry... what time are we meeting tomorrow? And when's the party?"

"We'll come collect you like we did today," Uo says, flipping her bangs to no avail as they land right back over her eye. "And the party is Friday at 8pm until we drop."

Tohru's eyes bug out, all big and cartoonish. "Agh! D-drop? That would hurt!"

"Its just an expression, Tohru...though with Arisa its hard to tell," Hana explains, completely unruffled.

We exchange phone numbers though they also told me I could reach them through Mania if I wanted before we part ways. And I feel the hummingbird of anticipation flap its wings inside my stomach.

...

I step into Fruity Patootie and am immediately greeted by a song from Ariana's Dangerous Woman era. I look up at the tall ceiling to see fans circling, my eyes scanning several high tables, booths, and glossy pictures of fruits hanging from creme walls. I make my way up to the counter to scan the menu, now starting to regret my crop top as chills dotted my body. Its what I get for trying to show off my new navel gem for Kyo.

"Hi love! What can I get you?" A perky blonde asks, her ponytail swishing back and forth as she set a green smoothie on the counter with a ticket stuck to the side. "Cute top, by the way!"

"Thanks," I say, managing a small smile. "Um..." I guess the banana and mango mix looked pretty good. I hated spinach and kale, even though it would be good brain food for our study session. "A Banana-Mana will do."

"What size?"

I look up as the door swings open and Kyo comes up behind me, placing his hands on either side of me on the counter. "She'll have a large. We'll probably be here awhile."

"Okay!" The woman chirps, without skipping a beat. "And what about you, sir?"

I stare at his hands as he orders, not knowing how to react. Should I feel offended that he decided for me? Should I feel happy that he's standing so close to me in public on a day that isn't Friday?

"That'll be 106 yen," she says to both of us, like she's not sure who will pay. To be honest...I don't know either.

Kyo shoves his card into the reader before I can even search my bag for my wallet. And next thing I know, we're waiting on our drinks and seated in a cozy booth in the far back away from the noise. It was also near the bathrooms, but not too close that you could smell anything.

I throw my bag into the seat beside me, wondering why he isn't fishing out his books so we can get started. But even more curious about his strange behavior.

"You're acting weird," I say, watching as confusion flits across his expression. "You should be careful. If you pay for my things, people might get the insane idea that we're dating."

I didn't know why I was saying these things and acting so nasty. He'd been nothing but good to me since...since the hospital. But in my fragile state I didn't know how to handle a sensitive, nice Kyo.

He scoffs, folding his arms. "I couldn't give two craps about what anyone thinks. I am trying to figure out what your problem is."

"Excuse me?" I lean back, narrowing my eyes. "My problem? I'm behaving the way I'm supposed to. You're the one making me so confused about everything. You're not cold like you used to be. You're supporting me and listening to me and acting like we're more when we're not. And its just...its so complicated now."

He pauses at this, as if waking up to his own actions for the first time. Like he'd been acting purely on instinct before. "You were struggling hard, Kitty. I'm not heartless...I've lost people. Its hard to not at least care a little bit about someone I'm inside once a week."

"Um..." The woman from before squeaks, making us whip our heads in her direction. "Y-Your drinks?"

Great.

She probably heard that last part.

"You can just set them there," I manage, blushing from head to toe. "Thanks."

She nods, darting off to man the counter before either of us can be further humiliated.

I reach for my drink, jumping back when my fingertips brush against his. I look down to see I wasn't paying attention and we both went for his at the same time.

"Sorry..."

He sighs, swinging his leg out of the booth to stand. "Come here," he says.

"What?"

He takes my hand and drags me into the bathroom, locking the door behind us. It was one of those with a single toilet, sink, mirror, and overflowing trash can. The lights kept flickering but it was lit enough that I could check to see if Kyo had finally lost his mind.

I examine my reflection, brushing back the loose wavy strands that had spilled out of my messy bun. And try to ignore the fact I was still blushing like mad.

Did I fall asleep and wake up in the Twilight zone? Actually...I hadn't slept last night at all. Maybe I'm on an insomnia trip. That would explain it.

"Are you ready to talk?" He asks, brushing his lips over the back of my neck. His hands smoothing over my stomach. "About what's actually bothering you?"

I shake my head, breaking out of his hold and pressing back against the sink. "Don't worry about it...I just, I need a minute."

His eyebrow lifts, a scowl stretching across his lips. "Alone?"

I exhale sharply, closing my eyes. "No."

He nods, tucking his hands into his pockets and leaning against the still locked door. I wasn't sure what he thought of me now, but I know what I didn't want him to think.

_Weak._

_Pathetic._

_Small._

I smooth my hair back, looking up at him with my best, dazzling smile. "You're being so sweet right now, Kitty-Cat." He glowers at me like I expected, and I step beside him to unlock the door and exit the bathroom. "But really, I'm so good right now. And I'm about to be even better." I slide back into the booth, watching as he hesitantly reclaims his seat across from me.

I rummage through my bag, sneaking out two unlabeled vials of liquid. "I've got Cognac and Rum..." My gaze flicks up to meet his, a smirk dancing on my lips. "What's your pleasure?" I purr, pouring half the rum into my smoothie and stirring it in.

"Day drinking?" He looks around to make sure no one's watching, before turning back to me and lowering his voice. "Seriously?"

I swish a swig around in my mouth, and swallow before I can taste it too much. "Don't judge me. If you don't want any, just say so."

"I'm not," he says, folding his arms. "Its just...I dunno. You seem off today."

I laugh, taking a larger gulp this time. "That's cute of you to say. I've been drinking from my parents' liquor cabinet all weekend, I'm just pregaming before I spend another night crying myself to sleep." I nudge his ankle with my foot, finding that I can't stop smiling. "You should be happy. Rum makes me flirty...and who knows? I might be all over you by the time I reach the bottom of this smoothie."

He sighs, clasping his hands in front of his mouth. "We're supposed to be studying, Kitty. This is—what are you doing?" His voice hikes up as I lean forward in the booth to brush my lips over his, daring him to say no to me.

"I want you to take me to the back and make me feel less lonely. I don't care about studying any more than you pretend to." I sit back and run my foot up his calf from beneath the table, massaging it with practiced strokes and he doesn't bother pulling away. "What...? Kitty got your tongue?"

I watch the roll of his throat as he swallows, and I daringly run my foot up to his knee. "I need you, Kyo. But..." I slide his drink towards me, and I wrap my mouth around the straw without taking my eyes off his. I bob my head a little, making sounds that make him blush and sliding it out with a pop.

"You need something strong in your drink even more than I do."

His pupils dilate and I find a smirk waltzes across my lips. Because I have him, whether he wants to admit it or not.

"I want to talk, for once." He forces out, though his head still seems clouded over with the tease I just gave him. "I know its a crazy idea...but just hear me out."

I shake my head quickly, moving to the floor and crawling towards him on my hands and knees.

"I want it," I moan, reaching for him.

"Hey, what are you—" he breaks off when my fingers just skim the zipper of his pants, grabbing my wrist before I can get it even halfway down. "Come on," he grits out, standing and pulling me up with him. "I'm taking you home."

"No...no! I don't want to go there." Fear hits me like lightning as he shoves our books away and slings both of our bags over either of his shoulders. At this rate, I'd be drinking away my sorrows wrapped in cold sheets and listening to depressing music in no time.

"Kyo please!" I cry, pressing my face into his back, pleading with him to understand. "Please don't make me go home. I'll behave! I'll be good. Just, please don't get rid of me."

He looks back at me, taking in the desperation in my eyes, the sad set to my shoulders. After seeming to weigh his options, he nods determinedly, before pushing forward with me close behind him. "Come on then, dummy...we're going to the ring. Let's sober you up a bit."

...

When we arrive at the ring's entrance, I run my fingers over the sign that's been taped to the door for after hours.

_Closed Now._

_No Trespassing Permitted._

_Hours of Operation:_

_Mon - Thurs: 6am to 9pm_

_Fri-Sat: 5am to 11pm_

_Sun: Closed all day_

I smile bitterly, throwing my hands up. "See? Even the gym wants us to go home and make out instead. Or..." I walk my fingers up his arm, tilting my head as his eyes narrow. "Or we could do more. I vote for more."

He scoffs, grabbing the hand that had snuck up his bicep to drag me off somewhere else. "I have another place we can go to. Its very elite and very secret, so don't screw this up for me being tipsy."

Now this sounds interesting.

"My, you are a man of many secrets." I giggle, wrenching my hand from his grip to sling my arms around his neck. And I slow us down as my feet attempt to follow the rest of me. "Is it underground?" I bounce up on my toes, brushing my lips over his ear. "Or is it a sex club and you're just now telling me you belong to a brothel?"

He comes to an abrupt stop, causing my jaw to hit his back hard enough that my eyes rattle around in my head.

"Ouch! What gives?"

He crouches down low, holding his hands behind him as if expecting me to read his mind. "Get on, Kitty. With how slow you're walking, it'll be the next day by the time we get there."

I roll my eyes, even as I climb on top of his back and my bag tries to slip off. With my legs secured around his waist, and my arms back around his neck, he straightens and continues down the looming sidewalk alongside the many department stores that wrap it like a forest of capitalistic enterprises.

"You would think all this glitz and glamour would lose its property value next to that old gym," I mumble, taking in the eyeful of mink coats on bedazzled mannequins. The women stepping out were weighed down with several shopping bags in regal, minimalist design. And the women brushing past were moderately well-dressed, but still very middle class.

"What's your point?"

I wave a hand, not really sure why I was noticing it either. "I mean...it just seems so paltry in comparison to the rest of the businesses here. This district could make Saks Avenue look pedestrian."

As I lean my head to examine his expression, it looks like he wants to laugh.

"Who cares about that sort of thing? Money is a headache, and so is everything that comes with it. Fighting feels...real. It has merit and meaning. Its a game of strategy and hardship. Making money and showing it off?" He shrugs a shoulder. "Its just seems cutthroat...and ultimately, pointless."

I couldn't help but disagree.

"Money makes the world go 'round. Its a common language with different accents. Trade is super important, but you're right about one thing...it doesn't have heart. It doesn't make you a better person." I close my eyes, finding it easier to just let the cool breeze rush over my face and shut out the dizzying sidewalk. "But it helps us survive."

He lifts me up with a bounce, readjusting his gait. "Fighting helps me survive."

"Me too..."

...

The place Kyo had mentioned would have fallen short of its description, even if he told me. It was tucked away in an easy to miss building that was hidden in the back of an alley behind a chainlink fence that had a dead end sign rusting on it. The entrance was high, but was constantly dripping with water from a maze of pipes that clung to the flimsy ceiling. But that didn't matter. The real ring was several cinder steps underground, leading to a red brass door that seemed inviting for giants.

Kyo raps on the door with the golden knob that's in the shape of a ring. He throws an arm out in front of me as a sliding peephole opens up in the middle, allowing one eyepatch covered eye and one glassy hazel to stare out at us.

"What season is it?" The man growls Kyo's way, and I frown not understanding his question.

Had he been underground that long he didn't know it was the middle of Autumn?

"Rook season," Kyo says, coolly. "And the night is D-1."

They could have been speaking gibberish and I would have understood it any less than I was their obscure exchange. My only guess is that they're speaking in code as this was a secret location.

Angry man nods, looking from him to me and back. "Names?"

"Phoenix," Kyo says, pointing at me. "And Galactus."

The man looks me up and down, like he's undressing me with his one eye. "Phoenix, huh? She is pretty hot. Care to let me take her for a spin while you hit the cockpit? I can keep her busy for a long time."

"Watch it," Kyo spits.

"No worries," I cut in, placing a hand on his chest. "I'm a big girl..." I nod my head at the man. "You say you can take me a long time? That's funny considering what your girl told me. She said you didn't last two minutes, so you definitely can't handle me."

The man shakes out a hand, blowing on it. "Yow! You're a feisty one, aren't you? Alright then Miss Phoenix, you can come on in anytime." His expression grows serious again when he shifts his focus back to Kyo. "You're alright, Galactus. Though you seem more like MODOK."

I burst into laughter, though I make a humble effort to stop as Kyo's ears burn red from the joke at his expense. As the peephole closes back up, we make our way down a long hallway. Its dark and sweaty, but that's what makes it feel like home. My real home.

The gym.

"Nice choice picking Galactus," I say, elbowing him playfully in the ribs. "Eater of worlds, eater of...well, you know the rest?" I add suggestively, but I falter in my steps when his gaze falls on me like icicles. Completely unamused after how I helped humiliate him in front of angry dude.

"Kyo?"

"I'm not going easy on you," he says, brusquely as he swings open the door to the equipment, not caring if it smacked me in the face or it didn't. "Suit up and meet me inside."

I try to apologize again, but he's quicker than me having been here before and is inside before I can even get a word out. I groan angrily at how frustrating he was being. How easy for him to say. He knew his way around this place. I was like a first year on her first day of high school, swamped by foreign people and foreign rooms.

I toss my bag onto the floor and remove the hair tie from around my wrist, taking out my bun and throwing it up into a high ponytail instead. I strip down to my sports bra and snatch up a pair of purple boxing shorts, hoping the lavender aroma coming off them meant they had just been through the wash.

As I finger the smooth nylon material, it relaxes me. The fabric was so _soft_ and _familiar_. I feel an onset of tears begin to pool in my eyes.

Its been so...hard lately.

And I've never felt more lost in life than I did in this week.

I was drinking in the middle of the day.

I'd spent the weekend in our empty house trying to fill my empty insides with my parents liquor cabinet.

But waiting at the end of each bottle was an even deeper sadness. Something that had been amplified by the depressant that touched my lips everytime I was alone.

And I was alone.

Even now.

I unzip my bag and find the flask of Brandy nestled between my AP textbooks and Rum, having grown well past room temp in having held onto it since this morning. I unscrew the cap with a pop, hesitating as I stared at its fine label. As I throw it back, I remember thinking I should have gone with the Scotch today instead.

I picked Rum because I thought I'd need to be in a sexy mood, instead. Something strong and distracting.

But Scotch...it does something completely different to me.

It makes me an angry drunk.

And right now, while sadness was ripping through my heart, I wanted nothing more than to feel aggression. And anger. And rage.

I toss the empty bottle into my bag and sway a little, bringing my hand up to my head as my vision shifts from blurry to clear...blurry to clear...

Once I've waited out the dizziness, I wrap my hands quickly though its not as neat as I normally would have been. And when I exit the room that was growing smaller and shifting upside down, I storm up to the ring and slip between the green ropes.

"Alright, rules are—" Kyo stops short, freezing in place. "You're crying."

I lift a bandaged hand up towards my face, feeling the wetness on my cheeks.

Huh.

I had no idea.

He half-steps forward, like he wants to reach out to me. Wants to dry my tears. But he stumbles back a step, remembering that he had no right to do that. That we weren't that to each other. He may be there when I cry, but he isn't there to do anything about it.

"Let's make it anything goes," I challenge, rubbing at my cheeks as if I could erase the evidence that tears were ever there. "Do your worst, and I can do it right back."

"Kitty," he starts, his nose scrunching. "Were you drinking again? I didn't say anything earlier, but I hate the smell of Rum. Though...now it stinks of Whiskey. Or Cognac."

I throw my head back in raucous laughter, my hands falling to my hips. "That's rich coming from you. You'd probably have a beer for breakfast, lunch, and dinner if you could."

He sighs, running his hand over the back of his head. "Maybe you should just take it easy. You're in no condition to fight."

That ticked me off.

"No condition?" I hiccup, jabbing a finger into his chest. "You tell me... me can't...you sound like a scared little girl."

"Do you hear yourself? You can't even make proper sentences."

He clearly wasn't going to take me seriously if I was just all talk. So, instead, I swing a left hook which he narrowly catches before it can connect with his cheekbone. Since I only had one hand free, I lift my knee to tag him in the stomach, knocking some of the wind out of him as he sails back against the ropes.

He glares as me now, picking himself up and moving into a watchful, guarded stance. "You won't listen? Fine...come at me. This time, without the sucker punches and cheap shots."

I bounce on my heels, shaking out my hands. "How about you man up and quit with the lame excuses, scaredy-cat. Dirty tricks or no dirty tricks..."

I pop in my red mouth guard and watch as he does the same with his blue.

This time, he rushes me with a flurry of swings. I bob and weave, ducking and dodging each hit. When I try to recover from one...he follows up with the next. He had speed on his side and...with each evasionary tactic I pulled, the more woozy I became.

I dry heave, my hands falling to my knees as I try to keep the alcohol and smoothie inside me. A bitter taste explodes in my mouth as I inhale and exhale, commanding my body to not throw up.

"You really think I'm gonna fall for that act?"

I raise my eyes, taking in the two—no, three—versions of Kyo shifting in front of me. You'd think I'd been hit hard with how I was seeing triple.

"You acting like you're weak to try and get me to stop is not gonna work." He scoffs, bouncing on his heels. "Come at me like you mean it."

I swallow, thickly, forcing back any remaining bile. And I straighten on unsteady legs, though I refuse to back down. This was my fight. It always was. And I'd cowered far too long when push came to shove and it was time to strap on my gloves and get busy.

I aim a front turning kick to his side, taking a block from him that would bruise later. And he uses the opportunity to spin me around and yank me against his chest. One arm wrapped around my throat as his fast breaths tickled my ear.

"You said anything goes...right?" He runs his teeth over my ear lobe, and its like I'm in missionary under him as the air becomes charged with raw, untamed sexual energy.

I begin to lean back into him, but pause as it hits me.

This was a trick.

He was trying to get me vulnerable enough that he'd have me right where he wanted me.

Laid out and defeated.

I scream out in frustration, kicking backwards to jam his kneecap which distracts him enough to get free. I throw a fury of elbow strikes. So close to him that he has no choice but to keep his hands up in front of his face. Finding his close-quarter defenses outmatched by mine.

"Kitty—"

"You told me—" _Tap_. "—To come at you harder."

"Kitty," he tries again, his tone more forceful.

"So why are you trying to stop me? Why?"

_Tap_.

"Why?

_Tap_. _Tap_.

"Why? Why? Why? Why?"

"Kitty!" He shouts, causing me to freeze mid-swing.

I swipe at blood streaking down my chin with a sore hand, wondering when that happened and when the adrenaline would wear off. A cut up lip, though, was nothing compared to the pain that rushed back inside of me when he stopped me. All the memories were catching up. Like they'd followed my tears as though I'd left breadcrumbs, and wanted nothing more than to consume me with their fierce hunger.

"I know!" I throw back at him, covering my eyes with balled up fists as tears dampened my cheeks. "I...know..." My whole body sags as I collapse to the ground in complete, utter defeat. It was over before it began. He was just humoring me.

I jump as a sudden weight drops over my shoulders. I slowly uncover my face to take notice of a blue towel that had been wrapped around me, blinking blearily up at Kyo who now sat crouched on his haunches in front of me.

"Your eyes are red," he points out, matter-of-factly.

I sniff, using the edge of the towel to swipe at my nose. Here I was having my second breakdown in the span of a week in front of Kyo. Unfortunately, my head was spinning too much to feel sorry for being such a burden. My stomach was bubbling and gurgling in intense disagreement with my headache. And I jerk forward with an intense force, a violent pressure ripping through me as I throw up right in the middle of the ring. Vaguely aware that Kyo flew back in surprise, because I was pre-occupied.

A metal bucket is shoved under me as a hand lands on my back. Patting me as a nearby voice encourages me.

"You gotta get it out. I know its scary." He keeps up his rhythm, soothing me. "You'll feel better afterwards, I promise."

Despite myself, I take comfort in his words. Having wrestled with emetophobia most of my life because of how terrifying it felt to throw up...it helped to hear him say that it would help. That it could only make me feel better. That this wouldn't last.

When I finish, I feel all the energy sucked out of me. And I want to lay down. As though he can sense this, he repositions himself so that he catches me, and I manage a thin smile.

"You've been catching me a lot lately. Literally and figuratively."

He sighs, placing a hand over my eyes. "Just rest, and I'll figure out how to get you home."

I shake my head, desperately grabbing for him. Not finding a shirt to cling to, my hand settles on his bare chest. "Kyo...please."

He huffs. "Fine...you come back with me. But this can't be a regular thing."

I nod, feeling my eyes grow heavy. My hand slides down his chest, but he grabs ahold of it to keep it there. Right over his pounding heart as I feel myself beginning to drift off.

"I know that I said I would never talk about me," he starts, in a voice so soft and delicate I thought it might shatter. "But...I was there at the hospital with you. And even though I'm a jerk...I'm not a selfish one."

He cups my head and uses his other thumb to brush my lips, coaxing me to open my mouth. He squeezes a plastic bottle of water so that I can drink. Needing to hydrate and replace the fluids I lost with my lunch. I lick my lips and nod, croaking, "Thank you."

Not acknowledging it, he still holds the bottle in one hand. His fingers tightening around it as if squeezing a stress ball, his forehead creasing as his brows meet in a harsh peck.

"My mom committed suicide a long time ago."

I swallow a gasp, ill prepared to be given such a painful thing as his hurt.

He laughs, buts its humorless and dark as it is empty. "She hated me. She hated my guts and my father blames me for her death. And he's right. That's the part that sucks the most...the fact that he's not wrong.

"She was afraid of who I was...told me she loved me," he spits, his red eyes so dark they looked auburn. "Everyone rejected her because I was around. Because I still breathed. And its all my fault she wanted to die." He shakes his head. "She should have killed me instead."

I move my hand from his chest to grab his, his eyes refusing to meet mine again. "How could it have been your fault? How can you blame yourself for it?"

He scoffs, and I look over to see his gaze still on the ceiling, refusing to bring it back down. "I was five—six, maybe— when it happened. She walked in front of a moving train. She stepped on the train tracks, having all the time in the world to think of her husband. To think of what it would do to me. But what did it matter? I was what drove her to it in the first place. Why would she care about how badly it would hurt me?"

My shoulders droop and I feel something twist in my chest, nearly crushing his hand as I silently begged him to face me again. "No, Kyo. That doesn't make sense. You couldn't have—"

"It doesn't matter," he bites out, ending the conversation. He sits me up and stands, slinging a towel around his neck before marching out. "I'll see you outside."

"But Kyo—" he stops, barely turning to listen. "I feel too weak to walk..."

With a frustrated sigh he comes back and scoops me up, carrying back out in silence.

...

When we get back, Kyo dumps me unceremoniously in his bed.

He seemed to have cooled off somewhere between the trek here and my falling asleep in his arms. Which I was thankful for. Because I couldn't handle someone being mad at me. Especially not...well, the only person I had around right now.

I blink awake, though I regret ever opening my eyes as a drumming stamps over my temples. I groan and hate myself for how that noise drives the pain even deeper inside my skull.

A sympathetic smile touches his lips as he moves to lay beside me, falling back against his messy sheets. He turns his head and sniffs. "I should probably wash everything..."

I turn to look at him through narrowed eyes. "You don't usually?"

He shrugs, reaching a hand out to grab ahold of my wrist. Turning it and examining its purple contusions. "It smells like flowers and rain...and sex. It smells like you."

A shiver pushes through my body as his words stir something in me.

"I really hurt you," he whispers, brushing his thumb lightly over my bruises and I can't help but flinch. "I didn't mean to go this far."

I try to yank my hand away, but he holds fast to my wrist. "Don't worry about it. Besides, my head hurts worse..."

His gaze softens as he stares at me, taking in the view of my messy black hair sprawled over his grey sheets. The flush of my cheeks from the remaining traces of alcohol.

"I may not be able to help you with your hangover, but..." His lips meet the skin on the inside of my wrist, planting a feather light kiss. "I can at least make it up to you for the pain I caused." He kisses his way slowly up my arm, his breaths growing heavy as they fan over my skin. And I pause as his lips hover over my shoulder, his eyes darkening with twisted arousal.

"You want to kiss it better?" I challenge, arching a brow. "You can start lower," I say, weaving my fingers through his orange locks to guide his head down, down between my legs.

I feel flutters there as his hands grip my thighs, watching me from his position on the floor. "Is that what you want?" He asks roughly, growling the last word. My breaths quicken as he daringly traces the edge of my shorts with his tongue.

"I don't think you can handle what I'd do to you, right now..." he trails off, his hands gingerly pulling my shorts down my legs. "You need a shower and then bed."

"As long as you're in the shower and I'm in your bed," I counter, sitting up on my elbows. The sight of him so close to tasting me that it makes my stomach tighten. "That's what I want," I echo back to him.

He toys with a lock of my dark hair, enjoying the way it wraps around his finger before springing off. "Your hangover better already?"

"Of course not," I say, sliding forward until my legs can wrap around his. "But I want you to touch me. Just...leave the lights off. And be careful."

He nods, scooping me up at a slower pace to not jostle me too much. "I don't really do soft, Kitty."

I nuzzle his neck with my nose, smiling despite myself. "Even for me?" I purr.

He gives a put upon sigh as he sets me down outside the shower to turn on the warm water. "You think that's gonna sway me?"

"What's it gonna take? Me playing nice..." I press the fullness of my body against his, rolling my hips "...or naughty?"

I can feel how turned on he is, even before he whirls back around to take me by the waist and press me against the shower door. His lips and teeth find my neck as he gets me out of my clothes. My hands end up in his hair when he cups my butt and brings me into the shower with him. He drags his lips across my jaw and I grind my hips against his, earning a moan that makes me feel drunk all over again.

"I'm finishing what I started, the last time I banged you in the shower," he says, his tone husky and rich with sexy expectations. "But this time we won't be interrupted."

His words cut into my chest like a baker carving into a cake. Pain rippling between my ribs and stomach as I rip myself away from him.

The last time...that was when I got the call.

That my mother was in labor for a baby that would never draw a breath.

I feel the familiar, all encompassing seize of my muscles. The ruthless squeeze of my lungs.

_Gina, don't you do this._

_Breathe._

_Breathe..._

"W-what'd I say?" He asks, placing his hands on either side of my head. "You're panicking again."

I look him in the eyes, focusing on the concern in them. Clinging to him like he's my center of gravity. I suck in a shuddering breath, hesitantly raising my bruised hands to land on his as they still held my cheeks.

"Kyo," I breathe, twisting in his arms and placing my hands on his chest between us. "I don't know what to do..."

I don't know how to go back to that house.

"I just...I need you to..."

To make it easier to sleep, to breathe.

"I need you, here. I need release or something. Every time I think about what's waiting for me, I feel like I'm gonna explode. And I hate this. I hate this so much.

"Help...me..." I force out, between breaths. "I'm scared."

And it isn't until I ask that I become painfully aware of the gaping ache in my chest; the fear that crawled beneath my skin of discovering the condition of my mother, of Satoshi when I returned. The dread that drowned me at the thought of seeing the empty nursery and having to watch it get taken down for a baby that would never get to live in it. But its all it takes before he grants me what I ask for.

He takes me against the shower wall until the numbness and the sensation go to war with one another. Our lips barely remain separate for long before his tongue creates a barrier between myself and the crippling devastation. And our bodies talk instead of empty words passing between mouths that refuse to break apart any longer. I claw at his shoulder, finding it easier to exhale as my thighs clamp around his waist and I let him drink me in.

He gives and I take.

After I come down, instead of creating space, he escalates it.

He tugs me against him, wrapping his arms around me as my face collides with his chest. He holds me for four seconds or four minutes or forever. But at the end of it, I feel my lungs expand and my bronchial tubes widen like the air they kept out was now allowed in again.

"Kyo...?"

"Hmm?"

I lean back, watching the shower spray darken his orange hair until it looked like a doused fire. The twitch of his strong jaw as his red eyes burn with question, the vague remains of his desire. My eyes track the water as it kisses a trail down his pectorals, graces his pelvis, slides down to his—

"Hey," he says, a smirk teasing his lips as his finger tilts my chin up to face him. "My eyes are up here."

I bite my lip, trying not to smile. "Like you care where I'm looking."

He scoffs. "Whatever..." He glances at my arms again, guilt flickering across his face. He takes my wrist again, and he lets water from the shower fill up his palm to pour over my arms. And I can't help but wince.

"You know better than me you have to treat it. You can't baby it." He scoops up more water and pours it over my other arm. "Guess my idea backfired...I should have just taken you home."

"No..." I look him in the eyes, and my heart tosses itself like a salad. "This is where I need to be."

Though I feared the day he snuck under my skin and into the very beat of my heart. Laying seige to my insides.

As I take one his large hands, I run my eyes over it in fascination. Following the trail his veins make as though he drank a lot of water and it flashed like city lights. And as I hold it, I don't want to let it go, and I don't want it to let me go.

So I stay here like this.


	11. Mathematics Of Love And Loss

**Chapter Eleven: Mathematics Of Love And Loss**

When I finally slide open the large door to the house that was beginning to feel less like a home, a snap of cold air hits me as I take in ill lit hallways, broken up by silhouettes and shadows that crawl up the walls. And when the door closes behind me, it suddenly feels like a ghost town; its filled with sadness, giving off a sense of being forsaken in an empty wasteland. I move through the house, finding my way in the kitchen that was once scattered with cookbooks and pots and pans. Now the counters are spotless and barren, making the house seem less lived in that what I'd imagined it to be. The living area that's normally filled with laughter and teasing is silent and dark, save for the flickering of the TV that sat dead center.

I take a peek over the couch, only to see Satoshi stretched out over the old cushions, with a five o'clock shadow, his hand stuck into a bag of spicy chips as his eyes unseeingly observe the never ending black and white waves on screen. I sigh and pat him on the shoulder, feeling far more lonely when he doesn't even flinch at the contact.

When I muster up the courage to surpass the nursery that hangs off the master bedroom, I brave crossing the threshold in search of my mother to check how she's coping with being at home after this nightmare began. And when I see her curled up into the fetus position, buried beneath her comforter, staring blankly at the wall...I feel like crying. I feel like mourning and grieving and hurting for my mother and Satoshi and myself.

None of this was fair.

I approach her from the side she's facing, hoping that my appearance will be just enough to stir her from her distraught stupor. Because I wanted my mother back. I wanted her to be involved in my life again; to be able to complain about her caring too much, though I would never really mean it again. To see her smile and hear the sound of her laughter and listen to her sing golden oldies off tune.

Why did this have to happen?

I kneel at the side of the bed, trying to get her to meet my eyes. Needing to see recognition and the maternal tenderness that made me aware of the ache in my chest for what I'd lost. But...those green eyes remain devoid of life; like a star that was reaching the end of its life, burning out and dying far too quickly to keep up with.

And in the end, I climb into bed with her.

I put her arm around me, snuggling into her side like she used to do when I was eight...and nine...and ten.

But her arm lies limp, though I can barely hear the evenness of her breath from beside me.

And I fall asleep, hoping that things would be different when I woke up.

Or...to not wake up again.

Not like this.

...

The next morning during first period, everyone files into their seats as the sun beams through the clouds and through the window. I sit in the far back of the classroom, aware of him as he sits beside me, but choosing to lay my head on the desk and pretend I'm unaware of everybody. And everything.

And when class begins and Sensei tells us that we have to grade each other's math assignments, I'm not surprised when Kyo and I are the only ones left partner-less. It made sense in so many ways; the fact that we were both loners and neither of us were in the mood for any of it.

I lift my head off the desk, retrieving my purple pen from inside my desk, and periodically glancing up at the board to double-check that his answers were correct. As far as I could tell, he was getting every one of them right. Which I hadn't expected.

And when my homework lands in front of me, I squint at it, wondering how he could have finished so quickly. But when my view shifts to the upper right corner of the page where an arrow is drawn, I flip it over and notice the writing on the back.

**You write like a girl.**

I pause, trying to make sense of what seems like a cryptic statement. But then...

I laugh.

And I'm surprised when the sound falls from my lips, because my heart was too heavy to allow room for levity or something that didn't feel terrible.

I look up at Sensei, biting my lip when she glares at me from across the room, attempting to stifle the strange sound bubbling up again. When she finally returns her attention to her newspaper, I write back to him, before folding it and tossing it in his direction.

_That's because I am one, doofus. What's your excuse?_

I look at him out of my peripherals, smiling when he does, before I look back to the worksheet in front of me. Suddenly, my hand is yanked to my right, and the folded sheet of paper is tucked into my palm, his hand closing mine before his warmth retreats with him.

When I unfold it, I grin like an idiot.

**Because of this girl I spend Fridays with I picked up her habits. I'm irresistible.**

_I'm surprised you know such a big word ;) Do you consider yourself a ladies' man or something? Ooh. Or a ladies' cat?_

**Dummy.**

_Citrus Boy._

**My hair is NOT the color of a citrus!**

_It soo is. Have you looked in a mirror, brah?_

**Yeah. The last time I did, I was with you. You do remember...don't you?**

I slap a hand over my mouth, feeling heat rise to my cheeks as I fight to not let him get the best of me.

_Of course. I remember you looking at me like you wanted to rip off my clothes. Do YOU remember that?_

**Nah. All I remember is making you lose control from touching you. And tasting every last bit of your skin as you called out my name.**

**I can bet your face is red now.**

Oh _no_. He didn't just...

But he did!

_Shut up you Kitty-kat!_

**Ha. Is that the best you can do?**

_I'm done writing to you, now. I've got better things to do._

**You mean me?**

_Bye. X.X_

...

I'm not sure who persuaded who, but somehow...we ended up agreeing to hit up the store together. More or less.

When the grocery store comes into view, I instinctively reach for Kyo's hand. And when he shoots me a look over his shoulder, I know that he remembers the night we got back from the party and went on a drinking binge that lasted into morning. But instead of leading me to the back alley I had sex with him the first time, we head into the hygiene aisle where he releases my hand. I browse shelves and shelves of toothpaste, toothbrushes, floss, and razors, curious as to why we were here.

He crouches to his haunches, picking up a stick of red and white deodorant, before standing and tilting it in my direction. "Do you like how this smells?"

I look at him, checking to see if he's joking, only to recognize that he's dead serious. I take a whiff, the silliness fading as I inhale and realize that it smells good.

"Yeah," I say, taking it from his hand to smell again. "Its masculine...and its amazing..."

He snorts, snatching it and shoving it into a handcart I hadn't seen him grab. "I didn't ask you to describe it, Kitty. I just thought I'd ask if you liked it. You'd be the one suffering if you don't say anything."

I cant my head to the side, watching him scan for a toothbrush and a new bottle of mouthwash. "Why?"

He glances at me, narrowing his eyes. "When we have sex, I don't want to make you nauseous because I picked something awful."

I'm torn between feeling mortified and appreciative as he says it, deciding to distract from my pink cheeks by searching for a new can of shaving cream. "Ok,"' I say, trying to sound casual. "What do you think of this?" I pop the cap of an ocean breeze scent, bringing it to his nose. I giggle when his nose twitches as he sniffs, his eyes raising to meet mine.

"Its...good. What is that?"

I shrug, replacing the cap before adding it to the cart. "Ocean breeze? I don't know...I've never been to a beach."

His eyes widen in surprise, a smirk pulling at his lips. "We should change that...Friday, maybe?"

I pinch his arm, moving to get a box of blades for my razor. "Doing it in the sand? That doesn't sound very appealing to me."

He shrugs, reaching above me for something. "We could go at sunset. Don't girls like that junk?"

I laugh, turning to come face to face with his torso as he searches the shelf above my head. "Wow. Who knew a hot-headed kitten could be such a romantic?"

He rests on flat feet, returning to his full height and eyeing me with challenge in his sienna eyes. His mouth moves to my ear and the teasing smile falls from my lips as his body wash overwhelms everything; and in such a good way.

"Who said anything about that?" He asks, his voice low as his free hand grabs me by the waist. "I was thinking of being a little rough. But I don't think you'll notice the sunset when I do."

I swallow, my lips parting as his hand slips under the back of my top, making me almost regretful of breaking the rules of wearing a uniform as I try to gain a grasp on rationality.

"You'd like that. Wouldn't you?" He says, his fingertips tracing my spine until my eyes close. "If I gave it to you rough...and fast. And hard. On a beach where people might see."

"Kyo," I get out, begrudgingly putting distance between us with my hands. With my breathing a little quicker and my pulse faster, I grab a random medium toothbrush and toss it into the handcart. I push past the beginnings of arousal to try and act normal, continuing as if nothing happened, and I'm both thankful and disappointed when he does the same.

After we gather everything and checkout, taking leave of the store, I feel a little sick to my stomach as the dread hits. I turn to the boy beside me, bathed in orange and pink and red from the glowing sun, wishing that I could make his skin my escape once more. To let him follow through on what he said in the store, making me breathless and sending my head spiraling against grains of sand. Because I'd rather do anything but go back home so soon. So instead of breaking like Gina would, I ease into a flirty mask that was growing lighter and tug on the tail of his black shirt.

"Kyo," I drawl, batting my eyelashes. "Let's go to another store or two. That way I can find something we'll both like."

His eyebrow raises, suspicion filling those red orbs of his. "That movie store?"

I'm surprised that's where his mind goes first, but manage to recover quickly. "Actually...I was thinking more along the lines of that lingerie store. I want to make sure you like what I wear."

"No," he responds, tugging me towards the DVD and video game rental store. "If we go there, I'll want to see you in it and that can't happen today...can it?"

"But-"

"I know you're just trying to stall. So we'll watch a movie, then you'll go home."

And with no excuses, rhyme or reason...I follow him.

But what terrifies me more than anything?

I don't mind it at all.


	12. Cinema And Chill

**Chapter Twelve: Cinema And Chill**

After having left the store, ending up with three movie choices from three different genres, we go in the direction of Kyo's until we're interrupted by a head-on collision. Tohru and three other boys surround her, their gait ceasing when they bump into us.

"Wow! Its-" Tohru stops short, staring down at her feet. "I'm so sorry! I never got your name." She glances back up at me, and I realize who she's referring to.

I open my mouth to reply, only to be cut off by the formerly calm Kyo next to me. "Its Kitty." He looks pointedly at our school's 'prince'. "Where are _you _off to, rat boy?"

The prince scoffs, folding his arms across his chest. "As if I owe _you _an explanation. Have you not learned from that incident that involved my fist, your eye, and a dent in Shigure's wall?"

Kyo tenses immediately, clenching his fists and taking a step forward. "At least I'm not with someone, just because she pities me." His eyes become red daggers then. "Get tired of it being just you and your right hand?"

I cringe, unprepared for that savage comment from Kyo.

"Guys, stop fighting!" The blonde boy says, gesturing at Tohru. "You'll make her upset."

The other boy, who's taller and with bi-colored hair steps in front of the prince. "What movies are those anyway?" He asks, nodding his head towards the three cases in my hands.

I take advantage of the break in tension, forcing a smile. "One comedy, one scary movie, and one action film. Kyo and I plan to spend the night laughing, covering our eyes, and watching blood spill." I steel myself, looking over at Kyo. "Can they join us?"

He narrows his eyes, before redirecting his angry gaze in the prince's direction. "Not if he's gonna be there."

The boy in question begins to reply, only to be interrupted by the excited look in Tohru's eyes as she bounced on her heels. "_Please _Yuki? That sounds like so much fun!"

Yuki slumps forward, heaving a deep, reluctant sigh before giving a nod of consent. "For your sake, I can be mature enough to set aside our differences for one night."

She squeals and the blonde joins her. The both of them jump up and down, holding hands and spinning in a circle together. Eventually, the taller boy gravitates to Yuki, latching onto his tie. He sighs and the four follow us towards Kyo's place.

...

Kyo likes Tohru. At least based on the fact he glances over at her constantly. And in a way, I feel like her stand-in, her replacement. Because Kyo's never looked at me or anyone else the way he looks at her. Like there's a golden halo above her head and angels singing as they bask in the girl that is Tohru. But I act like I don't notice a thing, even though I feel cheap and unwanted.

A bloodcurdling scream claws out of the TV speakers as a bedraggled apparition climbs out of a hole on screen. She drags her body forward by sinking her nails into the dirt, eyes zeroing in on the victim she was thirsty for. I don't even flinch at this, never finding myself afraid of scary movies, in contrast to Tohru who squealed and grabbed Yuki's hand.

And when I look to see Kyo glowering at the union of their hands, I put two and two together. Yuki was dating Tohru and Kyo liked Tohru. Now it all made sense...

But it didn't make things any better now that I figured it out; it only made matters worse for me on the inside.

"T-Tohru," the blonde whimpers, covering his eyes with her uniform sleeve. "Can we w-watch something else? Please?"

I move to click off the TV with the remote, only to be stopped by Kyo's hand on my wrist. Or more specifically, his thumb making smooth, circular motions into the inside of my wrist. A shiver rips through me as I still at this unexpected action, beginning to smile when he intertwines my hand with his.

I don't know what made him affectionate all of a sudden, but I like it.

I allow myself to grin in the dimly lit living room, feeling warm by such a small thing after all that we did with each other. You'd think seeing each other naked would make me blush more than holding hands would.

But my heart comes to a screeching halt when I notice he's watching Tohru...not me. And when his eyes lock with Yuki's, his lips curl up into a smirk, as if he were flaunting a prize he'd won. Gloating, as if to wave around something he was using to compete with.

That's when I pull my hand back and decide to keep them in my lap the rest of the movie.

It was stupid of me to feel moved by something so simple.

And it was even more stupid that I _actually _thought Kyo felt something more for me.

...

When everyone leaves, I feel hollow once more as Kyo and I are left alone. In deafening, suffocating silence. I don't know what to do with myself now that I've just recognized that I don't just see Kyo as someone I share a bed with on Fridays. But...I liked him. A little bit.

And even after seeing what he did tonight, its even worse that I don't like him any less for it.

I plop down on the couch in defeat, resting my face in my hands as I stare at the wood floors. I feel hurt. And annoyed. And drawn to him. And distant from him. And none of this did more than confuse and sadden me. But when he takes a seat beside me, he runs his calloused palm down my forearm, holding my wrist loosely in his hand. His thumb makes patterns in my skin again, and my heart restarts when it hits me that he's doing this when Tohru and Yuki aren't even here. But the moment ends when he relinquishes his hold and he gets to his feet.

"Do you wanna stay here or something? I know I said you had to go home and everything..." he lets his voice trail off, clearing his throat and looking away. "You can leave if you want. Whatever."

I fight back my smile, twirling the many bracelets on my wrist. "I don't have a change of clothes."

He cocks an eyebrow, crossing his arms. "You can wear my shirt to bed, dummy. Just make sure you give it back."

And just like that...my heart soars.

Its pathetic.

And I hate it.

But I love it too.

Because I've never felt my heart do that before.

"Fine," I say, acting as if its a big deal. "But I gotta call my folks, first. Let em' know where I'll be."

He gives a dry laugh, moving to swipe the popcorn off the couch and into his hand. "Have fun explaining that."

I stick my tongue out at him, even though his back is to me, and I bring up the contacts on my phone. Once I reach my favorites list, I find the one labeled _Home _and select it, raising it up to my ear.

I listen to it ring.

And ring.

And ring...

Just when I think someone's going to finally pick up, I'm directed to voicemail. And instead of soaring, my heart sinks and falls, down to the very bottom of me.

I tell them I'm staying at a friend's house, for lack of a better word. I say that I'm fine, will do my homework, and I hope to see them when I get home from school tomorrow. After wrestling with myself for a few seconds, I begin to tell them I love them, only to be cut off having reached the message limit.

When I hang up, it feels like I'm swallowing a boxing glove as I blink back tears.

But I put the mask back on.

I switch from Gina to Kitty.

And I make myself forget for another night.


	13. Bed & Breakfast

**Chapter Thirteen: Bed & Breakfast**

I come up behind Kyo in the kitchen, dressed in his black shirt, wrapping my arms around his waist as he he pats rice into submission. I noticed that he always stuck with making rice balls, inhaling ten of them before I could I finish two.

"Breakfast with sex on the side. Sounds like my kind of morning."

He gives me a flat look, before his lips give way to the smallest semblance of a smile.

"Hmm... Talk about your cock-a-doodle do." I laugh. "Is that why its called that?" I muse, biting into a slice of toast I steal off a plate as Kyo takes a break to sip his milk.

"What?"

"Because it rises when the sun does, just like roosters. And roosters are also known as coc-"

"I thought you didn't like talking dirty," He cuts in, guzzling down the rest of his drink.

"I know this might come as a shock to you, but I'm good for more than helping you get it up by going all..." I waggle my eyebrows, "...hot and heavy. I know a thing or two about animo-logy and anatomy."

He snorts, reaching for a helping of turkey sausage. "I doubt you know about zodiacs, even though you're _such_ an expert."

I scoff, folding my arms. "For your information, I do know about them. But we're not talking about mythology, are we?"

He regards me with dark eyes, and its the mysterious depths of them that makes me wonder if he believes in that sort of thing. But not too long ago, we decided that we don't ask each other those things. I don't have a clue about where we stand now.

Instead, I move away from serious (and potentially dangerous territory) to his drink in question, deciding to let him in on a piece of myself while we took our seats at the table.

"I don't really like milk..." I bite my fist, blinking back mock tears. "It was mad traumatizing. Its still hard to think about."

His eyebrow lifts, as if to say 'Really?' before he takes another defiant swig of that cursed cow poison.

"It all began when I was staying the night at my grandparents' house. I was minding my own business, just chilling and eating some cereal that I'd poured a _healthy _serving of milk into. Then...BAM! A bout of nausea hit me and like that-" I snap my fingers, "-I just hurl. I throw up in my grandparents' kitchen."

He blanches a little, setting his nearly empty glass down on the table. "And you told me this while I'm drinking milk _because_?"

I frown, not liking that he's implying I decided to torment him on purpose. "How do you think I felt when I was enjoying milk - just as you were - only to experience a gastrointestinal reaction that made me despise milk for as long as I live and breathe?"

He shakes his head, grabbing for a rice ball. "What's a gastintestwhatever reaction?"

I pause, recalling my choice of words. And suddenly, I have to wonder why I feel shame about the terminology I use. It was silly, really, to feel like you just took the walk of shame by slipping up and speaking like an intelligent person. But if there was one thing I've always been insecure about...its my brain. I have a high IQ and skipped a grade; the birthday I spent with Kyo was my eighteenth, but only because I was born right at the cutoff for grades. He had no idea about any of this. And for awhile, I figured I'd keep it that way. The only time I allowed my smarts to show themselves was in my grades and in checking out whatever medical textbooks I could find in my journey to becoming pre-med and eventually a doctor. I haven't decided on what field, but I just wanted to do something in the medical profession.

"Um..." I scratch the back of my head, looking elsewhere. "I'm basically lactose intolerant, allergic to the sugar that milk is made up of. Dairy and lactose aren't the same." I wince, catching myself beginning to ramble and cram a riceball into my mouth just to shut up.

He nods, his eyes clouded with thoughts I can't even begin to know, before he changes subjects to something that's not any safer. "Remember how I said my grades suck? And that if I get one more bad one, its over."

I swallow the mound of rice, my eyebrows furrowing in thought. "How can that be? You did great on your math homework. You only got two wrong, which is a B...what's the problem?"

He exhales heavily, running his hands through his hair. "Literature."

I freeze, wondering if I heard him correctly and that he wasn't just pulling my leg. But the longer he stews in silence, angrily chewing, I realize that he wasn't messing around. He was serious.

I fiddle with my hands beneath the table, blushing at the fact I almost laughed at him. What kind of person am I? Laughing at something like that? Yes, its unusual for anyone - genius or not - to struggle with that subject. But there were exceptions, especially for people with learning disabilities.

"Ok, is there a test you need help studying for? A literary piece assignment? What?"

He scowls, looking to be on the verge of throwing up himself. "I have to write a _poem_," he spits out, like its a bad taste in his mouth and this time I do allow myself to smile a little.

"_That _I can help you with. Can it be any type? Elegy? Ode? Sonnet? Free-Verse? Does it have to have a rhyming scheme? Iambic pentameters?"

He groans, sliding down in his seat. "This sucks. Why do I have to be stuck with this complicated crap?"

I beam. "Hey. That was almost alliteration. Good job, Kitty-Kat."

"Shut up."

I think everything over until a devious idea pops into my head. And maybe it made me crazy, and somewhat freaky-kinky but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't hoping he'd agree to it.

I lift my bare leg up, brushing his thigh with my foot and stroking circles into the material of his pants, as I gather the courage to meet his eyes. "I have a fun way to help you with your poem."

He sits up then, my foot gliding from his thigh to his knee as his gaze drops to my lips. I watch as he sees me smirk, before his eyes flick up towards mine. "I'm listening."

Instead of explaining my idea in words, I hoist myself up and onto the table, right in front of him. I slide forward until I fall into his lap with my legs spread apart, eliciting a gasp from the both of us at the instant, sudden contact. I throw my arms around his neck and trace his mouth with my own, smiling when his hands clasp behind my back.

"So...what's the requirement for this poem of yours?" I ask, speaking against his lips as my eyes slide closed at how good it feels to be pressed between the table's edge and him.

His hands move to my hips, dragging me in _slow _circles that feel cruel because of the pace. It was made even more intense because the only thing that separated us was his sweatpants; I was in nothing but his shirt. I nip his bottom lip and he bites me right back, taking my lips between his teeth at that same slow pace.

"It can be anything," he answers finally, his voice growing heavy as more heat travels between the place our bodies met and burned together. "What do I do?"

"Sonnet's out," I murmur, tugging on his earlobe with my teeth, while my other hand dips below his waistband. He wasn't wearing anything but sweatpants. "I don't think your sensei would be cool with anything short of romance. Seduction doesn't cut it for school."

He moans against my neck, kissing my skin in appreciation for my ministrations. "What else?"

"You could write an epic. You know? About heroes and all that." I smile at the words that haven't left my lips yet. "Like the citrus hero that saves the day with his catlike reflexes."

For that remark, he proceeds in his torture treatment, teasing me by inching towards my inner thigh, only to retreat when I thought he would go further.

I laugh, somehow feeling sexually frustrated and turned on all at once. "You're such a jerk."

He doesn't even bother taking the bait, refusing to cave and speed things along. And in a way, I'm glad he didn't. Because a part of me that I'd been denying and will continue to, was hoping this would last. At least...for a few minutes more.

"How about an elegy?" My voice is reduced to a whisper under the weight of my question, because it would break up the euphoric in turn of the somber. "A dedication to someone you've loved but lost to death."

He draws back then, leaning back in his chair as his sienna eyes penetrate mine. And even though I probably killed the mood, I really did think it was the type of poem that would suit him the best; one he could use as an outlet for his grievances. The best poems weren't the ones filled with over the top prose, decadent and sugary with a cherry on top. The best kind were the ones that expressed the hurt and happiness and sadness and highs and lows you experienced, getting someone else to feel those things through your words.

He sighs, burying his face into my neck. "I'll think about it. Not like I've got anything better."

And with that, we stop talking about it and he carries me to his room for another round before we had to get ready. And when I step into his bathroom, I notice my purple toothbrush next to his red one, and I find myself grinning. How ridiculous it was to like seeing my toothbrush nestled beside his. When I glance back at the shower I'd recently vacated, I take in my bottle of cherry blossom soap, our razors, the bar of soap he used, and his body wash. I see my towel on his floor, my clothes in his hamper, the mark he left on my neck with his tongue and his teeth.

I feel welcome and comfortable and sad all at the same time.


	14. When Color Explodes

**Chapter Fourteen: When Color Explodes**

Today was Thursday.

That meant I was over eighteen hours away from being at Kyo's.

A mile from the gloomy, lonely atmosphere that's been over my house this past week.

Satoshi went into work this morning for the first time after finishing his bereavement. He's an accountant and crunches numbers for a living. Normally, the the thought of doing math would be depressing, but not in his case. It actually seemed to brighten him up a bit, though he refused to so much as kiss my mom on the cheek or say more than a "good morning."

And the affect it had on my mom was instantaneous and obvious. I had to watch as her expression fell and she tried to shake it off by wiping down the counter tops and fixing anything out of place. She'd just managed to climb out of bed two days ago, but she was milking the maternity leave in order to have the time to grieve and overcome the shock of all that's happened. Yasu's funeral would be held this Saturday, though none of us believed we were ready for something like that.

When I got home from school, I noted my mom lugging a box out of her studio. I smiled a little because I thought she felt better, moving around and actually doing something to take her mind off of things. But that was before I heard a crash not even ten minutes later.

I followed the sound to her studio over the garage, watching her kick and smash and tear and cut up all the paintings that she'd created this last month for the nursery. All the art that was supposed to be added once he was born. Each piece had taken her a week to complete.

"Mom!" I call out, jumping when she stomps one as tears stream down her cheeks and join the streaks from old ones.

No words come out, though she's making enough noise as she vents her frustration with her fist and her foot and her scissors as she destroys every reminder of what could have been; erasing the unwritten future for fear of facing one that none of us expected to be ours.

I call her name over and over, but she continues decimating everything until there's nothing but shreds of paper and her crooked easel as she stands in the middle of the room, trembling with sadness and exhaustion. I throw my arms around her waist and I cry with her, unsettled by the deep, insurmountable anger she must be feeling to want to do this. How blind she must have been by her overwhelming emotions that she wouldn't even recognize my voice or her own name.

The fact that he was out of our reach, broke me. The fact that there was a chasm that separated the Earth from Heaven was what ripped me apart when I thought about how far away he was.

I don't know what it was that had been ruining her.

The thought that _she _didn't do something she should have.

The fact that she'd been connected to him for nine months, only to hold air in her arms instead of the child she'd lost at birth.

Or even knowing that she'd never be able to be the mother to him, after all the months and years she'd fantasized about having a house full of children and fuller holidays together.

Death changed her.

It changed all of us.

Her scissors clatter to the floor as she crumbles, dropping to the ground and taking me with her. Instead of her comforting me like a mother does for her daughter, I hold her and stoke her hair, assuring her that things would be okay someday though my voice was thick with tears and cracked with my pain. She rocks back and forth, her hand coming to rest on my hand and grip it like a lifeline, allowing her head to fall back against my shoulder for support. And the weight of remembrance and looking ahead and this atmosphere is too much to take.

Before I know it, we eventually fall asleep, side-by-side.

...

_The Next Afternoon_

"YOU!" A voice screeches, causing me to whip my head around to look behind me. A figure is charging towards me at breakneck speed, looking to be a blur of brown, green, and grey headed my way.

I set my cup of iced coffee down on the bench beside me, terrified as the form clears and morphs into that of a slightly older girl, her finger jabbed in my face. "Just _what _do you think you're doing?!"

I turn around fully, growing more and more confused as to why this chick was so angry, and with me. "I have no idea what you're talking about, sweetie."

She shakes, heaving an exasperated sigh before coming around to rest beside my cup. Its then that I grab it, putting the bottle green straw between my lips, partly because I was thirsty and partly because I was afraid she'd destroy it.

"You're dating my- er...Kyo-kun." She huffs, folding her arms. "Don't even bother denying it. I saw you two walking out of the store together just last week."

The straw leaves my mouth with a pop, as I think back to the week before when Kyo and I encountered more of his cousins and Tohru. Was she another Sohma? Or a territorial ex-girlfriend of his?

"But he and I _aren't _dating. We-re-" just sleeping together, though I can't exactly tell her that...can I? This instance and my phone call home got me thinking about how to explain us. I usually just decide to keep it between Kyo and I, but that wasn't gonna cut it with this chick. She seemed a little off, based on my observations of the fact she had me by the shoulders with a dark look in her eyes.

"Don't you dare hurt him," she demands, narrowing her eyes. "If you do, I'll make you regret the day you ever walked into Kyo-kun's life. You got me?"

I scoff, moving her hands off my shoulders. "There's no chance of me breaking his heart. Trust me on that."

Her lips twist into a grimace, before settling into a flat line. "You're right," she concurs, nodding her head. "He's way too good looking to be a boyfriend of yours. Even if he was, losing you wouldn't be that much of a loss at all."

What the heck was with this chick? One minute she's accusing me, the next she's insulting me. I don't care if she's a sister, cousin, or daughter of Kyo's. I wasn't about to take any more of this abuse.

I fish my house key out from my pocket, making to leave before she grabs my arm, yanking me back into the seat I'd abandoned.

"I'm not finished yet."

"Sorry to hear that, but I'm done listening to you," I retort, attempting to stand only to be thwarted yet again.

"There's certain things you need to know about him," she hisses, glaring at me as I try to free myself from her grip without inadvertently hurting her. "I don't like that you're with him, but I want him to be happy. I'm not how I used to be."

She was _actually _more psycho before?

I decide to give up on escaping for the time being - until I come up with a better plan - and decide to hear her out in the meantime. I had half my coffee left, fall was pouring in but my jeans and bomber could shut out the cold. What did I have to lose at this point?

"What kind of things? Good or bad?"

She seems to relax with my decision, clasping her hands together in her lap as she leans back and looks at the vibrant sky.

"Let's just say that Kyo's different too. He used to hate the rain because of how tired and lethargic it made him. There were times when he was younger and I'd help him warm up with hot chocolate, right before he fell asleep." She smiles at the memory, though it fades just as quickly with the words that follow.

"He's been through a lot. I don't know what he's told you about himself, but his life has been miserable up to this point. The head of our family was a monster. She never really seemed to care for us, only wanting to run and control our lives instead of doing things in our best interest. It was especially a nightmare for Kyo, and I hated seeing him suffer so much."

Her head tilts downward, forcing her gaze to shift to her joined hands. "But..._she _made everything better for him. Tohru did. None of us ever thought such a plain girl could do much. But she changed everything. And even though I will always hold a grudge against her for her choosing Yuki over Kyo, I will always be grateful for what she did."

I pause mid-sip, curious as to what heroic act put this girl on a pedestal in Kyo's eyes, even after she decided to date the prince instead. And for some reason, I got the feeling that was the nail in the coffin for him. When Kyo and I were drunk at the party, he let it slip that he and Yuki had a rivalry, though I don't know why.

"It was after Yuki confessed to Tohru and she accepted, while Kyo was standing there, that he started to become really depressed. He stopped eating and training. In the past, when I made advances towards him, he'd push me away or at least react. But after she picked Yuki, he wouldn't even say a word to me when I approached him. And after awhile I just stopped trying."

A bittersweet smile plays along her lips, as her gaze glides to meet mine. "I guess I just stopped pursuing him because I'm not what he wants; I'm not what will make him happy. But...you-" she stops short, her eyebrows furrowing as she considers her words. "I was wrong about you. Somehow, you make him happy. I don't get it. But you do. He eats, he trains, he smiles, and even talks to me sometimes. I can't say for sure, but I think you'll mean more to him than Tohru ever did." Her voice drops with her smile, as she voices the rest of her thoughts. "...more than _I _ever meant to him."

A part of me wants to laugh, because that sounds so unbelievable its ridiculous.

Part of me wants to smile, because the thought of being in love and loved by someone so deeply seems like it would feel good.

But then, there's the part of me that's beyond the point of confoundment. I don't understand why I want the more normal parts of a relationship with _him_. Or to actually want affection and attention and care. It made me feel a little sick the more I opened up to this idea.

What's worse?

Despite this girl's words, I know he'll never be up to it.

So I'll take the parts of him that he's willing to give. It has to be enough.

I'm book smart. But I'm a fool whenever it comes to my heart and all the stupid things it wanted.

"You need to know that he'll be distant," she continues, fiddling with her hands. "He hasn't let himself be close with anyone after Tohru. Even if you do date him, I doubt he'll ever tell you what he's thinking or what he likes. He's closed himself off because he's afraid of being rejected after its happened all his life." The girl stands, the breeze ruffling her hair and her dress as she faces me one last time. "I can only hope you're good for him. Because...I'm not." Something akin to guilt or shame crosses her features, before smoothing out into indifference. "Remember what I said."

After those words, she walks away.


	15. Souls In Ink

**Chapter Fifteen: Souls In Ink**

After leaving the park and dropping my stuff off at home, grabbing a change of clothes just in case, I make the walk to Kyo's. And the entire time I focus on stopping the derailment my mind was on as I try to get into character before I screwed up and continued hoping for more days with that troublesome redhead.

Based on what that girl told me, Kyo had trust issues and he didn't allow anyone to know too much. Even though I figured that out with the fact he only just started allowing me to see the most vulnerable part of him. I guess I needed the reminder.

Bringing up commitment or anything like it was a definite impossibility where he was concerned.

After reminding myself of this, I don't expect to see said boy perched on his rooftop, staring out at the expanse of the evening sky and all the stars that danced across it. I find myself grinning because I had no idea he liked sitting on his roof like I did, and I wanted to join him.

Was that right? Or wrong?

I climb up the side of the house, using the black ladder, the steel rungs digging into the palms of my hands each time. But the view is worth it once I reach the top, the sight of the city in the distance causing peace to settle over me as I take a seat beside Kyo. The sunroof of his room was just in front of us, but nothing compared to being this close to the stars that it was like you could reach out and touch them.

As embarrassing as it is, I've always wished I could collect the stars. Its physically impossible being balls of burning hot gas that hang from the sky, but I would love to be able to keep them. To form new constellations with them and look to them whenever I'm feeling down, no matter where I am.

"Thanks..." he mutters, and I snap my head in the direction of his abrupt voice.

"What for?"

He shrugs, tossing a sheet of paper into my lap as his cheeks heat up. "That."

I look down, seeing _Sohma Kyo _on the top line of a poem entitled "Train Tracks". And the grade he received was an A, written in bright red pen with a smiley face.

I glance up at him, silently requesting his permission to read, taken aback when he gives a nod of consent.

So I settle in, perusing the page.

_Train Tracks_

_I hate rusted metal._

_Every time I see it, I get angry._

_Or any metal, really._

_Its probably not fair to blame it._

_It didn't get up and lay down beneath my mother's feet._

_It didn't ask her to stand on it; to be hit._

_It didn't ask for her death._

_It didn't tell her to stop caring._

_It didn't encourage her to forget my dad, to forget me._

_It didn't make the train arrive. Or, maybe it did. I don't know._

_But I can never go there again._

_I can never hear the sound of trains without feeling angry._

_I hate the metallic smell of train yards._

_Or anywhere._

_I can't forgive her for it._

_I won't ever forget what she did._

_Or why she did it._

_But I will always hate trains._

_I will always hate train tracks._

"You know...for someone that hates poetry, you have a real knack for it," I say, still marveling over the words I'd just been allowed to read.

He rolls his eyes, though I can tell he's pleased by the way he seems to straighten up and puff out his chest a little. "I just wrote something down I've been thinking about. Its not that big a deal."

I smile, shrugging my shoulders. "Fine. But this is still good. I can get a picture of what you fe-" I clamp my mouth shut, rethinking my words as I remember the girl's. He shared this part of himself with me, even if not directly. But was it really okay to ask about it? To delve into the topic more?

Instead, I hand it back to him, turning to look at the sky as I bring my knees up to my chest and rest my chin atop them. I'd been hopped up on caffeine most of the afternoon and morning, but I didn't feel as alive as I did then. The sadness and chill in the air was getting to me. Right next to over-analyzing every move I made and thing I said where he was concerned. So, I did what I always did; I found help in the stars. It was the only escape I had other than my moments with him.

But how do you escape when your escape is the thing you're running from?

His legs go on either side of me, his chest meeting my back as he sits behind me, and my heart starts to slam into my chest as my stomach drops what feels like five feet. He nibbles my earlobe as his other hand slides down my wrist to intertwine our hands, though it almost feels like a subconscious action as he focuses on everything else. I lean into him either way, deciding to even the score by giving a piece to him in exchange.

"I used to sit on my roof when I was younger," I say, sighing into the night air. "When my parents split up."

He withdraws, leaning back to rest his hands on the roof tiles, though his legs still remain beside mine. I know this wasn't what we usually did, it wasn't a prelude for sex. It was...um...

...

I don't know, really.

"I was eleven and I didn't get any of it. I'd stay over at my grandparents' house twice a month, and they were fighting at home. But I had no idea. Mom never told me that much until last year. They were _always_ at odds with each other when it came to mom's dreams. She wanted to paint and draw for a living. Dad thought she'd only ever amount to being a starving artist and he claimed he didn't want to go down with her."

Maybe her art broke her just as much as it healed her, too.

Maybe...art was her escape.

Maybe she tried to run from it, but went back to it because it made life worth living. Just as much as it made for a miserable one.

Even if she felt like it took her husband away and reminded her of the son she'd lost.

Damned if she did, damned if she didn't.

I bite my lip, pushing back another exhale before it slipped out. Every time I would sigh, it made me more aware of how tired or sad I was. Like the connection between my brain and body fueled dormant emotions that I didn't normally acknowledge.

"I don't know how staring up into space, something that makes me feel small and this world seem too large, can be so comforting. But it is. And-" I tilt my head back, looking at him from upside-down. "I'm glad you're up here tonight. Because I don't feel so sad when I'm out here." And when you're here with me.

And he says nothing more for the rest of the night.

We stay outside for hours, not doing anything else but observing the universe and galaxy above us.

We do our thing.

And for the first time...

I don't feel so alone when it ends and we fall asleep.

...

With the next week, brings our district's annual Cultural Festival. Each class was given the opportunity (obligated) to participate in the setup and operation of stands or performances. The President and Vice-President would oversee all of it and ensure that everything was done and done on time.

Guess who drew the short straw and would be working the kissing booth?

Uotoni?

Nope.

Hanajima?

Guess again.

Yuki?

I wish. Kyo would probably feel avenged, even slightly, and I would be free of such a thing.

But _no_. I was gonna be spending all day macking on guys I don't even know. These days, that's dangerous. These guys could have some kind of STD for all I know, which was probably an ironic concern coming from someone that had sex every week. Thankfully, we were both clean.

But who knows where those guys have been?

"Having fun, Princess?" Uotoni teases, jabbing me in the ribs with her elbow.

I sniff, folding my arms across my chest. "Yes. No one's showed up yet and I want to keep it that way." I begin rubbing my hands together as I remember the plan I have in place. "I knew charging 1600 yen a pop would get them to stay away."

I'm about to start my celebratory dance for being an hour kiss-free when I hear the sound of scribbling, followed by the smell of wet ink from in front of the stand. I peer over the edge, my mouth nearly hitting the floor as I see Takei Makoto drawing a line through my price and writing 1000 yen in its place. That's funny. The last I checked, the formal President doesn't have any authority left. Especially not the right to charge that little amount for my torture.

He recaps his black marker, pushing his glasses up with his middle finger as the sun glints off the lenses. "Rule 301B in Kaibara's handbook clearly states that overpricing booths during the Cultural Festival is strictly prohibited at the risk of in-school suspension. It is my duty to uphold and enforce this school's rules as they are there for a reason."

Uotoni scoffs at this, stepping forward to nudge him with her finger. "Listen here, dweeb. You graduated last year. I can easily report you for trespassing on school grounds. I'm willing to bet a lot of money that its even worse you're here during school hours."

Takei gasps. "Y-You're a delinquent. It would be your word against mine. A case of he-said-she-said. You can't prove I was here if I take my leave."

"Then go, you idiot," she says, rolling her eyes to the high heavens. "Get out of here before I have to show you out."

He gets up as his knees shake, his lips fixed into a grimace as if he's trying to be intimidating. "I'll have you know that I paid for my admission. I have the privilege to be here, as anyone else."

Uotoni pulls out a lead pipe from nowhere, swinging it as her eyes narrow at him.

"But there's more interesting things to see than this," he gets out, before running as if his hair was on fire.

Uotoni and I exchange a look, before both of us burst out laughing at this silly moment. Everything seems to take a turn for the better for the next half hour, until a new wave of people arrive, and a boy approaches.

He slaps down 200 yen, which is more than the asking price, before offering me a kind smile.

"I'd like my kiss please."

I decide 'what the heck?' because I had no choice, and this guy didn't seem to be too unpleasant. Besides...it would only be for a second.

I lean forward, allowing my eyes to close the closer I get. I expect for my lips to make contact with his, only, that doesn't happen. My eyes snap open when I'm yanked away and dragged towards the school building, behind a staircase in the science hallway, hidden away from the activity that surrounds us.

I breathe in and out, trying to catch my breath.

But lips cut off the air supply I couldn't quite get.

A chest collides with mine, followed by hands that glide past my waist as a tongue pushes past my lips.

And the familiarity stokes a spark I hadn't known ignited as I let my head rest against the wall behind us. I moan into his mouth as his tempting hands mock me with the restraint he's showing me.

And it all ends too soon when he lets me go and leaves me with words that echo in my brain long after he's slipped away and disappeared through the doors.

"Don't kiss him."


	16. No Turning Back

**Chapter Sixteen: No Turning Back**

When I first got here, I'll admit that I was feeling myself. I felt gorgeous in every sense of the word after spending two hours on my hair, half an hour on my makeup, and a lot of yen to make it happen. I was excited because it was my first party and I had no idea what it was going to be like. The guy I was with was dead sexy and in college, which made me feel the coolest I'd ever been.

I should have known it was too good to be true.

The minute I turn my back in search of a non-alcoholic drink - like finding a needle in a haystack - he sidles up to some unnatural redhead and essentially dumps me. I became a lot of things that night.

Shocked that this sort of thing actually happened outside of TV; that people were actually used as trophies and bargaining chips, because someone chose to weaponize them and make someone else jealous.

Sad that I was going to be spending the rest of the night like some kind of lonely, pathetic loser whom couldn't hold a date, let alone a man.

Annoyed that he had the gall to leave me for someone else, regardless of how it effected me and ruined my night.

Then, I became vindictive. I sought revenge on him and liquid courage to follow through on my schemes. I was determined to get both.

I decide to forgo my previous search in exchange for a can of beer, despite knowing the punch was spiked with the nearly undetectable stuff. I begin making bigger and bolder choices tonight. And it was the burning feeling of shame and betrayal that settled deeply into my gut that made me approach Kyo, one of the ever-popular Sohmas of my year.

_Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned._

But no, I didn't try to break the ice with conversation. I didn't bother making weak attempts at small talk or easing into a proposition. I closed my eyes and sucked back a huge gulp from the can, forcing myself to not spit out the nasty taste. Then...I grabbed him and kissed him.

My first kiss was by a tub of beer on ice, surrounded by stoners and loners.

I expect him to shove me away or to curse me out for doing something so stupid; something I would never do if I were in my right mind. But instead, he backs me into a wall and shoves his tongue into my mouth. He tastes like the beer I'd just forced myself to drink, mixed with something like cinnamon.

A combination of apprehension and a hint of lust surged through my body, only tainted by hurried thoughts rushing through my head of what to do with my hands and how to kiss. I let my head rest against the wall, my hands lying limp at my sides as I try to refrain from touching him, scared that he wouldn't want it. But he takes control and his own hands smooth down my curves to my backside, as his tongue dances in my mouth, encouraging me to join him.

A sound parts my lips, one that I've never made before.

His hands slide up until they run the length of my back, beneath my shirt, and I arch against the warmth of his hands as I build the courage to reciprocate his kiss. But before I'm able, a voice interrupts as someone steps in between us.

"Get a room!" He shakes his head in disgust, before returning to the couch where two other girls were. His face splits into a cat-got-the-canary grin as he winks at me, only reverting his attention when Kyo glares at him.

Um...what?

I bite my lip, noting the tingling sensation that lingers after the kiss we shared, unsure of where to go from here. When Kyo looks back at me, his gaze falls to my mouth before meeting my eyes for the first time. They're an unusual color; red, like the girl I was left for, but far more beautiful and striking. They were almost the shade of a deep sunset my mom would paint when she was in one of her happier moods.

He gestures towards the back of the house with a nod, making to walk away. "Let's get out of here."

My eyes remain trained on his physique as we head towards the back, where a lake is just outside of the fogged up screen doors. Even through his black shirt, I can tell he's ripped. His shoulders are broad and his frame is the shape you only read about in romance novels. The swing of his shoulders followed by the sloppy pacing of his legs is somehow endearing and intriguing when we slip out the back and onto the patio.

There was a boy and a girl stretched out on the pink tiles, smoking cannabis. There was an unappealing smell that seemed to come with weed. But I guess you just had to get high enough to not notice. Kyo continues pulling out all the stops with his surprises when he takes a seat on the grass, rolling up a joint and lighting it. I'd never pegged a 'pretty boy' to be this type.

The joint itself looked almost like brown cardboard, encasing ugly green leaves that smelled awful.

Kyo told me that he'd only done this two other times. There were such things as good highs and bad ones. And to avoid being found out, most people put weed in brownies or any food that would hide it. That and the fact that you typically got the munchies afterward.

After taking two hits, he passes it to me, leaning back on his palms to exhale into the twilight air. But I begin to hesitate because this was illegal and dangerous and...

So was drinking underage.

I awkwardly hold it, bringing it up to my lips and squeezing my eyes shut to draw in a breath. I try not to take too much or too little because I didn't want him to know I'd never done it. For some reason, I just wanted him to see me as this daring girl that never feared anything that came her way. Someone that could hold her own with someone like him.

It seemed odd that we were almost like mirrors to the couple getting baked behind us.

But after the first breath, I cough, and try to stifle it by taking another.

And the second one eventually becomes a third, a fourth, a fifth...

And by the time we've passed it back and forth to one another, my inhales becoming less modest and more greedy as we go, we've finished it and I feel weird. Its hard to describe it. But I felt like I was way more calm than I usually was, tingly and far away from my body while being present in it. And it was almost like I was constantly zoned out even though I could focus on what he was saying and what was in front of me.

The moon seemed a little brighter and fuller; the grass beneath us appeared more vibrant and enhanced through my eyes. It was like I was wearing lenses that made everything so much more alive than before.

"What's your name?" He asks, his tone even and tranquil as he looks at me.

I think to give him my real one. But Gina never sounded interesting to me. It seemed foreign and strange, which wasn't what I wanted tonight. I wanted something more fun and exciting to match the personality I wanted to convey. I thought of Raven, Lacey, Roxie. But eventually, I settled on my answer.

"Kitty."

He smirks, and this makes me scoot closer to him. "Kitty?"

I dare to put my hand on his knee, leaning in more. "You've never met anyone like me. I'm one of a kind." And even the sound of my voice sounds louder than normal because of this odd feeling.

His eyes shift from sienna to something darker, challenging. "Prove it."

I sit back, knowing that I'd have to accept his challenge or be called out on my bluff. But what more could I do? I drank, kissed someone, and got high the first time. And all in one night. If that doesn't say something, then...

Stripping down and jumping into a lake would?

That idea should scare me, but it doesn't. I feel too mellowed out to be worried about what I was about to do. Even when I get him involved and tell him to jump into a stranger's lake, naked, with a girl he just met.

But it happens.

We plunge feet first into a body of tepid water; the murky and bottomless meeting us full force as we become submerged. I start to laugh, covering my mouth when I remember that I'm underwater before swimming to the surface. Kyo pops up next, shaking his hair and sending water flying in all directions, appearing to be moving in slow motion.

But his body. He had the sexiest abs I'd ever seen on a person. And his tanned skin wasn't very common here in Japan, but it made him look even hotter, and very much out of my league. It was horrible watching water drip off his pecs and down his stomach, past his waist. I feel my face heat up so I sink down into the water, covering everything from the nose up.

And after swimming around for a bit, the water feeling more dimensional than something that normally slipped through your fingers, we climb out and change back into our clothes. On the way out, we stock up on beer and head towards the closest place with streetlights. The grocery store around the corner.

We sit on the stoop, me putting my legs in his lap and Kyo popping the tab of his next fix. There's a mild breeze as we sit in silence that's more comfortable than not, sharing drinks and kisses as our inhibitions fall by the wayside.

Our conversation ranges from playful to random, even when he tells me about a rival of his that had everything that he wanted. He had the future, the friends, and the girlfriend. Kyo said that he would be surprised if he even made it out of high school with the way things were going.

"It probably sounds stupid to you," he mutters, taking another swig. "Not like I have anything riding on whether I graduate or not. Who cares?"

My heart hurt. I felt sad, but for a different reason than the shallow one from earlier. I wished I'd known him sooner in life so that I could help him along the way. To support him when its clear he feels no love. Something I'd never had to endure.

What happens next I blame on being drunk out of my mind and sad for him. Ok... Its also because I'm more than a little attracted to him.

The kissing becomes more intense.

Deeper.

His hands become braver, venturing further.

The timidity I'd abandoned two drinks ago was buried beneath lust that raged through my veins and made my body burn. We manage to move to the alley, concealing such a dirty act from any night owls that might have been out at the time. My heart is beating like a wild animal trying to break free of its cage. And when he presses himself against me, I feel dizzy. I'd never been this close to a guy. Especially not someone I didn't see as a friend. But I wanted him. I wanted more. I needed something other than fabric against fabric, but to actually feel everything.

And then there's that sound again. The one that escaped my lips twice now, that I hadn't made before tonight.

I feel powerful and beautiful when I earn the same sound from him.

Its unromantic having sex against a brick wall. Its not slow and awkward like I imagined my first time would be.

But...

It was how we began.


	17. Truth Or Dare

**Chapter Seventeen: Truth Or Dare**

I haven't been able to work up the nerve to confront Kyo about why he didn't want me to kiss anyone. In some messed up way, I was glad that he actually wanted to stop me. The fact that he actually stepped in and whisked me off like I was his girl and no one else could have me.

I keep doing this to myself. This hoping thing.

I wish I could stop.

Closing the door behind me, I step into the room fully, taking note of the difference. For starters, there were shot glasses and drinks. His pillows were stacked into a configuration on the floor at the foot of his bed, a blanket covered in plates of assorted fruits and chocolate dip. Our playlist is running again, pouring out of the speakers on his beaten bedside table.

I sit cross-legged on his carpet, setting my bag down and retrieving the glass bottle to read its label. It was something we'd had before, ironically enough, it was what we drank the day we met. Its kind of funny to me now that a year ago, I would have never tried to have any. I would have been scared. Terrified about the kind of drunk I might have been. But these days, it doesn't deter me at all. I don't get smashed every time, I sometimes just have it with my food, only getting a little buzzed. But somehow...I knew that wouldn't be the case tonight.

What was he planning?

The bathroom door opens, steam trickling into the room as he steps out, pulling a shirt on over his head as he flicks off the light switch. I smile, clapping a hand over my mouth when he's startled by my 'sudden' appearance. He forces his lips into a snarl, before it melts away into the tiniest of grins as he takes his place next to me.

I tilt the bottle in his direction, batting my eyelashes. "On a bit of a nostalgia trip, are we?"

He snorts, taking it from me and popping the cap off. "I thought you'd like it if we did something different first. Guess I won't be thoughtful next time."

I punch him lightly in the arm, stealing the bottle back and taking a swig. "You're so right. Its the inconsiderate jerks of this world that turn me on the most."

I hand it back to him, watching him take a larger sip and the roll of his throat that follows. After putting the bottle between us, he reaches for his phone, reminding me that I didn't even have his phone number.

But before I can think too much about this, he starts reading from the screen.

"'The rules of this..._sexy_,'" he says, making a face at that word, "'version of truth or dare are simple. You and your partner must accept every truth or dare, or lose a piece of clothing for each one you refuse to take. There is a generator that will randomize the questions and dares, allowing the two of you to not expect what's coming, and keep the game fair.'"

I blink, surprised that _this _was what Kyo decided for us to play. When I look over at him, I notice the pinkness that tints his ears as he avoids meeting my eyes.

"Do you want to play or not?"

I slip the phone out of his hands, settling in for what could make for an eventful night. "Bring it on. Truth or Dare, sweetums?"

This earns the desired affect, snapping him out of his embarrassment and into the zone. "Dare. I'm not a pussy."

I laugh, tapping the button of the generator. "Cute. But I don't believe it for one second, Kitty-Kat."

He rolls his eyes at this, leaning over to see what his challenge would be.

_Drink a mystery brew concocted by the rest of the group. Make sure there is nothing harmful or dangerous in the concoction and set a reasonable limit of sips the person must take to complete the dare._

I break out into a full on grin, giving his phone back before jumping to my feet. "You wait here. I'll go downstairs and make something for you." I start to leave, before a thought occurs to me and I pivot to face him. "You dad's not gonna show up or something, is he?"

Kyo scoffs, tucking his phone into his pocket. "Even if he did, he wouldn't care that you're here." He looks away, mumbling, "He likes you."

My heart gives a stupid little flip at this, but is drowned out by the amusement at the words that come next. "It says nothing harmful. I hope you're not tipsy enough to put poison in it or something."

I wave that away, pulling the door open. "Boy, please. Besides...why would you have poison lying around? You should keep it out of sight so no one knows what hit them."

Before he can give a retort, I run off, making my way into his kitchen to try and figure out what I would give him. I've only been in here that morning he made us breakfast. Otherwise, it was completely unfamiliar. Though it was very masculine, yet somehow, pretty. It was all steel and grey tones, blended with hints of red with sleek black tile floors.

I pop open the black, wooden cabinets to be met with a bunch of spices and seasonings. After almost giving up my search, I resort to the pantry and fridge to find that I hit the jackpot. There was loads of noodles, bananas, fish, milk, potatoes...it was practically endless. I stand on my tip-toes to reach a red paper cup, setting all the ingredients I would need out on the island beside it.

After blending up a mixture of ketchup, soba noodles, seaweed, shitake mushrooms and red bean paste. I figured I might as well go easy on him, because I held the Dare Queen crown and would not ever be dethroned. It was the first round and I didn't want him getting sick. When I finish, I'm feeling fancy, so I put it on a breakfast trey to serve it to him.

As I make the trek upstairs, I laugh at the thought that I was missing a french maid outfit and heels. But I supposed the black dress I had on was a pretty good find in itself.

I push the door open with my foot, kneeling down in front of him and laying it on his lap. "Enjoy. For this dare, I want you to finish at least half. Should be easy, right?"

He takes in the yellow, goopy and solid cocktail, his nose twitching once he gets a whiff of it. "This smells like garbage."

I beam, clapping my hands. "Yum! You're not backing out, are you?"

Instead of taking the bait, he puts it to his lips and angles the cup, hitting the bottom twice so that its contents fall into his mouth. He gags as he sits up, swiping at the remnants on the corner of his mouth.

"What nasty junk is in this?"

I snort, covering my mouth with my hand too late. "What would be the fun in telling you? I had worse than that at my mom's-" _baby shower_. Why did that always happen? My thoughts always seemed to go down that same path.

I swipe the dark brown bottle, taking a large swallow before changing subjects. "My turn. I will take a dare, please."

He pauses at my sudden shift in moods, though he's quick to recover and pick what would be my randomized fate.

_Go outside and yell "I wish I were a monkey so I could scratch my butt without anyone caring" very loudly 5 times._

I cant my head to the side, narrowing my eyes when he smirks at this. "You're not serious are you?"

He shrugs. "If you turn it down, you lose your dress. That's the rule."

I give a put-upon sigh, taking another drink of beer and standing up on slightly wobbly legs. "Are you gonna film me doing this? If you do, I'll have to end you."

He follows me out the door, laughing at my misery. "I didn't think of that. But it sounds like a good idea to me."

I swat at him when he goes for his phone, a bit scared that he might actually do it, as we stop in the middle of the street. The last I checked, it was a little after midnight. I wasn't sure if I was more concerned about waking someone up or humiliated of what I would say.

I cup my hands around my mouth, ignoring how Kyo's shoulders are shaking with his chuckles at my expense.

"I wish I were a monkey so I could scratch my butt without anyone caring!" I yell at the top of my lungs, irritated at the length of the statement and the meaning.

I glance at him, sticking out my lip. "Please don't make me do the rest."

He puts his hands on his hips. "I didn't know you wanted to strip down that badly. All you had to do was say so and we could have stayed in my room."

Pfft. No matter how bad it gets, I refuse to forfeit a dare.

I boost myself up by standing on my toes once more, repeating the phrase four more times.

"I wish I were a monkey so I could scratch my butt without anyone caring!"

"I wish I were a monkey so I could scratch my butt without anyone caring!"

"I wish I were a monkey so I could scratch my butt without anyone caring!"

"I wish I were a monkey so I could scratch my butt without anyone caring!"

My voice feels a little sore and sounds hoarse by the end, but I didn't care. That is, until another voice called out into the dark of the night.

"Shut up! I'm trying to sleep here! Don't make me call the cops."

Kyo and I take that as our cue, rushing back into the house and upstairs. And I giggle as I trip, only being caught by him at the last second to avoid breaking my neck with my fall. He drags me the rest of the way to keep a secure hold on my hand, not bothering to release it until we sit back down.

"Do you have a death wish or something?" He pants, laying on his back and pressing the heel of his palms to his eyes.

I poke him in the ribs, attempting to slow my breathing. "Its not my fault. I didn't pick it. Let's come back to dares and do a truth. Its up to you because its your turn, though."

He removes his hands from his eyes, giving a small nod. "Fine. You gotta get my phone to ask me one."

My eyebrow lifts at this. "You want me to reach into your pocket and get it?"

"What's the matter with that?"

Nothing. I honestly didn't know what the big deal was, either.

I bend over Kyo, sticking my hand into his front pocket only to come back with a ball of pocket lint. Upon realizing this, I look to him in question. And...he smirks.

"Wrong pocket. Try the other one."

I breathe a sigh of relief. I thought it would be in his back pocket or something. It shouldn't be a problem for me considering what we do, but things felt different now. I was more nervous when it came to being close to him.

_Thump. Thump._

I move to his other pocket, putting one leg over him, about to lift the other.

_Thump. Thump._

But he takes my waist in his hands, leaving me in a straddle over his hips.

_Thump. Thump. Thump._

I try to pay no mind to the sound of my own heartbeat, retrieving the phone at last, only to be stopped from getting up.

"It'd be a lot more fun if you read it from my lap."

Oh. My. Gosh. Was he trying to kill me?

I act as if his words and my position don't affect me, complying with his request.

_Do you enjoy rough or slow sex?_

Wow. Apparently, whoever came up with this wanted to take me out too.

His face twists up into a look of contemplation, like he's actually thinking over a scholar-level question. His hands slide from my waist to my thighs, spreading them wider so that I'm flush against him.

"Both. But you knew that."

I blush, suddenly not wanting to get up. "Uh-huh."

His gaze collides with mine, followed by the upturn of his lips. "But rough...and hard is better."

Even though I refused to comment on it, it happened to be something I agreed with him on.

I shake my head to clear it. "My turn. I'll do a truth." And I hope I don't regret it.

I pass the phone back to him and he starts the roulette. After a few seconds of agony, my question is revealed.

_Have you ever faked an orgasm with me?_

I'll admit that the Gina in me was tempted to not say anything. But the Kitty that I became was excited and fearless. I wouldn't back down because of something like that.

"Nope," I say confidently, playing with the hem of his shirt. "Every single one was real. If there's one thing I have to say, you know how to make a girl feel good."

And he wasn't about to trip me up tonight.

He shifts beneath me, letting a smile cross his lips. "I'll do a dare."

_Close your eyes and send a blind text to a random person._

He scoffs. "That's nothing." He brings up the messenger on his phone, closing his eyes and selecting a person to send it to without knowing. After picking one, he types out an unknown group of letters and wiggles his thumb until landing on the send button.

He opens his eyes and, I kid you not, he looks aghast.

Mortified.

I feel like I've been dying of curiosity by the time I get a chance to see what he did.

He ended up texting Yuki, of all people.

_ **Io wany to seee you** _

** _I want to see you._ **

I tumble off Kyo as I break out into laughter, holding my sides as I let loose all the humor I've been holding in most of the night. He fumes and stutters, hurrying to tell Yuki to disregard it as I do what I can to compose myself.

Eventually, the truths and dares are flying as we finish off the first bottle.

_What is your biggest turn off in a partner?_

_What is the first thing you look for in a guy/girl?_

_How was your first kiss?_

And then some of them are more silly than others.

"Have you ever owned a stuffed animal?" Kyo reads, pouring another portion into a shot glass.

Laughter bubbles out of me unbidden. "Yeah. I like to sleep with a kitty, these days."

He smiles despite himself, trading the phone for another drink. "You would say something like that, dummy. I'll do another dare."

"Ok...it says to turn on your partner without touching them." My eyebrows draw together as I try to make sense of what seems muddled. "What the heck does that even mean?"

Instead of being confused or miffed, Kyo leans forward on his hands and knees, brushing his lips against my ear. "It means that I have to turn you on with my words. Talking dirty about how badly I want to be inside you right now."

I shiver, drawing my lip between my teeth. "Really?"

He sits back on his heels, recalling the rules. "On my bed, the table...against the wall...in the shower." An almost smug smile plays along lips I was aching to kiss. "Until you can't help but moan my name, long after we're done." He inches closer, my eyes falling shut as the scent of spice fills my nose. "To give it to you until you leave marks on my back because of how good I feel."

I squirm, fighting myself. "My turn," I say, my voice coming out more breathless than I'd planned.

I choose a truth. Something that might get us to go in a safe direction. But my heart almost stops when I find out that its no such thing.

_What was your childhood nickname?_


	18. Gina

**Chapter Eighteen: Gina**

_What was your childhood nickname?_

The sound of Kyo's voice seemed to condemn me to a guillotine, because I knew it would cut off and destroy everything I worked hard to build. He barely accepted the confident, fun, assertive persona I wore. Not only would he distrust me after finding out I've been lying to him this whole time about who I am. But he would hate me.

He has trust issues.

What if I make him worse?

I climb off of him, telling him that I need to stop to go to the bathroom. I do it to buy myself the time to collect myself and make my decision. Because I would have to turn down the truth or spill it.

What was the best decision?

Once I enter his bathroom, I close the door and lock it.

I feel lightheaded and nauseous so I hurry to the toilet, getting down on my knees and lifting the seat. I breathe in and out through my nose several times to will the feeling to pass. It didn't help that I probably drank too much on top of it all. By the time I stop myself from erupting and losing my dinner, I flip the seat back down before making my way to the sink.

He would hate me.

I just know it.

I shake my head a few times, stopping when I get dizzy, and lean down to splash cold water in my face. When I look back at my reflection...I realize that I just made my not-so waterproof makeup run.

I looked like a jacked up raccoon!

Instead of panicking, I rinse the rest off until there's nothing but my bare face. Maybe it was a sign; to stop pretending and to face him as myself. But...who was I without 'Kitty'?

I lean forward, placing my hands on the counter for support.

I see the freckles that dot my nose; the very ones I concealed up with foundation.

The black 'beauty mark' on my cheek that I'd kept hidden.

The bright green eyes that were covered by contacts that helped me see, and prevented me from having to wear glasses.

I wasn't a spectacular beauty without paint masking my blemishes and flaws. I was just an ordinary, average looking person that would get dumped for someone better. Someone whom did more and had assets worth talking about.

Not plain old Gina.

I close my eyes, taking in another breath of air before releasing it. The only times he's ever seen me like this were in the shower. Why was I so scared now?

After turning out the lights and unlocking the door, I step out and close it behind me. I take my sweet time closing the distance between us. And he stares at me the entire way over, making me more and more nervous by the second. I take a seat a foot away from him and never lift my eyes. I wasn't as confident or sure of myself like this.

It was weird.

"You want to know what my nickname was?" I ask, not louder than a mumble. "Are you sure that you want to hear my answer?"

"What's the big deal? Your name is Kitty. Why should an easy question like that matter?"

I hoped something would interrupt so that I'd never have to do this. But I had to come clean some day. I can't keep hiding from someone I like just because I'm afraid of what might happen.

Easier said than done.

"I've had a lot of nicknames," I begin, looking everywhere else. "Ina, G, Gin, GG, Geen...but the one you know me by is Kitty." I pick at the material of my dress to divert my focus from the impact my words were having on him, to focus on getting them out. "My real name is Gina. I'm not a party girl. I don't drink - or, that used to be the case. And-" I pause, knowing the next part was the hardest to admit. "I've never had sex before you. I'm...I'm sorry I never said as much."

I really am.

The room is drowned in painful silence. Silence that makes me want to run and hide and escape. It was unbearable. It was scary. When I finally manage to face him, I realize he was already looking at me. He just wasn't saying anything.

His red eyes are blazing fiercely with confusion and betrayal and hurt. They're shining with anger and intensity. Instead of reaching for his hand like I knew would be a bad idea, I get up and gather my things. I take the bottle I'd been drinking out of and cram it into my bag, preparing to go find some place to drink alone and punish myself for making such a dumb mistake a year ago.

At the end of the day, it doesn't matter if he hates me.

I hate me.

I close the door behind me. And I'm struck with the cold, hard truth that he didn't stop me this time. He was going to let me walk out of his life after all the times we've shared a bed, gotten to know each other's bodies and eventually some of our thoughts. And I should have seen it coming that he'd only ever see me as something to bone and move on from. To keep him busy because he didn't have anyone better.

I blink quickly to push back tears, holding onto the wall to keep from tripping on the stairs as I carry my shoes in my free hand.

It was over.

Fridays would be just Fridays from now on. Another day of the week instead of the break from reality I looked forward to. They'd be empty again. Like my family and my house.

And its in that exact moment that everything comes crashing down on me. I accidentally skip the last step and fall to the wood floor, my knees slamming into the ground as tears pour out of my eyes and down my cheeks. I quickly search my bag for something to numb this pain. Because this wasn't my idea of feeling. And if I couldn't forget it all in Kyo, I'd have to fill my insides with beer until I couldn't hold any more.

I put the bottle to my lips, knocking back a desperate amount before I stand on weak legs and remove the deadbolt from the door. Heat from the alcohol floods my body as I struggle to open the front door and balance the bottle with my shoes in the other hand. But before I can slink outside, a tanned hand pushes firmly on the door, slamming it shut. I gasp and stumble backwards, falling on my butt as I stare up at the boy towering over me. I tremble as what I took to be frustration gives way to concern when he crouches in front of me. His sienna eyes rake over me until he comes across my knees that were reddening from my fall.

He scoops me up in his arms, leaving my shoes and the bottle and my bag at the door. He carries me up sixteen steps and past the final one I'd staggered over. After setting me down on his bed, he rummages through his nightstand drawer until he finds a first aid kit. He kneels between my legs, taking one in his calloused hand to set on his thigh. After squirting a decent amount of antiseptic gel, he rubs it between his fingers before smearing it over the parts of my kneecap that hurt the most. A hiss passes between my teeth, but I don't try to leave. I don't know what made him help me, I had no right to be hoping for a second chance. But I was not willing to say no to him because of that sliver of hope I clung too.

He repeats his actions on my other leg before bandaging both and putting the plastic kit behind him. Instead of distancing himself, he rises up so that we're eye to eye from his position on his knees, his other hands sliding underneath my legs to sling over his hips. His lips part as if he wants to say something, though he changes course and presses his lips against mine. He draws back by a centimeter, his breaths washing over my lips in calmer waves.

"We can do it two ways. We can go back to just screwing and leaving when its over. Or, we can pick up where we left off." He shrugs, his lips roaming down my neck before making their mark on my collarbone. "Even if you aren't really named Kitty, it doesn't change what you're like. You still sound the same and feel the same. And...when you told me about your Aunt, when we were at the hospital, or your place, and you asked me to stay. You were still yourself."

I exhale, gripping the sheets behind me as he kisses his way back up and meets my eyes again.

"What does that have to do with what we do?"

"Everything, Kyo," I say, putting my hands up between us to create space. "I'd feel like I'd been played a fool if it were the other way around. We're not..." I close my eyes, trying to find the right words and stop my head from swimming. "We're not sober. Not a good time to talk about this."

His eyes grow sad and he appears lost, before he covers it up with a smirk. "Who said anything about talking?" He moves my legs to his shoulders and I have to move my hands back to the bed to keep upright. "That wasn't what we agreed to do. As long as you don't talk, I'll stay. Remember?"

He was hurt.

He wasn't gonna allow himself to be close to me again; his guard would never be knocked down again.

And it was all my fault.

He kisses up the length of my leg until he reaches my inner thigh. My body shivers under the attention, though I know nothing is the same.

When an hour has gone by, we clean up and he walks out his door. I follow him out, feeling sore and shaky and run down from tonight. He tosses my bag in my direction and I just barely catch it, faltering a step from the sudden weight. He doesn't bother taking the bottle back when I slip into my shoes. He doesn't offer to walk me home and his lips haven't met mine since he reinstated our rules. With no certainty or promise of another Friday, of an opening to bare more than our bodies, but our souls, he turns around and heads upstairs. I once again open his front door and close it behind me. After making my exit, I hobble home, having a hard time in my shoes.

The moment the heel of my shoe gets caught on the gravel, I yank it off my foot, then the other. And I go home without so much as a backward glance.

...

That was the scenario I envisioned; the one that might unfold if I went so far as to tell him everything.

But no, I was still seated on top of him, from where he was waiting for my answer. I gnaw on my lip as I wrestle with everything that could go horribly wrong until it feels like my head will explode.

I let out a breath until I feel spent, and give him a response.

"I've had a lot of nicknames," I begin, looking everywhere else. "Ina, G, Gin, GG, Geen...but the one you know me by is Kitty."

He gives a pause of consideration, his eyes going back and forth between mine. But eventually, he just shrugs.

"Okay. A lot of people go by their nicknames." He passes his phone back to me, folding his hands behind his head. "I'll do another dare."

Um...

I hadn't thought of that, actually. I just assumed the worst.

Nothing was going to crash and burn tonight.

As I set it up for his next challenge, I've made up my mind. I would tell him everything down the road. It might sound dishonest, it might feel wrong. But if I show him myself, one fragment at a time, I'll be able to say something then.

I just hope this won't blow up in my face because I waited.


	19. Bonding & Bubbles

**Chapter Nineteen: Bonding & Bubbles**

Sports day was the following Monday, but I had an anatomy/physiology test to study for in the meantime. I won't lie and say that I'm not thankful for the break between the test and tonight, because it would give me time to relax before completing something that was a huge part of my grade.

And I was more than excited to be competing against Uo and Kyo in different events.

Since it was just a Thursday, I decided to make a change of pace and go to the nearest cafe' to see if the jazz music and the ambiance would help to jog my memory and make recalling material easier.

I break out my mechanical pencil to jot down information on flashcards, only to be stopped by a sudden voice from beside me.

"Excuse me, Miss?"

I whip around in my seat, coming face to face with a man that looked to be in his late twenties.

"A gentleman left a bouquet of flowers for you," he explains, his tone rich and smooth.

"Flowers?"

He hands me a blow glass vase, created with purples and reds and oranges. The flowers themselves are multiple colors and breeds, carrying the scent of their natural perfume.

He bows to make his exit, but I manage to stop him in his tracks when I ask who sent them.

"He wishes to remain anonymous. I apologize for any inconveniences, but I must respect his choice."

A secret admirer, huh?

After the man leaves, I rifle through my bag for my phone. If there was one thing I learned, it was the fact that flowers had meaning. I just had to research the colors and quantity to figure out more about this mystery person.

After scouring the internet for ten minutes, I manage to decode the message I received.

Three red roses signified "You and me and our love for company." There was an almost fuchsia colored flower known as the Dog Rose. It represented pleasure and pain. A burgundy rose symbolizing unconscious beauty was bound to an orange rose of energy, and a yellow one to show a display of friendship. A sweet pea would normally be offered after sharing a wonderful moment that would become a wonderful memory. There was a Queen Anne's Lace to say things were complicated, tied to an Orchid that expressed an exotic beauty. Gratuitous pink carnations mixed with yellow Chrysanthemums and Geraniums were strung together with a purple ribbon.

If I didn't know any better, I'd think it was from Kyo based on my research of what was bought. But I quickly ruled that out, chalking it up to wishful thinking. Not to mention, he wasn't the sentimental or sweep-you-off-your-feet type. That only leaves the other Sohma I've encountered because they seemed to know me. I guess I'll just have to wait and see.

...

Its the smack middle of October, which meant freezing our butts off just enough for someone to throw a hot tub party. I may or may not have convinced myself to go with the thought of reward for my studies, and to soothe my muscles in preparation of boxing practice and sports day. We were on the rooftop of an apartment complex, and as I took in the setup, I noticed that hot chocolate was being served and a shuffled playlist was streaming poolside. I find a nearby multicolored pool chair, setting my bag down and removing my towel from around my torso. I move my hands to my back to double check the knot of my bikini is secure, before I make my way to our group.

The boy with the black and white hair is seated on the edge, holding hands with a brunette who looked on edge. The blonde boy is splashing about, only to be yelled at by Kyo while Yuki kept to himself in the corner. Hanajima opts to only dangle her feet in the water and read from a dark book. And I'm distracted by all of this to the point I jump five feet into the air when Tohru and Uo suddenly appear beside me.

"Nice stud," Uo says, referring to my navel piercing.

I smile. "Thanks. Matches the one in my eyebrow, doesn't it?"

Tohru nods instead, her bright eyes filling with wonder. "Its so cute! I like your swimsuit. Its very daring."

I look down at my red two piece, liking that for once, it seemed to agree with my skin tone and figure. "Thank you. I like yours too," I say, pointing at her creme' bathing suit with ruffles.

She blushes, shuffling away to slip into the water where Yuki is, and Uo isn't far behind. I go in the opposite direction, climbing into the tub behind Kyo, sinking into the water as silently as I can manage. He's occupied with engaging in a splash war with the blonde boy, so I take the opportunity to pounce on his back and wrap my legs around him to hold myself up.

He starts flailing his arms, before steadying himself and glaring at me over his shoulder. "What are you doing?"

I mock pout, nuzzling his cheek with my nose. "Jumping on your back. Duh."

He rolls his eyes, trudging to the interior edge before sitting down, forcing me to slide off his back and into the water. "Well stop it. I'm sore."

I smirk, resting an elbow on his shoulder. "Sorry. I didn't know that I caused you so much damage." He didn't act like the scratch marks I left on him hurt _that _much.

"Ha. Ha. Its from sparring. Trust me, if anyone would be sore by the end of the night, it would be you." A smirk of his own graces his lips. "I'm surprised you can walk straight after last time."

I instinctively cross my legs, scowling. "I'm surprised you can keep your hands to yourself after you saw the last thing I wore. How are you going to handle me tonight?"

He swallows, folding his arms across his chest and turning away as if my words roll off of him. But, he looks at me out of his peripherals. And I feel a little smug when I realize my victory.

I open my legs so that he's between them, and I wrap my arms around him to bring him closer to me. And adrenaline kicks into overdrive because I was actually holding him. I was embracing him in public. And...he hasn't pushed me away.

I bury my face into his back, smiling and kissing his already sun kissed skin. He tenses a little at this. But the rigidity eventually subsides, and he intertwines our hands from where they are against his stomach. And I let myself imagine that all of this is real and not some performance put on for the sake of rubbing it in his rival's face; that he wasn't trying to fill the hole Tohru's choice left in him. Because, the idea of that hurt less.

"Hey, do you guys want to play a game?" The blonde boy asks, waving his hands to grab our attention. "Water Tag and Marco Polo sound fun!"

Kyo scoffs. "How can we play Marco Polo when there's this many people?"

The boy cries, "You don't have to be so mean Kyo!"

Yuki clucks his tongue, shaking his head. "I'm more astounded by the fact he can actually count that high in the first place."

Kyo snarls, and I feel the rumble of the sound throughout his entire being. "Butt out, girly boy. Shouldn't you be at home with your inhaler or something?"

"What an un-clever and ignorant retort," Yuki says. "My asthma is under control, but I have nothing to prove to you. My record of winning fights against you speaks volumes."

Kyo's grip on my hand tightens a fraction. "Dumb rat."

"Stupid cat."

"Pretentious jerk."

"For a moron, your vocabulary isn't lacking in the way that I expected. Though I certainly won't continue to stoop to your level."

Before Kyo can get out another word edgewise, its Uo that speaks up next.

"Both of you, cut it out! So help me if I get arrested a third time-"

"He started it," Kyo breaks in, slipping out of my hold.

"You're both being idiots! I don't care who started this. We came here to have fun before exams and sports day. If you don't get your acts together, I will boot you out. Are we clear?"

The two turn their backs on one another, though they both manage a small noise of agreement to behave.

"Animals! Honestly," she huffs, blowing a strand of hair out of her eyes. "You two were just starting to tolerate each other last year. I don't get you."

But I did.

I've decided that ignorance really is bliss when it comes to matters outside of an operating room or a boxing ring.

I awkwardly clasp my hands together in my lap, forcing myself to stay put and put on a smile. Because I was not going to show him that I knew he lost Tohru to Yuki. I wasn't going to show how I felt towards him, and how much I wished he'd have met me first so there would be less baggage on both sides.

Thankfully, I'm saved from my thoughts when the idea comes up to play a game of 'Never Have I Ever' until someone came up with something else to do. The rules of the game were to hold up both hands, putting a finger down if you did something the question called for. Sometimes people made it into a drinking game, but that didn't bode well with some of our group.

"I'll ask the first question," Hanajima offers, gently closing her book with the smallest of snaps. "Never have I ever...eaten an animal of any kind."

Everyone puts a finger down but Hanajima and the girl that's kept silent the duration of us being here. I think I've figured out that the blonde is Momiji and the taller one is Hatsuharu, because everyone knew the Sohmas. I just don't know her name...

"I feel bad now," Tohru muses, bowing her head. "I never really thought about what those poor animals go through for us to eat them. Maybe I should become vegan like you, Saki and Rin."

Rin spares a look in her direction, shrugging her shoulders. "Its a personal choice you make for yourself. Don't let someone else sway your opinions." Her eyebrow lifts in emphasis. "I would think you're smarter than that."

She swims over to Rin, taking the resistant girl's hand in her own. "Thank you for your kind words, Rin." Her eyes practically sparkle with awe as she expresses her gratitude.

Momiji bounces up and down, and it looks funny because he wasn't that short being in his third year and all. "My turn! Never have I ever skipped school."

I put a finger down, noticing that Kyo, Hatsuharu, Rin, Uo, and _Yuki_ follow suit.

Momiji looks as shocked as I feel. "_Yuki_? You played hooky? But...you're the school's president!"

Panic shows in his expression, a split second before he commands a blank look on his face. "It was due to an asthma attack. We were running and I was already feeling sick, so I was brought home."

Kyo smirks. "I think you mean _carried _home. By Haru of all people."

Hatsuharu slaps Kyo upside the head. "I suggest you quit while you're ahead, Kyo."

"You can't talk about anyone else when you texted me, 'on accident,'" Yuki says.

Hatsuharu chuckles. "Your eyes say no, but your texts say yes?" His lips draw up into a cocky little grin, at Kyo's expense.

As if sensing the fight that was brewing, Tohru chooses that moment to ask the next one. "Never have I ever burned a meal."

Everyone but Tohru and I put a finger down, showing just how many people overcooked their dishes.

"You cook?" Kyo asks, pointedly at me.

I nod. "From time to time when I don't want to eat takeout. You know about my aunt and the food she makes?"

"Yeah."

"Well, she taught me a few things. The basics like scrambling eggs, boiling rice, and grilling fish so that I didn't starve and die. Or get fat because of the food we eat most of the time."

He swims back so that he's near me again, seemingly interested in what more I have to say. "I could...I mean, I could teach you how to make rice balls. And other things, if you don't know how." He looks in the opposite direction, his cheeks becoming a light shade of pink.

"Aw," I purr, winding my arms around his waist again. I can't help but laugh when he tries to shake me off like a cat in a bath as the next question is asked.

...

Its around midnight when we head back to Kyo's room. I'd always wondered about where his dad went on these days, only to discover that he often attended and helped out with martial arts expos and things of the like. He was out of town Friday evenings to Saturday evenings, which is why the house is empty tonight.

I plop down on his bed, easing out of my wedges and letting them drop to the carpet. After Kyo tosses his things into his closet, he retrieves a orange washable marker from his pencil holder, taking a seat against his pillows. He beckons me to his lap with a come-hither gesture that makes me feel amused and bubbly at the same time. I spread my legs on either side of his hips, watching as he uncaps his marker to doodle on my thigh.

"Kyo!" I gasp, squirming when the marker tickles my skin. "You better not be drawing anything inappropriate."

He laughs at this, his sienna eyes shining with entertainment. "Who even talks like that?"

I cross my arms, narrowing my eyes. "Me, obviously." But when I look back down, I become aware of what he's drawing on my left leg. He's forming the details of the bones that would be there. And much to my surprise, the final product turns out to be extremely accurate and well done. Considering the fact that I dream of becoming a doctor, I have to say, that its the hottest thing he's ever done.

"Where did you learn this?" I inquire, marveling at the fact it only took half an hour to complete this art piece. "I had no idea that you have a creative side."

He pumps his fist. "I worked hard to be able to do martial arts. Drawing is an art form that requires practice, like fighting does." His hand drops down, moving to my other thigh and ridding the marker of its cap once again. "I like tagging the best. I don't usually tell people about my art, though...you probably think its lame."

I'm quick to shake my head. "Are you kidding? My mom is an artist. And I honestly think its one of the best things. Right after...medical stuff."

He finishes making the strokes on my leg that create his name, before facing me. "You're actually into this sort of thing?"

"More than a little," I mumble, observing the way he writes his name on my kneecap, and back up. "If you're lame, then that makes me just as bad."

He surrenders to the truth in my statement, capturing my lips in a slow kiss. And it gets my heartbeat worked up despite how relaxed the motion was. And I feel disappointed when he returns his attention back to my leg.

After he writes his name all over my thigh, he lays a trail of hot, wet kisses over the masterpiece he made out of me, filling the room with the sounds of his lips against my skin. I lift my hips, allowing him to peel off the bottom of my bikini and throw it elsewhere. He climbs up and hovers his body over mine before gradually bringing it against me. I sigh in bliss as the pressure builds of what only he could relieve, and I take his hand in my own. I bring one finger into my mouth, sucking it and keeping my eyes locked with his. I fight my smile when he starts sliding that one digit back and forth into my mouth, beginning to time his hips to the same rhythm. I moan around his finger to send vibrations through him and he dips his head to pull at my ear with his teeth. I remove his finger from between my lips with a pop, starting to meet his hips and match his pace to make him feel what I did.

It isn't long before I feel like I'm going crazy because of the fact he was still mostly dressed. And I wanted him as physically as I did emotionally. I use my foot to drag his black swim trunks down his hip, only to belatedly realize that it was the only thing he was really wearing. When he brings me against him another time, I waste no time helping him out of his clothes, and kicking it off to the side. I give him a naughty smile as he lowers himself over me, nothing remaining but the two of us. And he gives me a smile right back when he gets a genuine moan to pass my lips.

"Kyo," I pant, shuddering in anticipation. "_Yes_."

He fuses his lips to my lips, groaning into my mouth. "Tell me what you want."

I try to talk, but I find it hard with every sensation I'm feeling. How turned on I am by how perfectly his body seemed to fit with mine. How much I craved that sexy tone of his voice. How much I loved that I made him feel good and smile. But I somehow manage to gather my words, anyway.

"I want you."

He drives his hips against mine, forcing a whimper from me. "Louder."

My body sings with his words and the look in his eyes. "I want you." My hand comes to rest in his hair, as the other moves to the sheets beneath us. "I want you to give it to me like you think about being inside me all day. Show me how badly you want me."

His hands inch upward, rubbing dizzying circles into my skin. "Yeah?"

"Yes." I look at him through my eyelashes, a grin tugging at my lips. "How do you want me?"

His hair looks like a gorgeous mess as he slows his movements, removing my hand from his hair to the bed. And he joins our hands together, holding them above my head as his lips reconcile with mine. "Just like this. You're beautiful this way."

My heart speeds up, my breath catching. "Beneath you?"

He smiles against my mouth, before he traces my lips with his tongue. "You're beautiful when you're with me, in my bed."

But not outside of it.

I pretend like this is the sexiest thing I've ever heard, taking his tongue into my mouth and causing vibrations to fill me as he goes deep. And I'm reminded of all the moments that he's been gentle and affectionate towards me, only to realize that none of it meant anything. That it would never go anywhere.

I just don't know how much longer I can be satisfied with fractions of Kyo, instead of having all of him.

When did sex get so complicated?


	20. Lost Childhood

**Chapter Twenty: Lost Childhood**

"Babe, can you lower the lights a little? Its kind of bright," I say, earning myself a surprised laugh from Kyo.

"Babe?" He bristles, not unlike a cat being declawed. "Since when do we do pet names?"

I shrug, biting my lip. "I don't know. I was just...trying something out."

He leans over me to adjust the lamp's brightness, before returning to his former position of being flat on his back. "You're in a weird mood."

Huh.

I guess I was...

It was strange considering how snappy we can get with each other. But, I felt just a little bit closer to him tonight. Being let in on his hidden passion for art and his knowledge of the body. I'm sure there was a joke in there somewhere.

"I think I'm..." _Happy? Content?_ "...Relaxed." I smile, throwing a leg over his and snuggling into his side. "Sex is a double edged sword for me. It mellows me out or makes me really hungry."

He shakes his head, his thumb stroking the length of my arm. "Maybe we should do this for the warm up of our next fight," he suggests offhandedly, smirking. "I used to think taking girls on was stupid."

"Hm. Not your type?"

He pinches my hip again. "No. I always thought girls would just get hurt and cry, which I hate. I can't handle it when girls cry. But-"

He turns so that he faces me on his side, his hand grasping my hip in a firm but harmless hold. "Now, when its you...its..."

I hold my breath, waiting for him to get the words out.

"Sexy," he says at last, ducking his head to hide his expression. "It makes me crazy when you stand up to me dressed like you are..."

I tilt his chin with a finger, a smile tugging at the lips he'd kissed until they were sore. "You think I'm hot when I'm mad at you?"

His hand maneuvers from my hip to the small of my back, bringing my body closer to his. "Don't make me say it..."

But I feel brave. Excited.

Kyo's eyes adopt a winter's apple shade, as if they reflected the brilliant vermillion that normally stained the lips he'd come to crave over our year in each other's beds.

His hands grip the white sheets beside by head, as if holding back something that desired to break loose.

The tantalizing scent of arousal and spices punched through the air of restraint I'd desperately tried to maintain. Though it only served to further permeate the atmosphere with an indescribable energy that I could feel with every push and pull of our bodies. His eyes flamed and incinerated me with each forbidden pass over my skin, drinking in every last inch and curve and naked surface until he looked to be in an impenetrable trance.

I thread my fingers through his sunset hair to dare him to make his claim over me with his lips and his tongue, exhaling against his mouth when his hand traces his name and down my calf. Even though we just screwed, I wanted him to do me again. And again.

It was risky how far I was plummeting in the depths of my feelings for someone that would never return them. But if I can't have his heart, I'll have his body. And I'll give him both.

The suction of his lips against the hollow of my neck make my eyes roll back as my head is sent careening into a tailspin. He continues targeting all my hotspots, like he memorized and knew them as he did the back of his hand. He refuses to pull any of his punches; he strikes with a force that threatens to knock me off balance when he graces me with searing, intoxicating heat.

Catching me off guard, he flips me over so that I'm on my stomach, and he takes me captive from above me. His hands venture down to press mine into the mattress as he continues to roam over the expanse of my shoulder and down my back.

I tuck my toes into the bed to ground me as a cross between a moan and a sigh leave my lips in a rush of air. He hovers above me as if he's hiding my secrets in his shadow, hiding me from himself. Like he was trying to shield himself from the truth staring him in the face of how vulnerable we both were.

"Kitty," he says, his voice rough as it races across what little distance is between us. "How do you do this to me?"

I'm unable to respond, because somehow he'd edged even closer during that brief statement. And what he says next strikes me dumb.

"What's really your name?" He asks, taking my earlobe between his teeth and rolling his hips. "I want to call you by your real name."

"Why?" I manage, my heart thumping with the panic hammering through my veins.

"Because...ah, screw it! I'm just gonna say it. When I climax, I want to moan _your_ name, dummy. Not the one you gave me."

_Whoa._

When his hand slips between my legs, I inhale sharply, almost forgetting what he'd just requested of me.

"Tell me," he coaxes, making my mind slip when he accelerates his pace. "I've been thinking about it since last week."

"Gina," I breathe out, before dominating like last time and getting on top of him. "That's my name."

He smirks at this, his eyes darkening as they catalog everything he sees. "Really?"

"Yeah," I confirm, pressing my lips against his neck for a change, eliciting a groan. "But now it's my turn to ask something…"

"What?"

"You like it when it's just me and you, circling each other in the ring?"

He pauses at this, like he's considering my words.

"You like seeing me hot and wet, dripping in sweat?" I go on, in the mood for teasing. There's the smallest hitch in his breath when I bite his shoulder, soothing the sting with my tongue. "You like working out with me until you can't help but want to work me?" I continue, feeling strange and courageous for taking the lead in our not so innocent talk. Like I was having an out-of-body experience.

My hand moves to cup his cheek, bringing him forward so that his lips are nearly on mine. "That's why you wanted me after our first match...why you needed me to ride you. Right?" I ask, finding it harder to speak as arousal stirs and I lose my breath. "Because I turned you on, didn't I Kyo?"

"Gina," he growls, crushing our lips together to make pleasure head off pain. Before I know it, I'm hurled into the throes of desire, and the only alphabet I know is K-Y-O as we share in dirty sensations until I can't think.

...

We end up entangled in one another.

When you're this close to another human being, a lot of things get confused. You think their heartbeat is yours. There's so many scents and colors and sensations that you can't recognize the source of them all. And you begin to lose yourself in the way it feels to be so intimately close that the differences between you grow blurred with each shared breath of air. And all of this both made my heart ache and repair as I lied on top of him, skin-to-skin.

Now that the former need was dying out, all that was left was just us; just us and our thoughts and everything wrong about how right it felt to be together like this. And everything comes to a standstill when I think to bring up the flowers someone sent me.

Maybe I wanted to gauge his reaction. But I also wanted to be absolutely sure it couldn't be him. But then...maybe it was nothing but a random act of kindness and my imagination was running away with me.

"Hey, what'd you get that scar from anyway?" Kyo asks, gesturing to the injury that ran from my thigh to my calf.

Before he runs his fingertips along that reminder, I know exactly what he's referring to. And every time I thought about the story behind _that _scar...I always felt like closing myself off and shutting down. But if I wanted _us _to go anywhere, to get to know each other better, then I had to give just as much as I took.

"It was back then when I was in middle school. And...there was this guy that shoved me into the lockers. Its something I don't like to talk about, and its something that just never healed." I try to shrug it off like there's nothing more to tell, leaning into him, only to have him pull away.

"Don't," he says, moving to a seated position. "Who was the idiot that did that to you?"

I follow suit in sitting up, resting my weight against the headboard. "He was someone that used to push me around all the time. He didn't like that I made better grades than him..." which is why I started hiding my intelligence. "You know how we receive markings and we get ranked?"

He nods.

"Well, I was top of the class and he was second best. He got...so _pissed _that I'd beat him. Because his dad came down on him for not going above and beyond in all that he does. So, he pushed me." I pull the blanket up so that it sits higher up on my chest. "And I thought it would only happen that one time. But, he never stopped trying to hurt me and I didn't want to fight him."

"Didn't you know kickboxing?"

"Yeah," I admit, running my hands down my face. "I feel _so _stupid for it now. The way I froze when push came to shove and it was time for me to put my training into practice. That's why I fight so hard to not let anybody have control over me now."

He seems at a loss for words, because he doesn't say anything for awhile. And when I look over at him, he's just watching the rain fall from outside the window. Listening to the sound of branches smacking against the glass intermittently. When his hand brushes against mine...I decide to take another brave step tonight.

But before I can, his hand covers my smaller one.

And it makes what happened feel a little less painful. Kind of like that blue plush I once had.

"You remind me of a stuffed penguin I used to own," I say, starting to smile.

"What are you even talking about?"

"When I was first...getting bullied, I would come home from school with scratches and bruises. My mom would be heartbroken and she'd ask what was wrong. I couldn't tell her that all those times I spent training meant nothing."

My smile fades with the memory.

"Or the fact I started taking classes because I was angry about the divorce. The only real option I felt I had was to keep quiet until that boy moved away. To keep my weak moments as much a secret as possible. But..." I look at him again, finding an ounce of strength when he meets my eyes. "Word got out. And when it did, my mom bought me a stuffed penguin to try and cheer me up. It became something more of a punching bag that brought comfort to me on a lot of nights. And it kept me from quitting boxing altogether."

He sighs, resting his head on top of mine. "People are stupid."

I smile a little. "Not _all _of them."

"He shouldn't have gotten away with that. If I saw him do that to you, I...I..."

I tilt my head to look up at him. "You'd?"

I witness the debate going on through his eyes. How much he's struggling and fighting himself, before he finally decides to say nothing more on it. "Never mind...forget I said anything."

...

I wake second, following Kyo's lead in heading to the bathroom to get ready for the rest of the day. I rummage through the lilac handbag I always store my traveling toothpaste and makeup in, plucking my purple brush from our shared toothbrush holder. He turns on his heel to grab his razor from the shower and a can of shaving cream, popping the top off and squeezing the nozzle to pour a portion into his palm. I carry on in running the bristles of my toothbrush under the water, aware that Kyo was smearing white foam over his cheeks and chin, oblivious to what he was actually using.

The realization stops me dead in my tracks, and I clap a hand over my mouth to stifle the snort that comes out without permission.

He pauses, eyeing me in the mirror. "What? You surprised I shave or something?"

I shake my head, fighting my smile. "I am kind of shocked that you're doing something so _manly_, though I kind of don't mind the stubble. But it's _not _as surprising as you using such a girly scent."

His red gaze falls to the blue canister of shaving cream on the counter, sitting there and mocking him with its telltale label and feminine brand. I smirk when he gapes at it for a full minute, before springing into action and splashing his face with cold water, scrubbing off the remnants with a nearby towel.

It's then that laughter explodes past my lips.

"You used my _lovely _ocean scent." I stand on my toes, nuzzling his cheek to breathe in the aroma of sea breeze, before returning to my former position. "If you wanted to smell like that, all you had to do was say so."

I take the opportunity to run my toothbrush under the tap, following up with a roll of spearmint toothpaste, and I start to run it over my bottom row of teeth. I start off attempting to be demure and not making a mess, before I just decide to forget that idea and let it look like I'm foaming at the mouth like a rabid dog.

With no time to react, tanned hands grip the counter's edge on either side of me, boxing me in in front of the sink. My hand stills, and I suddenly feel self-conscious with white froth all over my mouth. I sweep my hair out of the way with my free-hand, bending at the waist to spit into the sink before I could think it through. And when he groans, I realize that I brushed myself against him without meaning to.

He drags his lips across my neck and my shoulder, kissing my skin like I was made of a million yen. I swivel so that I face him, throwing my arms around his neck, and bringing his body fully against mine. I peer up at him, feeling the happiest I've been in over a month.

"Can I stay for breakfast?"

His hands skim over my waist, hoisting me up so that I sit on the counter top. His rough hands smooth over my thighs to part them and wrap them around his hips.

"Yeah...fine..."

"And, you'll teach me how to make rice balls?"

He gives a resigned sigh, though his smile gives him away. "If it'll get you out of here sooner. Then yeah."

...

The powerful smells of espresso, minced miso (in soup, of course), and broth garnished with an assortment of vegetables, peppery sunny-side up eggs, and sautéed fish filled the room. It almost seemed like an early brunch by the time we got to the rice ball lesson.

After cleaning off the warped, wooden chopping board, Kyo drops it to the granite with a resounding bang, adding a knife, a bowl of water, and freshly steamed white rice. He loops a finger through my belt loop, tugging me towards him to stand me in front of the chopping board. His hands move over mine to guide them into place, scooping up a handful of rice to begin forming a rounded clump.

"It's real easy," he explains, splashing water on the first portion to bind it. "You use water to get it into shape, and you keep patting it until it's even."

Until the first one is molded, his hands remain on mine to show me the technique. I smile at the soothing activity and the lulling, calming effect his touch has over me. Soon, we make two…three…seven rice balls before either of us realize that he hadn't released me.

"You didn't remind me to let go."

"I shouldn't have to."

"What if I want you to?"

"Why don't you go ahead and make me, then?" I challenge, quirking a brow. "I want you to be a man and make me. I don't see a problem. You scared to touch me or something?"

He scowls, folding his arms across his chest. "I'm not dumb enough to fall for that. Why don't _you_ come out and say it?"

I scoff. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"That you want me."

I gasp, thinking he means that I want him in the romantic sense. My erratic pulse thrums through my body as I grip the counter behind me to endure the sudden adrenaline.

"Where do you want me this time?" He asks, smirking. "On the counter? With the rice?" He turns away, reverting his attention to the mound of rice behind me. And...I have to admit that I'm a little insulted.

Pfft. Its not like I was an oven. I didn't just get turned on at the touch of a button or something.

I'm just...

Is it so wrong to like him? And to like being with him?

This time, I take control and capture him by the hips, pressing him against me. And I don't tear my eyes away, feeling empowered by that implication. "See? I'm not afraid of you. I can just as easily seduce you as you can me."

He laughs at this, setting the eighth rice ball aside. "Is that a bet?"

"Why the heck not? Next Friday, we both have the entire night to try to seduce the other person. Whoever caves first has to..."

Has to what, Gina?

"They have to let the winner pick what we do next."

He cocks his head to the side. "That's kinda lame. Its not that big of a penalty."

I poke him in the chest, standing on my toes to stare him down. "Then you make one, Kitty-Kat."

His arms go around my waist, closing the gap between us. "It wasn't so boring before you called me that. How about you give me a massage if I win against you during Sports Day, instead?"

I peck him on the nose, grinning when he scrunches it. "You liked the massage that much, huh?"

"No! I didn't say that. I just...it's better than nothing." He sputters, more flustered than I'd ever seen him.

"Fine," I accede, refusing to wipe the amusement off my face. "Massage for you, and a surprise for me. Deal?"

"Yeah, yeah. Let's eat, I'm hungry."

...

After leaving math with Kyo, I start for gym class.

We didn't walk together for a lot of reasons.

We only had math together. Today was an exception being sports day.

We weren't a couple.

And we kept what we did to ourselves...except where Yuki was concerned.

But the more time I spent with Kyo all to myself, the less I started to care about jumping into a relationship. Not to say that I didn't want to be in one; or the fact that I wanted Kyo to be my boyfriend. But if I get to have time with him, its better than no time at all.

Right?

I spin the combination on my locker, inputting the numbers 06-01-14 until it gave the confirming click. I look over my shoulder, tucking my hair behind me ear so that its out of the way, rifling through my bag for my Algebra 2 textbook and notebook. But when I go to leave it in my organized locker, behind a few tutoring requests, a medium sized box obstructs my view. It takes up a large amount of space, but...

Its a telescope!

Not just your run-of-the-mill kind either.

I'm talking high-end specs, top notch, professional grade telescope.

I let my bag slip off my shoulder and drop to the tiles, scooping the box out to see if there was any note from whoever gifted me with this.

_Maybe it wasn't a random act of kindness after all._

I don't find a tiny slip of paper until I tear open the top flaps with my fingernails, coming across that corner of a loose leaf. But it doesn't help me to figure out who it's from. It was typed, cut out, and pasted. It doesn't even have my name on it.

_You like looking at the sky._

_I like looking at you when you look at the sky._

_This way we both win._


	21. All-Nighter

**Chapter Twenty-One: All-Nighter**

Sports Day kicked off after math class around half-past eight. Our marching band, dubbed Band Geeks, were all playing our national anthem for the entire field to hear. Our flag was raised by two members of our school's Junior Reserve Officer Training Corps program, complete with a welcoming speech from our principal.

Then...the games began.

We completed the ball toss, relay, and long jump events immediately after. But that was only girls vs girls, and guys vs guys. That left two events, lunch, and then the final one. Everything else was co-ed and not exclusive to a specific year. That meant competing against Kyo, Tohru and her friends, Hatsuharu, and Momiji.

Up next was sack races.

I pick up the brown, patched up, burlap sack off the grass. And I yank it up so that it covers my red gym shorts, meeting my mid-section because of how short I was in comparison. Uo sidles up beside me with her hair up in a short pony-tail, her sack snug around her waistline.

"You ready for this?" She calls, a smug smile crossing her features.

"I was _born_ ready," I retort, moving forward so that I stood on the red line spray painted onto the green turf.

"Racers take your mark," the coach booms, observing an energetic Momiji on my left and the silent Hatsuharu beside him. "Get set...GO!" He blows into a silver whistle, signaling the start of the race.

And I hop like a deranged woman, trying to get to food. It helped for me to visualize a five course meal waiting for me on the other side.

But by the time I get to the halfway point, I stumble and topple over, face planting into the dirt.

"Sucker," Uo shouts, breaking out into laughter from her place at the finish line.

I scowl as I manage to get up, not even bothering to complete the race quickly. The only consolation I had was the fact that I was second-to-last to cross.

I left my dignity way back at that red line.

...

"Hey," Hatsuharu says, approaching me with black war paint on his cheeks. "Would you like to be on our side for tug-of-war?"

I look over to see Kyo, Uo, and Hana on one side, Yuki, Tohru, and Momiji on the other.

"Yeah, sure," I say, drumming on my thigh as I make my way over, taking my place in front of Kyo. I latch onto the woolly, frayed material of the rope, opening and closing my fists to prepare a grip. Much to my surprise, I hear no words of protest from Kyo for my decision to be up front.

Instead, he takes advantage of my position.

He digs his heels in, his chest meeting my back to act as a brace in case I started slipping backwards. Once the rest of our class was in place, the coach waved a red flag over the middle of the rope, and we were off.

The rope dug into my palms as I yanked back with all my upper body strength, Kyo and I walking backwards with the force of Uo and Hatsuharu's pull up front. Our anchor (Hana) wasn't putting forth as much effort, but she was nothing to sneeze at.

"Keep it up guys!" Uo roars, gritting her teeth as victory is being ripped from us, one tug at a time.

"We can do it!" Momiji shouts over the wind, from where he stood at the very end of his side of the rope.

"It would have been more strategic," Yuki starts, pressing his lips together to muffle a grunt, "If the strongest were at the front and the end."

"Sucks for you then, rat," Kyo throws back, dragging the rope and everyone else backward as he regains some of his earlier strength. It was perfect timing considering I hadn't gotten my second wind, yet.

The cord begins to burn the longer and tighter I hold on, but its not in vain because we not only bring them all the way over the line, but their team is sent careening into the mud pit that was in the center.

"Oh no!" Tohru yelps, being the first to splat onto the mucky ground.

"You've gotta be kidding," Momiji groans, falling flat on his butt. "But we were _winning_."

"Sorry Yuki. Sorry Momiji," Hatsuharu says, bowing in their direction. "It was meant to be."

"Beat that," Uo cries, jumping up and throwing her fists in the air. "Oh wait. You can't!"

I hold out my reddening palm to Hana, offering a low-five. She gives me a genuine smile, before softly bringing her hand against mine in a show of triumph.

I pivot to offer the same to Kyo.

But instead of celebrating our conquest, he walks past me, appearing to be heading towards the picnic tables for Bento. I slouch in disappointment of his decision, only to be surprised by a sudden slap to my backside.

My mouth falls open when my mind catches up with the contact.

Kyo just-

He...he...

Um.

_What?_

...

After lunch was the last event of the day.

The obstacle course.

It was a nightmare on steroids, topped off with crawling through mud beneath a net, leaping through tires, scaling a rock-climbing wall, and coming full circle with a bounce house that smacked you as you passed through it.

Did the school love to torture us?

Seriously?

Kyo and I sat the whole thing out. Or, at least we tried to.

I really thought we might get out of going through it. But no one allowed us to just go on, right under the radar to head home for early dismissal.

Oh _no_. We were chosen to go at the very end.

While everyone else was given the chance to point and laugh.

"Are you two ready?" The coach barks, pretty much fed up with our crappy attempts to escape. "Whether you're prepared or not, the obstacle course begins now!"

Kyo and I charge forward, encouraged by whoops and shouts from our team members and friends, as we drop to the mud on our hands and knees and begin to crawl. I use my elbows to propel me forward, sparing a look in Kyo's direction every once in awhile to gauge whether he was ahead of me or not.

So far, he was beating me.

This thought sends passion raging through my chest, motivating me to shove onward, finishing that portion with wet dirt caked beneath my fingernails and two seconds ahead.

I thrust forward, driven by the conditions of our bet should I win, practically somersaulting through the old tires like I was some kind of circus act. But Kyo was faster. His frame more slender. And by the time he's at the wall, I become painfully aware of how close of a race this will be.

He shimmies up the wall and is half-way by the time I reach the bottom, finding the pink and blue handholds, forcing my body to keep going against the exhaustion that rammed into me with each push. I grab for the next one, bending my knee as I bring my foot up, trying desperately to find the other one.

Only, I fail and my foot slips.

I swing from the one hand that's still clinging to a blue handhold, my heart in my throat as my legs sway with nothing to stabilize them. I try to feel around for a rock below me, coming up short, leaving me with no choice but to hold on with both hands.

But, something unexpected happens.

I feel myself ascending, reaching new heights as two hands lift me up.

I find the will to not hang my head.

And I'm too distracted by sunset and burnt sienna to know that I reached the top.

He gives me an easy, sexy smile, jerking his head to gesture behind him. "Come on, dummy. We got a race to finish."

Speechless, I nod, and follow him into the inflatable of death to see who would champion our little wager. We both seat ourselves at the very top of it.

And we exchange a look before sliding down.

_May the best man win_.

A trampoline awaits us at the very end. I jump onto it, springing myself to the next section, neck and neck with Kyo on the left of me. I punch through the red cylinders that attempt to box us and knock us down. And when we finally reach the final slide, both of us going down almost simultaneously, I fear a tie.

And losing.

But then I hear-

"The winner is number 18," the coach calls, referring to the number of my uniform. "Congratulations."

I spin on my heel to see Kyo dusting himself off.

But instead of being angry like I thought he would be...

He looks up at me, giving me a small smile.

"Not bad, Kitty."

...

_Friday_

While at the public library, checking out books for our study session tonight, I receive a light tap on my shoulder.

I slip a red textbook back onto the shelf, glancing over my shoulder to see the stranger from the cafe behind me. He towered over me by more than a foot, exuding with a polite nature that was uncommon around this part of town. He stuck out like a sore thumb with his fancy attire and his abnormal auburn hair. His lips were upturned in an endearing smile that was a startling contrast to his former demeanor.

"I apologize for troubling you. But I was asked to personally deliver this," he explains, in that velvety voice that felt ensnaring.

I turn fully to be given three hardcover books. Each were part of one set, the newest editions, and all of them were filled to the brim with medical terminology and visuals that accompanied them. The icing on the cake was the fact that they were in alphabetical order, organized by subject matter, and divided by levels of severity.

"I assume you still won't tell me who's behind this," I say, forcing my attention back to the man before me instead of the glorious books in my hands. "I'm right, aren't I?"

His smile is overlapped by stoicism, followed by the bob of his head.

"Can I get your name, at least?" I ask the gentleman that brought the flowers. If I knew his identity, it probably wouldn't be that far of a jump to find the source behind this.

"Sohma," he says. "Sohma Kureno."

I guess I did deduce that much correctly. I figured he had to be a Sohma and that the person behind the flowers, the telescope, and these books was one. Now I just had to rule out all the people it could be; Hatsuharu, Momiji, Yuki, and Kyo are the only other ones I know of.

"Thank you," I offer, taken aback when he sets a note onto the top of my stack, before taking his leave.

I move to the only vacant table, putting the books down so that I have free hands to read the typed text glued to the yellow notepaper.

_Its sappy._

_But I want to make you happy._

_I'm not the man for you._

_But these books are for that dream of yours._

_Who says I have to rhyme all the time?_

You just did, I realize, smiling as I read the note a second time.

It definitely wasn't Yuki. He didn't seem like the type to cheat and this note wasn't his style. I didn't know Hatsuharu and Momiji's personalities enough to know for sure that they were out of the running. But I'll make it my quest to find out who's buying me all of these gifts.

...

Even though we were both signed up for Anatomy/Physiology honors, we took the class on opposite ends of the day. Because it was one of the subjects we both shared, I figured we should start there.

"Appendicular are the upper and lower limbs," I read, propping the textbook up on both of my knees. "All you need is an easy way to distinguish between Axial and Appendicular. Like a mnemonic device."

"Tch. You mean something like PEMDAS?"

I nod. "Exactly like that." I set the book down between us, rubbing my hands together. "Let's make it fun and use real life things. People we know, boxing moves, whatever that will help out on the exam."

"Okay...how about when I put enough power into my kicks, I can shatter the appendicular? Or is that stupid?"

"If that works for you, then use it." I flip the glossy pages in search of the axial definition. "I know it seems silly, but it always helped me ace my tests and it took the pressure off."

He digs around beneath his bed, pulling out a small amount of neon orange sticky notes and that familiar pen of his. "I'll add them to the book as we go. Then I can study it again later."

"Smart," I say, unable to keep myself from smiling. "Got one for axial skeleton?"

"Nah. You?"

I tap my pencil against my chin, looking to the stars from the sunroof in search of an answer. "Dumbo."

"What?"

I laugh, taking a sticky note and writing it down. "Dumbo the elephant. It represents the trunk, the head, and neck of the skeleton. Elephants have trunks."

He shakes his head, though his own lips twitch in his effort to keep back a grin of his own. "Supine's an easy one. When I beat that rat in a fight I'll knock him flat on his a-"

"Okay!" I cut in. "You've got one for that position. How about prone? And nothing dirty."

He smirks, recording something in his sloppy handwriting. "Why not? If thinking about you in that position helps, then why can't I?"

I cock an eyebrow at this. "You mean, laying on my face like a corpse? Is that what gets you going?"

His face flushes and he's quick to look away. "Shut up. You know what I mean."

"Maybe," I agree, smiling. "Alright, layers of skin are the epidermis, dermis, and hypodermis. What can be made from the acronym E.D.H?"

"Everyone dies hard."

"Eggs don't hop."

"Eat dust...something." He shrugs. "If its multiple choice, I can guess the third one."

"Kyo, this is a written exam."

He stiffens, resuming a tense posture. "Are you serious?"

"Dead serious," I confirm, removing my glasses to rub them clean with my shirt.

He sighs and sinks down, stretching his legs out in front of him. "Like I would stay cooped up in here studying...I don't have the patience for that."

"But Kyo, discipline and patience are crucial for martial arts. You know that..."

"I know. We can still take a break and come back to this junk later."

I cant my head to the side. "And do what?"

"Whatever you planned," he says, folding his arms. "A deal's a deal. You won most events on Sports Day, so you get to choose."

"You mean that?" I ask, feeling all sorts of devious.

"I won't repeat myself," he replies, his eyes meeting mine in a wreck of indiscernible emotions. "But...I'll go along with it just this one time, Gina."

_Oh..._

_My name has never sounded as good as it does coming from him_.

_I'm not just falling for this hot-head._

_I'm plunging...crashing...diving_.

I'm a goner.

...

"Come _on_, Kyo. I didn't know you were so chicken," I taunt, dragging Kyo into a familiar tat parlor.

"I'm not!" He snaps, his face glowing like a traffic light. "Why are we here?! I wouldn't come here if hell froze over."

"You're not being fair, Kyo," I pout, proceeding to lead him into the establishment I frequented. "You lost to me in that event. The wager was me getting something that I wanted if you lost to me. Remember?"

"That's before you took me to _this_ place. There's no way I'm getting a tattoo!"

I roll my eyes, stopping once I reach my regular station. "Chill out, honey. You're just getting a piercing with me."

His mouth almost hits the floor. "A _piercing_?! Are you out of your- wait! Did you just call me _honey_?"

I smirk, taking a seat in the black chair. "I knew that'd grab your attention." I pick up the laminated menu with the list of piercings that I could choose from. These days, any part of the body could be mutilated if you wanted it to be.

"I'm thinking...conch, helix, _or _snakebites." I flip the page, scanning the other options. "What are you thinking of getting?"

He holds a finger up, like he's about to protest again before his shoulders slump with his decision to give up. He bows his head, extending his palm with an almost pliant sigh. "Nothing flashy. I'd rather die than get something a chick would get."

I gesture for him to look with me, my lips twitching with amusement. "Whatever you say, _sweetheart_. Just make it quick will ya?"

"Stop with the pet names," he half-heartedly growls, looking over my shoulder for a subtle choice. "Or I'll have to cut this night short when I throw up."

I turn in my seat to smush his cheeks together, grinning. "Aw...could it be that you're pouting? I thought you were tougher than that."

He plants his hands on his hips, cutting me with his glare. "I don't see you getting something like a tongue piercing..."

"That's because there's not much a point to them. It'll close up if you leave out the earring for even a day. The tongue heals too quickly to bother."

In the end, I settle on a helix and he goes for dermals so they wouldn't be seen by just anybody. Mine was a little silver hoop, adorned by a tiny ball of that very element, looped through the only available cartilage on my ear. His were two steel balls on opposite sides, just beneath his collarbones, concealed whenever he would wear a shirt.

Well, at least when he didn't leave it unbuttoned most of the way.

I felt a little special that I was the only one that knew about it.

"Y'know, Kyo..." My lips adopt a devious smile, after Kyo and I finish checking out. "If you get something pierced in the right place, it can actually make sex even better."

He shoots a dirty look in my direction, and I decide to back off of that.

"But I take it that you'll never go through this again."

"Ya got that right," he says, leading the way back to his place.

...

We were sitting on the top of his roof for the second time.

But it didn't feel any less special than the first when he let me read his poem.

We were gonna go back in and actually make some headway on our studies, but he suggested we go up to his favorite spot first. _Our _favorite spot. And the rustling sound of branches in the wind, ushering in the brown and yellow leaves that were swept up, saving them from the crunch of boots and galoshes only enhanced it.

And as a constellation that I'd always sought during October glitters across the black backdrop of the night sky, I feel nostalgic and reminiscent. That's what inspires my next statement.

"I want to thank you, Kyo. Even though I know you don't really like hearing that sort of thing..." I trail off, reverting my gaze to the Cepheus that hangs from the sky.

"Thank me?" He echoes, his tone oddly bitter. "You don't have anything to thank me for. I've done nothing good for you. Or for anyone."

"You're wrong about that," I counter, taking his hand and warming it between my own. "You stood by me when I lost Yasu. And you helped me when you showed up at his funeral. You didn't have to do that, but I appreciate it more than you even know."

It was an overcast day, when his funeral happened. Held the Saturday after his death.

...

_Dearest Yasu,_

_If you're reading this, its your 18th birthday. Congratulations, we love you baby._

My mom was given the opportunity to hold her child in her arms, allowed to see him, and pretend that it was all real. That there was a future. But eventually...she had to face facts. We _all _had to realize that he was gone. And that truth was grounded in the small ceremony we held for him. With Mom, Satoshi, and Kyo.

_At the moment, we're only three weeks away from the time you're going to be born, and we're so excited to meet you on that day. We hope for you to have a fulfilling, successful life._

There was no church booked, due to how unprepared we were. It was just us and the cemetery, surrounded by gravestones that belonged to people that died during times they were expected to. Of old age, life-threatening illnesses, and even people that lost their life to their dangerous careers.

_For you to know that its okay to mess up, and you'll be better for it as you learn your way through adulthood._

But not him. Not my baby brother.

He didn't die because he'd lived his life.

He didn't die because he was diagnosed with irreversible cancer, a tumor, a mass.

He didn't die because he braved flames, took that final 119 call, or drowned saving someone else.

He died trying to live in the first place.

_Your big sister is hoping for you to find someone that can make you happy; someone whom stands by your side when things get tough. We want that for you too._

Before he could say his first words; take his first steps; even before he could actually open his eyes and see the world for the very first time. I'll never know if he had my mother's green eyes or my step-dad's brown ones. I'll never know if he would be more interested in sports or academics. What he wanted to be. Who he would marry or how many children he'd have.

_Your father hopes you're into games of strategy so that he'll have someone to teach and beat (in his dreams). All I (your mom) wants is for you to achieve what you want, to live life to the fullest, and to find someone with a heart as big as yours is sure to be._

It would have killed me to attend his funeral if Kyo hadn't gone with me.

_Please visit us and let us know how things are going every now and then. Even though you're older and on your own, we still want to be there for you. We want to cheer you on when you do well and to cheer you up when you don't. But we have high hopes for you as a young man and onward._

We sat in grey folding chairs, beneath a tent that would protect us from the incoming rainfall. And...his body was so _little_, the size of a shoe box. My mom couldn't go with Satoshi to pick out the casket. She couldn't handle it. Instead, I went. I saw every gold, black, and white casket. The ones lined with reds and whites and crafted of wood or pillowy material. It was the strangest experience to be shopping for something like that. So morbid and painful. We went with the one we could barely afford, because we wanted to honor the life that didn't get the chance to happen. It was a royal box that was custom-made to suit him. And to be buried with the casket was the letter we'd written for him. Even though he'd never read it, it made my mom feel a little better that it would be with him.

A priest stood front and center of our grief. He read from scripture, reminding me of the fact that I had nothing more to go on than the Word and the fact that I had to trust that good would come from this. I refused to think that this was punishment or that it happened for us to suffer.

There had to be better than this.

If I don't have faith in something. Or _someone_. I have nothing to keep me sane. Or anything to keep me going forward instead of just treading water.

Then came the moment for Eulogies.

In a normal funeral, this would have been the moment for a slideshow. One filled with pictures of him growing up and learning about what life had to offer. It would have been the time that his friends and his girlfriend or his wife would speak on his behalf, reminiscing on what a great person he was to them, and how he inspired and affected their lives. How they don't know what they'll do without him.

But instead, my mom couldn't manage a speech.

Satoshi was too angry and saddened to say anything.

And Kyo had no words.

I was the only one that spoke that day.

I stood where the priest did, taking the podium without anything in hand, only what came to my mind as I opened my mouth and talked.

"Today, we all come here to..." I clear my throat, gripping the podium's edge to keep from rocking on my heels. "...to send my little brother off." I look out over everyone, aware of the empty seat we'd reserved for my aunt that couldn't make it.

"I wish we weren't here right now. I...I wish that I was at home with him, trying to see if I could make him laugh. Holding him or learning how to care for him. I'll admit that I feel robbed of that. And sometimes I feel so angry that I could just break things. And go on a warpath because none of this feels right. And I don't know if I'll ever be able to really smile again." I pick at the bracelets on my wrist, my gaze colliding with Kyo's. I draw the motivation to continue from him, forcing myself to persevere.

"But I'd like to believe that he's better off. In Paradise. In Heaven...I'm not sure where you go when you leave this world. Maybe one day I'd like to look into that a little more. I'd just like to think that he's having a blast up there. That he's embracing the beauty, the sounds, and the sights of wherever he is. So, instead of saying goodbye to him as we go back home...I want to tell him to save a spot for me. I look forward to him showing me around if I get to go there one day, myself."

I take a bow, returning to my seat between Kyo and mom, as the Priest resumes his place at the front.

Everything else passes in a blurred, unreal flash. It still feels like we're in the middle of a dream, and that none of this was actually happened. That's how I've felt since all of this began. Like it hasn't fully hit me yet.

Near the end, it starts to drizzle.

We make our way over to the six foot square hole in the ground, followed by the pallbearers that carry the white and gold metallic box to the green mat pitched over that hole. There was a tent cast over it as well, set up separately from the remainder of the ceremony. We were given one final viewing before it would be closed and we'd walk away from here...from him.

But, I couldn't look a second time.

I couldn't see the stillness of his countenance.

Or see how fragile he looked.

I hang back, while my mom and Satoshi stand together, over the half-open casket.

Kyo strides over to stand beside me.

His hand smooths over the small of my back, bringing me closer to him and wrapping my arm around his waist. I sink against him, exhausted of the pit of emotions, and all the fear that plagued me whenever I was alone.

He silently extended his comfort. The freedom to talk about everything involving Yasu and Kyo's mom, in order to share in the pain and help make it just a little easier to live through. And for that, I'll be forever thankful.

_We love you,_

_Mom, Dad, Gina, and Aunt Fei_

I come back to present-time, and I dare to intertwine his hand with my own. The memory of what he agreed to go through with me was more fresh in my mind that I thought it was.

Besides...friends held hands. I mean, who's really to say that we can't be friends and be together once a week?

I allow my head to fall against his shoulder, only for a second, before I jolt when I realize that I was probably going too far.

But, something changes in our not-relationship when he moves my head back to his shoulder.

I felt it in my heart and in the speed my thoughts ran.

His thumb circles my hip as we sit on his roof-top, breathing in the refreshing autumn air.

And I know that I'm too far gone when he tells me, "Its fine."

Because my heart slams into overdrive over something so simple.

_I'm done for._


	22. Dance-A-Thon

**Chapter Twenty-Two: Dance-A-Thon**

On my way out the double doors at the end of the hall, I'm once again whisked off beneath the stairwell in the science hallway. The aroma of spices and the familiarity of the hand around my wrist sets off warning bells that this was Kyo, dredging up the memory of what happened the last time he took me someplace secluded.

How quickly he could make desire detonate inside my chest.

He braces himself with his fists on either side of my head, unspoken ire making his red eyes piercing as they looked me up and down. I was wearing a uniform today after receiving my third strike, leaving me in the typical sailor-esque shirt and short blue skirt. And I can't help but notice the way his eyes soften when they meet mine for the first time since math, leaving me to be swallowed by my own unwanted feelings.

"My guidance counselor," he says, his eyebrows drawing together. "She says that I need to complete community service to be considered for a scholarship." He scoffs. "That'll be the day."

"It really would help, Kyo," I counter, twiddling with the hem of my skirt. "I've already logged hundreds of hours working in the meal kitchen."

Was _this_ what he brought me here for? Now that I thought about it, he did have a rolled up packet tucked away into his back pocket. My hands were tempted to take it and look for myself. I don't want to complain, but it wasn't the most comfortable thing being pressed against a rough wall in a hallway that smelled like mildewed sponges.

"Do you want me to help you pick something?" I ask, testing the waters. "The meal kitchen isn't the only thing you can do. You can also volunteer at the nursing home off the highway."

"I don't want to be around a bunch of pruny old ladies. They all hate me."

"Its not that bad, I promise. I'll go with you if it makes you feel any better."

He narrows his eyes, suspicious. "What's the catch?"

"No catch. It was actually pretty fun when my mom took me. She wanted me to appreciate my elders, so I learned to respect them by serving them. I wonder how Celia is doing now...She might have decided to go back to America."

He unclenches his fists, splaying his fingers as his forehead comes to rest against mine. His sigh hits my lips in an intoxicating wave, and I close my eyes as the scent of spice becomes more intense.

"You really aren't gonna let me do this alone?"

I smile. "Not a chance." I place my hands on his chest, watching as the material of his open collared shirt shifts with the action. "How's the piercing healing?"

He fixes his lips into a scowl. "Its fine. I still don't get why I went through with it..."

"Because its a secret dream of yours?" I tease, running my hands down his torso until they meet his hips. "Or I'm more powerful than I realize. I've always wanted a superpower."

He snorts, allowing me to tug him forward. "You're weird."

"Yeah?" I say, within perfect kissing distance of his lips. "Get used to it."

To anyone else, making out in a hidden corner of an empty hallway was nothing special. And maybe I really was making more out of it than what it was. But I can't help but notice that Kyo was ignoring our rules a lot more than he used to.

...

I expected that the paint would be peeling off the walls of this nursing home, all chipped paint and broken TVs with a row of dentures in water glasses on trays that doubled as nightstands. Instead, there's sunshine yellow matte finish that covers the walls, flat screens and fully functioning computers. Nothing like the place I visited when I was fifteen that was more like a building you lived in if you had nowhere better to be.

The nurses are all young and beautiful, a stark contrast to the cranky middle-aged women from before.

Kyo and I approach the receptionist desk, where a woman was checking to see if the person on the other end of the line had their insurance information correct. Her inflection was as bright and chipper as the walls, heaps of bedside manner crammed into her small frame.

"Yes, its 500 yen for the co-pay..." she holds a finger up to us, offering an apologetic smile before returning her attention to the patient on the phone. "That sounds great! We welcome your mother with open arms, sir...thank you and goodbye."

She replaces the black phone in its matching cradle, clasping her hands together as she faces us. Its then that I see the dark circles under her eyes and the frayed look to her brunette hair.

"How can I help you two?"

"Hi," I begin, tucking my hair behind my ear. "He's here to volunteer, and I'm trying to find out if a Celia still lives here."

"Ok!" She chirps, her eyes growing big like she overdosed on caffeine. "Just sign into the sheet on the clipboard, sweetie," she says to Kyo, tapping a hot pink fingernail on said sheet. "And I'm sorry, but I can only give out that kind of information to family," the woman continues, glancing at me.

Kyo's hand stops moving over the paper, as he looks up at the woman. "Are you kidding? She's volunteered here before with her mother. She was the lady she helped out."

"Ah...yes, well. Unless she can provide government issued proof like a license or permit, I'm afraid she's within breach of our code."

"I don't care about your codes," Kyo quips, letting the attached pen slip. "If she can't visit her, then we'll find some other place to go. If I can go in, then why can't she?"

"Sir, if you continue acting out, I'm going to need you to leave," she replies, her bubbly tone overcome by an exasperated one that seemed to age her. "You've been given clearance as you've received permission from your school. She hasn't within this past year, so she can't-"

"-Gina, is that you?" A voice interrupts, sounding small and sweet.

I turn my head, swiveling around all the way when I recognize the woman in the wheelchair to be Celia. My smile falters when I become painfully aware of how weak she looked, hunched over, with bald spots and grey hair. She was always kind, but she used to be so vivacious and had a head of vibrant, colorful hair. Can that much really change in three years?

"Yes ma'am, its me," I confirm, stepping away from the desk to kneel at her side. "I haven't seen you in so long. You doing okay?"

"I'm doing swell, sweet pea. Oh," she coos, raising a shaking hand to twirl a strand of my hair. "You've blossomed so much. You've filled out and landed yourself a boyfriend. I'm happy for you."

My blood runs cold.

I refuse to see Kyo's reaction.

It would only hurt.

"Actually, he's just a friend." Kind of. "But I'm glad to hear that you're doing well. You working out or something?"

She giggles, patting my hand in appreciation. "Thank you for flattering this little old lady, but there's no need. I've run my race and I'm ready to see it through to its completion."

And when she says that, its as if my heart capsizes with sadness. It was always and is a possibility that she could die any day. But...I never really dwelled on that fact. I wanted to believe that she would never see death.

"This young woman isn't giving you trouble, is she?" Celia queries, frowning at the mere though of me being mistreated by the staff.

"Not at all miss," the receptionist blurts out, waving her hands frantically. "You seem to know her, so there's no reason why she can't proceed."

Kyo rolls his eyes, finishing with the sign in and making his way into the main room. I tell him that I won't be far behind.

"Are you going somewhere, Celia?" I ask, placing my other hand over hers. "I wasn't sure if this place still forbade breaks from it or not."

"No, they're still stiffs," she says, pursing her lips. "But as long as I get to see your pretty face, there's no need to complain about the rain clouds. I have my own rainbow."

...

"Will you eat your grits?" Kyo asks, at his wit's end. "The sooner you shove it down, the sooner you can put your teeth back in, Grandma."

The woman he's spoon-feeding clamps her wrinkled mouth shut, casting her hateful brown eyes on him. He tries to put it to her lips, only for her to snap her head in the other direction in flat-out refusal.

The grooves of the spoon handle digs into Kyo's hand as his fist clenches around it. He twitches as he decides upon taking another approach. "Will you _please _eat your grits already? Its either that or your dentures rot in your glass of water the rest of your life."

And surprisingly, she does.

She actually responded to his demand.

I didn't know why Kyo was assigned to such a cynical, difficult woman as her. But I guess the school decided that trials truly did bring out patience, which _could_ lead to a cool-head version of Kyo. Or they just wanted to get a good laugh or two.

"Don't think I did it cause I took a shine to that fruit-nut hair of yers," the woman says, popping her dentures back into her mouth. "All you whippersnappers with yer tomfoolery don't know how many backs were broken to earn you an education."

I knew she was old, but I didn't know she was around during the time of Exodus.

"I tell ya," she continues prattling, crossing one leg over the other. "These young-ins take us for granted. Hovering over us like vultures when we die, trying to get their grubby little hands on our inheritance. And you know what they do then...?"

"No," Kyo mutters, dropping the spoon into the bowl.

"They squander it. They run themselves into the ground, taking our money down with them."

"You really oughta quit, Lei," Celia scolds, clucking her tongue. She smiles at Kyo. "She's been like that since her run in with the law, back in 86."

Lei brings her glasses down to the bridge of her nose, looking over the lenses. "I don't speak about that among strangers, Celia."

"Oh hush up. It wasn't all that dramatic," she retorts.

"It sho' nuff was. Why else would I speak like the delinquents that have their pants to their ankles?"

"That doesn't even make sense."

"You don't make sense. Your brain almost fell straight out yo head."

"What?" Celia squeaks. "I think you need to get a CT scan again. You must have faked your diagnostics."

"That don't make any more sense than what I said, ya harebrained heifah."

"Ok! I think that's enough for today," I say, gathering my things. "We'll visit another time. Won't we, Kyo?"

"I told you old ladies are crazy," he grumbles, getting to his feet. "How many more times are we gonna have to come back here, anyway?"

"In your case, you still have to come back here at least fifty more days."

"What?!"

...

_Friday_

"This is so exciting!" I say, practically bouncing to the beat of the music and alcohol in my system. "Are you almost done?"

"Yeah, hold your horses," Kyo responds, finishing with the clasp of my necklace. When the metal is finally locked into place, he smooths his hands down my sides before slipping them into his pockets. "Thanks...for coming with me. I wasn't about to put up with those idiots making fun of me for showing up without a date."

"I don't mind," I tell him, a true smile gracing my lips. "Charity is my sort of thing, and it just so happens that I'm not too bad at dancing."

He leans down to brush his lips against my ear, whispering, "I know. You gave me a private dance, remember?"

My cheeks heat up with that statement. And I can tell I'm still flushed even when he's left to go get refreshments and the brunette from the park approaches. I never did think to ask what her name was.

"Hi..." she waves a hand, her features tense. "I know we didn't really start things off well, so I wanted to apologize."

"Think nothing of it. I don't hold grudges," I say, offering up a smile for a truce.

"Still," she continues, looping her arm through mine and dragging me towards a corner. "How are things with Kyo? Did I tell you that you look pretty? I mean it. You look..._really _pretty."

"Thank you...I think. And we're not dating, if that's what you're asking." We come to a stop by the emergency exit, and I take in the crowd of Sohmas and our friends gathering on the dance floor for the fundraiser. "It would be better to talk about you. Like your name for instance."

Its best to keep the conversation off of what's not happening with Kyo and I.

She folds her arms, searching the masses for someone. "Kagura. And are you sure? Sometimes Kyo will be rude to deflect from his feelings. I hear that he was like that with Tohru."

I breathe in and breathe out, trying not to outright tell her to drop it. "I'm not exactly comfortable talking about this, Kagura. Nothing personal... I just don't know how to be open about anything I feel or don't feel."

She taps her nails against her arm, looking back at me. "Have you ever thought about trying something to test his true feelings?"

My eyebrow lifts at this. "Like?"

"I don't know." She shrugs, her eyes continuing in their scan over the prong. "Making him jealous. Having someone that knows him well ask him and tell you..."

"You make this sound like some kind of spy operation." I laugh, kicking at the floor with the toe of my heels. "I know that you probably won't get it, but we have our thing. It works for both of us and we're happy with our arrangement."

"I think you're lying to yourself," she argues, turning to face me fully. "I used to lie to myself all the time when I let myself love him. I would tell myself that I was okay if he didn't like me back. If he ever cheated on me, I'd take him back. I even told myself that we were married because I twisted his arm until he agreed to it."

I'm still not sure what to make of her.

But...her words did make me think of some things.

Like the time he stopped me from kissing that guy at the festival.

The moments he helped me through Yasu's death and the way my family was falling apart.

All the times he started letting me stay the night and have breakfast together.

And tonight, choosing me to go to the dance with him when he could have asked someone else.

So, what was he waiting for?

Was it the idea of commitment that scared him?

Because if he liked me, there shouldn't be anything holding him back.

Then again...I can't admit it to him, either.

"My advice," she says, preparing to make her exit as she zeroes in on a boy in the crowd. "Is that you stay patient with him and that you put the moves on him. Work your way up and see how he reacts." And with that, she disappears in the shuffle, as the lights transform and bathe the crowd in blues and whites.

A popular record is put on heavy rotation, followed by the DJ making his announcement.

"Alright, all you hot young singles get out on the floor and get your sexy on. This dance right here is all about bumping and grinding, and there ain't nothing wrong with that."

I rub my arms, feeling a chill come over me as Kyo shows up with two glasses of punch. It never ceased to surprise me how much martial arts ingrains balance in its students.

"You wanna dance, or what?" He asks, offering me my drink.

"Why not?" I accept it, taking a sip as I slip into flirty mode. "It could be our song. You know the kind of dancing grinding is, right?"

He makes a face like he just got a whiff of stale garbage. "Yeah...why?"

I hold my hands out for him to take. "Care to be the Swayze to my Grey?"

"What are you even talking about?"

I laugh. "Never mind, let's just dance."

The track is fast and sensual, laced with a consistent beat you can feel in your chest, filling the place with a loud thrumming. He takes my hands and I pull him into the center, following the tide of people that were dancing without a care. I let him spin me into him, his hands guiding my hips against his in time to the music.

A smile splits my face as I lean into him, following the undulations of his torso and matching mine to it. And for the few minutes the song lasts, I'm transported into a moment where I'm not Kitty or Gina. I just am. I'm just myself with him, with no thoughts as to how I should behave or how I should feel. I just lose myself to the rhythm and Kyo.

His lips find the pulse point of my neck, and its like a hammer coming down, adding a kick that makes it race. And I feel emboldened by the words he whispers against my skin like its just Kyo and I in his room. Between his sheets. Like it was us against the world under an ocean of stars.

And then...the song ends, ushering in applause and a complete change of pace. The second track is uptempo, creating a discotheque as a spinning silver ball casts ethereal circles all over the room. As the pace dips with the sounds of saxophones and other-worldly instrumentals, I watch as people break out into dance once more.

I roll my hips to the opposite side, pointing my right index finger to the ceiling and bringing it back over my body diagonally. I feel heat surface to my cheeks when Kyo looks like he's about to laugh at me. But instead, he shrugs and slides his hand over my arm, mimicking my earlier movements.

"Wow, Kyo. I had no idea _you_ dance."

"If you're good at dancing, it means you're good at other things." I practically hear him smirking as he says this, though I don't mind it. "I think I already proved to you what else I'm good at," he continues, his tone low and rumbling from his chest to my back.

"You mean dancing to raise money for orphans and widows?" I ask, my voice coming out breathy. "Yeah, I'd say you're not too bad."

With a few more dances like the foxtrot, line, and Bollywood style, I stop to get another sip of my punch. Kyo and I both lean against the wall as we indulge in a cool-down session, only to be cut short by Hatsuharu swooping in.

The hand that isn't tucked in the pocket of his black jeans is up in a wave, offering a casual greeting. "Hey, Kyo. Are you still willing fight me this Saturday?"

"Yeah...whatever," Kyo answers, shortly before refocusing his attention on the drink in his hand. Judging by his expression, he'd trade a fruity drink like punch for a can of beer any day. But it was better than nothing.

"Hi," Hatsuharu says, looking at me. "What's your name, again?"

"Gina."

"Huh." He blinks, shifting the weight of his stance. "That's a pretty name. Do you know how to tango, Gina?"

"Watch it, cow," Kyo cuts in, glaring. "That better not be another one of your come-ons."

"Why would I make an innuendo to a pretty lady? Yuki's right...you _have_ gotten more salty since Tohru dumped you for him."

Kyo crumples the plastic cup in his fist, tossing it aside. "She _didn't_ dump me. You better stop before I make our rematch happen right here and now."

"Is that right?" Hatsuharu deadpans, his polite demeanor crumbling for the sake of a darker one. "How about if _I_ take this girl of yours and show her a real good time. You know...teach her what a real man is."

"I said _shut up_!" Kyo shouts, shoving Hatsuharu in the chest and causing him to stumble backwards.

"Kyo! Look..." I step in between the two, putting my arms out to keep them away from each other. "If it'll put an end to this nonsense, I will dance with Hatsuharu. Then we'll go back to the way we were. Okay?"

Kyo snorts, taking his leave. "I don't care what you do."

A long sigh leaves my lips as I watch Kyo walk away. Hatsuharu seemed nice and everything. But I really just wanted to keep dancing with Kyo. It was like our connection from sex translated to our synchronicity in dancing. And I missed it.

"Sorry about him," Hatsuharu offers, taking my hands and leading me towards the edge of the dance floor. "He has a temper. Especially when it comes to things he cares about...I guess I pushed one too many buttons, this time."

I shake my head. "And to think, I figured _I_ was one of the only ones that got under his skin."

"Trust me. The people that bother him the most are the people he likes the most. Even though he doesn't admit it, Yuki matters to him. Their feud would have ended if it hadn't been for Kyo getting turned down."

I bite my lip, considering this. "I'd like to think that, Hatsuharu."

"You'll see. And please, call me Haru..."

...

"Alright, it's time to take it down a notch," the DJ proclaims, adjusting the levels of the volume and the bass. "Those of you that lasted this long, congratulations to you and your sponsor. We've raised a total of 25,000 yen for charity. Remember that your efforts are not in vain. All proceeds go towards toys for orphans this upcoming Christmas, and other gifts for widows. For this next song, grab a partner and trip the light fantastic."

Haru and I agree to part ways. He sets off in search of Rin, and I look everywhere for that knucklehead of mine. Well…Kyo.

But eventually, I find him. I trace the familiar swing of his legs to the form that normally radiated with irritation. His black shirt was unbuttoned from the collar down, though I don't really remember it being like that before.

I had no plans to say anything…I didn't mind the view of how toned he was, and the way the pink and white light bounced off his tan skin.

He puts a new cup to his lips, tilting his head back to drink it all in one sitting. His body language commanded solitude. But I decide to approach him anyway.

"Hey, Kitty-Kat. I've been looking for you," I say, wrapping my arms around his waist. "What are you doing way back here?"

He scoffs, chucking his cup over his shoulder again. "What? Haru isn't big enough to handle you or something? I'm not giving him tips, if that's what you're here for."

Okay. That stung.

"That's not fair, Kyo. I just danced with him." I step back, angling my head to look him in the eyes. "Besides, we're not even dating."

"I know!" He snaps, startling me to the point I jump. "I just don't get why you agreed to it. Am I not satisfying you, anymore?"

"Where's all this coming from?" I ask, crossing my arms. "It was just a stupid dance. You're acting like I climbed into his bed right after leaving yours."

Was he really that insecure?

_"You need to know that he'll be distant," she continues, fiddling with her hands. "He hasn't let himself be close with anyone after Tohru. Even if you do date him, I doubt he'll ever tell you what he's thinking or what he likes. He's closed himself off because he's afraid of being rejected after it's happened all his life."_

Was Kagura right about him?

I sigh, letting my arms relax at my sides. "How about we dance to this, and we just focus on you and me." I take his hand, tugging him into motion. "Come on...I've always wanted to slow dance. And you're just my type."

He complies, taking me up on my offer in the placement of his arm around me, while the other hand remained in mine. And I feel no resistance when I rest my head on his shoulder as we dance. I close my eyes and give into the flow of music and his body, feeling his heartbeat sync with mine.

"I'm no good with apologies..." he grumbles, his hand finding the small of my back. "But I shouldn't have said those things to you. I...I don't know why I'm so angry."

I tilt my head back so that I can face him. "If you don't like it, I won't dance with anyone else. And...I promise not to sleep with anyone else."

"I was stupid for saying that." He nuzzles my nose, letting out a pent-up breath of his own. "But, I don't let anyone else into my bed but you. No one else."

Was it pathetic that it gave me hope to hear that?

"Tonight, when we go back to your place, I want to make you happy. Any requests?" I smile, swaying with him as the song gradually reaches its end.

He brushes his lips against mine, smiling with me. "That you let me give you what you want...you deserve it more than I do."


	23. A Look Ahead

**Chapter Twenty-Three: A Look Ahead**

Gina and Kyo are newlyweds.

Arguably, their wedding wasn't as recent as just the day before.

But it _seemed_ like just yesterday when he carried his bride over the threshold of their apartment, and made love to her for the first time. Yes, they slept together on countless occasions before tying the knot. But they'd never once made love until their wedding night.

Although it remains fresh in their minds, they've been married for three years as of September, marking the date they first met and connected.

Gina rummages through their shared clothes basket of laundry, searching for her freshly washed scrubs and doctor's coat. She smiles warmly when she comes across what she's looking for, holding it against herself as she spins around in the middle of their living room. Her dream of becoming a full on doctor was still to be achieved, but she was on the precipice of scrubbing in for the first time as a licensed OB-GYN. Currently, she was an apprentice that worked hard and was always on call if the hospital was ever in need. Which was everyday. Including today. It meant that her pager never left her side, just in case one of their patients went into labor.

Admittedly, it wasn't always easy for her.

There were days she would rather sleep in; holidays she'd rather spend with the love of her life, uninterrupted; gatherings with their in-laws and cousins that always seemed to be cut short by her career.

But her career was high up on her list, right after her husband, family, and friends. It ranked fourth, though it sometimes had to take priority over the others.

"Did you get a new test yet?" Kyo asks, straightening his dobok in the floor-length mirror of their bedroom.

And that single question he poses makes her heart plummet into her stomach, and she stares down at her feet as she passes the opening of their room.

"No...not yet."

Even though they agreed that she should stop using birth control so that they could try for a baby, nothing had come of it. She'd taken six tests and every one came up negative. Even though she was petrified of going through the motions of becoming pregnant only to lose her child in the end, there was an insecure part of her that was just as loud. The one that said she was less of a woman because she was having trouble conceiving.

It was ironic that the baby doctor couldn't even _have_ a baby. And to think, she was initially only going to specialize in patching up boo-boos like the one her father suffered that night he hit his head.

All of a sudden, she's pulled against a warm, hard body. The cinnamon scent of her lover washed over her in calming waves as his arms wrapped around her. Protectively. Comfortingly. The very body he'd allowed to be buffeted - including by his own wife a time or two - in order to be stronger, was supporting her. Holding her up. And just for a moment, she allows herself to wallow in the sadness she feels over everything. To step out of the calm, cool, and collected medical facade that demanded that she was supposed to have it all together at 25. She let him see and hear and feel all the weakness as it left her body in teardrops and a deep-set sigh.

"Hey, even if we can't have a kid its ok." His calloused hand comes up to rest in her hair, still unused to doing the consoling in their relationship. "There's always adoption. Kazuma was there for me and more of a dad to me than my actual father."

"I know...I just..." She pauses, taking in a deep breath. "I don't want you to regret choosing to be with me. Or for you to resent the fact you decided to be committed to me. I don't want to ruin the trust you worked hard to give me."

He withdraws, holding her at arm's length to look her in the eyes. "I won't ever regret it. Ever. I don't want you to think that I'll leave you or something." He narrows his eyes, feeling an almost-forgotten surge of self-loathing rise within him. "I was an idiot for doing that to you back then. It wasn't fair of me to treat you that way." His scowl gives way to a smirk as he recalls the moment they decided to get serious. "I remember you telling me off about that, too."

Gina smiles despite herself, swiping at the tear tracks on her cheeks. "You bet I did, Kitty-Kat."

He twists his face up at the nickname that carried over into the now. "Even after I told you about the curse, you still insist on calling me that. Really, Kitty?"

"Why should we change that?" She shoves at him, moving around him to hang-up her sunset orange scrubs and white coat. "We have a good thing going, but I don't want to miss out on the chances I get to tease you." She slips the coat onto a red hanger, pivoting to face him. "Besides...you just called me Kitty."

He slowly approaches her, permitting his thoughts to show in his expression. "Only cause' you called me that." He rests against the threshold to command her attention to him. "I think this is the only room that I haven't reminded you of how I can make you feel..." He steps away from the door, continuing in pursuit of the woman he found more beautiful and sexy by the day. "To make you lose your mind when I take you, right here. For me to hear how badly you want me."

She holds up the hanger in defense, her back pressing into the shelves behind her once he closes most of the gap between them. "Don't you have a belt test to see to?"

"Let em' stay green belts," he drawls, placing his hands on either side of her head. "All I care about right now is getting you naked for me."

"Kyo!" She protests, her cheeks pinkening. "Don't...say things like that."

He leans back, adjusting his own black belt. "Normally, you would say something back that was just as dirty." His face falls, overtaken by the somber turn of the atmosphere. "Are you really fine with staying here today? You've been sad lately."

"Couldn't be better," she says, looking elsewhere.

"Really? And you're sure you don't want to sit-in on the testing instead of being here by yourself?" He asks, his tone dripping in dubiety.

"I'm sure, Kyo," she replies, her voice clipped. "I need to stop by the bank and the grocery store on the way home so that I can take another pregnancy test. On top of that, I might get paged for work at anytime. I'll be fine."

And with that, she ducks around him, grabbing the car keys off the nightstand and slamming the front door behind her.

...

The trip to the bank and the supermarket was disastrous. She'd been cut off, flipped off, and pulled over for going exactly one mile over the speed limit. And after all of that, she finally managed to secure a parking space, only for someone to abandon their shopping cart right behind her after she'd already turned off the car.

Pushing past her darkening mood, she swipes the cart someone left, heading into the store for everything on their list. Including that dreaded pink and white stick she'd gotten all too familiar with having to pee on. She honestly felt more like a dog these days than a human; all she needed was to find a fire hydrant, lift her leg, and let loose.

Once arriving in the baked goods section, she smooths the wrinkled list out over the bar of her shopping cart, attempting to decipher Kyo's chicken scratch. In the end, she was successful because of all the notes they passed in math class seven years ago.

With a push of the basket, she sets off to locate the bread, milk, eggs, paper towels, and carpet cleaner to put off having to go through the feminine care isle. Just for a second - as she found an unbroken carton of eggs - she considered showing up at home empty-handed, because it was all pointless. She didn't know if she was strong enough to take the disappointment or the paranoia a seventh time.

By the time she manages to brave the aisle of doom, she freezes when she notices a familiar head of brunette putting a test of her own into a chartreuse handcart. But she doesn't get a chance to make a break for it, because the young woman runs over with recognition flooding her eyes.

"Oh my gosh! Gina! I haven't seen you since the wedding!" She yanks Gina into a crushing hug, like she was trying to squeeze every last drop of life out her.

"Hey...Kagura," she gets out, coughing with the pressure on her lungs. "Long time no see."

What was she doing here in this aisle?

With a pregnancy test!

"Uh, Kagura. I can't breathe."

"Oops! Sorry about that. Sometimes I forget about my own strength."

Gina forces a small smile onto her lips, deciding not to pluck a test until there weren't any witnesses around. "That's okay."

Kagura fidgets with the handle of her own basket, exuding with exciting energy. "I know we aren't really close, but I just _have _to tell someone before I explode!"

Gina quirks an eyebrow. "I'm not sure if I'm the best person to-"

"I might be pregnant!" She breaks in, practically bubbling over. "I know its sudden and we're not married or anything, but we've been seeing each other for a couple of years."

"Wow..." Gina pastes on a smile once more, forcing down the bitterness that left a bad taste in her mouth. "I'm happy for you, Kagura. It sounds like things are going really well for you."

"Yeah," she agrees, primping her hair. "I don't mean to brag, but its true what they say. You actually _can_ love your life."

"Mhm."

"I guess we both got our happy endings after all, huh?" Kagura asks, grabbing a second test just in case the first is faulty. "You _are _happy with Kyo, aren't you? If he tries to pull anything, I'll knock some sense right back into that skull of his."

"I'm happy to be with him," she murmurs in response, unsure of how happy she is with herself. "I guess its only right to tell you since you shared your news with me...but, Kyo and I have been trying to have a baby too."

"That's awesome!" Kagura cheers, clapping her hands together. "But...wait..." her elated expression is traded for a contemplative one as she thinks over the way Gina announced it. "'Trying?' Are you having a hard time getting pregnant?"

This girl was nothing if not blunt.

"...yeah...kind of." Gina tucks her hands into the pockets of her jeans, feeling an overwhelming sense of shame and awkwardness.

"Are you working around the days you naturally ovulate?"

"Yup. I've done everything I know to do as a doctor. And I've done my fair share of research." Her shoulders slump in defeat, as she forgoes her decision to wait on getting the test now that its out in the open. "Nothing's worked, but I don't have the heart to tell Kyo that I want to give up."

Kagura takes pause, thinking everything over for a moment.

"Try again. One more time."

Gina opens her mouth to object to this suggestion, only to be stopped by Kagura speaking again. "Trust me, Gina. I have a really good feeling about this one. Call it what you want, but I think its gonna happen this time."

Finally, she agrees to go along with it once more, preparing to go to the check-out line. But not before Kagura leaves her with one last thought.

"If you won't do it for yourself, do it for him. I know you love him enough to not throw in the towel, just yet."

...

Now was the moment of truth...

Gina completed the test, now she just had to wait for the results to show themselves.

And what an agonizing wait it was.

The white stick sat on their bathroom counter top, face-up as it calculated whether she was a failure of a woman or an expectant mother. At least, that's how she saw it.

She raises her shirt, eyeing her flat stomach in the mirror and trying to imagine how she'd cope for whichever way the sword fell. If the test was negative, she'd be forced to swallow her pride and tell Kyo. It would lead to more exams to find out if she didn't have enough eggs or if it were something as bad as endometriosis.

But if it was positive...

What if something went horribly wrong and she miscarried?

Or got to the very end, only to have her son or daughter die at birth.

She'd be just like her mother.

Gina allows the shirt that was once Kyo's cover her once more, hearing the tell-tale beeping of her phone alarm that signaled the end of the wait.

Mustering up the last of her courage, she chances a peek.

And everything in her goes still.

...

Kyo arrives at home, dumping his gym bag onto the floor by their shoes.

He had been looking forward to this day. Because all of the students that showed up for their next belt were to be promoted. It was really unfortunate that life didn't always work out that way. His youngest student didn't meet the standard so he would have no choice but to stay a green belt while his friends got their fifth. His immediate thought was to blame himself, for feeling like he didn't evenly work with each and every one in his class. Or everyone would have passed today.

With a sigh, he enters the kitchen to find his wife slaving away at their dinner. The only thing that could make him feel remotely better was her. It was just an added bonus that it was her turn to cook tonight.

"Smells good," he comments, bringing her back against him as he slips the wooden spoon out of her hands. He puts it between his lips in order to enjoy the robust flavors of the broth. And enjoy, he did. He always appreciated the stew she'd make once a week. Not leeks. Nothing he didn't like.

He kisses her on the cheek, grateful for how well she knew him. How perfectly her body fit against his. How nice that perfume of hers was.

"I take it you had a good day," she says, a pleased smile tugging at her lips. "Either that, or you're taking the 'kiss the cook' thing too seriously."

"Actually, it didn't turn out the way I wanted," he admits, turning to run the spoon under the tap. "But...you made me forget that for a second."

"I'm sorry things didn't work out, babe," she says, untying the apron from around her waist. She pops open one of their bottom cabinets to store it on the shelf before refocusing on serving tonight's meal. "But I have news that might just cheer you up."

He accepts the bowl and spoon she hands him, making his way to the couch with her not far behind. "You're wearing that bra I like?"

She bursts out laughing, caught off guard by this. "_No_, silly. I mean news that I have to share right this second because I've been holding it in for the past two hours."

He sits up straighter, setting his bowl down on the coffee table. "Crap. Why didn't you say so? What is it?"

In all honesty, he was scared out of his mind about what she might tell him. Were they evicted? Was she serving him divorce papers? Was she sending him to an anger management counselor? He wanted to believe none of those were possible because she said it was supposed to make his day better.

He just hoped he wasn't off.

But Gina grins...

And it washes all his worries away in just one go.

"I'm pregnant."

...

Kyo shoots up in bed, panting as he comes out of the elaborate dream that lasted into four am. To watch the events of their lives together unfold before his eyes - from Gina's point of view, no less - was something he couldn't even put into words.

He looks to his right, at the girl that lies beside him undisturbed from her own slumber. He leans forward and moves her gorgeous brown hair out of her face, feeling his stomach twist into knots and his heart pick up in pace.

This feeling wasn't new to him.

He'd experienced this when he was with her last Friday.

And before that.

And before that...

But this.

It trumped everything he _thought_ he felt before tonight.


	24. Wham, Bam, Thank You Ma'am

**Chapter Twenty-Four: Wham, Bam, Thank You Ma'am**

Tonight, we changed up routine and decided to check out an underground rave. It was Kyo's idea. He was very cryptic about this night in particular and his need to escape. Like his chances of surviving the night rested on us going…losing ourselves in the people…the alcohol…the drugs.

The EDM music pulsates.

The energy is eclectic and electric.

And yet, there is an undercurrent of heartache reflected in the audience popping ecstasy and tonguing strangers for some form of reprieve for their own troubles.

The trippy UV lights set off my body glitter in shimmery dots of color, loud and clear on the canvas of my skin. The platinum and deep blue strobes flashed on and off in time to the instrumentals that filled what little empty space was between us. The heavy smell of hard liquor passed from his breath, each time his lips came in contact with my neck and my jawline. And I find myself consumed with the traveling sound of the beat and the sensation of him stroking the small of my back.

Each neon glow stick was like a ray of surrender; a white flag, waved by the masses that signaled how they'd forsaken themselves. That they decided to fill the emptiness with pounding music and morning hangovers.

As the music begins to fade into the next song, he takes my hand and we run to places unknown. His legs carry us as if he's being chased, albeit unstably, lacing his body with the charge of adrenaline. And he leads us somewhere away from the imposing crowd. Somewhere we could be without being wall-to-wall with all the young adults boozing and shooting up, swaying drunkenly into one another in mindless rhythm. Instead, we end up just outside of all of that, and I'm backed against a brick wall by a staggering Kyo.

Everything seems to be in slow motion when he leans into me, causing whatever he drank to overwhelm the void that separates his body from mine. And the instinct to resist him in this state goes on ignored for the sake of running with it. Playing along. He takes me by the hips, bringing me roughly against him as if he were grasping for oxygen. And maybe...he was. His breaths seemed to grow shallower the more on edge he became.

It scared me.

He captures my lips, engulfing my fear and making it collide with his. And it makes my heart beat like a cornered animal on the verge of being captive by its predator. I feel my body shudder as his hands latch onto my black stockings, ripping them apart until he has access to my vulnerability. Trying to relieve his own.

He shoves his tongue past my lips like he did the night we met.

Desperate.

Frantic.

Hurried.

And I don't have a moment to catch my breath as he fiddles with the button and zipper of his jeans, moving faster than I'd ever seen him.

"Kyo," I manage, my voice thready and weak. "What's wrong?"

His breathing comes off labored, even when he looks up at me. And his eyes are flaming ice, frozen over with the hardness of his heart, and the loneliness of isolation. "My mom died today," he says, resting his forehead on my shoulder. "13 years ago, today."

Unable to continue watching him try to free himself, I place my hands over his to help him. Anything to remedy the sorrow and the hopelessness written all over him.

When I'm through, I collapse against the wall with realization. Understanding. He wanted something or someone to take his pain away. Like when we conquered my grief against the wall of his shower when we got back from the hospital. He wanted it in return. To be rescued from numbness in order to feel again. And...I could give him that. I could try.

I hook my finger in the collar of his shirt to regain his attention, and I take a deep breath in before diving headfirst. I pull his bottom lip between my teeth as he tears the clingy black material of my stockings even further, creating a hole that allows the winter wind to lash against my skin. I allow my head to fall back against the hard surface of the wall, kissing him deep enough that it distracts from the pain of him thrusting into me sharply. Though my nails bite into his arms as they grasp for support through how bad it hurts. His lips muffle the moan that escapes me. And I sling my leg around his hip to ground myself against the force of his frenzied movements that rock us into the hard surface behind us.

_"Don't you want to be loved…by someone?"_

This one single thought filled and ravaged the hollow space my head and heart came together. Even as I felt the rough texture of the brick wall behind us as it scraped the backs of my legs with each motion. Even though I was doing this for him, permitting myself to be what satiates the pain wearing away at his soul, I couldn't help but ask myself…

_"Don't you want to be loved…by someone?"_

"Kyo..." my breath hitches, putting my hands up between us to recreate some space. "Wait-"

I break the connection of our mouths, propelling him to look at me. That he has something to focus on while everything he felt was baring down on him.

"I need you to do something, Kyo. I need you to tell me...talk to me about what you're angry about." The palm of his hand comes down to smack against the mortar, holding the both of us up as sadness threatens to weigh us down.

He shakes his head, fast enough to get whiplash.

"No. I can't," he gasps out, slamming into me furiously. "I can't talk about her. I hate her. I hate her for what she did."

"What did she do?" I ask, trying to get more out of him. To get him to stop bottling up what he thought of his mother's suicide and keep the window into his thoughts open. How neglected and alone he'd been. Why there was an us in the first place.

"Take your anger out on me," I press forward, giving him his own words right back.

_Pour your pain into me_. _Don't hold onto it._

"She left me!" He swears under his breath, struggling to not be swept under the impact of his own words. "She jumped in front of that damned train because she hated me!"

Its hard to listen to him and be assaulted by the brunt of his ache.

But I know he needs to say it.

To scream it.

To forget it.

"What else?"

His jaw clenches, like his anger is a building inferno that sets fire to every cell, feeding off the oxygen in his body until it becomes a raging mountain of fury. "_It hurts_!" He yells with a tremble in his voice, squeezing his eyes shut.

"It feels like I'm in hell. But what does it matter?"

His entire body becomes a rigid cage around me, tense with the lack of control he has over everything in him.

"My father screwed me over and left me to fend for myself." He sinks down as his pace shatters, banging his fist against the wall. Again. And again. "So what does it matter?

I bite my lip, blinking back tears that would reveal the pressure building behind my eyes as I listened. That I was becoming weak when I wanted to be strong enough for him. But I refuse to steal his moment to rant and grieve.

So I redirect my efforts to wrapping my arms around him and keeping him close to me. To redistribute the gravity of his burden to my own shoulders.

He goes slack as he's stripped of the chill in the night air, replaced with my own heat as I surround him. And with every passing second we spend in darkness, connected and alone together, the more he seems to melt into me. Even as he lays out more of what he'd spent over a decade internalizing.

"I feel sick..." he sighs, pounding his fist again. "I'm sick and tired of it all. The worst part of it is... I don't know if it'll happen again." Defeat wraps his words in its strangling vice, followed by the sound of his nails digging into the wall until the last of his anger loosens his hold in a breath of air. "It could happen to anyone that tries to get close to me."

And with those words time comes to a screeching halt.

"I want out."

My breath catches, everything else around us going stagnant.

There's nothing left but the snaps of the harsh breeze and the precarious meaning in that _awful_ statement. My hands clutch the back of his shirt - automatically, without thought - as I mull over what I need to say and broach this carefully.

"You...you're not thinking of doing something dangerous, are you?" And it isn't until I feel the heaviness of those syllables on my tongue that a tide of nausea and panic rise within me. Because, as much as I didn't think he'd try to pull something like suicide, the thought of living without him-

It...it wasn't something I had to think about before.

But now that I was...

"Don't worry about me," he murmurs, tilting his head up to meet my eyes again. "Its like I said; I'm a jerk, but I'm not a selfish one. I wouldn't do that to Kazuma."

Oh. Right. Of course he cares about his dad. I mean, it was foolish to think he would bring me up. And it would be pathetic to pity myself over him not mentioning me. I should be more upset about the way he's feeling. Not about where I ranked in his mind of importance. What did I think this was?

What did I think _I _was to him?

I jump when his hand moves to cup my cheek and the edge in his eyes softens. And that single touch lights a fuse to a ticking time bomb I had no hope of diffusing. I hadn't known what it was I wanted from him…what I wanted him to do to fill the need in me a few Fridays ago.

But it was different now.

…

_"Kyo…what?" He claps his hand over my mouth, digging through his dresser for something._

_"Just wait. And stop trying to bite me," he growls, slamming the drawer shut and uncovering my lips. I smile when I notice the red hot imprint left on his hand, right before he draws a black tie up and brings it over my eyes._

_My vision goes dark and all I have to go on are sounds and shifts of air with each movement he makes._

_In a heartbeat, a fingertip runs the length of my thigh, making my body shiver involuntarily with the fleeting touch. Before I feel a hand run the distance of my waist and its seconds before I'm met with the sensation of cool fabric beneath me._

_I smooth my palms over the material and come to the conclusion that it's his bed, when my finger catches on a familiar hole in the sheets._

_Something feathery tickles my lip and my tongue darts out automatically, trying to relieve myself of the unknown feeling without being able to see it for myself. A chuckle sounds somewhere above me and that tickly feeling returns, this time making its way down my throat and to the valley of my boobs. My back arches as the heightened feeling descends down, down, and past my belly button to make its home at the apex of my thighs._

_"Oh," I gasp, thankful when the tingles retreat and I'm sentenced to chills and silence. "What...what is that?"_

_Something smooth...his lips, I think...brush against my collarbone, followed by a hand that rolls the hem of my crop top up even further, leaving it bunched up around my waist. I feel him smile against me and I sigh when that alone is magnified under the darkness and the soft creaks of the bed._

_"Have I told you how hot it is that you have that?"_

_My eyebrows draw together, confused about what he was referring to. "Have what?"_

_"This," he mumbles against my throat, his thumb circling my pierced navel. "It's so sexy," he groans, his tongue praising my body in ways that his words fail to. And I'm thankful for the blindfold where I can pretend this is another reality; one where he meant every word that passed his lips and that he loved touching me because he wanted me, not just the act. I found that I've been torturing myself like this a lot lately. All because of the small moments he _ _lets me spend the night and tells me I'm beautiful and-_

_"Did you hear me?" He asks suddenly, pausing his ministrations._

_I shake my head against the mattress, securing my legs around his waist. I didn't want to hear whatever he had to say. It would only make the dull ache in my chest grow. And I needed to mute my thoughts. To shut up this feeling before it got further out of control. And the only way that would happen is if he takes me and does it now before I screw it all up._

_"Kiss me," I demand, using my hands to feel around until I find his belt buckle, and slip it free. "And just forget about the rest."_

_He does, no questions asked, and his hands join mine to speed up the process. The sounds of his breathing act as a metronome, setting the pace for my heartbeat as his touches come a lot more than when we first started. And when we do it, it doesn't feel right. Our bodies always fit together like missing puzzle pieces, and he gave it to me fast and hard enough to quiet all my muddled thoughts. But it was like…it wasn't enough. Like still feeling hungry after having just eaten. I felt..._

...

_Unsatisfied_.

My heart twists painfully as I wrestle with pushing back or giving in. Because he did drink, and if he woke up the next day thinking I took advantage of him, he'd never forgive me.

I couldn't live with that.

But the dynamic between us falls away as his thumb caresses the area my facial flaw lied, that source of insecurity concealed with makeup. And it makes me wonder...if maybe, just maybe...it was safe to go forward. If tonight was the night we could forfeit our inhibitions about being together.

That he was saying _its ok_.

I hesitantly lean into his calloused palm, reveling in the contrasting warmth of his hand to the coolness of my cheek, feeling my lips lift ever so slightly. And in that single motion I find his eyes tracking my mouth. Before once again clashing with my own eyes. And he inches closer - closer than I thought possible - filling my nose with a hint of cinnamon before his lips make their home on mine. Its a softer kiss. Sweeter.

His hands run through my dip dyed hair as if appraising it. Appreciating it.

He lightly nips at my bottom lip, and I part my lips enough for his tongue to slip in and meet mine. But its different than the first kiss from just ten minutes ago. Its so _slow _and lazy and wonderful. Its not rough or rushed. And I can't help but throw my arms around his neck so that we're chest to chest and I can feel the fullness of him. I periodically turn my head to come up for air while his hands smooth over my curves and make me want more.

And strangely, there's nowhere I'd rather be.


	25. What The Future Holds

**Chapter Twenty-Five: What The Future Holds**

"Can you set the table, sweetie?" My mom asks, swiping at suspicious beads of sweat forming under her hairline. "I need a break."

A break from _what_? We ordered takeout.

But I wisely hold my tongue and I rummage through the silverware drawer, searching the cabinets for our best dishes. I could have cooked dinner tonight under normal circumstances. But I had to spend most of this afternoon mentally preparing myself and talking Kyo off the ledge in regards to the invitation to dinner.

Its not like it came as a shock that he tried to back out of something like this. Even though it was something my mom proposed to support me and thank him for being there for us at the funeral. Dinner with the parents of your...girl...person...just _screams_ relationship. And even though things seemed to be different between us, they weren't different enough.

"A little more to the left please," my mom requests, fanning herself with the Thai food menu. "Very good. And don't forget to set a place for your father. He'll be joining us."

"Really?" Try as I might, its impossible to disguise the surprise in my voice. "He told you that?"

She pauses, her green eyes searching the room. For an out or for the man in question for fear of him eavesdropping, I don't know. But all of a sudden she looks angry.

"Yes," she confirms through clenched teeth, rising up to busy herself with retrieving a bottle of chardonnay from the liquor cabinet. "He did."

Then why does she sound so annoyed about it? I know they aren't exactly the happiest couple out there, but they still loved each other. So what gives?

"Oh," I say instead, rolling up a napkin at the head of the table for Satoshi. I ensure that it hides the oatmeal stain on it from breakfast three weeks ago. But it doesn't take my mind off the possibility I feared most; another divorce.

My fingers tremble then, making it more difficult to loop the next napkin through its ring. I grab my wrist to try and keep it from shaking, continuing with my task of setting the table as if nothing is wrong.

And fifteen minutes later, Satoshi leaves his study, a face full of stubble and crow's feet pulling at his dull eyes as he takes his seat at the head of the table. My mom comes around with a box of fried rice and scrambled eggs, scraping it onto one of the many dishes scattered on he tablecloth.

"Did you wash up for supper?" She asks him, keeping her eyes on what she's doing instead of her husband.

"I don't need you checking up on me," he answers, curtly. "Or did you forget that I'm capable of taking care of myself?"

"Apparently you can't if you didn't remember to shave," she retorts, raising her eyes to glare at him. "Or to support me through everything. Have _you _forgotten the vow you made to me? For better or for worse. Or do you just remember what's convenient for you to remember?"

He slams his fist onto the table, causing the dishes to jump. "That's enough!" He glances over at me, schooling his harsh expression to a blank one as if me being in the room saved them from this conversation. "We have a guest coming over. Now is _not _the time to talk about that."

And for some reason, its as if that single statement sucks the oxygen out of the room.

Because it was familiar to me.

Like an old lullaby; a song I'd heard once before.

The same one my father sang before he left my mother, relocating to Okinawa.

I finish placing the napkins, before making a mad dash out of the room without any words of explanation. I close the door to my room behind me and rest my weight against it. I slide down to the floor, gripping my hair and squeezing my eyes shut as I try to not think about it.

I just need to stop thinking about it.

Yeah...that's all.

_I won't be left alone._

_I won't be left alone._

_I won't be left alone._

I continue saying this to myself over and over again until I'm calm and can stand again. With a deep breath in, I exit the room and return to the table, waiting for Kyo to arrive.

...

"_Bing. Bong," _the doorbell chimes, announcing his arrival.

"I'll get it," my mom says in a pinched voice, forcing a smile to her lips as she makes her way to the door.

I tap my foot against the table legs, focusing on the motion instead of the strife coursing through the room, until I'm jolted out of limbo by the new presence of a familiar body next to me. I keep my eyes trained on the meal in front of me until I'm able to collect myself enough to not let my mood show, before I manage to lift my gaze to rendezvous with his.

But what I see throws me off.

He looks...almost..._concerned_.

Was I that obvious?

"So," my mom cuts in, seating herself across from us, "Kyo, how are things going for you at school? Are you doing well?"

I turn to her, attempting to convey how intrusive that was without speaking, only to find myself ignored for the sake of his answer.

"Yeah, I'm doing alright," he says, picking up a bead of rice with his chopsticks. "Your daughter helped me out with some of it," he continues, letting his leg rest against mine beneath the table.

And for the first time, I notice how nicely he cleans up when he wants to. He was wearing one of his black button downs and matching slacks that were probably reserved for special occasions.

Did he think this was worthy of that?

"That's wonderful," my mom bubbles, dabbing at her lips with a napkin. "Gina doesn't help just anybody with that. Though I just don't understand why she would be ashamed of that IQ of hers."

"Mom," I say in warning. "Please...drop it."

"You know your mother," Satoshi drawls, his tone injected with false sweetness. "She just can't let anything go."

Her chopsticks clatter against the plate, slipping from her grip. "And you seem to have a poor memory as it was you that told me now's the wrong time and place for this."

I run my hands down my face, feeling beyond mortified.

This is _not_ happening right now.

"The food is really good," Kyo says, his eyes darting from me to my mom. "I guess Gina must have learned how to cook from you, ma'am."

I choose to cling to the hope that he just rescued this evening from dangerous territory, only to find my efforts to be in vain with what comes next.

Satoshi snorts at the compliment, snagging a bite of grilled fish. "If she knew how to cook, I'd say your theory was founded. Sorry to disappoint, son. But its baseless as her food is tasteless."

"That's it!" My mom snaps, standing abruptly. "I need to see you in the other room, Satoshi..._now_."

He follows her into their bedroom, not protesting for once, leaving Kyo and I alone together.

And its then that I hide my face behind my hands. Because everything was falling apart right in front of my face and there was nothing I could do to stop this. Once again its powerless, weak Gina that can't save her parents from each other. Unable to keep her own family from splitting up.

"Hey," Kyo prods, tugging my arm to remove one hand from my face. "Ki- Gina?"

I let out a shaky breath, allowing him to pull my other hand away to leave me open.

"What?" I gnaw on my lower lip as everything flashing in front of me threatens to crush me beneath its heel. "You can always leave if you want. I didn't force you to come here."

He scoffs, making me look at him directly with his finger under my chin. "Like I'd back down. I don't walk away scared of anything. Especially not...this..." His hand drops to my lap, turning in his chair so that my legs are between his. As if he's trying to lock me in place and keep me from running away. Because leaving this situation behind me was the first thing I wanted to do.

"You're not gonna let me win, are you?" He asks, interlacing our hands together. "If I stick this out, then you have to. Or else you lose to me. And I know you can't stand losing a fight."

I squeeze his hand, needing something to hold me down as I consider his words.

And I come to the single conclusion that he was right.

I wouldn't...I wouldn't walk away this time.

Or hide.

I _will_ see this through, even if it turns out to be a nightmare.

Because through it all he makes it tolerable.

_Its us against the world_.

Satoshi decides to turn in early for the night. At least that's the excuse my mom gives.

She says that we'll redo this dinner another time. But we should continue as there was no sense in the food going to waste.

And I decide that its okay. Because Kyo never once lets go of my hand, even as we eat, and the cumbersome absence of my step-dad tapers off into the background.

...

_Friday_

"Will you sit still?" He asks, laughing despite himself as he attempts to pin me to the mattress and take what was his.

"Mm-mm," I say, shaking my head and holding the documentation out of reach, squirming my way up the bed as he swipes at me again. "Not until you say it."

"No way in hell."

"Kyo," I wag my free finger at him, leaking reproach into my tone. "Say _it_..."

For a moment, I think he might just admit that I'm the better fighter. But I realize my disillusionment a millisecond too late when he's already sprung into action and lunges at me.

"Ah!" I yelp, feeling smothered under the sudden addition of a masculine body on top of mine. "Was that really necessary?"

"Yeah," he says, plucking the papers out of my hand before jamming them into his back pocket. "Was stealing the deed to the place worth me getting on top of you?"

I can't help but smile deviously as my mind takes that statement and twists it.

"Its about time you took control. I shouldn't always be the one doing all the work...setting the pace," I drawl, running my finger over his lips, wanting my lips to take its place.

His eyes go back and forth between mine, like he can't quite decide which is his favorite, before they close and he dips his head. And when he slides his lips over mine, I forget everything else but how insane this made me, and all the ways I could make him go crazy.

But before I can make any of it a reality, he draws back first, his hand drifting behind him once more. Only this time, he waves the prize in front of me. Like he's baiting me to try and grab for it again.

"If you're good, I'll tell you what's in this," he teases.

It was cute of him to think I wouldn't rise to the occasion.

Keeping my eyes locked with his, I pop open the buttons of my blouse, one by one by one. And I take his free hand, placing it over my cleavage with a smirk of my own. When he swallows and shifts a little...I know the ball is in my court.

"Are you sure that's what you want from me?" I cluck my tongue, shaking my head in disbelief. "You and I both know that you want your little bad girl, Kitty around." I draw his hand toward my mouth, circling the tip of his finger with my tongue, before withdrawing it. "Am I wrong?"

He licks his lips, looking away. "S-Shut up...I'll just tell you anyway." He folds his arms across his chest, like a pouting child that didn't get their way. And its hilarious to me. "I've been given the rights to the dojo by Kazuma...dad, I mean."

With this news, we both sober up, and he looks to the ceiling as he recounts the story for me.

"My old man decided to get his will taken care of and he signed it over to me as the beneficiary in case..." he clears his throat, pushing past the crack in his voice over that statement "...in case something happens to him. Or he retires. He says I can take the first two years out of high school helping him run it if I'm not ready for college, or if its what I want to do with my life. But I already know what I want to do."

"Oh?" I say, feeling my own letter begging for my attention in my front pocket. "I assume you want to help with the dojo?"

"Of course I do!" He confirms, pumping his fist into the air. "Can you imagine me teaching people how to do what we do? Fighting until their last breath! It'll be just like my dream!"

At this I pause in getting out my own folded up paper, curious. "Dream? What are you talking about?"

All of a sudden, he looks embarrassed. He's quick to change subjects, crouching down and most likely pretending to be searching for something under his bed. "You said you had something you wanted to tell me."

I roll my eyes, unable to keep the smile off my lips very long as I finally take out the single paper my entire future depended on. Okay. Scratch that. Thinking about everything hanging in the balance was making me feel petrified.

"I'll tell you if you get up here and sit beside me." I tease, poking fun at his bribe from earlier. "I need my Kitty-Kat for moral support."

As expected, this snaps him out of his former shame, and he climbs onto the bed where I wanted him to be. "Seriously, _Kitty_?"

"Yes, _Citrus Boy_," I throw back, sticking my tongue out. "Do you want to find out or not?"

He narrows his eyes, fixing his face into a near grimace. "Fine."

I smile, deciding to throw caution to the wind and I lay my head on his shoulder, feeling a lot less afraid of reading this while being so close to him.

"This will determine if I got early acceptance to a University I've been wanting to go to since I was in middle school," I explain, beaming now that he's pulled me even closer, regardless of the tremors of my hands. "Its says..._Dear Miss Hiyashi_, _congratulations on your admission_\- ah! I got in!" I squeal, throwing my arms around him, causing us to fall backward.

But I don't care. Because something good was _actually _happening.

"I didn't doubt they would take you," Kyo says, a smile in his voice as he strokes the back of my hair. "They'd be stupid if they rejected you. Even I know that."

"Aww. I never knew you were so sweet."

"Stop."

"But seriously, this is huge for me," I continue, sitting up on my elbows. "Now I'll actually be able to start interning at this private pediatric clinic I was looking into. I'll be shadowing the doctor, learning how to work with the patients, and I get to do the basics like checking for vitals and things."

"Really?"

I nod, finally relieved of one weight on my chest. "Yeah. I'm just...I wonder if its normal to feel weird that things are working out so well. Sometimes it feels like I don't really deserve to be happy."

His brows furrow, followed by the cant of his head. "Are you kidding me? You've never done anything wrong or pushed someone away. You're..." he drops his head, fidgeting. "No one in their right mind would hurt you on purpose. And I doubt you would either."

"I used to think I was the reason my dad left." I laugh, coldly. "When he came home one night - the only time he drank too much - he bumped his head on the counter. And, I was useless. I couldn't help patch him up. I didn't know something as simple as first aid.

"But it was the feeling of not being enough that made me aspire to become a doctor. I wanted to help others so that they'd never end up in the same position."

"Well..." he raises up on his forearms, his hands moving to my knees. "I guess we both win."

_We both win_.

Why did I get a strange feeling about that? Like it was another tune I'd heard before.

Deciding not to think too much of it, we celebrate the progress that was made. Holding a private festivity where no clothes were allowed and we always ended up caught up in each other, catapulted into the fray.

He uncrosses my legs, spreading them enough that he fits between them. And my pulse stutters as his hands move through my hair to tilt my head back, leaving me in the vulnerable position of him watching everything I felt in my eyes. But the same could be said for him. And like a reflection, the moment he drags his lips across mine in a kiss, we moan at the same time. And I feel heat building in my stomach and at my core. His fingertips trail from my knee to my thigh until they slip under my skirt and he cups my backside. I arch against his touch, secretly turned on by how aggressive he was when he saw what he wanted. And there was nothing sexier than being what a man wants and will do anything to get.

He smirks against my lips, his thumbs stroking my bare flesh, making my body hum at the attention. "No underwear?"

I move my hands to the back of his legs, bringing him forward so that he's pressed up against me. And I allow a small smile as I say, "I wasn't sure if you'd notice any time soon. But it shouldn't surprise you too much."

"Why's that?" He asks, adopting a lower tone as his tongue fearlessly roams down the column of my throat and he kisses his way to my shoulder.

"Because...you make me do naughty things," I say, wondering if its really me and not somebody else speaking for me. It was almost like I was becoming less like myself every day. But that's silly...I'm overreacting.

He groans, the vibrations of it sinking into my bones, as his hands glide back down to my legs to hook them around his waist. He lays me back on his bed and pushes up on me, hitting that spot that makes my eyes roll back.

"Its not fair..." I breathe, my cheeks flushed. "You always make me lose it first. Guys are usually the ones to finish first."

He slows the contact of our bodies, swiping his hair out of his eyes to see me more clearly. His gaze seeks out the view of where we were almost connected before sweeping back to meet mine. And a genuinely warm smile overcomes the tormented expression he normally wore.

"I want you to be pleasured first, dummy. But if you want me to stop being so considerate..." He trails off, noticing how much darker my face has become, fighting the smug grin tugging at his lips.

I flatten my hands over his back, thankful when his warm, tan skin is what I'm met with instead of a shirt that would only slow things down. Though I hide my approval behind a scowl. "You're a meanie."

He laughs, leaning into me to press his lips against the corner of my mouth, teasing me with his scent and his proximity. Before he retreats and takes the smell of spices with him. "Yeah. Sure I am. I guess me acting like that makes you hot if you're ready for me already."

And as much as I don't want to admit it...there's no lying or joking my way out of that. Its not like he can't tell. I was the one at a disadvantage this round.

"You make it sound one-sided," I respond, not louder than a murmur. "You've wanted me since I took your finger in my mouth earlier."

He blinks, his mouth opening and closing.

I smile, looking to the stars that hung over our heads. And I think about the telescope that sat outside my balcony every night. Though I imagine searching for constellations would only be enhanced if he looked with me, I was no fool.

We wouldn't go near the subject of dating with a ten foot pole.

And the more I pictured us being together and getting closer than we were already...

The more I thought about how bad it would be if it ended in a breakup.

I've already been through one divorce. And the thought of losing the only guy I like over an argument or a fight because we decided to be together, was a thought that murdered my confidence.

Between that and the fear of him getting bored of me, I progressively closed myself off as I found new things I liked about him. And the longer I buried Gina, the heavier it got.

And the more I became somebody else...

The more I lost myself in the end.


	26. Deck The Halls

**Chapter Twenty-Six: Deck The Halls**

A creme flyer vying for my attention is tacked to the cork board just outside the boxing ring. The air conditioner kicks up every now and then, forcing me to press down on the paper so that it won't fly away.

_Put your fighting skills to the test in this nationwide tournament! Compete against the best of the best in your class, duking it out to win the grand prize!_

_Get ready to rumble!_

_December 23rd (All Day)_

Excited, I tear one of the tabs off the bottom and head home to ask my mom if I could do this. Because right now, there was nothing else I'd rather do than prepare for the matches next Saturday.

...

"No," Kyo says, massaging his temples. "I won't train you."

I gape at him. "What? Why not? We'd just be sparring for an hour every day, and you can give me a few pointers."

"I already told you, Kitty. I'm not gonna help you."

"And I'm asking you why not? Do you think I'm going to lose and not be able to handle it or something? I'm not a little girl, and I didn't ask for your evaluation."

I didn't want to be mad at him. But this whole altercation was ridiculous. I wasn't asking him to spare a liver, I just wanted someone to train with that could read me and tell me what needs fixing. Not for him to decide that I would never make it out there.

"You know I don't think that," he says, scowling. "I know you probably will win."

"Then what's the problem?" I repeat, tired of going in circles.

He clamps his mouth shut, an anxiousness I'd never seen in him flashing in his eyes. He forks his fingers through his hair, sighing.

"You never let anything go, do you? I don't get why you can't just take no for an answer."

Its those words that set me off. The condescending connotation of clinging to frivolous things, being an annoyance. It was those very words my dad hurled at my mom; the ones he said to hurt her because he was screwed up on the inside, telling her she'd amount to being a failing artist and nothing more.

"Fine," I say, snatching up my things and shoving my feet into my shoes. "I'll find my own way to do this, whether you support me or not. I really don't care."

"Are you seriously leaving over this?" He asks, incredulous. "Just because I won't have a hand in you getting hurt."

I pause, glaring at him. "_What_?"

"You're so annoying! Why do I have to tell you that I don't want you getting hurt? Why can't you figure that out for yourself?"

I stop in my tracks, the flame of my earlier anger flickering out. "But I fight you...I've never gotten hurt."

He exhales again, approaching me until we're toe to toe and eye to eye. "Its different with me. I don't harm you on purpose. Who knows what kind of bloodthirsty psychos you'll be going up against?"

I lay my head on his chest, staring down at my feet. "You make it sound so dramatic. But I guess you have a point. I just-" I close my eyes, feeling the weight fall back on my shoulders. "I don't want to be afraid all the time. I want to...I want to prove something to myself."

"Alright, I won't try to change your mind," he consents, his hands moving to my shoulders to bring me away from his body. "But I won't help you do it either. I don't want the guilt of helping you do something dangerous on my head. You gotta promise me one thing, though."

I meet his eyes, scared of his condition. "That depends..."

"You need to forfeit if you feel yourself struggling to stay conscious. If you think - even for a second - that you won't make it, promise me you'll tap out."

I think over this for a few moments, weighing the pros and cons, before settling on my decision.

"Ok. I promise. But if I win, you have to treat me to a huge bowl of mochi."

"But its cold outside!"

I smile, my eyes landing on the small blemish I left on his collarbone. "I know. I'm strange like that."

...

In the dressing room, a black shoe box with magenta tissue paper catches my eye. Written in crude handwriting and white sharpie is my name.

I gently remove the tissue paper, only to unveil a pair of new purple boxing gloves. And they weren't just any purple, but they were lavender - my favorite shade - and custom made. As I slip one on, I realize that it literally fits like a glove, and I search through the box for any sign of who its from.

I finally come across a note that's in the same handwriting, on a ripped piece of notebook paper.

_I know you'll be awesome out there. Don't let yourself be intimidated by all of these chumps. You're tougher than that._

_Merry Christmas_

_..._

I pop in my mouth guard, noting that my competition was sizing me up from her corner of the ring. She bashes her gloves together in a show of aggression, though the effect is watered down by her braids and baby face.

I switch from foot to foot, stretching as the time to begin the first round draws near.

"We believe in you, Gina!" Momiji shouts, bouncing in his seat beside a stoic Haru and disgruntled Kyo.

I smile at him, appreciative of his encouragement as the announcer climbs beneath the corded ropes and assumes his place in the center.

A mic drops down in front of him, and he grabs it with one meaty hand. "Helloooooo ladies and gentlemen! Are you ready for the final match of the 25th annual boxing tournament?"

The crowd jumps to their feet in response, stomping and letting out cries for who they were rooting for.

"I'll take that as a yes," he says, giving off a cheap chortle. "In this corner we have 21 year old Rao Hatashi, weighing in at 80 kilograms and a height of 5"7". She is the undefeated, can't be beat, Raging Maniac!"

The room erupts in cheers and red paper cups being thrown, the crowd rallying for Japan's second youngest reigning champion. And its in the midst of it that I realize I don't have a cool fighting name. Maybe I'll think up with one if I actually manage to come away with this win.

"And in the opposite corner, we have this year's underdog, 18 year old Gina Hiyashi weighing in at 56 kilograms and a height of 5"4". She is the can't be tamed, yet cool-headed Gina Hiyashi!"

At this, the arena howls with cheers just as loud as those for my opponent. And my pulse races as the referee trades places with the announcer, followed by the bell ringer getting into position.

"The rules are as follows," begins the referee, his black whistle dangling from around his neck. "Kicks and punches are allowed, there are three minutes for three rounds. If one of you manages to KO the other in the first round, the fight is over. If you've run down the clock and you're both still standing, you continue until there is a winner or a tie. Should there be a tie, you enter into sudden death. If you have questions, speak now or forever hold your peace."

Rao raises her glove, her eyes on me as she asks, "Any rules about what happens if we kill each other?"

"If I see either one of you attempting that, I will call everything off and the other wins by default. Am I understood?"

We both nod, and the referee takes several paces back, directing us to return to our corners. Once we do, he puts the whistle between his lips, bringing his hand down in a starting signal. And with the chime of the tiny hammer hitting the bell, we begin.

We dance around each other for a mere few seconds before she goes in for the kill. As to be expected from a swarmer, she throws punches towards my mid-section, before following up with several hooks to force me back against the ropes. I manage to swerve and avoid the first few punches, only to take a blow that knocks the air out of my lungs. My breath leaves me in a whoosh, before an uppercut sends me flying backward and forces air back into me. My teeth rattle with the impact and the room goes sideways. I pant, a strand of my sweat drenched hair tumbling into my eyes as I eyeball her for the next attack.

I didn't have much time to observe her before I began my matches, but I learned some things. Her fighting style was extremely offensive and swift, often rendering her opponents unconscious or leaving them with concussions. I was fast on my feet, but I was very calculative, which put me at a disadvantage at times.

To work against her comfort zone, I back away to reconstruct some distance and make note of her pattern. As she came at me again, I noticed the way her left foot dragged ever so slightly, though I duck just before she can land another swing. I guess I had to play the long distance game and keep her at bay.

"Come on, Princess," she taunts, her hateful eyes marring her innocent countenance. "Fight me. Show me that you're not a waste of air."

As she takes another swing, I slide past her, and make a break for the other side. We continue through the round like this, me attempting to run through her stamina and Rao trying to knock me out cold. The crowd fades into background noise as the sound of my own breath fills my ears, sweat accumulating on every part of my body as the round concludes.

I collapse on my wooden stool, squeezing my plastic bottle to douse myself in water. I gauge her level of exhaustion, knowing my efforts weren't fruitless by the way she heaved and the frustration etched into her expression. At this, I allow a small smile. I'm the first to progress to the second round in a fight with her. That's all the hope I need.

As the referee calls us back into position, I get to my aching blistery feet, considering my options for this upcoming round. I could either focus on countering each of her punches, putting enough power into them to knock her out; I could continue with my previous method and evade her until she was tired enough to get sloppy; or I could slug her as soon as the opportunity presents itself, and follow up with combos.

But what would work? She might be onto me by now.

With no more time to think, only to act, I throw my focus back into the fight.

Taking me by surprise, she changes her stance and drops to the floor in a sweep kick that forces me to jump at the last second. By the time I'm recovered, she's already pulled her fist back and sent it into my face, making the blood rush to my eye and blur my vision with its swelling.

Crap. She wasn't stupid after all. I guess that leaves me with only two choices, now.

Opting to nurse my eye later, I watch for a moment to follow through with plan B, dodging her blows and her deadly kicks. If I can just target her weak spot once, I can win this. I have to...

With an unexpected ferocity, she ends up behind me, attempting to kick my legs out from beneath me once again. I hop, knowing that now was the time. That it was now or never.

With my heart in my throat and my legs shaking, I spin around like a top to deliver my strongest blow, right in the middle of her solar plexus. And she crashes into the ropes, wheezing as her arms hang on them to hold up her weight. I hunch over with my hands on my knees, fighting the urge to throw up long enough to keep track of my opponent. But its not even a full minute when her breathing is snuffled out, her head lolling to the side as she wilts to the floor.

I find myself in shock.

Even when the referee rushes to the floor and checks her pulse. Even when he says she's alive but knocked out. Even as I'm declared the winner of the tournament, I'm still in a daze.

It isn't until my arm is raised in the air, like a victory flag, and the boys rush over to congratulate me that gravity forces me back down to Earth.

...

Its Christmas Eve.

The day after my big win.

Tohru, Uo, Hana, and I all agreed on staying over at Tohru's tonight and heading back home in the morning after the gift exchange. What I didn't know was the fact Kyo's cousins also happened to live with Tohru. And one of them was a bit...well...

He had this wolfish smile about him, with shaggy black hair, and dark eyes. Which is fine and good, sort of. But the moment we passed over the threshold of his domain, he swept us up in a hurricane of compliments (of the perverted variety) in the eye of that storm was his other cousin.

"Welcome back to my humble abode, friends of Tohru! And- oh! Be still my beating heart...is this a new flower I see? My, high-school girls are getting prettier by the year."

"Shigure," Yuki cuts in, his tone as chilling as ice. "I suppose two dictionaries to the head wasn't enough for you. Maybe I underestimated your hard head and need to add a third." His voice - albeit, carrying cordiality - was veiled in a threat that even I picked up on.

"Bah humbug," Shigure says with a hand pressed against his forehead, watching as the prince makes his exit. "You need to quit being such a scrooge, Yuki. I think I need to invite Aya over to get you into the Christmas spirit! He knows how to awaken it in you."

At this, he slowly turns around, his purple eyes a weighted threat of their own. "If you do, I'll get in touch with your editor. I believe she wouldn't mind looking into your transcript progress. Would she?"

Shigure waves that away. "Nonsense! I'll play nice. After all, I have four high school girls to get me through. Its such a cold and lonely winter night."

"If that cat were here, he'd deal with that filthy mouth of yours. I don't have the time," Yuki mutters, heading upstairs.

Knowing Kyo, he'd probably force Shigure to eat a bar of soap. Whole.

"What are you? Some kind of dirty old man?" Uo asks, dropping her bag with a frightening thump. "Don't make us regret allowing Tohru to stay with you."

"Yes...it would be a shame if her living arrangements had to be altered," Hana adds, her smooth voice rolling through the atmosphere. "Especially during the holidays."

"Wouldn't dream of it," he says, skirting off to the nearby study. "Now if you'll excuse me-" and with that, the door closes and locks behind him.

I shake my head at his antics, following the girls upstairs to Tohru's room. I hadn't really thought of it before, but Kyo's cousins were all so different. Yuki was level-headed, but could be provoked; Shigure seemed to be vocal in regards to the female population (a little too vocal); Momiji was a sweetheart; Kagura was...well, I don't know what; and Haru was an enigma. Nothing more could be said about him. I don't even think their family _has _a black sheep.

On the way up, I notice the red and green flashing lights that coil along the railing. The path to Tohru's room is filled with white fairy lights that grace the walls. And cotton - acting as fake snow - covers the hallway in front of her door.

Its cute.

The first thing that hits me when I walk in is the smell of cookies. It wafts over from a tray of sweets and graham crackers, next to bags of gumdrops and candy canes, like we would be assembling gingerbread houses. Tubs of white and pink frosting sit beside that, filling the room with the scent of a sugary factory.

"Woah there Tohru," Uo says, her uncovered eye wide. "Are you trying to put us into a diabetic coma?"

"Mom always said that I had a sweet tooth." Tohru giggles, sitting cross-legged and bringing magazines out from beneath her bed. "I already wrapped everyone's presents last month, but I need help with these tests."

"Huh? I thought exams were done." I look over her shoulder, skimming the pages of the 18+ women magazine. "Ohh. You mean that kind of test."

She blushes, folding her hands in her lap as Uo takes it to look. "Yuki and I have been dating for almost a year and a half, so I thought I'd do something different."

"Oh Tohru," Hana coos, placing her hands over her heart. "You don't have to do this to keep your boyfriend. If he loves you, he won't force you into intercourse."

"L-Love? I-I-Intercourse?" She stutters, nervously wringing her skirt. "I was talking about kissing."

We all still, baffled by this news.

They haven't made it past first base? After a year and six months? That's kinda sweet, actually.

"You should practice on a pillow," Uo jokes, grabbing for the bright yellow one on her bed. "Pucker up."

I snort. "Practicing on the hand works too. At least...that's what I've heard."

"Hey, wait a minute...you've made out with guys haven't you?" Uo glances at me, flipping the page. "Why don't you show her how its done."

"I'm good. But thanks for asking," I say, retrieving the box of candy canes. "You know what is fun, though? Making gingerbread houses."

"Really, Gina? No one else has any experience. Not even me."

"Me as well, though I might require of this advice as well in the near future," Hana adds, peeking at the article. "This is simply a generalized quiz that rates you based on how you answer. That won't help Tohru in her quest for intimacy."

"Wow Hana, you make it seem like the best thing in the world. Now I want to kiss somebody."

I sigh, knowing they wouldn't quit until I gave them something.

"Alright, but I'm no expert." I turn to face Tohru, pondering what would suit her. "For you, since its your first, you need to know something that'll ease your nerves; kissing is totally natural. Its not rocket science, and I guarantee you'll know what to do in the moment. I have no clue about Yuki's experience or lack thereof, so I don't know if he'll take the lead. But I think you'll work it out."

Tohru nods, her face set in determination. "Ok! I never give up. And I'll keep practicing until I get it right. Can you hand me that pillow, Uo?"

I smack my hand against my forehead, unable to suppress my laughter any longer.

What a strange girl...


	27. New Year's

**Chapter Twenty-Seven: New Year's**

Kyo and I decided to do something completely crazy for two days of our winter break. And that insane something was a road trip to Okinawa, just the two of us, in a rental car.

"How did you score this, anyway?" I ask, taking in the sleek body and its chrome undertones. "Aren't you too young to rent?"

He smirks, patting the hood. "I pulled some strings and got the last one off the lot. A lot of people are going home this weekend."

"By pull strings, you mean-"

"I mean its better that you don't know," he says, sinking into the driver's seat. "Trust me."

I roll my eyes, taking my seat on the left and closing the door behind me. "I didn't know you drive automatic. I just assumed you drive stick."

He shrugs, putting the car in reverse and looking over his shoulder. "I do. But this is the only car I could find with everything else I wanted."

I wasn't sure if he was referring to the roomy backseat or the way it drove, but I was fine either way. So long as I never had to get behind the wheel, this could prove to be a fun trip.

...

"I'm telling you that you make a right at the light," I demand, feeling exasperated for the fifth time. "It says so right here on my phone."

He scoffs, flipping the lever downward to signal left. "I don't trust technology. I've heard about people being mislead and routed through bad neighborhoods. But if you really have a death wish..."

I gasp. "I can't believe you just said that. And on top of it all, you're still going the wrong way!"

"I told you, I know what I'm doing."

"No you don't."

"Yes I do!"

"No you don't!"

And with that, he veers off the main road and continues until he's able to pull over to the curb. We come to a stop and he puts the car in park, leaving us with the heater's white noise as the moon's light pours in through the steamed up windows and windshield. He unbuckles his seat belt and turns so that he faces me fully, though I refuse to even so much as look at him. I don't know if its his pride or if he really is a technophobe, but it still irritated me just as much.

"Unlike you, I've been driving a minute," He begins, his voice raising in volume with each word. "I hate it when people underestimate me. Why can't you just believe I actually know my way?"

I finally decide to look at him, folding my arms across my chest. "I don't distrust you, Kyo. Its natural to be susceptible to getting lost in unknown territory. It has nothing to do with what I think of your intelligence or your sense of direction."

"Really?" He asks, narrowing his eyes.

Was that _doubt _in his tone?

Who's the one not trusting, now?

"Yeah," I say, undoing my own seat-belt to freely stare him down. "Although now, I'm starting to question your judgement..."

"What?" He seethes, balling his fists.

"You heard me," I throw back, feeling a little heated. "I may not have a license, but at least I know when to listen to the counsel of other people. If you're this hard headed, I don't even know how you obey speed limits and stop signs. You'd probably think the law underestimates you too."

Yeah...I probably struck a nerve and pushed too far.

But it makes me angry that he has to live with the fear he has; the one that told him everyone was out to get him and there was no one he could trust. It was insulting that he lumped me in with that lot because I'd made a small suggestion.

I bite down hard on my tongue, willing myself not to say anything worse. And my gut fills with remorse when I see the hurt in his eyes and the way his entire being stiffens.

"Kyo..." I sigh. "I'm sorry I said that. I-"

"Why?" He cuts in. "You only said what's true. I'm an idiot."

"No," I counter, shaking my head. "You're not."

"I know you're only trying to help. I just...gah, I'm so messed up..." he says, his voice descending with each word spoken.

He looks like he wants to scream or run or hide; like another part of him was bared to me without his consent. The side of his that never stopped bleeding from all the years his dad made him feel worthless.

And before I know it, the rage and sadness in his eyes draws closer and closer.

And soon his lips are on mine, like I erased the toll everything took on him.

And my hands end up in his hair.

And I'm straddling him in the driver's seat.

His tongue pushes past my lips, roughly grounding my hips against his with his own hands. A moan forces its way out of me in response to his tongue and his body. And I forget what even started this argument. I tilt my head back, his lips moving to the point between my neck and my shoulder and he bites down, provoking a sharp hiss to pass my teeth, dragging the strap of my dress down with it.

I reach behind me, pressing down on my zipper with my thumb and forefinger, feeling him return the favor of helping me to get free. And with the other strap collapsing, the material falls, ending up bunched around my mid-section. He curves the shell of my ear with his tongue, causing me to shiver, encouraging him to intensify the friction smoldering between us. And his teeth graze my earlobe, earning the sigh that pass my lips in the way he always did.

I shut my eyes as it becomes too much. Too overwhelming. Something that numbed my brain and made my heart check out all at the same time. But I still want more of it. Something I can't get from the position we're in. So I take the lead in climbing off his lap and into the backseat. I use the opportunity of waiting for him to shimmy out of the dress all the way and kick it to the floor, leaving me in nothing but the red bra and underwear he seemed to like the most.

What I wore just for him.

He places one knee on the console, then the other, bumping his head on the roof in the process of reaching me. He only takes a second to rub his head as he watches me lay on my back, the simmering anger in his eyes fading with each inch of skin revealed to him.

He moves between my legs, inclining his head and showering kisses all over my stomach, down to the inside of my thigh. He nips at my skin, wasting no time in building up to undressing me with his teeth, latching onto the lacy see-through material. He yanks it down past my knees, slipping it over my feet with the hand not working on my bra. And when I'm naked for him, he kicks off his jeans, poising himself over me as he supports himself with a hand on the seat. There's an unrivaled hunger in his eyes that screamed his desire to ravage me; to make me crave the pleasure only he knew how to give me.

But instead of letting him be in control, I grip him, nervously crouching to the floor and whetting my lips with my tongue. His eyebrows draw together, reflecting his confusion over this unexplored position. But when I lock eyes with him, taking him into my mouth while pumping my hand, I observe the surprise that enters his expression. A groan parts his lips as I start bobbing my head, tracing his length while refusing to break our stare.

He shakes his head, squeezing his eyes shut. "You shouldn't...you shouldn't be doing this."

I hum in protest, finding my point proven when he starts rocking into my heat. And I start to take more of him in, take him deeper, wondering if he really means what he says.

But in contrast to his physical reaction, he persists in telling me otherwise. "Kitty...stop...you don't deserve this."

What? Was he saying I was even beneath a blow job? Was he serious, right now?

I glare at him, taking him as deep as I can handle him, resuming my rapid movements from before. And his breath hitches, becoming pants and words of how good it feels in between. But as I feel him bracing for the climax, he attempts to withdraw from me, his eyes flying open.

"Gina...its not fair to you," he says, his voice entering a lower register that makes warmth rush to my stomach. "This is beneath you. You don't deserve this." He swears again, becoming aware of how close he is to the edge in the same moment I do. "I want to finish inside you."

And that statement makes the aching between my legs palpable and painful. I needed him as badly as he wanted me. So I slowly slide him out and enthrone myself on the seat with my legs spread for him. His breathing is hot and heavy as he kisses me and moans into my mouth, taking the time to prepare me to handle him, making me short of breath with each new digit. And before I have a second to even my breathing, he pushes into me and I throw my head back. His hips slap against mine with his fast thrusts, and I can tell that he's already about to lose it from what I did to him.

My fingertips dance along the curve of his spine, sinking my nails into his back as he hits me harder. "Come on, Kyo," I say, directly into his ear. "You like hearing how naughty you make me...show me...how bad I can be."

A sharp intake of breath permeates the space near my ear, followed by how tense he was getting with his impending orgasm.

"Make me beg," I say, closing my eyes as I lose myself in our rhythm. "Make me...feel good."

He throws my leg over his shoulder, changing the angle and sending me reeling. All of a sudden I can't speak. My nails dig into the seat below me, our breaths matching the speed of the synchronicity of our bodies coming together. Every sensation and mingling breath incinerates me from the inside out.

But after pulling out, he trades places with me, maneuvering to the floor. My chest rises and falls as I come down from the high, lead right back into ecstasy when he kneels in front of me and puts his head between my legs. He hooks my thighs around him, daring to meet my gaze with half-lidded eyes.

_Oh my..._

I bite my lip to try and keep from crying out, only for a sharp inhale to storm my lungs as his tongue darts out and he takes my breath away. My whole body trembles under the slow and torturous ministrations each lap of his tongue creates. And I can't believe we've never done this before tonight.

Its over all too soon, Kyo resting against the car door, and gathering me in his arms. It isn't until I look up that I realize we could see the celestial bodies above us, through the sun roof. It leaves me wondering if he chose this car off the lot for this reason; so that I could gaze at the stars, like we were conquering the world in his room together.

"Do you know...what constellation that is?" I ask, in between recovering my breath. "It only appears in December."

"No. What is it?"

"The Triangulam. It crosses the meridian around 9pm. I'm surprised to see it, tonight."

And for a few moments, we're bathed in silence as we bask in the mystifying sight of the stars and the full moon. I lay my head on his shoulder behind me, encompassed in his lulling body heat that makes the heater pale in comparison. I find myself content in spending the next hour with him out here alone, away from all of the heartbreak, grief, and stress we left at home.

I've never experienced longing for someone this strong.

...

After the car ride up here, we decided on showering and staying in our hotel. But we'd gotten in too late for sight-seeing to really have much of a say in the matter.

Now, I'm reclining on my stomach in the middle of our bed, flipping through one of the medical textbooks from my secret admirer. Even after all this time, I still haven't been able to figure out who my mystery man is. I began to believe it might actually be someone I'd passed over, but then Haru and Momiji cheered me on the same night I'd received boxing gloves. They both knew me by name and they obviously knew I fought; so I was back at square one...again.

It was making me dizzy trying to solve it.

Why can't they just cut to the chase? I've been in suspense for a month or so.

I hear a tell-tale creak of a door opening, though I don't acknowledge it being engrossed in information on herniated discs and the risky surgery that could be performed on them. But I find myself interrupted when two DVDs are waved in front of my face, forcing me to look up at the hot head holding them. His smile dangles on the corner of his lips, his sienna eyes teasing and tempting me.

"Look what I got," he taunts, crouching down so that he's eye-level with me. "I packed some movies in my duffel bag so that we could watch them."

At this I glance down, my breath catching when I see one of my favorite movies included in the mix. I try to take it, only to have it ripped out of my reach. And I can't help but pout when he decides that he'd chosen _this_ to toy with me.

Much to my disdain, he stands again, forcing me to sit up on my knees to close the distance.

"_Please_, Kyo?"

I lean forward - my necklace swinging with the motion - and kiss him, coyly reaching behind his back for the movies, just managing to brush my fingertips against one when he yanks it up and away.

He releases my lips first, shaking his head in amusement. "You're that hard up for two old movies?"

I pause for dramatic effect, creating a diversion. "Yes."

I pounce on him, tackling him to the bed and plucking my favorite from his hand. Finally having success, I scramble to my feet and make a run for the TV. My breaths fluctuate with adrenaline as he stares me down from his position on the bed, but my victory outweighs all of it. To get him back for his earlier teasing, I trace the outline of my lips with the corner of the DVD, biting it ever so slightly as his eyes dart from my silky black nightgown to my naughty smile. He wasn't getting it back, now.

"You blew your chance," I say, breathless from the chase. "I would have been willing to do a lot of things for this movie. I have a lot of love for it."

His eyebrow cocks at this, curiosity brimming his eyes. "What's so special about it, anyway? Its an old movie from the '70s."

"Its _Rocky __II_," I explain, though I think it should be pretty obvious. "The Balboa-Creed rematch goes down in this movie. And, he gets married to Adrian. I happen to like a little romance every now and then."

He frowns, casting his inscrutable gaze to the carpet. "You never told me that."

Confused, I set my knee on the bed to stabilize myself, noting the tension that washed away his smile. "I didn't think it mattered. With us, its all about sex..."

"Do you still think that?" He asks seriously. "Things changed. We started talking, spending more time together. There's more than just sex."

My jaw drops, a million impulses and thoughts inundating my brain. Would this be the time? Is this the moment we'd establish what we were?

"But I don't think you'd touch a friend the way you touch me," I muse aloud, crawling between his legs as if in a trance. "Or look at me the way you do. Or kiss me," I continue, finding my chest pressed against his and his heartbeat rising up to kiss mine with each breath. "Do you want me?"

This was it.

I'd asked the million dollar question.

_Do you want me, Kyo?_

_Do you want to try your hand at loving me? And letting me love you?_

His eyes move back and forth between mine, cutting to my lips every now and then as a curtain of silence falls. His eyes survey me like a kicked feline, trying to find the one person that doesn't house a venomous soul or ulterior motives. His hands tentatively cup my waist, drifting to the small of my back as I scavenge the depths of his eyes for my answer.

But instead of giving me a response, he simply brushes his lips against mine. And I feel tears threaten to spill over my cheeks as I'm wrought with a loneliness that gnaws at my heart.

Because I knew, even before he got up that he wouldn't say anything about it. The only statement to leave his lips is to the effect of being hungry, followed by him buzzing for room service. But a raw ache snakes itself around the void in my heart, leaving me no choice but to excuse myself to the only safe haven.

The bathroom.

And its there that I sink to the floor, mourning for my heart and muffing my cries by shoving my face into my knees. But I only allow myself enough time to collect myself and put on a brave face - Kitty's face - to go out and face the guy I liked more than anyone else.

It hurts.

But I'm used to it.

...

Turns out that the hotel's kitchen only operated from seven in the morning to midnight. Since room service wasn't going to cater to any midnight cravings - or in this case, 3am ones - we both left for the nearby diner. The neon red sign announced its twenty-four hour business hours in half-lit letters. Moss was coiling up the building's cracked surface in a helix and was slowly inching towards the glass door we walked through, smeared fingerprints adorning the transparent exterior.

We shake off our snow at the door mat, before making our way to the far back booth of the diner, away from the only two customers here at this hour. And now that I smell espresso, I can't help but want a cup regardless of how late it actually is. I remove my coat and set it on the seat beside me after having scooted over to the window. But instead of taking his place across from me, he opts to plop right down on my brown winter coat, leaning in to me.

"This is how you treat me, huh? Distancing yourself."

My heart skips.

"_What?_"

He snorts, retrieving one of the yellowing menus. "Apparently I need to teach you how to take a joke."

A joke? Oh I could take a joke.

But that 'joke' was more than a little untimely, considering our last conversation.

"Ha. Ha...ha..." I force laughter, trying to hide my embarrassment behind my own menu. "Anyway, this gourmet burger actually looks pretty good. And they sell cappuccinos."

He props his chin up on one hand, laying the list of food items flat on the table. "Yeah, I'll take one of those."

"I'm not the waitress y'know," I say, attempting to swallow my previous blunder with a dose of his own medicine. "Telling me isn't going to help you."

Its then that he rests back against the seat, throwing his arm over the side. I glance up at him out of my peripherals, noticing that his gaze is running the length of my legs from beneath the table.

"You _could _be one..." he suggests, half-shrugging.

"What, I have the legs to pull it off? Right..."

His eyes penetrate mine, an unshakable seriousness in them. "You're not wrong."

"Y-Y-You..." I snap my head in the opposite direction, training my gaze on the window as freezing rain falls just outside. "You shouldn't say things like that. I might actually think you find me attractive."

"I do," he says plainly, like its old news. "You're are beautiful. Not just when we're alone together."

I gnaw on my lower lip, trying my best to not to get too excited about that statement. One wrong move, and I could push too far. But, I just had to know...if...

"What can I do ya for?" A brash voice makes me jump, making me whirl around in my seat to face the interruption. Her nose is slightly crooked like she's been in a fight and never had the bone reset. She's dressed in a bubble gum pink gingham dress with a matching apron, snapping her gum as she jots something down on her notepad.

"Uh, I'll take..." What was the order again? It feels like my brain's fried. "We'll have-"

"-Two well done gourmet burgers," Kyo jumps in, stacking his menu on top of mine. "Leave the cheese on, but hold the onions. Ketchup on one and mustard on the other. Two pickles for her and three for me."

What? How did he-

"You've got a fast tongue," the woman says, recording everything at the pace he set. "You ever consider the food business, baby? You'd make one heck of a waiter. All you gotta do is know the lingo, then talk the talk to the chef."

"No."

The lady is taken aback by his short and to the point response, but recovers quickly as she turns heel and stalks over to the give the orders to the chef.

And I finally manage to find my voice again. "How did you know how I like my burger?"

He pauses, redirecting his gaze to the ripped vinyl of the seats across from us. "I don't know. You probably told me or something."

I don't remember that coming up.

"Or your mom did. Does it really matter?"

_Yes_.

"No."

_It just shows that you care._

"It doesn't matter, I guess." I smile graciously at the waitress when she brings a tray of water glasses. And as she makes her exit, I grab for mine, putting the straw between my lips. I wince a little at the taste of tap water, but press on because I was too thirsty not to.

"That reminds me," Kyo says, pointedly eyeing the straw's position in my mouth. "About earlier..."

"Hmm?" I set my drink down, curious as to where he's going with this.

"I meant what I said. I was just caught up...in...what you were doing," he continues, looking away as heat rises to his cheeks. "You don't deserve it." At this he resumes his former disposition, facing me again. "I respect you too much to let you do that again."

What was he talking about?

"I don't understand."

He sighs, sprawling his legs out in front of him. "To me, even though it felt good, it seemed almost...like you were putting yourself beneath me."

"Isn't that how it works?" I joke, hoping some levity will ease my nerves.

He snorts, shaking his head. "My point is that I don't want you doing that for me anymore. You deserve to be pleasured. It needs to be equal or for you only."

My straw leaves my lips, too confounded to focus on much else. It makes me happy to hear that he actually sees me as more than when we first started. That I'm not just a sexual object to him. But...I never expected to earn his respect.

"I know we're not dating and its weird for me to say it, but I respect you as a fighter. And as a person. I...don't hate you."

"Thanks," I say, smiling a mile-wide. "Its so sweet of you to not consider me as an enemy."

"Shut up," he mumbles half-heartedly, snatching up his glass. "You ruined it."

For that, I elbow him swiftly in the ribs, and I'm satisfied when he glares at me. "Don't forget, I just won my last match. Y'know...the next time you claim I've ruined something."

He rolls his eyes, his arm curling around my waist to tug me against him. "Whatever."

Our food is finally brought around, and I immediately go in for my coffee, only to have my hand slapped away. And I can't help but feel a sense of deja vu.

"Eat first. Then coffee," he says, sliding the plastic red tray closer. "I don't want you getting sick because you didn't have enough food with caffeine."

I sigh, pouring a sizeable amount of ketchup for the fries, because I know he's right. It figures he would know considering the morning I'd spent downing cups and cups of coffee. He was there during that time, too.

"So," I begin, dipping a curly fry into my portion of ketchup. "I don't know how to do small talk. I have no idea if you're any better with it-"

He gives me a look; one that said 'what do you think?' in that Kyo way of his.

"-Never mind," I finish, cramming another fry into my mouth. "We're both awful with conversation."

"We _suck _at it," he adds, smirking.

"Yeah. Unless we're passing notes or something."

At this, he perks up, pulling a bunch of napkins from the dispenser. I pause mid-bite, watching him turn the insides of his pockets out, as if looking for something.

"Do you have a pen?" He asks, still patting himself down in search of one.

"Yeah. But its in my coat-"

He stands in the booth, ripping the coat from out beneath him, coming across a blue pen in the right pocket. Seemingly content with his search, he sits back down on my coat, before scrawling on one of the stacked napkins. And when he's finished, he slides it in my direction, biting off a large piece of his burger.

I look down at it, feeling myself light up when I realize what he wanted.

**Who says we can't pass notes?**

_No one. =^_^=_

**What's with the cutesy face?**

_What isn't with the 'cutesy face'? As you so eloquently put it._

**You're ridiculous.**

_But you like that about me. ;)_

** _Pfft. You're imagining things._ **

_Not really, Kitty-kat. Anyway...I propose we play a little game._

**The last game we played almost got you arrested. Or maimed.**

_Its not my fault! A dare's a dare. But that's not the game I'm talking about._

**Then what? You sure know how to drag crap out.**

_Excuse me? O.O_

**You know what I wrote.**

_Barely. xD_

**At least my handwriting isn't girly. And fancy. And awful.**

_I think you rather like my handwriting._

**Who talks like that?**

_Me. :3_

**What game is it weirdo?**

_We both have to share one random fact; it can be a hobby, a favorite color, whatever…If you're man enough to take me on._

**I can't believe I'm actually thinking about this.**

_I'll start. :) I slept with a nightlight until I was fifteen._

_I can hear you laughing as I'm writing this. Its not fair of you to read over my shoulder._

**I'm not laughing.**

_Are too!_

**Yeah. I know.**

**Fine I'll go.**

**Orange isn't that bad of a color. Happy?**

_I already know that's your favorite color, silly. I'm talking about things we don't know about each other._

**Ugh. Ok. I like all kinds of fish. But I hate miso. Unless its in a soup.**

_I used to want to be a firefighter._

**Really? ** **Why?**

**I would have thought you'd say a boxer. Or a serial killer.**

_What the heck? I'm not a sociopath._

_But thank you, Kyo. You really know how to flatter a girl._

**You asked for it when you called me that nick-name.**

_I don't get why it bothers you so much. Is it that emasculating?_

**No. It reminds me of my past and I don't want to think about it all the time.**

_Oh. Sorry…_

_Um, the reason I wanted to be a firefighter is because my dad is one. Or at least, I think he's still one. We never really discuss anything beyond how I'm doing in school and whether mom's still alive._

**Does he even know about your boxing tournament? Or your internship? College?**

_No, no, and no. If he knew about any of those things, he'd be pissed. If he found out I was pursuing a career in medicine, he'd write me off as a dreamer. Just like he did to mom. And forget letting him know about fighting. He'd scream at me and my mom because 'I'm a girl' and he doesn't think girls should do that sort of thing._

**He sounds like a bastard. I don't even know how you put up with that bull.**

_Funnily enough, he is a bastard. He was born out of wedlock and an affair. But honestly, my philosophy is that I should forgive him for myself, not for his sake. I chose to love him and forgive him because I don't want to spend my life angry all the time._

**You're not mad at him? At all?**

**I hate my father. I can't ever see myself letting him back into my life. Let alone forgiving him of a damned thing.**

_I wouldn't say that there's no anger. But I try to not let it wreck my mood or my decisions._

_And I'm really sorry about what happened to you._

I cease writing, wondering if I should continue. But not more than a minute later, I've made up my mind.

_If you want to talk about it all again, I'll listen. Even though its not normal for us. I want to help you through it if I can._

I pass him the fourth napkin we've gone through, redirecting my attention on adding creamer and a coffee stirrer to my drink, and keeping busy while I wait for his response.

It's an agonizing three minutes before I find it in front of me again.

**Thanks.**

...

Tonight is the annual Sohma New Year's Eve Bash. And this time, I'm Kyo's plus-one, minus the dumping aspect of the last party I went to. I'd invited my friends over to get ready together and get their advice.

"Should I go with the red dress or the black one?" I ask, my hair pinned up as I lay out my choices. "Or this gold one? Should I wear heels or flats so that I don't look like a try-hard? Or maybe-"

"Gina," Uo cuts in, taking me by the shoulders and giving me a good shake. "Relax. This is what we're here for." She glances behind me, eyeing my options. "Since its with orange top, I vote black. Black looks hot on anyone. And I'd kill to see his face when he sees you in it."

"I recommend the heels," Hana chimes in, painting her own nails black. "It will make you radiant. Although you are very beautiful already."

"I think red would be best," Tohru adds, a little more timidly than usual. "Its Kyo's favorite color next to orange."

I nod, like a soldier receiving new marching orders. "Right. Red dress, high heels. Got it."

I strip down in the middle of everyone (my modesty died long ago), leaving myself in nothing but my bra and underwear as I try on the feisty number. I first attempt to bring it down over my head, only to find it getting stuck on the slopes of my shoulders. I make a second try, stepping into it, relieved when it eases up my form and caresses my curves in all the right places. After managing to zip it halfway, helped by Tohru, I proceed to wiggle my foot into a pair of platforms I'd paid for with blood, sweat, and tears. It took me a whole summer of lifeguard/CPR duty to earn them. But now I'd finally be able to enjoy them.

"Hey Hana, any smoking hot goth guys catch your interest?" Uo asks, tying her hair up in a high ponytail, allowing her bangs to remain loose and hide her eye.

"Well...there is a man that I am taken with," she intones, slipping on her own low heels. "I've always been infatuated with older men; they're much more mature."

"Oh? Who?"

Hana pauses, her dark eyes landing on me, before she returns her attention to dressing. "Someone..." comes her mysterious reply.

Someone? If its an old guy, then why did she look at me when she said it? Was it someone I knew?

"Fair enough," Uo says, unfazed by the vague answer. "Question for everyone...which is more important for a guy to have? Beautiful eyes or a sexy bod?"

Tohru's face nearly combusts with color, her hands flying to her blaring cheeks. "I-I don't...isn't their personality important?"

"Yes, my sweet innocent Tohru," Uo says, patting her on the head. "But don't you have an opinion about it? You are dating the prince after all."

"W-well, he has nice eyes," she says, fragments of pink leaving her cheeks. "Really pretty purple ones."

"Even I admit that he's pretty," Uo concurs, nodding. "But do you think that's better than having abs and a nice a-"

"Um!" Tohru breaks in, teetering back and forth between embarrassed and calm. "It doesn't matter to me. Really! His heart is the most important part."

Wow. No wonder Kyo fell for her. She's pretty, pure, and a sweetheart. If I were him, I'd be in love with her.

"What about you, Arisa?" Hana asks, seated and ready to go. "You haven't answered your own question."

"Abs all the way," Uo whoops, smiling deviously. "Gina?"

I finish fixing my hair, stalling time to come up with an answer that wouldn't be incriminating. On the one hand, it was all in fun, and they probably wouldn't grill me about my answer; I always thought things through and analyzed them to death, anyway. On the other, it could mean them asking what I thought of Kyo.

"I'm a sucker for unique eyes," I admit, my hands dropping to my sides. "But a six pack would do me in."

"Ha! I knew it! Pay up Hana," Uo cheers again, sticking her open palm out to receive her wager.

Several coins are dropped into her hand, followed by the slow exhale of the one paying. "Very well. I always keep my word."

"I know! Hey- did you let me win? You usually know what's gonna happen beforehand!"

Hana smiles, putting a finger to her lips. "That's for me to know, Arisa."

...

"I can't believe they're having a drinking contest," I say, following Kyo up onto the roof tiles. "I wouldn't be surprised if they did keg stands or something."

"Leave it to that idiot mutt and that snake sicko to pull that," Kyo grumbles, holding out a flute glass filled with apple cider for me to take. "Its already bad enough they don't have champagne or anything else."

I laugh, accepting the glass of amber liquid. "You not feeling like beer tonight? I might fall over."

"Your wish is my command," he says, narrowing his eyes.

"Kidding! I'm kidding. I need to teach _you_ how to take a joke, this time," I retort, taking a sip to be greeted by fizz.

The party had been pretty fun and was still going, but things had begun to get out of hand when Yuki's brother showed up. He and Shigure (the host) turned frat boy the minute alcohol got involved. Kyo said they were annoying, but not usually this reckless. It didn't take long for the party to spin out of control and become one massive noisy drunk-fest. That's how Kyo and I ended up here in the crisp winter air, on a rooftop.

"Its New Years," I announce, watching the movement of the clouds surrounding the moon. "At sunrise, people make wishes for the year."

"Are you suggesting we do that?" He asks, taken aback.

"No! I'm just stating a fact, is all..." Because really, wishing amounted to nothing. But I did want some way to ask for what I hoped for.

"If we did," he begins, the tips of his ears glowing pink, "What would you wish for?"

I smile. "Success at the University and my internship. To train more." For my family to be healed of our loss. And...the thing I wanted just as much to happen was for me to be with someone that loved me. And for that someone to be Kyo.

"That's all I can think of," I say instead, looking back at the sky. "You?"

"A year ago, I would have said I want to beat that Yuki once and for all," he says, appearing to be wrestling with himself. "But now...I just want to be happy." He turns away, knocking back the rest of his drink. "As pathetic as that sounds."

"That's not pathetic, Kyo. Its what we all want. I want to be happy, too."

He raises his gaze, meeting mine and making the world stop. "I can't give you that."

And that's all it takes...before my heart drops to the bottom of my stomach with a hollow thud.

_Thud._

_Thud._

_...Thud..._

But then, I'm bringing him closer before I can think, and suddenly we're embracing. And I'm drowning. And soaring. Because it meant that things really had changed; in some way, shape or form...he cared. He had to. Even if he thought he wouldn't be right for me.

"Kyo," I choke, a phone call jarring us to attention. I pull away from him to fish it out of my bag, putting it to my ear.

"Hello?"

"Gina...its me."


	28. Best Kept Secrets

**Chapter Twenty-Eight: Best Kept Secrets**

"Hello?"

"Gina...its me."

His voice. Its officially been a year since the last time I heard that voice. He bypassed my birthday and other holidays. What made today so special?

"What do you need?" I ask, forcing the tremble out of my own voice to remain detached. I refuse to let the lonely little girl in me reach out to him. Not right now.

"How are you? Still making straight A's?"

I sigh, the air visibly leaving my cold lips and pouring into the night air.

"Yes. Why are you calling?"

I can imagine him frowning, a cigar rolled between his fingers and the window cracked just enough to let the smoke escape.

"That doesn't sound like my Ina-Bean. What's the matter?"

There's a story behind that nickname, but not one I'm excited to talk about.

I close my eyes, willing myself to cap the bubbling frustration and the building hurt. I have decided to forgive him of past screw ups. But this is the present. And he was still...just...apathetic. His tone said more than his words did.

"Gina. My name is Gina, dad. And I'm asking you what you want from me. You're calling out of the blue after a year of silence."

At this, Kyo's eyes widen in surprise, realization of the person on the other line dawning on him as he speaks again.

"You sounded like your mother just now. Like you expect me to fly out and grovel at your feet or something."

Actually, that didn't sound like the worst idea.

"Ina-Bean, I have no ill-will like your mother probably told you I do. I just want to see how you're doing and wish you a happy new year. Is that a crime?"

I pan my gaze to the sky, wondering if I really am the one being ridiculous or if I was justified in my line of questioning. Was it wrong of me?

Before I get the chance to correct my behavior, Kyo shakes his head, mouthing something. I squint, zeroing in on the movement of his lips.

'Don't do it.'

I find myself taken aback at how well he could read me, predicting what I was about to do. And to me...that's enough reason to listen. He could be biased because his own father situation, but he also knew me better. And he would be there for me if I stand up for myself and gain some self-respect.

"That's nice, dad. But..." I meet Kyo's eyes, drawing on the fight in him to keep me going. "I'm going to get off now. Its getting late."

"Alright Ina-Bean. Talk to you in a few months."

I don't even bother bargaining for a phone call once a month. I learned that was a waste of breath when I turned thirteen. Instead I say goodbye and hangup, remaining rooted to the roof with Kyo as we await the sunrise.

I watch the sun transform his skin in gradual swatches of color. It brought life to his tanned skin, bathed it in shades of oranges and pinks that failed to do him justice. I've scoffed at the thought of a guy being deemed beautiful. But Kyo...he had this roguish, rough around the edges appearance that I found striking...appealing...beautiful. And the light made a mural out of him that made me want to wrap myself in his hues. The scent of spices that cloaked him gave me comfort as it always did. It was the scent that reminded me that I wasn't by myself. What I wanted to take with me when he couldn't be at my side. What remained in my nose long after going home and flopping down on my bed, like a part of him always stayed with me.

It felt almost perfect.

But all it takes is a tousle in the sheets and a slip-up for our world conquering Fridays to come crashing down. We'd slept together on the first day of a new year; and the irony of doing the same old thing would have made me laugh if it hadn't been for the receipt I found. That single sheet of paper underneath his bed that printed out his true identity.

And it flays my heart from the inside out and turns everything I knew on its head.

It was from a sporting goods store, incriminating ink on white paper that spelled out the price of boxing gloves.

And I realized that it had been all too perfect on the rooftop. It felt right when it should have felt wrong. Because the person Kyo is and who I thought he was are two different people.

My secret admirer...is Kyo.

At least, that's what my immediate thought was. But if that were true...then where was the evidence for every other purchase?

And that thought clicks, as if all the pieces of a Rubik's cube linked up.

How each note and hint pointed to Kyo.

The telescope...

_You like looking at the sky._

_I like looking at you when you look at the sky._

_This way we both win._

The medical textbooks...

_Its sappy._

_But I want to make you happy._

_I'm not the man for you._

_But these books are for that dream of yours._

_Who says I have to rhyme all the time?_

The receipt was dated for the night of my fight, most-likely a last minute purchase. Leaving him no time to type something after having fought with me beforehand. He was the only one that knew I wanted to be a doctor and how badly I would want to view the stars. The medical textbooks and telescope should have been a dead giveaway.

It all should have been.

But what began it all was the flowers. With a message in each shade, petal, and scent.

_"You and me and our love for company."_

_Pleasure and Pain._

_Exotic Beauty._

_Energy._

_Friendship._

_From a Wonderful Moment to a Wonderful Memory._

_"Things were complicated."_

And I just have to wonder if that was the moment he started falling for me...when the gifts began.

It annoyed me to no end that he played with my head, claiming apathy when he's liked me all this time.

It made me devastated for all the lost time we could have been together as a couple if he had talked to me about it instead of hiding behind a facade.

And...it made me so pathetically happy that he wanted me like I wanted him. But it wasn't going to happen this way. Our relationship is meaningless unless we agree to be upfront.

I'm done messing around.

...

"Hey Kyo, you _are_ tapping that right?"

"He's gotta be. Why else would he go home with a girl unless she's easy?"

"I hear she's been dicked down by two other guys, the little whore. So...how is she?"

I pause in the school hallway, finding Kyo with three other guys around the corner and a crowd gathering.

"What?" Kyo hisses through clenched teeth, his hand curling around something in a tight fist.

"You know? How is she in bed? I want to know what I'm getting before I ask her out."

"Yeah, we get tired of hooking up with the same old chicks." He nudges the other pig with his elbow, smirking like he's oh so sexy. "If they don't have a lot going on back there, I'd settle for a chick with a nice rack any day."

And that's what makes Kyo go from his usual temper to downright feral.

Before I can blink, Kyo has his arm rammed into the guy's throat, forcing him against the locker door as every part of him trembles with rage.

"What the heck man? You can't share?" He chokes out, his eyes rolling back as he claws for breath.

"Shut up!" Kyo yells, thrusting him back so that his head hits the door again. "Don't talk about her like she's some kind of whore, you filthy piece of-"

"Hey!" One of them cuts in, trying to pry Kyo's arm off. "Get...off..."

"That's enough," I say, stepping out of hiding and gaining the eyes of everyone in the hallway. "Kyo, I need to talk to you."

His hold slackens almost instantly, causing the boy to drop to the floor and for air to rush back into his lungs.

But Kyo and I pay no mind to him or anyone else as we go to our place, beneath the stairs in the science hallway. The entire walk there is excruciating, our footsteps deafening. I can feel the heat of his stare burning through my back as I lead the way, and it only serves to amp up my nerves and drive into my pulse like a jackhammer.

Its almost a relief when we arrive and I have to confront him about everything. Even though the confusion in his eyes tugs at my heart all the same.

"Kyo..." I sigh, twisting my hands to keep from reaching out to him. "I-"

"Before you say anything, I wanted to tell you I had nothing to do with that garbage they were talking about," he says, his hands moving to my hips. "If you hadn't stepped in, I would have beat the living crap out of them."

"See, that's the problem..." I move his hands away, backing up to create a gap of space. "You've been screwing with my head this entire time."

His eyebrows furrow. "What do you mean?"

"I saw the receipt," I say, observing the gamut of emotions that flash before my eyes. "You've been buying me all that, haven't you?"

He ducks his head, a shadow falling over him.

Decade long minutes tick with revealing silence, prolonging the words I hoped wouldn't come.

"When?"

"New Year's Day, two nights ago...I learned that I'm not the only coward. That we were both stupid enough to not say anything."

"Kitty-"

"I jumped to conclusions, I think. I figured you were just messing with me. But now I think it's just because you were scared of us being together. And you ran from your feelings just like I buried mine."

He shakes his head, his eyes burrowing into me. "I'm no good for you. I told you that I can't bring you happiness. The only way I could even _try_to make you smile was by giving you all that. If you knew that I was behind it, you'd know how I felt, and pursue me. I would ruin your life if we got together..." his gaze drops to the ground, his hand raking through his hair. "I would only cause you pain."

"You didn't give me the chance you idiot," I snap, startling him to attention. "You don't think I'm scared? I've never been with anyone, and I still don't know what I'm doing here. But I want you. And I know that you want me." I take a few steps forward, jabbing my index finger into his chest. "I want every day of the week with you, not just Fridays. Until you decide to be with me for real...I don't want anything else from you. Not sex or roses or any other gifts. Just. You."

And with those parting words, I spin on my heel and make my way out of the science hall, leaving my heart dragging behind me as I walk.


	29. Broken Cages

**Chapter Twenty-Nine: Broken Cages**

A month came and went since the conversation I had with Kyo, following the ultimatum I inadvertently gave him. Or more accurately, dragged along, as I concentrated only on my studies and internship. And his absence was and is sorely missed.

Sometimes, on the coldest nights, I feel ill with remorse of how things ended between us. Moments I miss the heat of his body surrounding mine, his sarcastic retorts, and the way he made me feel...I wonder; could things have gone differently? Should they? Every Friday night has filled me with a dread that sinks to the bottom of my stomach like lead. And five days a week in math class felt like five years as Kyo chose the seat furthest away from me, leaving me to a lonely corner in the back of the room.

This was what I had been afraid of.

That confessing to him would be the death of our not-relationship, leaving us both to be subjected to the pressures of our lives without the other person in it to make it bearable.

I rummage through our pantry in search of something simple and bland to have for dinner tonight, knowing I'll be dining alone as my parents spend time away for the weekend. I come across boxes of instant rice, and I pluck one, cradling the yellow box in both of my hands. I remember when he taught me how to make rice balls and he'd freaked out because he'd stayed close to me the entire time. Back then, the mood was light, and I had no idea of the desolate winters that awaited me in the future. It was always the smallest things to trigger a moment spent with the boy I loved and lost, that made something inside of me rip further.

Swiping at my cheek, I trade the rice out for a bag of popcorn as opposed to the bottle of kernels you pop over the stove. I'd never mastered the art of knowing when you cooked it just enough or burnt it, so I typically went instant with foods like that.

Rain patters just outside the window over the kitchen sink, thunder booming like a marching band drum as the lights flicker. Hopefully the fuse wasn't about to blow or anything crazy like that. After how many thrillers I've seen, I never wanted to be home alone during a storm, especially if the power could go out.

Oh Mom…why didn't you take me with you? I know you need to work on your relationship with Satoshi and all. But I _really _don't want to be here right now.

I jump as thunder crashes again, sounding off three seconds after the lightning. In elementary school, they always taught us that the number of seconds that follow a flash of lightning signifies how many miles away the storm is. If that were true…the storm was only three miles from here; in other words, if I were to step outside right now I could easily be struck down.

I hurriedly throw the folded popcorn bag into the microwave and slam the door shut, blindly punching in a number and hitting start, before scrambling to the couch and diving beneath my blanket. It was a strange thing that I always felt safe hiding under my woolly blanket whenever there was a storm. Like it would somehow protect me from the moody weather outside.

My phone vibrates from beside me, announcing an incoming text. And as pitiful as it sounds, I lunged for it like my life depended on it, hoping with everything I had that it was Kyo. Even though I don't have his number.

Only it wasn't him, I realize, retreating back beneath my woolly shelter as a crippling force crushes my chest until I struggle to breathe. It was only a message notifying me that someone on our plan went over the data limit. Nothing worth get worked up over.

I shut my eyes, feeling sick all over again. Its been ages since I last heard from him. And it hurt that I hadn't talked to that hot head, only adding insult to injury that tonight happened to be a Friday night.

I miss him...so much...

All of a sudden, a large crack shatters the atmosphere, and I stick my head out to discover the room has been sentenced to pitch blackness with the exception of the lit fireplace. I dive back beneath the covers, afraid to stare into the expanse of darkness that I had no chance of adjusting to.

What was I going to do now?

The burning smell of my 'dinner' wafts over and spans the room, wisps of smoke billowing out of the microwave's vents and penetrating my blanket fortress with its stench. With a groan, I kick the covers off to search for some emergency lanterns and inspect the damage when someone knocks at the front door. My heart does cartwheels inside my chest at the thought of an axe murderer or a guy with a chainsaw being on the other side of the door. And it takes everything in me to clap a hand over my mouth and not scream as I slowly approach the peephole. The floorboards creaked with each step I took, and I could only pray that it didn't give it away that someone was home by the time I finally reach the door.

In the fish-eye view, I see a warped version of a head of bright orange, and black clothes, draped over tanned skin. And I find myself light-headed with the relief that overwhelms my system as I unlock the door and fling it open.

He stumbles backwards in surprise, right before I pounce on him and wrap my arms around his waist as tightly as possible. And before I can do anything about it, tears fall down my cheeks like the rain, and I burrow my nose into his chest and breathe in his scent. He smelled of spices, just like I remember. And he felt as strong and sturdy and safe as I remember. And when I kiss him…he tastes of cinnamon, just like I remember.

He pulls back from me so that he's at arm's length, his hair falling into his eyes with the weight of rain. "Can I come in?"

Wordlessly, I nod and swivel around to head inside, comforted by the fact he's right behind me and more so as the door is shut, keeping the storm out with it. A breath of air pours out of him as he takes in the mostly dark and dreary house, sniffing the air when we get near the kitchen.

"Is something on fire? I smell something burning."

"I have a fireplace," I say, popping open cabinet after cabinet until I finally find a lantern that runs on batteries. "But I burnt the popcorn I was planning to have for dinner."

He snorts, and I can picture him smirking. "Forget all I taught you that quickly?"

"Shut up," I say, trying and failing to keep a straight face. "Help me find some batteries. They should be in one of the top drawers."

It takes at least two minutes to locate the only C battery left, right next to the screwdriver with the transparent handle. Kyo sets the lantern on the counter upside down, accepting the screwdriver and popping open the battery compartment. And the entire time, the thunder is still just as loud, but it somehow feels less terrifying now that he's here. Just like before.

When he's done, he turns it back over, flipping the red switch so that a halo of light is cast around the room. It highlights and dips over every surface, illuminating us just enough that I can clearly see his face.

And its then that I realize his hair is still dripping all over his shirt.

"Oh!" I yelp, rushing around him towards the nearest lining closet. "I'll get you a towel."

"Wait Gina, you can't see-"

"Ow!" I howl, stubbing my toe on some stupid object that shouldn't even be there. This is the thanks I get for practicing my hospitality? A potential sprain? I half-limp, half-hop my way back to the couch, holding my foot out in front of me as tears spring to my eyes. How many more times would I be reduced to crying tonight?

Kyo quickly makes his way over, gingerly taking my foot in the hand not holding the lantern. He squints his eyes at my slightly swollen big toe, looking completely out of his element. "I need you to walk me through what I need to do," he says, meeting my eyes. "What now?"

I breathe out painfully, closing my eyes to focus on recalling how to treat an injury of this nature.

I reopen my eyes to observe it, turning my foot a little. "There appears to be edema and minor contusions surrounding the area of impact. I don't think there's swelling of the dorsal or plantar tendons, which is a good sign." I wiggle my toes, satisfied to see full range of movement despite the pain. That confirms that its no break. But I still need to treat the inflammation.

"I need to apply ice to it and wrap it in something to immobilize it for a few days. Then I need to work on moving it again."

I glance over my shoulder, peering into the haunting dark of the kitchen. "There should be enough ice in the freezer for it. Ziplock bags are on top of the fridge. I'll have to use a makeshift ice pack."

He bobs his head, reluctantly taking the lantern with him to search for my requested items. And its the hesitance on his face that makes me wonder about the expression on my own. Was it that obvious I was afraid of thunderstorms?

I elevate my foot on one of our brown couch pillows to limit blood flow, listening as he opens the freezer and bangs around in the ice container. I completely forgot that the power outage meant manually breaking down and scooping out ice, along with the food gradually decaying. I really hope the power comes back on within the next few hours or our fruit, vegetables, and orange juice could be doomed.

He flanks back to my side with the bag of ice between his teeth, a towel draped over his arm and the lantern in his other hand. I brace myself as he dangles the plastic bag over my foot, bringing it down gently so as not to shock me with sudden cold. But I still flinch the moment the ice comes in contact with my toe, before a towel is shoved beneath it to soften the temperature.

I smile gratefully at him, though a little guiltily as the water in his hair continues to soak through his clothes. He throws the blanket over my legs before plopping down beside me, shivering as the heat of adrenaline leaks from his body with the lack of activity. And that's it all it takes for us to be transported back into our imperfect world; one where we still had a thread of tension both stringing us together and keeping us apart.

His eyes swing to the kindling fire beside us, the inferno setting flames in his own crimson eyes as he loses himself in the glowing ember. I didn't blame him for not hearing me call out to him. Fires were mesmerizing and it was easy to find yourself entranced by them. They were mystifying. Majestic. And somehow...evocative in their own way.

I'm shaken from my own stupor when the calloused palm of his hand covers mine, followed by his fingers slipping through mine like water, before firmly lacing our fingers together. Interlacing ourselves in one another. Its then that I look at up at him again, only to find him taken with me in place of the smoldering flames.

I choose to break the silence first, hoping to distract from the pink blooming in my cheeks. "You should do something about your hair...so you don't get sick."

A slow and sexy smirk graces his lips, his own fire blazing in his eyes. "You want to be my doctor or something?"

I laugh. For the first time in a month, I genuinely laugh, instead of having to force myself to. And it makes me ache down to my bones for all this time we wasted when it could have always been like this. I could have been happier sooner.

"Yes, actually. I could go on and on about pneumonia and all the things you should be doing to prevent it. I might have some dry clothes for you to wear, for instance."

He cants his head, surveying my cropped black t-shirt and form fitting sweat pants. "I don't like wearing tight or restricting crap. And I don't...cross-dress," he says, trying not to make a face.

And it hits me that he thinks I was talking about giving him my clothes.

"Dummy," I tease affectionately, smiling despite myself. "I meant my step-dad's clothes. He should have a button down and slacks hanging up somewhere."

He shrugs, sitting close enough that his knee rests against mine and suddenly I want to be closer to him. To be reminded of why I liked having him on me and connected to me in a way we allowed no one else to experience. But I had to take this slow - we had to - if we were going to venture further than sex.

I tuck my uninjured foot between the couch cushions, Kyo holding my hand over the pillow on my lap as the fire flickered in and out of my awareness.

Now was the time to address it. He apparently wasn't budging from his spot to tend to his health until we did. As much as it pained me that he was jeopardizing it, I could make do with a compromise.

"At least get something warm and change out of your clothes," I say, uncovering my legs. "We can share my blanket and talk over coffee or hot chocolate."

He gives a put-upon sigh, raising his shirt up and tossing it to the floor, followed closely by his pants. And thankfully, he agrees to borrow Satoshi's clothes though he goes with the loosest and most comfortable option.

As a result of the power being dead, he opens packets of instant hot chocolate, dumping it and adding hot water to two mugs from our cupboard. One of them was one I'd made when I was six (I've never been artistic, being more left brained than right) and it was a finger painted neko that looked to have been run over by a lawnmower. The one he gives me is a sleek mauve one with a Star Trek quote on it. _"The needs of many outweigh the needs of the few."_

And just like my burger, he knows what to add; two large marshmallows and some straggler chocolate sprinkles that are leftover and unused from the last cake they were added to.

I smile as he brings both drinks around, sitting closely enough to me that I feel his body heat mingle with mine, made more cozy by the position of my legs in his lap and the blanket over us.

With the calming rain and dying thunder as a background, I almost want to nod off instead of have this discussion. But its much too important not to.

I glance up at him from where my head lays on his strong chest, tapping the fingers of my free hand on my knee, considering how to begin. I could make some kind of joke...but knowing me, it'd undoubtedly be self deprecating. Or I could tell him how things are with work. I was only taking temperatures and working the pulse oxomyter, but it was exciting to me. Would he care? I mean, would it matter at this point in time?

"Satoshi and mom are out of town," I spit out, desperate to start a conversation. "They're trying to resolve everything."

Kyo leisurely sips from his marshmallow free hot chocolate, an eyebrow cocked. "Couples therapy?"

"No..." I wrap my hands around the cup, seeking its warmth. "They're spending the weekend between a hotel and a nursery, volunteering. I think they're trying to cope with losing him."

A mournful moment of silence passes between us. And I close my eyes to focus on calming my breathing down before it got out of control and invited tears. My eyes shoot open when his hand comes to rest on the nape of my neck. And the sentiment makes me want to let him see the damaged side that still existed. The slit in my heart that still bled and drowned me. But I can't look at him. Not until I get past this. I'm too vulnerable. If he says the wrong thing, it'll hurt and I can't take that.

"Gina. I want you to look at me."

My bottom lip finds its way between my teeth, a small tremor in my grip of the cup.

"Gina," he says again, his hand moving with purpose to meet the small of my back. The cocktail of cinnamon and chocolate spills past his lips with the affection in my name.

The burning in my eyes and the wetness of my cheeks read to him like a storybook as I faced him. And the release of tears becomes more intense and wild when he pulls me closer, leaving two forsaken cups on the coffee table in our wake. He brings me forward until my nose collides with his shoulder. Brokenly and silently I watch as the couch behind him blurs behind a veil of tears and grey. Once again, I find myself lacking color, stripped of what made me bold and powerful. The red and orange that colored me in and left me breathtakingly vibrant.

He made me beautiful.

Whenever he dared to jump across the darkened depths of my soul, without a harness and fear of the plunge, he leapt across the bottomless chasm. Just for someone like me.

"I hate it when you cry," he mumbles, his arms encircling my waist and his heartbeat soothing mine. "I'd be damned if I were the reason you were sad again." He pauses, the muscles in his arms tensing as his shirt grows damp. "What reason do I have to be in pain over your tears? I'm unworthy of you." His tone shifts to disgust, aimed at himself like a gun. "I'm damned awful. If I hadn't done this to you-"

I sit up, fiercely looking him in the eyes. "Stop. Stop saying that."

"Its true," he growls, his jaw taut like wire. "I shouldn't have kicked you out all those times just because I got uncomfortable. Or scared. I never should have bought you those things. But I'm too selfish and stupid to stay away from you." Pain carves his expression, his eyes reflecting the internal war waging behind his elusive notes and cold words. "You're better off without me. That's why you were never supposed to know."

"Know what?" I echo, my hands grabbing for his shirt.

"That I was the one getting you everything," he grinds out, his fists clenched. "If you knew...you'd want to be with me. And I can't do that to you. It was supposed to only be sex, but I screwed up. We agreed to a _no strings attached _once a week thing. You weren't supposed to find out how I felt."

"But its not your choice," I say again, remembering the exasperating month that followed those words. "You don't have a say in who hurts me or doesn't. Only I do. You took that right away from me when you sent me those flowers without telling me who you were."

His eyes widen until they rival the moon, his lips parting ever so slightly. Allowing only the passage of soft musings.

"Its my fault...its always...me..."

Actually, no.

I'm the one that messed up. And I was putting the blame all on him without realizing it.

I did it the night we met, giving him a name I made up on the fly.

Our problems started with me.

"No. Kyo, its not your fault."

His eyebrows knit together, his lips flattening into a practiced frown.

"What are you talking about? You did nothing wrong."

I shake my head, tasting the lash of my hair with the motion as tears continue to free fall. My pulse clambers to break through the vessels as my nerves heighten unbearably. "I never told you the entire truth."

"I guess it makes me a hypocrite for telling you that you never gave me the chance. That it was your fault we never got together, when I lied to you about who I am."I laugh, hollowly. "Who am I trying to fool? I didn't tell you my real name until a year after we met. I let you believe that I partied and drank to impress you. I hid behind the person I created, the one you call Kitty, just as you gave me gifts without telling me who you were. In the end, I'm no better. I didn't give you a choice either."

My gaze falls to the cup sitting on the coffee table, finding myself reacquainted with the shame that never left.

"I'm sorry...I'm _so_ sorry for pretending all this time, and not giving you the chance to know me as Gina instead of Kitty. But even if you decide to walk out the door right now, I refuse to regret giving you my virginity. I never will."

His eyes widen and his mouth falls open, each piece of information I give him appearing to drive the breath from his lungs.

I paint on a smile, clinging to my last reserves of courage. "There's no one else that deserves my first time. I'm glad it was you. Even if you hate me for it."

When I finish, the room is drowned out by silence, with the exception of distant thunder retreating with the storm. And even though it was the hardest thing I've ever had to say, I've never felt more free. He knows that Kitty is not just a nickname, but a mask. He knows that I'm not that outgoing or bold or daring. That I'm just Gina, flaws and all; sensitive, brainy, screwed up Gina. Whether he accepts me or not, I was honest with him.

But instead of reviling or recoiling from me like I'd expected, he says something that shocks me into silence.

"I don't regret it either," he says, his ears burning pink. "I'm...glad you were my first too."

_What?!_

He sighs, his arm going around my waist to destroy the distance our confessions created.

"I told you that no one else has ever been in my bed but you."

I blink, trying to stop my head from spinning with all this confusion. "So, let me get this straight...we lost our virginity to each other. I never let you get to know me because I thought you'd reject me. You were my secret admirer because you wanted to make me happy. But you remained anonymous so I didn't know how you felt because you didn't want to 'ruin' me?"

He thinks it over, nodding in confirmation. "We're messed up."

"No kidding," I say, disbelieving of how much should have been done differently. Better. "How exactly did you get Kureno to deliver those gifts, anyway? Are you two close?"

He looks like he wants to laugh, but he manages a serious face. "No. He only agreed to help me if I told him how that yankee was doing."

"Uo?" My eyebrows shoot to my hairline. "He knows her?"

"Beats me," he says. "I don't know how he knows her, but he agreed to help me. So that's all I cared about."

Well...whatever works I suppose. I'm sure Kyo wouldn't let Kureno know anything or enlist him if he thought he was a threat. As much as he and Uo bicker, I can tell he considers her a friend, just like Hana.

"Kyo," I start, trepidation making my voice small, "Have you decided what you want to do?"

For the first time when questioned about his feelings, not a single hint of hesitation enters his eyes. What I see instead takes my breath away. Its raw, open vulnerability. Something I thought impossible.

"Yeah. I should have told you sooner. I just- so many things were holding me back. And they never should have."

My heart leaps, though I pace myself in asking him to elaborate on what he wanted to tell me.

"Did you not trust me yet?" I ask, testing the waters.

He shakes his head immediately, bringing his forehead down to rest against mine. "No, I eventually trusted you more than anyone. Even if you weren't always honest me, that doesn't excuse what I did or how I thought. I was the problem. I was what stopped me. And I'll never forgive myself for hurting you."

There are those awful words again.

I bring my hands up to cup his cheeks. I don't even think about it. I just do.

"Please don't say that. We both made our mistakes and we're both sorry. I don't want you to go on the rest of your life hating yourself."

He takes my hands in his, moving them away from his face to rest in his lap. And he finally seems to take my words to heart, as if hearing them for the first time tonight.

"I have something to do," he says, holding something that he keeps hidden from view. "I want to give you something."

Huh?

With slightly shaking hands, he opens his palm where a key in my favorite shade of purple rests. I stare at it long enough to still see it behind my eyelids. And that's the length of time it takes for me to ask, "What is it?"

"Its a key, Gina."

I roll my eyes. "I know that. I'm asking what its for."

"Oh," he sputters, placing the key in my hand and closing it with his own. "This is a key to my place. I had them make a copy of my key. And I did it to let you know that...I trust you...and I want you to have it."

"Kyo," I say, my voice no louder than a whisper.

"I'm letting you in. Even though I hate the thought of corrupting you or driving you to do what my mother did," he continues, his voice breaking as his hold on my hand tightens. "I care about you. I want you so badly that it killed me to stay away from you. I..." He sighs. "Why is this so hard?"

"Its okay," I say, placing my hand on top of his. "Take your time."

A shuddering breath rushes from his lips, and its as if he's finally collected himself with that last relinquish of air. "I like you, Gina. I don't want anyone but you. Screw putting on a show for me and acting like someone else. I want you, and I want you to be my girlfriend."

I'm stunned, even though I knew he was leading up to this. The moment he arrived at my doorstep, I knew he had rescinded his past words to me.

_"You don't think I know that?" He hisses, glaring at me. "Girlfriends are a big waste of time. All they do is piss and moan about their ex-boyfriends and say that you just have to be like them because you're a guy. They demand that you buy them crap and rail on you if you don't, and they expect you to compliment them 24/7. I never want you to be my girlfriend."_

And that had been the night of my eighteenth birthday, months ago, a time I had to beg him to stay. The only moment he was in my house before tonight.

But with the year and months we've had together - in a hotel room, boxing, passing notes, comforting each other, venting, breaking, repairing, and cooking together. Every moment at school, the hospital, his place, the senior citizen home and every place in between. Laughing, crying, kissing, sighing, and daring each other to do stupid things.

It all came down to this confession of all that we felt and kept from each other.

And I don't even feel embarrassed when my happy tears replace the sad ones. Instead, I fling my arms around his neck and bring him down with me. He sets the key down on the table near my head, crushing his lips against mine and closing his eyes. He swipes at my tears with the pad of his thumb, the ones he fails to catch making our kiss salty. But neither of us seems to mind it. And my pain seems to disappear with the movement of his lips against mine and the gentle way he runs his hand through my hair.

I withdraw just a little, just enough that I can tell him. Because it wasn't something I could bury any longer.

"I like you, too. And even more than that, I..." I pause, bracing for the force of the words that come next. "I love you, Kyo." He stills above me, old insecurities filling his eyes. I trace his lip with my finger, trailing all the way down to his collarbone, near the piercing he'd gotten because I'd asked him to. "I love you, even though you have a temper. I love your bright orange hair and red eyes. I love you, even knowing about your parents and all the pain it brought you. I love you to the point I don't even know what to say. But I just have to tell you what I can because I can't hold onto it anymore."

And its as if my words were the key to all of his pent up anger and fear.

His whole entire body relaxes. Like an age old curse has been lifted and he's been liberated from his cage. Peace that is beyond description shapes his features into something that could never be matched or outshone. And he drags his lips across my shoulder, kissing me over and over and over again like he's hooked on me. He journeys back up my neck until his breath is fanning over my lips from less than an inch away.

"I love you, Gina. To hell with what bad could come of this. I want you anyway. Even if that makes me selfish. I can't help myself. You drive me crazy with your perfect handwriting and your cute laugh and how you always smell like flowers. And how your body feels under mine...how we fit. I don't know...I just don't want to stop kissing you or touching you or sleeping beside you. And I want to help you learn to cook more, and to help you study when you go to university. I hate how much it hurts when you cry. But I hate the fact you suffered with losing your brother and your dad leaving even more. I don't know what love is. I just feel pain everywhere when you're upset and I want to be by your side and keep you safe. If that's love...then I love you, Gina."

My heart bangs against the walls of my chest with a roar worthy of a wrecking ball, right before I bring his lips back against mine and taste cinnamon. He moans into my mouth, rolling his hips to earn the same sound from me as my hands move to the hem of his shirt. And we're both grinning like idiots through it all. He's quick to separate the connection of our mouths long enough to throw the shirt to the floor, mindful of my injury as he gently rids me of my own pants and shirt.

"I missed you," he says, pain snaking itself around his words.

_I miss you._

_ _I like you._ _

_ _I love you._ _

Somehow, three little words contain the power to make or break you. In this instance they did both.

He draws a line up the length of my leg, professing his appreciation for my skin - scar and all - with each pass of heat, and the lips that follow. Before he finds his way back to me and makes my head spiral with his kiss.

_I hope I never take these moments for granted. No matter how many times they happen._

Kyo takes his time in kissing every last inch of my hip bone, exhaling over my skin and drawing a breath from my own lips. His thumb traces the ridge, followed closely by his lips like its a fascinating work of art and this is a private unveiling.

"You're so beautiful...I wanted to tell you that so many times at the beginning..." he kisses me again, apologizing in the warmth of his breath and the suction of his lips. "I was an idiot for treating you this way. I should have manned up and openly gave you everything, instead of acting like such a cold-hearted bastard." He nips at me softly again. "I'm sorry, Gina."

Is this what making love is? When someone finds you beautiful and they cherish you? When you become the world, the galaxy, and the universe to them and no celestial body can hold a candle to you. When you feed off of the importance and treasury in each other's hearts and souls, translated through your bodies.

His torso presses mine into the couch cushion, his hands gliding up my arms to link around his neck as he dedicated his mouth to the rest of me. And with all the devotion he's freely offering me, I want to give it to him just as much. But I don't know how to express the admiration and fondness I feel for him.

"You know...Kitty does fit you," Kyo groans, licking and sucking my collarbone and making my eyes flutter closed. "You like to scratch my back up whenever we're like this." And its the teasing in his tone that ignites a fire that burns through my veins. That fireplace has got nothing on me.

I smirk, before sitting up and causing him to move back on his heels, reversing our roles. I crawl towards him and spread my legs over his lap, taking control and protecting my foot all at the same time.

Take that, my Kitty-Kat.

But instead of being impressed with my actions, he grins smugly as his hands make their home on my hips. He scoots back and daringly meets my eyes. "If you want to be on top, all you have to do is tell me."

I place my hands on either of his broad shoulders, feeling the dip that I love to lay my head on. "Aw..._babe_. I thought you weren't going to be so considerate."

He rolls his eyes, bringing me flush against him from my position in his lap. "Don't make me regret it."

A smile threatens to take up my whole face, and I feel weightless when he smiles right back.

"I won't."

For the first time, we're not escaping something in each other. We're not seeking distraction in the give and take of our bodies or even really relief from lust. But we're having sex because we like each other and love each other. And we can't find the words to describe it, so we let our bodies talk instead.

And when it ends, I find myself lying on top of him, concealed by my woolly fortress as the fire crackles. The storm has long abated though forgotten in the midst of us, and the lights flicker ever so slightly before whirring back to life. I look down at him, tracing his jawline with my fingers causing his stubble to prickle against my skin. Our scents of flowers and cinnamon mix together as the moon's light is out shined by the stars through the window nearby. It creates a silhouette of us entangled in one another, caught up in the softness of starlight. But even the stars don't mesmerize me the way Kyo does in this moment. The absolute unguarded affection pouring out to me through his eyes makes me want to join my soul to his to experience it forever. But I'm satisfied with staying with him like this for the rest of the night, drifting off to sleep with his heart matching the rhythm of mine.

He loves me.

And I Iove him.

He loves Gina, no matter how goofy and strange and crazy I am.

He loves me anyway.

And now he no longer owns my Fridays...

But every day with it.


	30. First Comes Love

**Chapter Thirty: First Comes Love**

**The Seven Dwarves**

"Some first date, huh?" I say, tossing the hundredth tissue into the waste basket next to my bed.

Kyo shrugs, though he seems more concerned than disappointed. "Its not like its your fault you got sick."

Actually, I'm around sick infants and toddlers Monday through Friday for my internship with a pediatrician. But...I rest my case.

He slips back into his shoes, withdrawing his keys. "Do you need anything from the store? Like soup or cold medicine...?"

I shake my head, stopping when it feels like its been smashed between two buses. "You really don't have to. You should be out doing something fun, not sitting around taking care of me."

He gives me a flat unimpressed look. "Gina. Your nose is red, you're losing your voice, and-" he steps forward, pressing the back of his cool hand to my forehead, "-you're burning up. I don't want to do anything else _but _take care of you."

Why did he say things like that? It should be illegal to have that kind of effect on someone's heart.

I survey the cough drops that litter the fort of blankets piled on top of my bed, and the ice pack and bottle of painkillers sitting on my nightstand.

"If you insist...I could use some day/night dissolvable cold tablets. I think we're low on orange juice and we have a few cans of tomato soup. I'm good on saltines and tissues."

He nods, plucking a pen out of my pencil cup to jot everything down on his hand. It doesn't even occur to me that he could have used his phone for that.

"Got it. How about ice cream? What's your favorite?" He looks up at me then, like he's hanging onto every hoarse word.

"Either cookie dough or brownie batter. As long as its the single serving carton." I think over my words, before tacking on a, "Please."

He smirks, writing it all down before showing it to me. "So you want a single serving," he echoes, even having written the last minute 'please' I offered him.

I roll my eyes, regretting it when my headache hits me tenfold. "I'll rethink it the next time I get the insane urge to be polite to you."

He laughs, bending down to kiss my forehead before heading for the door. "Be back in thirty."

I huff, slumping into my pillows as I blindly fiddle with the TV remote. But even as I do this, the smile never leaves my lips because of the love he's showing me that I once thought impossible.

...

"Oh come on!" I rasp at the screen, brandishing my ice cream covered spoon. "She cheated on him with his brother. How cliche is that?"

Kyo shakes his head, unscrewing the top of his own pint of cookies and cream. "Crap like this always uses tropes. Why are you watching this again?"

I open my mouth to jump to my defense, only to realize I have none. "I don't know. Its a soap opera. Its fun and annoying to watch, so I do. Blame Hana for that. She got me into it."

His eyebrows disappear into his hairline, his eyes wide and disbelieving. "You mean _Hanajima_? Why would _she_ watch this?"

I lick my spoon, considering this. "It couldn't be for the predictability. I don't know. Maybe the romance pulls her in. If I tell you something, you have to promise not to repeat it." I stick my pinky out, waving it in front of him. "Promise me."

He chuckles. "You're cute when you're sick."

"But I'm serious."

He stops laughing then, cocking an eyebrow. "Why?"

"Just wrap your pinky around mine, Kyo."

He sighs, hooking our fingers together. "The things I do for you...This better be a secret worth losing my dignity over."

"Are you ready to hear it?"

He frowns. "Really, Gina?"

"Okay, fine. Hana..." I check for the closed door, before looking back at him "..reads romance novels. And smut. She even reads those books your cousin writes. I haven't had the heart to tell her who's behind them. Even if she might have figured it out already."

"That's the secret?" Kyo chokes out. "I was expecting something like she's having an affair like the chick on TV was. Not something _this_ lame."

I mumble 'Kazuma' around the spoon in my mouth, removing it when I'm done pretending to explain. "Hey, they're having a Rocky movie marathon. Let's watch that."

He scoffs, setting his tub of ice cream aside and folding his arms behind his head. "Whatever you want, Sneezy."

I gasp. "I am so _not_ Sneezy. If anything I'm Happy or Doc. Yeah!" I get excited at the last one. "I'm definitely a Doc."

"More like Dopey."

The nerve!

"Then you're Grumpy. How about that?" I tease, sticking my tongue out.

He spares me an unbothered glance. "Fine by me."

Well that backfired.

"Fine. Be that way. See if I care." I pout, circling my attention back to Rocky boxing raw meat in the shop.

I hear him snort and I snap my head in his direction, narrowing my eyes when he smirks at me.

"You're ridiculous, you know that right?"

"Maybe I do," I quip.

He gestures me over with the motion of his head. "Just get over here, dummy."

"I can't. I don't want to get you sick."

"So what if I do? Its flu season, so I could end up coming down with something anyway. I want you close to me."

I cluck my tongue, not knowing where to begin with his statement, though I lay my head on his chest and snuggle closer to him anyway.

"There's so many problems with that, I don't know what to say."

"But you did it anyway," he retorts, lazily slinging an arm around my waist.

I yawn, suddenly feeling my three hours of interrupted sleep. "I'm too drowsy to argue with you, and the medicine doesn't help."

I forgot its nasty habit of knocking out its victims whenever they used it. But its healing properties outweighed the side effects

"Then sleep, I'll be here when you wake up," he mumbles, just as my eyes fall closed. "Get some rest."

"Thanks...for everything..."

And the last thing I catch before passing out is the whispered promise of always.

* * *

**Love And War**

I knot my t-shirt and secure it with a hair tie so that it leaves my stomach uncovered. Its a sweltering record setting 90 degrees in Tokyo (though not as high as 103) and that just called for a water gun fight.

We decided upon a battle of the sexes deal; Tohru, Uo, Hana and I on one team and Kyo, Yuki, Momiji, and Haru on the other. It would be taking place on the neutral battlegrounds of Shigure's yard

I pick up my green gun with an orange nozzle, double-checking that its filled up before taking my stance near the bird bath. Uo flanks my right side, Hana on my left, and Tohru takes up the rear. We size up the boys from across the way, appalled to see them with two guns a person.

"What the- that's not fair!" Uo shouts, snarling when Kyo smirks at us.

"All's fair in love and war."

Its with those compelling words and the trumpet sound Momiji creates with his lips that signals the start.

Uo makes a battle cry as she opens fire on Kyo first, protesting when he somersaults out of sight. I pump the gun so that it gives a satisfying click, scanning the area for my first target, only for Kyo to pop up out of nowhere and spray me with both of his weapons.

I squint through the haze of water raining from my hair, executing a counterattack.

It isn't long before I run out of ammunition and Uo reappears to scare Kyo back into hiding. She approaches me, settling a hand on my shoulder. "You holding up, soldier? How are you faring?"

"I'm soaked, so its obvious that I suck at this," I say, frustrated at Kyo taking the first point for their team. "We can't let the boys think we can't handle them."

Uo bobs her head, passing me her water gun and its half full tank. "You take this, and I'll refill yours. You may have taken a hit. But you snagged Kyo, too. I leave this fight in your hands."

She brings her hand up in a salute before jogging inside the house, and I return my attention to the battlefield. Hana was seated on the deck, idly regarding her nails as her hair dripped all over her black shirt. Momiji stands in front of Tohru as a human shield to protect her from Haru's projectile of water. Yuki was sneaking into the house to go after Uo and Kyo-

Where was he?

"Gotcha!" He exclaims from behind me, causing me to whip around. "You might as well give up now. Maybe if you beg, I'll make it as painless as possible."

Oh, so it was like that huh? Kyo picked the wrong team member to mess with. Knowing your opponent's weakness was crucial in winning a war. It just so happened that I _am_ his weakness.

I drop my water gun, raising my hands up as if surrendering. When Kyo lowers his with a puzzled look, I know that I have him. He'll be playing right into our hands.

"You know...we could just leave here." I shrug my shoulders, mentally patting myself on the back for my outfit choice. "I mean, its a hot day and everything. But I know of other ways you can get me wet without using a water gun. If you're down for that." I bat my eyelashes, slipping into the tone I reserved just for him. "If you want me to beg...then make me."

By the end of my proposition, I'm close enough to him that I can hear how shallow his breath has gotten and feel the heat of his body. I fling my arms around his neck and bring my body against his, blowing lightly into his ear and feeling the chill that goes through him. "Or would you rather stay here and play games?"

"Gina," he mumbles, the telling thud of a water gun dropping to the grass. "That's a...nice try."

What?

He spins me around in his arms, pointing the second water gun I forgot he had at me, just as Uo and Tohru show up.

Yuki isn't far off, drenched from Uo's attack as he happens upon the scene.

"You have a choice to make," Kyo calls out, directed at the remaining members of our team. "One of you sacrifices yourself, or Gina's next."

_Again._

I can't believe it. Who knew Kyo could be this cruel?

As much as it pains me, he leaves me no choice. I elbow him sharply in the ribs, stealing both his weapons before rushing back to our side.

"Now guys! Fire!" I command, Uo and I sending a geyser of water at a defenseless Kyo as the boys look on without lifting a finger to help. Tohru opts to stay out of it due to the kindness of her heart, joining Hana on the sidelines as Haru follows.

Uo and I don't stop until we run on empty, celebrating by exchanging a high five that stings our palms and leaves them red with the force behind it.

"How do you like us now?" Uo exclaims, doing a running man victory dance.

I shake my head at her silliness, making my way over to my irritated and waterlogged boyfriend. "Are you okay?"

He glares at me. "No. I'm furious. Why would you do that? That was low."

I hang my head, the triumph of our win dimming in the wake of shame. "I really am sorry, Kyo. It was below the belt and unfair. And I especially shouldn't have jabbed you."

"You want to know how you can make it up to me?"

I bite my lip, nodding.

"This is how."

Suddenly, I find myself flipped on my back in a pool of mud, with Kyo between my legs and pinning me down.

"I wasn't really angry. But it is fun to get you on your back. Even if it was wrong of me to make you think otherwise."

Are you kidding me?

"That was screwed up, Kyo," I grind out, bucking my hips to free myself. "I can't believe you did that to me."

"I was just making it even," he argues, trapping my torso to the earth with his. "You're the one that tried to seduce me to win. I was just returning the favor."

"I don't care," I spit out. "I made a mistake and instead of forgiving me for it, you made me feel guilty."

"Gina, stop moving like that."

"No," I say, lifting up again. "I'm mad at you. Let me up."

"Gina," he says again, a little more strained this time.

"What?"

"I told you to stop moving. I'll get up, but...just stop moving for a few seconds."

I pause at this, confused about his drastic change in moods. He wastes no time scrambling off of me, his ears burning pink when he gets to his feet and helps me to mine.

"I'm sorry about doing that," he says, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. "Let's just call a truce."

"Why are you acting so weird? Like you have a hard- oomph," his hand claps over my mouth, cutting me with another glare.

"Its your fault. You said all that earlier and then when we- never mind. Just...I need to head home anyway."

I grab his wrist, removing his hand from my lips as an idea sparks.

"Take me with you."

"What? Why?"

I roll my eyes. He could be so oblivious sometimes.

"To help you. And...to make it up to you for messing with you." I put my hands on hips, daringly meeting his heated gaze. "And you can properly apologize to me."

He stares at me for a long few seconds before sending a goodbye over his shoulder and walking me out. I look up at him as we make our way to his place, shaking my head at our improv evening plans.

This can't be healthy.

* * *

**Carnival Virgin**

I take in the bright show-stopping lights, the pinks and blues of cotton candy, the mouth watering aroma of freshly made buttery popcorn. And I beam at high voltage like a little girl in the Barbie section of a toy store, wanting to try everything I can get my hands on.

But the first attraction that catches my attention is the ride deemed The Tornado. Its a green and blue dome that's shaped like a funnel, spinning its captors at high enough speeds to throw up for days.

Perfect for a romantic evening, ne?

I loop my arm through Kyo's, dragging him along with me towards the barf machine. "Come on, _babe_. This looks like fun."

"No way! Not happening," he digs his heels in, protesting the entire way over. Though its more of a snail's crawl thanks to my 'open-minded' boyfriend.

I stick my lip out, turning around from our place in the back of the line. "Now we have to wait for the next go. I hope you're happy."

"I am," he deadpans, folding his arms and scowling right back. "I just ate before we left. I didn't think there were rides at a carnival."

My mouth hits the floor. "Are you trying to tell me you've never been to one of these? You're still a carnival virgin?"

He cuts me with a glare, a faint blush spilling over his cheeks. "Quiet down. I've been to a fair. Isn't that the same thing?"

I shake my head, moving up in the line. "You have not lived until you've ridden something fast."

I instantly regret my words when his blush becomes a look of mischief. His hands - correction, naughty hands - smooth over my curves and he dips his head for his lips to brush against my ear. "Isn't riding your job?"

My body shivers without my consent, and I'm beyond thankful when its our turn to step onto the attraction.

I climb on board with Kyo close behind me, making our way to one of many seats in four sections. I bring the black safety bar down over me, connecting the buckle until its clicked into place. It becomes glaringly obvious that Kyo's never even been on a rollercoaster as he struggles to fasten up. To the best of my ability, I guide his hands, finding myself to be the teacher instead of the student in his kitchen. The tips of his ears tell of his hurt pride, though the smile on his lips expresses his gratitude.

More people pour into the room, taking their seats across and beside us. A set of twin teenage boys choose the remaining two seats next to me, flashing me identical sets of teeth.

"Hey," they say in unison, both only acknowledging at me. "Is this your first time on the Barf Machine?"

I return their smile, bobbing my head. "Yup. But don't underestimate me. I'm no noob when it comes to these things."

I don't know if that came off as a flirt or a barb, but I suddenly find myself sandwiched between a possessive Kyo and _very_ attentive twins.

They share a look, before facing me again. Only when they do this does Kyo take my hand in his. And two pairs of brown eyes follow this action, the message reading to them loud and clear.

'Back off. She's mine.'

Pink blooms in my cheeks as they quickly look away, chatting among themselves for the rest of the wait. And as the ride kicks into gear, gradually building up speed, Kyo continues holding my hand for a new reason.

He's terrified.

I squeeze his hand through the tight seatbelt clinging to my frame as my cheeks fly back. I probably look insane, but I'm having too much fun to care. Tears prick at my eyes as I laugh until I'm breathless, drowned out by the sounds of Kyo's expletives. Poor thing...I almost feel bad about forcing him to go on this with me...

Nah. I'm over it.

It feels like its over too soon when it winds down, my hair sticking up wildly in all directions as my throat grows sore with my laughter. But it fades when Kyo looks at me so coldly, he'd turn Medusa to stone.

Needless to say, I walk in front of him to avoid his gaze, staring at my feet the entire time. I didn't think he'd still be upset after experiencing it first hand. But he _did_ eat before we got here. What if he's sick? He's been silent since we got off. I come to a stop, spinning on my heel only for his eyes to snap to mine, his lip disappearing behind his teeth.

Was he-? Was he staring at me?

"Kyo? Have you been watching me this whole time?" I ask, surprised that he didn't look the least bit ashamed about me catching him. You'd think a guy - even in our situation - wouldn't ogle a girl's backside so openly. I doubted he was looking because he found the swish of my skirt entertaining.

He shrugs, before approaching me and throwing an arm over my shoulders. "You act like you don't enjoy it. You're the one wearing the short skirt. Its not my fault you look pretty."

My mouth drops open again, and I find myself unable to respond as we turn up at a game stall. Who am I kidding? He's the same guy that showed his appreciation on Sports Day. Though it was flattering that he found me attractive with or without clothes on.

I eye his red shirt and dark jeans, noticing the way it hugged his stomach and defined his abs. I follow the ridge of his abs until my gaze rests on his hips, becoming aware of how his pants slung low enough that I got a preview of his tan skin. I stand on my toes and peck him on the cheek, admiring the scent of cinnamon he carried and the beauty of his body. I still can't believe someone this gorgeous chose me over all the other girls.

A warm smile graces his lips as he faces forward and I drape my arms around his waist. We were apparently at the Test Your Strength game; the one where you picked up a hammer and brought it down hard enough to ring the red bell. Kyo glances down at me, his hands moving to my arms. "Do you want me to win you something?"

I nod my head without an ounce of hesitation. "Yes! Wow...that's actually very sweet. Maybe this dating thing isn't as hard as I thought."

He smirks, stepping out of my embrace to roll up his sleeves in preparation. "I kind of got it from a movie. But it worked, so..."

I roll my eyes, playfully poking him in the back. "Oh yes, my knight-in-shining armor. You've won me over."

He snorts at this, getting into position and poising the mallet behind his back. I look on in anticipation, Kyo exhaling as he smashes the plate with his full strength, though only managing to make it halfway.

"What?" He growls, making a second attempt and a third. "This game is rigged!"

I sigh, extracting the frayed hammer from his tight fist. "Let me try, Kyo."

He looks aghast and frustrated as his eyes follow me to the mark, and I close my eyes to make my calculations. Once I've got it sorted by gripping the very end of the hammer to apply the torque, I slam the mallet down onto the plate with the right amount of force for it to sound the bell and light up. Elated, I request the giant plush purple cat instead of the zodiacs I could have chosen from. I hug it to my chest, once, before passing it along to Kyo.

His mouth opens and closes over and over again, no words coming out until we've retreated from the object of his ire.

"How did you manage that?" He demands, one arm slung around the plushy's waist. "I've been trying that forever."

"Easy. I factored in the velocity and force required to reach the height. Its also recommended to angle it at approximately 180 degrees so that it reaches its target no problem. Physics always comes in handy for games like those."

He's quiet for awhile, as if still digesting my words. But the look of awe that colors his features makes my heart beat faster. "That was...actually...hot," he says, a proud grin on his lips. "I'm dating a sexy genius."

"Kyo," I mumble, my insecurities warring with appreciation. "You don't have to say that for my sake. I understand if you're pissed or whatever. I didn't mean to embarrass you. But being with me doesn't cancel out your right to get mad at me sometimes."

His eyebrows furrow, his steps faltering. "Gina, I'm not mad at you. Who cares if you won the prize instead of me? I still find your intelligence sexy. Not everyone is like that idiot that hurt you because of it."

I duck my head as memories of my bully come flooding back, remembering the scar he left on my leg and my soul. I started to doubt everyone. Doubt myself. I would hide my IQ and dumb myself down to not make people angry with me. But Kyo...he liked how smart I was; loved it even.

And that thought is what gives me the courage to raise my eyes to meet his again. I interlace his free hand with mine, starting for the other concession stands with a renewed outlook.

Its...okay to be smart.

Its not a bad thing.

Anyone that has a problem with it isn't a concern of mine.

I refuse to let anyone get to me anymore.

* * *

**Of Ice Cream And Heartbreak**

I broke down.

I broke down and the evidence was in the three opened ice cream canisters scattered haphazardly on the coffee table of my living room. I let out a ragged breath, burying my make-up streaked face into the couch pillow as Tohru rubs my back. It was times like these I was thankful for best friends. Uo, Hana, and Kagura all showed up the moment I told them about our first breakup. And I was torn between gouging on cookies and cream and wanting to just go back to Kyo's and makeup already.

How weak and pathetic is that?

"Gina," Uo begins, sighing. "What did that moron do? If he cheated on you, I promise I'll strangle him."

I shake my head, feeling the dull ache making itself more pronounced in my temples.

"No..." I croak, swiping at my nose with the sleeve of my shirt. I don't even care how unsanitary that is.

What has he done to me?

"Did he forget a birthday or an anniversary?" Hana inquires, consoling me with the even tone of her voice. "It would be no trouble at all to give him an electric pulse shock."

"Or to knock him out with my lead pipe," Uo chimes in, her eyes flashing with excitement.

An empty laugh escapes my lips, and I grip the pillow that much tighter. "No. It wasn't a small thing we argued about. It was-" my voice breaks, and I feel unmotivated to relive our heated conversation from before.

It got messy the moment we'd discussed father's day plans. I suggested that Kyo talk things out with his biological dad. He challenged me to do the same. To make a long story short, we said some things I hate myself for, and he stormed out on me. I locked up his place with the key he gave me and went home, calling the girls to keep myself from thinking to much and crying. But it was too much pressure and the house was too lonely in my wait for them. One thing led to another...next thing I know, I'm here after having polished off my weight in ice cream.

Kagura pats my head, though it comes off rougher than she intends with her brute strength. She offers me a small smile. "Was it his mother or his father that came up in conversation? If its this bad, it has to be one or the other."

At this, I incline my head to look at the Kyo Whisperer, witness to the understanding in her grey eyes. And that's all it takes for me to vent everything. I speak candidly even though its the first they're hearing of my own dad. I tell them about one of the darker sides of my life and what pushed Kyo over the edge as they all listen without a single interruption.

By the time I finish, I find myself drained and more at ease at the same time; exhausted of the strife, but glad to be free of some of its weight.

Uo runs a hand through her golden hair, as if preparing to give me bad news. "As much as I hate to say it...you were both at fault and you should both apologize. Honestly, orangetop is like a brother to me. And you're my best friend. You both should be happy. Take it from me, happiness isn't easy to come by."

I sit up, dabbing at my raccoon eyes with a tissue. I had an inkling that it would come down to me going to Kyo's and telling him how sorry I am. But...I'm scared. What if he never forgives me for what I said? This isn't just some quarrel about what sports team is the best. Its an escalated discussion about fathers that messed us up and changed us.

Now I'm really starting to see how wrong I was.

And its up to me to fix it.

...

"You're an idiot," Haru says dryly, his leg hanging over the arm of my couch as he tips back his can of the cheap stuff. "If you don't take her back, that would be the stupidest mistake you could ever make."

What did he know?

Yeah, Gina was only trying to help make things better between my dad and me. But the way she went about it sounded like she was accusing me for our screwed up father-son relationship. That I was the one in the wrong.

When I left the apartment, I just wanted to get away to deal with my anger. I didn't want to take it out on her. But I think that's where I messed up because it looked like I dumped her. And every ache in my chest made me realize how much I hurt her. And I hate myself for it.

"I can't see her," I say instead, knocking back my own drink. "You don't understand what I did to her leaving like that."

"You have to Kyo," Momiji jumps in, hiccuping as he sloppily rests his chin in his hands. "Gina's really kind and pretty. Just like Tohru. You can't let her get away."

Yuki - the only sober mind out of all of us - shoots me a condescending look.

"I agree with Haru. You'd truly be _nothing_ more than the stupid cat if you don't earn her forgiveness. Is she worth more? Yes. But who does she want? You. So stop sulking and invite her over tomorrow to apologize in person."

I scoff, finishing the last of my room temperature beer. "Some pep talk. You guys suck at making me feel better."

"What kind of friends would we be if gave you some bull about how she's to blame in all this and should come crawling back?" Haru challenges, waving his crushed can. "It would be nothing more than a lie, and you know it. She's the best thing that's ever happened to you."

Momiji nods, his eyes closed as he rocks from side to side. "Yeah, Kyo-Kyo...you need to say sorry with Gina. Tell her."

I run my hands down my face, annoyed at the lack of buzz from the alcohol and the fact that they're all right about it.

But I can't bring myself to call her. She has to come to me on her own. She should have better than me. If she shows up at my door, then I'll apologize for how dumb I was and spend the rest of my life trying to make things up to her. But if she doesn't...

I'll leave her alone.

Even though I'll never be happy again.

...

I wrap my arms around my small frame, craving the warmth of my bed as I approach Kyo's door.

This was a bad - no, it was a _crazy_ idea. What if he still wasn't home? What if he turned me away? Told me he never wanted to see me again? I don't know what I'll do then. A month without him was miserable enough.

I chew on my lip, raising my hand to knock, only for the door to swing open before it can make contact with the wood. My fist hovers mid air as his eyes scroll over me, not saying anything. My breath freezes in my lungs when his eyes collide with mine, overrun with a multitude of emotions. He spares a glance over his shoulder before looking back at me, tugging me by the hand to bring me inside.

He firmly shuts the door before pressing me into it, his lips crashing into mine as his hands drive my hips to meet his. A gasp forces my lips apart as his knee slips between my legs, sinking his teeth into my neck while his hands move to the wall for support. My fingers rake through his hair when his lips and teeth markup my flesh, his knee creating sensations that blur my thoughts and reservations.

I ride his leg, peering at him through my eyelashes as his face fills with pleasured surprise.

"I want you," he growls against me, roughly nipping at me. The pain of his bite screams his frustration, though the pressure of his lips tell of his lust for mine.

He spins me around in his arms, bringing my back against him to announce his need to be in me, as his hand grabs my thigh. I tilt my head back to kiss him hard, aware of the hand ripping my skirt until it slides down my legs.

But I'm too distracted to put a stop to this by the time my back meets the bed and his body dominates mine. He tears my jacket off at the same time his tongue traces my collarbone and renders me breathless. I carelessly toss my top to the side, undoing the clasp of my bra as he slips out of his pants and shirt.

It all happens in a flurry, and I don't register where all the clothes end up when I find myself on his pillows as he leans over me. When he enters me, its rough and raw and fast. Something we rarely did was have a quickie. But when we did, it was fueled by anger and devastation, just as it was now. The broken state of our relationship was a problem that we didn't know to solve any other way.

We conquered every issue with sex, which wasn't always the best thing.

His breath spills out of his lips in ragged pants as he makes me moan with every touch and taste and scent. His anger pours out of him by the time we change positions and it ends.

My heart aches as he tries to make things up to me for leaving me behind, kissing his way down the outline of my spine and mumbling words of apology against my skin to soften the act.

"I didn't mean to get angry," he says, his thumb circling my hip as he lays on his side. "I was never supposed to hurt you. But I couldn't control my self." Remorse breaks off his words, as his eyes darken with pain. He strokes my hip bone in an irregular pattern, his forehead resting on mine. "I have no right to ask you to forgive me. But I need you, Gina." He pecks me on the nose, smiling sadly.

I exhale slowly, closing my eyes as the hurt in his voice crumbles up my stubborn nature and makes my chest constrict. I was at fault in all this. To be fair, he could have reacted better. But I should have never touched on such a sensitive subject.

"Don't blame yourself," he says sternly, tucking a lock of my hair behind my ear. "You should be able to talk to me about anything. I don't want you afraid of me."

My eyes fly open, the realization that he guessed my thoughts catching me off guard. Maybe that's what happens when you spend so much time together deciphering moods through body language and connecting. I suppose he could read me easily now. Was it the same for him?

I glance at him, my eyes running from his face to the length of his back, noting the rigidity. I take the opportunity to climb on top of him, my hands gliding to seek out knots and stress hardened muscle. I find several in his upper back and shoulders, beginning to gently knead it loose with my hands. And I'm satisfied to hear the blissful sigh that passes his lips as he leans into my touch.

"That always feels good," he groans his approval, arching into my hands. "It hurts a lot in the middle."

"Yeah, you have a bruise." I grimace when I encounter said injury, especially when he flinches the moment my fingertips brush against it. "You should have told me so I could take care of it. Don't hide your injuries from me..."

He blushes, forcing his gaze to the sheets. "I got it from Yuki. I picked a fight with him when we split up so I could take my mind off it. It didn't work, though."

"You dummy," I scold him, a contrasting softness to my voice. "I never want to go through this again. I had no idea it could hurt like this after the last time we gave each other space."

"We can't-" his eyes fall shut, grunting as I dig my elbow into the most tense part of his back. "Was it bad that I wanted to bang you the second you walked in? I mean, its obvious that you're attractive to me. But...that's what I wanted to do instead of yell at you or turn you away. How screwed up am I?"

I lean forward, laying on his back and wrapping my arms around him as my head finds its way to the dip in his shoulder.

"That's how it's always been. We don't have conversations most of the time. We do each other and let it go after that." I press my lips to his cheek, reveling in his body heat as it burned through me. "Some people might think we're a hot mess. But its our way of dealing."

He nuzzles me, folding his arms on the bed. "Maybe we...should...talk." He looks at me from his peripherals. "Its more than just a good lay. So we should act like it."

I think to bat that away to save us both from awkwardly trudging through new and unexplored things like talking it through. But practicality won out and it lead me to agree. Especially if I wanted to be more than just a booty call with dates in between.

"First order of business," I start, holding up a finger, "Is that we work things out first. Any problem we have down the road needs to be resolved by talking it out. Not by having sex or breaking up. If we can't reach a compromise after talking it through or mutually agreeing to spend time apart to cool off, then we can go from there."

He nods. "I guess that's fine. We should have done it differently all those other times. Like what happened after the water gun fight. We both messed up but..."

"Sex doesn't fix everything," I finish for him, admitting it to myself just as much. "Even if it feels good in the moment, our problems will still be there when it ends."

"Yeah," he agrees, his gaze falling to his arms. "So...we should talk about the dad thing, now?"

"If you want to. Its the only way I can think to move past this. Ignoring it will just make it worse, and I don't want us to not be together."

He sighs. "Yeah, we need to. But not like this. I want you at my side so that...its not as hard to explain."

My heart jumps at this, and I can't help but smile, tumbling off his back so that I lay beside him. I cover myself with some of his blanket, wrapping myself around him close enough to feel the erratic rhythm of his nerves. "Ok. I'm ready."

And this time as we discuss what kicked off our fight, we're more calm and less outraged. We both agree to not call our fathers this year, but make a pact to try next year. We had to do our part and leave the choice to be involved in our lives in their hands. The rest would be up to them.

By the time I look up, the orange and pinks of the sunrise pours in through the sunroof, bathing our bodies in its colors. It hadn't been noticeable as we talked and joked about random things, touching on subjects we never allowed ourselves to in the past.

Kyo stretches like a neko, before bringing me into him and securing our bodies in a one-armed embrace. He kisses my neck, inhaling the scent of my shampoo.

"I think its about time I gave you my number," he says.

And I burst out laughing.

I don't know if its because I'm exhausted or because he sniffed my hair, but somehow, that's one of the funniest things he's ever said to me.

"Almost two years late for that, don't you think?"

"Not really," he mumbles sleepily, his warmth draped over me like his blanket. "I want to be able to keep passing notes to you. Who knows where we'll be when we graduate?"

My heart gives a sad pang at this, the thought of separating and having a long-distance relationship feeling like a knife to the chest.

I cover his hand with mine, closing my eyes and trying to stay in this moment for as long as I can. If all we have left is this last month of school...then I'll make this month and this night and this moment last a lifetime.

* * *

**Kitty-Kat And His Kitty**

"You bought three cartons of milk?" I ask, scrunching my nose. "Just...why?"

He smirks, coming up behind me and opening the bag. "Yeah. And I went with plastic instead of paper. I'm a rebel aren't I?"

I snort. "Yeah. You're a real bad boy. That explains a lot considering I've always had a thing for them."

"Really?" His voice hovers close to my ear, his lips brushing against the skin as his hands smooth over my stomach. "I thought you were my bad girl, Kitty."

I shiver, ducking around him to relocate and tend to the other grocery bags. "Maybe when I went by that name, yeah. Sometimes I _do_ miss how exciting it was to be that daring." I uncover the bag of red grapes and sliced apples. "Should I-? Never mind. Dumb question."

He makes his way back over to me, putting his arms around me and resting his chin on my head. "I love you as Gina. I loved you when I thought you were Kitty. And you have it in you to be bold. You don't have to pretend to be fearless. What are you so afraid that I'll learn about you? I already know you snore."

I smile despite myself, my hands moving to his. "Its easier for you. You don't have anything else to hide now that the whole secret admirer deal is out in the open."

"Actually...I do have something to tell you about me."

Oh goodness. That was extremely ominous. Just how bad was it?

"Come on," he says, intertwining our hands and leading me to his living room. "We agreed to talk about things."

He sits down on the couch and I take a seat beside him, crossing my legs. His thumb swipes over my hand back and forth like a windshield.

"I know this is gonna sound crazy but I need you to hear my out...From the time I was born until I was seventeen, I was under a curse just as the rest of my cousins. I hinted at it when we had breakfast together the first time and we talked about the story of the 12 Chinese animals." He sighs, letting his head fall back against the cushions. "This curse meant that I was unable to hug females or get too stressed or sick without transforming into the animal I was. Of course, I was stuck being the cat and it created the rivalry I had with Yuki."

"Hold on," I say, holding out my free hand. "My head is spinning. Okay, so you're trying to tell me...that you were cursed? Maybe I'm dense about the supernatural, but I really don't see that being possible."

That's just illogical!

"I told you it sounds crazy. But I need you to trust me anyway. It doesn't affect me anymore so I hadn't planned on telling you. But I don't want secrets from you."

"Alright, Kyo. Let me just...process this. Let's say all this is true. How did the curse break? What did-" I cut myself off, my overly analytical brain coming to my aide. "Tohru did it, didn't she?"

She had to have been the one. Kagura said that she did something that they'll be forever grateful for.

He sits up at this, nodding. "Yeah, how'd you know?"

"More importantly...how did she do it? And if you couldn't hug girls..." I gasp, stunned at my train of thought. "Am I the first girl you hugged?"

His cheeks heat up, and he looks away. "I told you, you were my first..."

"I had no idea I was your first everything. That's so adorable!" I smile, throwing my arms around him and giving him a long kiss on the cheek.

"Quit it," he growls, leaning away from me as I go to pinch his cheeks. "Now you know what I meant about that nickname you gave me."

I deflate a little, just realizing what it must have been like to be reminded of his former curse whenever a girl was around him, and even still with his girlfriend. "I'm so sorry, Kyo," I offer, clapping my hands over my heart. "I had no way of knowing that's what you meant."

"Don't be sorry," he says. "Its kind of strange but...I don't feel so bad about it anymore. I mean, the reminder is still there. But I know that its your nickname for me and you seem to like it. Just like Kitty is my nickname for you. You're still Gina and I love you. But..."

"Its your term of endearment, right? Your way of showing me affection?"

He gives a laugh. "Something like that. You have a strange way of putting things, you know?"

I smile. "Yup! But like I said...get used to it, sweetums. You're stuck with me. And, I'm happy for you. You all deserve freedom, however you came by it."

He curls his arm around my waist and kisses my head, levity flooding his sienna eyes. "Thank you for helping me get there."

I'm confused about what he means, even as he hugs me tighter than he ever has. But as long as he's enjoying his life, I'm honored to be a part of it.

* * *

**Home Is Where The Heart Is**

The Graduation ceremony was everything I dreamed it to be. My cap and gown and honor cord came in the night before, tailored to my short little height of 5"4" and I attached my graduating class to the black and white tassel. I remembered to shave my legs the night before so it wouldn't ruin the effect of my stunning purple dress and nearly illegal high-heels. I didn't get to sit next to Kyo - which was disappointing - due to the difference in our last names. But it was cool to sit between Tohru and Saki. Yuki was valedictorian, which was a given. But the salutatorian took me by surprise; it was someone that was rumored to underperform in all his classes when he was really pulling a 5.0 GPA with all his afternoon college courses. It shut a lot of people up.

There were speeches and a baby picture slideshow and tears upon tears. My Mom, Satoshi, and my Aunt all showed up to support me. And I noticed several other familiar faces in the audience. Kazuma, Kureno, Kagura, Momiji, and Haru being some of them, along with Haru's girlfriend that I met at the hot tub party we had.

All in all, as I walked across the stage to shake the hands of the principal and super intendants, got my degree, and we all marched to the tune of Pomp and Circumstance...I found myself emotional, shocked to the core that I would be further in the adult world now. And a lot of them don't play nice or fair. The reminder only served to dampen the mood of today a little.

Now its the early evening after getting back home, with Kyo at my side. I suggested that we could have dinner with Kazuma or something if he wanted, after having asked my parents if they had other plans in mind.

"So, what do you want to do?" I ask Kyo, packing away my cap and gown in the cardboard box it came in. "Now that we're out of high school."

"We can go out to dinner or do something else if you want," he says, shrugging. "I didn't know how else you wanted to celebrate."

I blink, confused for a second before understanding what he's referring to. "No, not tonight. I mean...when I go to school in the fall and you run your dad's dojo with him. What'll we do about us?" I ask, awkwardly shuffling around him to set my diploma on my desk.

"Oh. That..." he trails off, plopping down on the end of my bed. "I don't know. I haven't really thought about it."

"Well," I say, training my gaze on him as I hoist myself up onto the desk. "We could get together every weekend - like old times - and spend the duration at your place or mine. The rest of the week, we can stay in contact and focus on our futures at the same time."

He shakes his head, gesturing for me to sit with him with his finger. "I don't have cooties, Gina. You know that, right?"

I roll my eyes, hopping down and surprising us both, I hike up my dress to sit in his lap. "I'm pre-med. If I didn't know that, I'd be in trouble. Not to mention I'd be terminal by now."

He scoffs, his arms circling my waist to pull me closer. "You're strange."

"You make it sound like its new to you," I joke, fighting my smile. "And now you've gotten us off topic. Should we go with my plan?"

He looks up at the ceiling, exhaling when his eyes rendezvous with mine. "We could do that...or, we could get a place together." He rests his chin on my shoulder, the scent of cinnamon mint filling the space between. "I'm nineteen now and you're going to be nineteen in September. We're old enough."

"Yeah," I concede, biting my lip. "But, are you really sure we're ready for something like that? We've only been going steady for four months."

"But we've known each other for two years. Remember?"

I reluctantly admit to that with a nod, nervous of the prospect of living alone with Kyo. Part of me thought it was too much adult too soon. Sure, I had a paid internship and he worked with Kazuma. But we would be expected to keep up a monthly rent payment. We'd be locked in for at least a year, unable to sub-lease to anyone else if we called it quits. And if that wasn't scary enough, add in the cost of living expenses, potential repairs, and whatever furniture we'd need.

"You're tense," he comments, lifting his chin as his hold loosens. "What's wrong?"

I consider faking a smile, before deciding it was useless. He'd see right through me.

"Its not that I don't want to live with you. It just seems terrifying to live on my own, even if we're living on our own together."

"What are you worried about?" He questions seriously. "Tell me and we can figure it out."

I fidget, my hands finding his to steel myself. "Money. That's one of the biggest cons about moving in together."

"I'm a Sohma. You know about the curse breaking and the fact I'm entitled to the family share, now. We're loaded. Next concern."

"What if we break up?" I stutter out, stunned at how easily he dusted the first one off.

His hand moves from beneath mine to cup my cheek, his crimson eyes fired up. "We already decided what we'd do about that. We went through too much to give it all up for some stupid argument we have every now and then. I'm not losing you."

"But what if we-"

"No."

"But Kyo, you have to be realistic about it."

"Gina," he pleads, desperation and pain etched into his expression. "I am. I can't...I can't not have you. I lost my mind every time we got mad at each other. And the night we broke up was one of the worst of my life." He bows his head, as if ashamed of this fact. "I need you, and I won't lose you without fighting like hell to keep you. I told you once that I can't help myself. That hasn't changed."

My breath leaves me in a rush as his words hit me like a ton of cinder block. And before I know it, my arms are around his torso and his legs are tangled in mine from where we lay on my bed. And as he tucks my head beneath his chin and his hands run through my hair, I decide right then...that I want to move in with him. I want to come home to him every night. To wake up beside him every morning. I want to have coffee together, and make breakfast with him, and meet him for lunch when we can. I want to know that my bed will never be cold again and that I won't ever go a day without kissing him.

"Yes," I say, closing my eyes. "Yes. I want to live with you. Let's start looking tomorrow."

And the only answer I get is a kiss on the head and his embrace. But that's all the response I need.

...

Bright and early, we set off in search of a one-bedroom flat that's located at the halfway point between the University and the dojo. And quite frankly...his morning eagerness was both amusing and sobering. On the one hand, it was so unusual for him. On the other, it showed that he felt the same about this whole thing.

As to be expected, I had a large cup of strong coffee, pumped with several shots of espresso and creamer to disguise the acerbic taste. Neither of our parents knew what we were doing yet. But we were planning to tell them once we found a place. I think we're both equally cowards when it comes to them.

So far, the hunt was unsuccessful. Cracks in the ceiling and cobwebs were more common than you'd think. Then there were plumbing problems, overcrowded buildings, bug infestations. It was looking less and less promising with each threshold we passed through. I could see how the discouragement was getting to Kyo, too. He so badly wants this to work. And I do too.

But just when things were at their bleakest, we find it. The one bar of gold in a pile of counterfeit lookalikes.

Its atmosphere is airy and light with peace. The air is breezy and clean, the carpet decorated in vacuum tracks. The staged furniture is inviting and welcoming, topped off by the spotless granite countertops and stainless steel appliances. The bedroom had its own bathroom, just as the living room had one for guests. There was a tub with jets (something you'd expect in a house), a large shower, and a toilet behind a tiled wall. The space and the possibilities the bedroom spoke of was what put this luxurious apartment over the edge, into salivate-worthy territory.

"This is near perfection," I comment, observing the options on the tub and all its intensity settings. "We have to get this." I chance a look at him, wondering if he likes it as much as I do. "Can we?"

The real estate woman I'd momentarily forgotten gives me two thumbs up, pulling documents out of nowhere. "I'll need your signatures and the down payment. Then it'll be all yours. You can even read it first!"

Gee. Who knew reading a contract before signing was such a novel concept?

"Kyo?" I prompt, walking over so that I stand right in front of him. "You okay?"

I have my answer when he smirks, his eyes filled with something indiscernible. "Let's get it. I already know what I want to buy first."

I raise an eyebrow. "Already? What are you thinking? A mini-fridge for your beer or a couch...?"

"A mattress," he says, making strides towards the countertop and looking through the lease. "We'll have plenty of time to break it in."

It should be no surprise that I was going to get him back for making me red in the face. I would start with mattress city. Working my way up to returning the favor.

...

A week later and we've completely packed everything. Three weeks and we've unpacked with only one straggler box of clothes we were debating on donating or keeping. And throughout the month we've lived here, we spent several occasions testing out the mattress durability like cats in heat. We can both agree that it'll last us a long time.

Today, we were seeking decor and paint buckets to spruce up the place. Our lease allowed for us to do a color change as long as we repainted it before leaving.

I have to admit...I feel like a real adult, shopping with my man for our home. It makes me feel responsible. Something I planned to milk for all its worth. Regardless of my vendetta towards actual milk.

"Coral blue sounds good if we don't go neutral. Cool tones are always a safe bet." I make a note on our to-do list to pickup a pack of toilet paper and paper towels on our way home. "I vote yes on that, no on the royal blue."

He angles his head, squinting his eyes at my choices as if studying something complex. "I was planning on lavender. Your favorite color."

Warmth spreads through my chest at this, and I can't help but kiss him dizzy. "I'd love that for the guest bathroom," I say, finding the corresponding bucket. "We should go red and brown for the living room to match the sectional and coffee table."

That's how we spend the rest of the trip at the hardware store; picking out purples and reds and browns that would be strategically dispersed through the apartment so as not to look tacky.

We also took the time to get a shoe rack for our closet, a bookshelf, and a brand new tatami mat for when Kyo practices. But the purchase that keyed me up the most was the punching bag that sat on the balcony of our apartment. Its quality material is to die for, and I looked forward to making Kyo my spar partner once again.

After today, I think I'm ready to take on whatever is thrown at me.

What do I have to be afraid of?

...

I roll a strip of paint up the tape lined wall of our living room, concentrating to the point of my corneas burning. Its either that or from the paint fumes. Its honestly a blur.

I finally finish my side of it, taking a step back and accidentally flipping the paint container. Everything appears to move in slow motion as it splatters red paint on the wall and Kyo.

"Oops." I wince, watching as Kyo swipes at the scarlet staining his old clothes and his cheek. "I'm so sorry," I offer weakly.

He says nothing for several painful seconds. And it feels like torture waiting for him to react. A silent Kyo was a deadly Kyo. Wouldn't you be terrified?

Then comes the chilling words, "Come here."

"No thank you," I say, with my hands up as I step backwards again. "I'm good."

"I don't think you are," he counters, smirking the closer he gets to me. And thanks to his longer legs, he corners me fast. "You don't look red enough. I should do something about that."

"Kyo, please," I cry out, going unheard or ignored as he embraces me and holds me tight as he can. "_Why?_"

"Because, it gives me an excuse to hold you. And its payback," he explains simply, the sound of paint squelching the longer I remain in his arms.

"Satisfied?"

"Very."

* * *

**Sweet Tooth**

I whisk a mixture of eggs, milk, vegetable oil, and brownie mix at breakneck speed. If I had any hope of finishing one more batch along with my thesis paper on amputation and rehabilitation of limbs, I desperately needed to pick up the pace. I keep mixing until there's nothing but bump-free, smooth, chocolate batter that's waiting to be poured into a pan. And I set out to do just that, only to be startled by the sudden opening and closing of the front door.

Oh no.

He wasn't supposed to see this yet! It would wreck the surprise.

I dart in front of the island, shielding the giant bowl from Kyo's view as he passes over the kitchen threshold. A curious eyebrow raises, followed by his nose twitching as he catches a whiff of the air. And I belatedly realize there was no hiding the scent of baking.

"What are you making?" He asks, a smile tugging on his lips. "It smells good in here...like cookies?" He slowly drops his keys on a nearby countertop, approaching me like I'm a helpless gazelle and he's a starved lion. "No. That can't be it..." he continues, making his way over to me, causing my heart to bash against my chest the closer he gets. "I'm thinking chocolate..." he trails off, his lips finding my cheek as his hands fall to my waist and bring me forward. When he leans back, he licks his lips, looking me in the eyes with a silent challenge. "I was right. It is chocolate."

And its with a mix of horror and surprise that I realize I must have gotten some of the brownie batter on my cheek.

"Kyo! You could get salmonella poisoning!" I say, reaching for a nearby dishrag and scrubbing at the streak on my cheek.

He scoffs, like its nothing to be concerned about. "It was worth your reaction." He shrugs, plucking the scored dish cloth from my hands. "But if you're that worried, I won't do it again. I just wanted to know what you were making and if it would be done soon."

I inwardly sigh, deciding there's nothing more to say on the health risks of raw batter. "I can't tell you. Its supposed to be a surprise." I fold my arms, pouting. "You weren't supposed to see it before tomorrow."

He frowns. "Why? Its not my birthday."

I shake my head, moving to search the drawer under the stove for oven mitts and a non-stick dish. "You know what they say about cats and their curiosity."

He snorts, watching me pour the chocolate goo into the blue glass container. "Is that a threat, Kitty?"

I stick my tongue out at him. "No. The last time I did something like that, you tickled me. And that's never happening again."

His lips curve into an easy smirk, his eyes glinting with amusement. "I had no idea you were that ticklish. But now that I do-"

"Kyo," I say, warningly, shooting a glare in his direction. "Don't you dare."

His smirk is the last thing I see before I'm gasping for air as he tickles me until I can't breathe.

"Kyo...stop," I cry, laughing despite myself. "I'm gonna end you."

"Tell me," he says, continuing in his merciless attack. "Tell me and I'll stop."

"Fine, I tap out. I tap out. Happy?" I ask, nursing my slightly sore ribs as he leans against the counter in front of me.

"Very. But will you tell me? I'm not big on surprises."

I glance down before looking back up, smirking. "You could have fooled me."

His cheeks alight with a hint of pink, clearing his throat. "You were saying..."

"If you _must_ know, I'm baking them for your students." I shrug, like its no big deal. "I just thought it'd be nice for them to have a treat after winning their martial arts tournament."

His eyes widen, and the love in his eyes is so intense its almost hard to look at as he registers what I did. "You did that...? For them?"

"And for you," I add, sheepishly playing with my hair. "I was going to bring them by tomorrow afternoon. If that's okay."

He laughs, shaking his head. "Its more than ok. Thank you, G," he says, tugging me forward until my hips connect with his and his arms go around me. "What good deed did I ever do to have you? I seriously don't get it."

I toy with his shirt, beaming up at him. "That makes two of us. I wonder how I managed to get someone as sweet and sarcastic and gorgeous as you. But I learned to stop asking."

* * *

**On Bended Knee**

Its a killer summer afternoon, blazing at eighty degrees as I wade my feet in the refreshing pool water. I take a sip of my pina colada margarita, my aviators tucked securely into my hair as I soak up the rays.

Kyo was taking an awful long time to arrive considering his class finished an hour ago. And that's counting the extra half hour he usually spent talking to his students one-on-one, teaching them what they should do to improve as individuals. But his tardiness paled in comparison to how happy he is since he started instructing people in martial arts. It gave him purpose; a sense of being needed. And he was loving almost every second of it.

I take another gulp of my drink, this one larger than the last. It hit him hard the first time he had a student quit. It was purely financial as to why he left and Kyo agonized over it for days. He tossed and turned or he didn't sleep at all. He told me that he cared for all his students, but this one was different and was naturally gifted. After talking it over with me, I offered to work overtime for a couple of months in order to pay for him to rejoin the class. I was willing to do just about anything for my Kitty-Kat, and by extension, his students.

Suddenly, I'm surrounded by a different kind of heat as I find myself between a familiar pair of tan legs. His rough hands smooth over the flat of my stomach, and I angle my head back to receive a kiss. He kisses me for a long and beautiful minute, his lips perfectly outlining mine as the sloshing of water sounds in the background. His firm lips and his hard body always reminded me that he was a man. And it never failed to turn me on that he was mine.

The fusion of our lips eventually comes to an end, and I trade the loss of lip contact for the end of my straw. I face the settling clear water, smiling when he kisses the back of my neck.

"Can I have a sip?"

Before I can answer him, he steals my drink, taking a hearty sip of the only other source of cold.

"You're such a jerk," I say, laying my head back on his shoulder as he finishes the last of it, his laughter creating tremors in both our bodies. "You owe me a new one, you know?"

"Yeah, yeah," he waves that off, leaving no trace of my margarita on the rocks but the melting ice cubes. "I also owe you sex on the beach. But who's keeping track?"

I scoff, rolling my eyes. "Not sure if you mean the real thing or the drink. But you did tell me that you wanted to take me on the beach."

He sets my glass down on the blue and white pool tiles, a smirk in his tone. "I haven't forgotten."

I take his hand, smiling like the lovey-dovey sap that I am. "What are you waiting for? We're twenty-one and not getting any younger."

His burnt sienna eyes darken deliciously before his lips lift into a devious grin. "Later. I've got something else planned, today."

My eyebrow quirks, questions rattling around my brain. "Like what? Its too hot to do much else." I emphasize this by gesturing down at myself, drawing attention to my bright red bikini. "I thought you asked me here to cool down."

He gets to his feet, helping me to stand using both of my hands. "We can go night swimming. But there's something important I need to take care of."

I move our joined hands behind me, stepping forward until my chest is touching his. "You sure you don't want to get me underwater? You never know...I might have forgotten to double-knot," I joke, winking at him.

Instead of rising to the occasion, he breaks the link of our hands to crouch, looping my arms around his neck. A curious sound forms and leaves my lips in a squeal, right before I'm hoisted up onto him in a piggyback. His palms slide under my thighs to lock me around him as he treks out of the aquatic center and down the sidewalk.

I respectfully look back at our parked car, gleaming in the sunlight in its neon blue glory. Before whipping my head back around to try and see where we're headed.

It was a stunning view from his height, like it was a whole new experience five inches higher in the air. The trees sparkled with the glow of sunlight, the oceans's crashing waves roaring as we pass it by until we approach a wooden bridge.

It leads to a secluded chestnut bungalow, the coolness of its shade washing over me as he pushes the unlocked door open. My eyes practically jump out of my skull as I take in the candlelit dinner resting on the small round table by the window. As he turns his back towards it so I can slide off and into the seat, I become immersed in the oceanfront view that's soothing with the occasional cry of seagulls. My heart speeds up as he sits across from me, taking a bottle of beer out of the ice box for him and for me.

I accept it, looking forward to another chilled drink that didn't taste half bad being the brand that it is. He draws his brown bottle forward to clink with mine, before guzzling down half of it, watching as I take dainty sips from my own.

I wonder what he's planning. We admitted that we love each other and have been dating for three years, together for five. We were young and in the prime of our careers. What else was there?

"I have a lot to say," he begins, rolling the bottle back and forth between his palms. "So...I ask that you will let me tell you everything before responding one way or another."

I nod, noting the stoicism in his face and tone. I hope it wasn't something serious like him only having a few days left to live or to be with me.

"When I was younger, before you came into my life, I was cursed. And I don't mean with the cat spirit. I had this screwed up thought that everyone hated me and would always look down on me as something useless. There came a time when I hit rock bottom and I wanted to die. I stopped eating and sleeping to try to stop existing."

I drop my gaze to my bottle, noticing the shaking of my hands and the lack of control I have over it.

He seems to know as well, because he reaches a hand out to stop their relentless tremors.

"But I don't want to make this all about me and the darkness I went through. This is about us. And about how you changed me...saved me." He scoots forward, his knees brushing against mine beneath the table as he meets my eyes. "Everything changed when this hot chick I'd never met came up to me at a party and kissed me. Me, of all people, who was never someone people chased after or wanted. The same person that was always second to Yuki.

"You shocked me and amazed me with how bold you were. You suggested things that I never would have done on my own. And when we left for that alley...as bad as it was, I couldn't help but want to have you. To know what it was like to make a girl desire me and to find out what sex really felt like. Just to know what the hype was about. You have no idea what it was like for someone like me to be with someone so beautiful as you. And for you to be my first."

I smile a little, tracing his hand with my fingers.

"And when it ended, I was terrified that I'd never see you again. As much as I didn't want to put my trust in anyone or rely on anyone ever again, you made me want to see you. At least one more time. And eventually, it became a third time. And a fourth. And the rest was history as far as sleeping together every Friday goes. But that didn't even scratch the surface for how I began to feel inside. A year had gone by and I got angry because...I started to miss you when you weren't there. I started to want you more, and eventually, I needed you. Which I absolutely hated because I never wanted to open myself up or be dependent on anybody else after Tohru. It all got worse the night you found me in the boxing ring."

I remember...I was upset to see him there because we stayed out of each other's way every other day of the week. And when I learned that he used the same training gym, it was surprising to say the least.

"You challenged me and we fought, which made me realize how feisty you were. And how much I liked it. I don't want to compare you to her, but you need to understand that reserved and shy girls like Tohru used to be my type. I felt like they balanced me out. But learning that I was attracted to you only confused me because you seemed so different.

"Then we started passing notes that time we had detention. We went back to my place and we had dinner together instead of just jumping into bed. And it scared me how I actually enjoyed just talking to you, with or without me screwing you. You danced for me, you were mindful of my feelings, and you showed me you cared when I got that black eye from a fight. But what sobered me the most was when you lost your brother, because the part of me that I thought was dead came back to life and broke for you. And for your family."

I close my eyes, aware of the wound that was still very much there after four years.

"That was the first night you started to regularly stay over. You stole the sheets at some point in the middle of the night. You snored like a lawnmower and you drooled on my pillows. But I loved everything about it. It made me feel like I was special because we shared a bed outside of sex. And I wondered if you offered the same privilege to other guys. Either way, I decided that I wanted to be your friend, even though I wasn't ready to move on from Tohru or let Yuki think he won. So I pushed that aside and chose to be a friend and a lover instead of a boyfriend to you. Because I was still so lost about what I wanted.

But soon, I started to forget what we were. Everything started to blur together. You'd stay over every Friday night afterwards. I shared my poem with you. We played Truth or Dare instead of just skipping to the main thing because I wanted more time with you. I knew it was the only way to do that without tipping you off as to how I felt. And it was a nightmare for me when I realized it for myself. Because I thought there was no way you could ever fall for me. You're way too good for me."

He scoffs, his other hand coming to rest on mine. "But...there you were. Studying with me. Telling me about your past. Spending time with my cousins and going out to dance with me. You let me break down at the rave and I stopped being the angry and tough guy I always was as I yelled at my mother. And at the world. And at myself for the unfairness of it all. Through all that, I was sending you those gifts, even while I was sorting out my mess of feelings. And then the dream happened. I dreamt about what a future would be like with you. And you know how much that changed everything? I never wanted anything as much as I wanted you for a girlfriend and a wife as I did in that moment."

My mind stops on the word 'wife' and its this that makes me realize what this speech was about.

"And three years later, after making you my girlfriend, I'm here trying to make the second part come true. Because I want you to be my wife, as young as we are, and knowing you could have better. I'm asking anyway."

He abandons his drink on the dining table, making his way to me and getting down on one knee. My breath gets trapped in my throat as I watch him retrieve a small black box, popping it open to reveal a ring with a garnet gemstone seated on a twisted halo silver wedding band.

"I chose my birthstone because for the first time in my life, I don't regret being born. You make me want to fight to live. You are my purpose and my reason and the only one that can reach my soul. So Gina, I'm asking...will you marry me?"

I don't blubber like the girls do in the movies. I don't burst into tears. I don't even say anything at first. I just sit there, unable to move and unable to speak as my eyes go back and forth between Kyo and the ring.

"Gina? Are you-oof!" He says, right as I trounce him and we both fall to the ground. I kiss him on the lips and the nose and the cheek and the forehead. Because I'm still not able to talk as my heart is overwhelmed by something unbelievable.

It isn't until I recognize that feeling as love and passion that I find my words.

"Yeah I'll marry you, Kitty-Kat." I beam at him when his eyes light up and he takes my left hand, sliding the ring onto my finger.

And I'm reeling over the fact that I just got engaged to Kyo and became his fiancé. Wow. I'm his fiancé. And he's mine. And I'm going to be a wife! What is even happening to me right now?

"I had it engraved," he says, brushing my cheek with his knuckles. "'Whenever you find yourself lost on a starless night, read this and you'll find your way back to me. And you'll be free just as you did for me.'"

My cheeks start to hurt with how much I'm smiling, but I'm feeling too light to care. "That's really beautiful and sweet. You fit all of that on there? "

He snorts, his hands clasping behind my back. "Barely. They charge by the letter. But making sure you don't ever doubt my love for you after all we've been through, is more important than the cost or the time that went into it. I love you, G."

"I love you too, Kyo."


	31. Then Comes Marriage

**Chapter Thirty-One: Then Comes Marriage**

**Making It Official**

"I have an idea," Kyo begins, nervous like those people that decide its a good idea to split up in scary movies. So you feel me when I say that I was freaked out about what might come next, right?

I glance down at the rock on my left ring finger, reminding myself that I love this man and am committed to him, and everything else. I'll be marrying his bright ideas when we say our vows. Besides, he's only really steered me wrong once before. And I had my own role in that.

"Which is?"

He takes one of my hands, playing with my fingers. "I was thinking we should elope."

I shake my head, wondering if there was something in my ears. "I'm sorry...say that again. It sounded like you suggested we elope."

He directs his gaze to the wooden floor, mumbling, "I did."

"Uh...but that's- I mean..."

"Its not that crazy," he says, cutting off my rambling. "We're not exactly normal, y'know?"

I sigh. "That is true. But, I kind of always wanted a wedding with a dress and a veil...to throw my bouquet and for us to feed each other slices of a chocolate wedding cake." But now, that might not be the case. I never really thought to ask him what his ideal wedding was before we got together. Mostly because I figured I'd scare him off or have no future with him.

His hands move to my shoulders, his thumbs stroking my skin. "We can still have that and have a private thing. We can invite people, too." His forehead comes to rest against mine, and he looks me in the eyes. "The idea is just to keep it small and relaxed. Instead of having to spend months planning. What do you think?"

I was initially disappointed, I'll admit. But the concept of elopement held its own intrigue. It was unconventional, yet, intimate and exciting. We could get married some place like the tropics or a mountainous area, as opposed to being confined to the traditional church setting. Now that I think about it...it sounded like a lot of fun.

I smile, adrenaline pouring into my veins. "Let's do it tonight."

He pulls back a little, surprised. "Really? What about your dress and a cake?"

I shrug, wrapping my arms around him. "We can stop by a bakery that's still open, I have a nice dress at home, and my aunt is dating a guy that is buddies with a minister. Are you getting cold feet?"

I was really just teasing, but I knew it would spur him on.

"What? N-no! We're gonna get married even if it kills me," he declares, marching out of the bungalow and leading me by the hand. "Now we just need a place."

I look up at him, swinging our joined hands as we walk. "I'm thinking the beach."

...

I couldn't believe how many people willingly showed up after only being notified five hours before.

Yuki and Tohru lived just an hour away, and their two year old daughter was being babysat by Momiji. So they showed. Rin was away on business, though Haru managed to make it an hour ago. Kazuma (my soon to be father-in-law, how crazy is that?!) and my parents were here along with Kagura and her fiancee. Kureno, Uo, and Hana were in their own little group though Hana went between them and Kazuma. Hiro and Kisa were biding their time flirting with each other.

I was wearing my maxi beach dress, floor length and a blend of lavender and lilac, with the sides cut out. I ditched my wedges the moment we started walking on sand, preferring the feel of it to my heels. My eyeshadow was a smoky gradient of black, purple, and white, accentuated by black eyeliner and my pink lipgloss. After wrestling with my hair for a full two hours, I settled on washing it and breaking out my curling iron to make beach waves. And let me tell you that Kyo looked _fine_ in his white open collared button down and his black slacks, paired with black loafers. He was carrying blue and white balloons he'd managed to round up from the grocery store, his free hand resting on the small of my back as we advance towards the 'alter.'

Everyone claps as we pass by them, even the most stoic offering smiles by the time we reach the minister.

"Dear friends and family, we are gathered here today to witness and celebrate the union of Sohma Kyo and Hiyashi Gina in marriage. Through their time together, they have come to realize that their personal dreams, hopes, and goals are more attainable and more meaningful through the combined effort and mutual support provided in love, commitment, and family; and so they have decided to live together as husband and wife.

"We are here today to join Kyo and Gina in a life of mutual commitment. It is fitting and appropriate that you, the family and friends of Kyo and Gina be here to witness and to participate in their union. For the ideals, the understanding, and the mutual respect which they bring to their life together had their roots in the love and friendship and guidance you have given them. The union of two people makes us aware of the changes wrought by time. But the new relationship will continue to draw much of its beauty and meaning from the intimate associations of their past.

"Kyo and Gina - Today you enter as individuals, but you will leave here as husband and wife, blending your lives, expanding your family ties, and embarking upon the grandest adventure of human interaction. The story of your life together is still yours to write. All those present have come to witness and celebrate your love and commitment this day - eager to be a part of the story not yet told.

"Now is the time for vows. You both have decided to hear mine and give your acquiescence."

We nod in unison, waiting for the officiant to continue.

"Very well. "Do you Sohma Kyo, take Hiyashi Gina to be your lawfully wedded wife, promising to love and cherish, through joy and sorrow, sickness and health, and whatever challenges you may face, for as long as you both shall live?"

"I do," Kyo says, his sienna eyes meeting mine.

"Do you promise to take Hiyashi Gina to be your partner in life and sharing your path; equal in love, a mirror for your true self, promising to honor and cherish, through good times and bad, until death do you part?"

"I do," he repeats, a smile dancing along his lips.

"And do you Hiyashi Gina take Sohma Kyo to be your husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do you part?"

"I do," I answer, my heart pounding in my ears.

"And do you choose each other to be partners in life, to support and respect one another in your successes and as well your failures, to care for one another in sickness and in health, to nurture one another , and to grow with one another throughout the seasons of your life together?"

"I do," we say together.

"Very good. You two have already exchanged rings earlier this evening, so we will move onto the next part of the ceremony."

"Actually," Kyo breaks in, "I still have something I want to say to her."

"Okay, proceed."

Kyo faces me full on, taking my hands in his. "I will cherish you with everything I am. I can't promise to never let you down again, but I refuse to not try to give you my all. That ring will be a reminder of how you took my damaged soul and made it something worth holding onto. This is my promise to love you with everything you see as a flaw and show you just how I find it to be a strength."

My eyes blur with tears unshed, and I crave the need to voice my heart towards him. But I know whatever I say couldn't match his vow to me.

The minister picks it up for me, continuing in his script.

"You have for each other special rings – symbols that love is the most precious element in your life together. The ring has no beginning and no ending, which symbolizes that the love between you will never cease. You place these rings upon each others fingers as a visible sign of your vows this day, which will make you husband and wife.

"At last, by the power vested in me by the city of Tokyo, I hereby pronounce you husband and wife. Sohma Kyo, you may kiss your bride."

We lean in together, our lips uniting for the first time as we become something even greater than a dating couple. But married in front of friends and family.

"Family and friends, I present to you Sohma Kyo and Sohma Gina. Welcome the new married couple."

Everyone applauds and cheers, and I laugh as my head comes to rest on Kyo's chest as he winds his arms around me.

It takes me a few moments to remember something I wanted to do.

"Oh," I say, reluctantly separating from my husband to grab the blue balloons. "All the eligible young ladies, please come forward."

Kisa shyly steps up along with Uo and Hana. Tohru hangs back, her hand in Yuki's as they look on in curiosity. This event was reserved for the unmarried women, though it would be a little different considering the lack of bouquet.

"Okay everyone, can I have your attention?" Everyone that was busy congratulating Kyo all focus their eyes on me, along with everyone else.

"I'm going to release these balloons and whichever of these three ladies to catch one first will be the next to get married. So keep an eye out," I finish, pointedly eyeing Kazuma, Kureno, and Hiro.

Hiro's the only one to outwardly react, glaring daggers at me as his cheeks burn pink.

I laugh at this, loosening my grip on the balloon's ribbon. "Ready...set...go!" I let go, allowing the blue orbs to sail into the night sky and the girls chase after them.

Uo, being the tallest and most competitive, is the first to snag one and gloat about it. "Woo-hoo. I win this round suckers!"

Hana sighs, giving a resigned shrug of her shoulders. "Though the outcome is far from surprising, it does not strip it of its sting."

Kisa looks disappointed for a second or two before a smile returns to her face, and she skips off to Hiro. She must be spending a lot of time around Tohru.

"Congrats, sweetie," my mom cries as she hugs me until I can't breathe. "You found love," she gushes.

She slackens her hold for the sake of oxygen, happy tears streaking her face.

"You'll have a wonderful life together. I just know it."

I return her exuberance, though I have to fight back tears of my own. "Thank you for supporting us, mom. It means everything to me."

"How could I not, Gina? I love you."

She gives me a kiss on the cheek, making her way back to Satoshi. But not without blowing me another kiss over her shoulder, warmth in her green eyes.

I wave, feeling a familiar presence at my side.

Kyo's places his hand on the small of my back, drawing me in for a kiss, only to be interrupted by his dad.

"Congratulations you two," Kazuma offers in that deep and refined voice of his. "I knew you'd end up together. It was just a matter of when. And Gina-" He turns to me, clapping his hand over mine as his smile reaches his eyes. "Thank you for choosing my son. You make him a happier man and there's no better person to be my daughter-in-law than you. You're more than welcome to call me dad."

Kyo shakes his head, even though he's having a hard time trying to stop smiling. "Seriously?"

I don't even hear the rest of their banter, on cloud nine from getting the seal of approval from Kazuma - or, dad - getting engaged and married all in one night.

All in all, an unforgettable time.

* * *

**Honeymoon Phase**

I flick the light switch off in the bathroom, tentatively stepping out and into our shared room. Kyo turns his head and his mouth drops open, only clamping shut for him to swallow as I approach him.

I put the effort into swaying my hips, strutting towards him in my heels as his eyes fall to the lingerie. The bottom was a scarlet thong with a corset front and tiny bows, clinging tightly to my skin and held up by garter belts. A matching lacy baby doll top just brushed the very tops of my thighs, completely see through without a bra underneath.

I blush, realizing this is the first time I am this bold and confident without being Kitty. Except for the Christmas night I surprised him in his bed clothed in nothing but present bows.

My body burns with his gaze as it stays on my cleavage unabashedly. Who knows what would have happened if I went with the crotchless or cupless options I'd skipped over?

In the instance his eyes seek mine, he tugs my body forward to connect with his. He tips his head down, dragging his lips across my ear lobe before laying open mouth kisses over the sensitive skin behind my ear. I shudder as he leaves a hot, wet trail from there down my neck, and my back arches as my eyes flutter closed.

How did he make me feel this good after five years of sexing? And why would I question it?

He cups my cheeks, looking down at me hazily before his lips gravitate towards mine. I moan against his mouth, feeling his tongue part my lips when I move his hands to my backside. He squeezes me roughly, biting my lower lip before his thumbs hook into the string of my thong, and he yanks it down my thighs until it glides past my legs. My chest slides against his and he groans, propelling his hips forward so I can feel him. I purr in appreciation for it, touching his hips right back with mine. I wasn't going to let him think he was the only one wanting this. I wanted him to the point I ached everywhere to feel him between my legs. He greedily kisses his way down until he ends up on his knees, and he takes one of my legs, tasting every last inch of my thigh as his other hand works at his pants. I run my teeth over my lip as my hands bury themselves in his hair, reveling in the angle of my leg being moved to his shoulder.

"You taste like vanilla," he murmurs darkly, the deadly sexy vibrations of his voice forcing a pleasured gasp from my lungs. "But you feel better than you taste," he continues, standing and letting my leg drop to the floor to take a seat on the bed. "I want you on top of me."

I nod, familiar with this request.

"I'm not done," he says, his voice husky as I spread my legs over his lap and steady my hands on his shoulders. "I want you to ride me. Then I want to do you against the wall, and on the floor, and in the shower until you can't walk." He grazes his teeth along my collar, eliciting a hiss to leave my lips. "But what I want most..." he withdraws from my collarbone, looking me in the eyes as if looking in my soul "...is to make love to you for the first time. Because you're so beautiful and sexy to me that I dream about kissing you and being inside you. And I love you." He brings my hand to his lips, raining kisses all over my knuckles. "I love you so much."

I smile lopsided, drunk on his words and his body and his scent.

"I love you, too," I breathe, my hand drifting towards the hair near the nape of his neck. "And I want you to make love to me. So take off my clothes and give it to me," I say, feeling a charge of electricity with the demand in my words. Maybe I could be bold if I wanted to.

He smirks, directing me to stretch out on my stomach after tossing the pillows aside. I do just that, propping myself up on my forearms as I hear the rustle of clothes and the room is thrown into darkness with the flip of the switch. The only light comes from the moon pouring through the round window. But I only have a moment to stare at it before he covers me with his torso, nuzzling my cheek with his nose as he laces our hands together on the headboard.

"Tell me if it doesn't feel good," he whispers against me, slamming into me from behind and making me cry out, my nails clawing for something to hold onto. "I'll slow down if you tell me to."

A tsunami of pain makes my insides cave in as the overwhelming feeling takes me over. My breath leaves me in pants as he slowly moves, the pain sharp and raw and fierce when he gradually picks up the pace.

Just when I'm about to ask him to stop and change positions, pleasure edges along the pain. And the constant build up of friction and the warmth in my stomach changes the groans to moans. And my eyes roll back when he makes his enjoyment known in his own sounds, his breath labored as he goes faster. I bite down on the sheets in hopes of staying quiet, only for that hungry seductive voice to sound in my ear.

"I want to hear you," he says, licking the space between my shoulder and my neck. "I want to know how loud you can get." He thrusts himself deeper and the material slips out of my mouth, and I yelp something unintelligible.

If that's what he wanted...then he was going to get it.

Instead of letting him do all the work, I raise up a little, pushing my hips back into his and earning a surprised moan from him.

"Gina," he says, his voice throaty as I meet him with each motion. "I can't...I can't last," he growls, increasing his hard thrusts until I feel myself on fire. "I'm losing it."

A breath escapes me in a rush, my eyes squeezing shut as I clamp down on him. "I...know...I'm not...far off."

The bed bangs into the wall as we sound in unison, his arm around my waist and only pleasure leaving us until it all comes to an end and we collapse on the mattress. I flip over onto my back, my chest rising and falling as sweat pours down my body, Kyo laying beside me.

A calm and pleasant drowsy feeling sweeps me up when I turn my head to look at him, only to find him already staring at me. His orange hair hangs into his eyes with the evidence of his exertion, and his eyes drown me in his sienna lust as his arm circles my frame to roll me on top of him. I place my hands on his toned chest, straddling his hips with desire that still permeates the air. The fact that I was the one to bring him to that height and make him release was beyond flattering. And it made me feel like the vixen he transformed me into.

I enthrone myself on him, sinking down slowly as his nails dig into my hips. We both exhale at the same time as he reaches the end of me, and I bring myself up only to come back down. I slowly slide him in and out until he bites his lip hard, his eyes darkening and closing slightly. Just when this happens, I bring my hips around in a circular motion, swirling on top of him until his eyes shoot open and he leaves marks on my hips.

"Gina," he drawls, in that voice of his that defined sex. "You feel so good."

Redness flares in my cheeks, and grows hotter when he lifts his hips every now and then to match me.

"Yes," he pants, dragging me towards him into a kiss that makes the world go sideways. "No man on earth deserves someone like you...someone that feels like this." He stiffens, his hands fisting the sheets. "I'm almost-" his voice breaks off, in the same moment I feel the pace shatter. "I'm almost there again."

I wasn't ready yet, but my only priority was to bring him to orgasm. And I wouldn't stop until I did.

"Then go there, Kyo," I whisper, bouncing that much faster, growing winded. "I want you to remember me even when I stop."

He was like a drug and I was the addict. I was saying things I didn't even know I knew just to bring him to his climax. Just to feed my addiction.

I drop my head back down and he bites my neck, dirty words dancing across my skin. "You're so sexy," he repeats, our thoughts growing numb as our bodies blur together. "I'm-"

His body freezes in those few seconds of limbo before he spills his release and dares me to mirror him. And my entire being trembles as it happens. And the sensations feel so right and indescribable, I find myself speechless as my name is pried from his kissed up lips. I lay my head on his shoulder, chasing after my breath while his chest rises with his own pursuit of the very same.

But before we can even attempt a third round, my eyes have grown heavy by the time his breathing evens out and he's fallen asleep. I smile sleepily, allowing myself to give into the pull of dreamland.

...

The next morning, Kyo and I find ourselves in the master tub of our suite, suds from bubble bath and oils I'd found covering our bodies. A few small sweet scented candles were arranged around the edge, aromatic and relaxing. My hair is piled up in a loose bun atop my head, loose strands caressing my cheeks every time I turn.

I scoop up a mass of bubbles, blowing them in Kyo's direction and laughing when they land on his nose and lips.

His eyebrow cocks, a devious grin dangling from his lips. "That's what you want, Gina? Some kind of punishment?" He drawls, crawling towards me through the water. "You have a fetish that involves getting wet and...soap," he teases, moving between my legs to capture my lips.

"Stop," I get out, giggling despite myself when he blows on my cheek. "I thought cats didn't like baths."

He nips at my lips, joining in my fit of giddiness. "I only like baths when you're in them with me. Naked," he drops his voice on the last word, his hand slinging my leg over his hip. "Like now..." he adds, his eyes hooded as he slides us together once.

My laughter dies out when he sucks at a spot on my neck that was still tender from the night before, though it doesn't fail to make me want him closer. I throw my arms around his neck, my back pressing into the tub as he jerks his hips forward again.

"Show me," I challenge, softly. I angle my head to grant him more of me, my shaky breath revealing what I wanted from him.

He shakes his head, chuckling. "You're gonna be so sore by the end of this. I can't keep my hands off you." He kisses me softly, apologizing.

"Don't be sorry," I counter, my hands inching towards his waist. "I'll be sure to give it right back to you." I purse my lips, mock-pouting. "Now make love to me Kitty-Kat."

He rolls his eyes, grinning. "You were warned, Kitty. I'm gonna have to carry you around after this."

I try fighting my smile, rosiness coloring my cheeks. "We'll just see about that."

Though in this case, he turned out to be right. He'll never let me live it down.

...

"Wanna put sunscreen on my back?" I ask, turning my bare back towards Kyo.

He comes up behind me, sweeping my hair over my shoulder before rubbing the sunscreen between his palms. "This might be cold."

He gingerly places his hands on my back, making me jump a little with how cool it feels. And the slow pace and the feel of his hands as we stand alone in our suite feels sensual. So to distract myself, I ask him what other things he wanted to do while we're on the islands.

"There's scuba diving and snorkeling. I just don't know how I feel about the wetsuits."

"Why?" I say, smiling. "Its not a bath, but I'd do it with you."

He snorts. "Its still restrictive. But if its what you want-"

"-We could go zip lining," I suggest, shivering when his thumbs brush against my lower back. "We should work up an appetite for wining and dining."

His arms wrap around my curvy frame, burying his face in my neck. "There are other ways to do that."

I lean into him, feeling my body heat up with his close proximity. "Tonight after the white wine, I'll take you up on that."

"I'll hold you to that," he murmurs, before laying a kiss on me that trumped every one before it.

* * *

**Stay**

The first glimpse of sunlight sneaks into the cracks of the blinds, gradually bringing me to life and providing me with energy to open my eyes. I blink my blurry vision away, growing conscious of the warm arm curved lazily around me and a hard body pressed up against my back. I roll over so that I face him, unashamed of my naked state as I run a hand through his hair. He stirs a little, before his head falls to my chest, his legs imprisoning mine as he continues to sleep on. I giggle, poking his cheek over and over. "Kyo, you gotta wake up. I need to go in to work."

He shakes his head, his voice husky with sleep. "Stay with me. Call in sick."

"No can do. I don't lie."

He kisses my shoulder, snuggling closer to me like a cat absorbing the sun's rays in the middle of a nap. "Then don't say anything. Stay here, anyway."

I hum under my breath, considering what would convince him to change his mind. He wasn't ticklish like I was, so that went out the frosted window. Maybe I could offer to cook him a fish breakfast or something.

"I can tell you're plotting," he mumbles, his biceps curling around the indent of my back. "I'm too comfortable to let you up. Have fun trying."

I huff, sending a strand of my hair out of my face with the action. If this was how he wanted to play it...I needed to get creative.

"You don't want me to play dirty, do you?"

At the seductive lilt in my words, he cracks an eye open, glancing down at our bodies. Both of his eyes fly open in realization. "You wouldn't."

I raise an eyebrow. "Oh _really_? Care to bet on that?"

Instead of backing down, the challenge of my words only eggs him on, his lips lifting into a smirk. "I bet I can keep you in this bed instead of you scheming your way out of it."

Unfortunately (or maybe not) I knew he wasn't wrong about that. As much as I loved my career and always gave 110%, there was one human in the entire universe that could make me take unpaid time off. Part of me is petrified of the hold he seems to have over me. But the other part of me feels proud to have the same effect on him.

"Hmm," I hum, daringly looking him in the eyes. "I _could_ admit defeat and just stay here. But I do love the chase. I want to know how far you'd go to keep me."

He scoffs, rolling his eyes. "Considering you made me your personal heater and pillow, it wouldn't take much."

My mouth drops open, my hand shooting out to slap him on the chest. "Take that back."

"Make me," he mocks, his gaze dropping to my lips.

"You're so predictable, Kyo...I knew you'd say something like that."

"Doesn't mean I don't mean it. But if I know you, you'll kiss me anyway."

Oh is that what he thinks?

Instead of doing that, I flip on top of him, folding my arms over his chest. "Now you're my personal lounge chair, too." I stick my tongue out, tempted to blow a raspberry in his face.

He doesn't even dignify my teasing with a response. Instead, he folds his arms behind his head and stares me down. I stare right back, refusing to lose any contest he starts with me.

We go on for seconds...a minute...two minutes without blinking. But on minute three, my eyes burn and crave refuge behind my lids. Too bad, vision, I'm not losing. I bug my eyes out in hopes of outlasting him, and am shocked when he blinks, bursting into laughter.

What? What just happened?

"You looked ridiculous," he says, chuckling as I blink what seems like a thousand times. "I don't mind looking at your eyes, though. They're just...distracting sometimes."

Was he saying that I have pretty eyes? He wouldn't outright pay a compliment like that. At least, not normally.

He smiles, his sienna eyes soft with something I learned was his form of affection. I can't help but fall prey to his contagious smile, deciding that he won this round.

I may have beat him in our little staring contest. But he managed to persuade me to stay.

* * *

**The Question**

I'm nervous. I know that's ridiculous considering Gina's my wife and not some girl I just started dating. But I'm having a hard time asking her if she wants to have a child with me.

In my dream, she had a hard time getting pregnant and it made her upset which I hate. So, maybe I shouldn't ask. Yeah...I should just wait and maybe try in a few years.

"Kyo? You've been staring at me for five minutes," she says, her beautiful eyes big and bright. "What's up?"

There goes that idea. I have lied to almost everyone, but I can't bring myself to hide anything from her. At least, not anymore.

I'm whipped.

"I was thinking about something," I say instead, twiddling my thumbs. "I was wondering what it would be like if we had kids."

Smooth, Kyo. Way to scare her off. She was so happy today and you probably killed that.

Just as I predicted, her reaction isn't a good sign. She looks sad, frustrated, and confused. I never wanted her to experience any of these feelings. If I could protect her from them, I would in a heartbeat.

That's why I start to backpedal.

"We don't have to. There's always adoption and foster care. I don't mind. I was just curious about what a child we make would be like. Its dumb. I shouldn't have said anything-"

"No," she cuts in, shaking her head. "Its not that..." She exhales deeply as she falls back against the pillows, closing her eyes. "I'm just...I don't know if I can."

"Have you checked?" I wince, loathing how that came out. "I mean, I should see if I'm sterile too. It could be me that screws up our chances."

"I'm sure I'm the problem," she argues, keeping her distance from me in our bed. "Considering what happened the last time my mom got pregnant, odds are that I'll have the same issue. My grandma had a couple of miscarriages before she had my mom."

Why did it have to be that way? It wasn't freaking fair that any of us had to deal with this.

I move closer to her, laying on my side as my hand comes to rest on her stomach. "Gina, I love you. Whatever way this ends, that won't change anything. I won't stop wanting you even if we never have children. That doesn't even come close to how much you matter to me."

And how corny it is that she really is the air I breathe and my heart and soul.

I place a kiss on her flat stomach, looking up at her as I blow into it. And when she giggles, I smile because I live to make her feel happy and beautiful.

"Okay, I'll schedule an appointment with the gynecologist and we'll see from there."

I pause, a thought occurring to me.

"On one condition," I say, my lips flattening into a serious line. "I only want you to do this if its what _you_ want. Not me, not your parents, not your friends. And only if its not because you're trying to prove something. But because you want to make a baby with me. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I forced you to do something you're not comfortable with."

She cants her head, a soft smile on her lips. "I want this. I just don't know if I can do it. If I could have a baby without fear of a stillbirth or a miscarriage, I wouldn't even hesitate to say yes. For right now, I'll need to get examined and I'll tell you as soon as I know."

My heart races like its on a fast track, as I think of everything this would mean for us. And how much I want to get started tonight. But I know that its not time yet and I want her to be confident with her decision before we agree to stop using protection.

I lay back and roll her on top of me, comfortable with her small frame on mine and the sensation of her heartbeat next to mine.

"You're...going to be...the best mother...for them," I say, in between kisses. "And I promise to try to be a good enough father for them. I'll never put them through hell like my parents tried to do to me."

She grins, running a hand through my hair. It felt so good every time she did that to me. Just like her massages.

"I know you'll be amazing," she whispers, meeting me halfway when I capture her lips again.

...

_One Week Later..._

Tonight was my turn to cook dinner for the both of us, and it was also the day of Gina's appointment. I had no idea what the report would be - good or bad - so I went with the safest option; preparing her favorite meal. She told me eons ago that she loves seafood, so that's what I made her.

Everything from shrimp to crab cakes to sushi to lobster legs.

Lobster was annoying to make. Don't be fooled by what you see in that Disney princess mermaid movie. But it would be worth the pain if it brought a smile to her face. All week, she'd been distracted and almost walked into walls. Every day leading up to her appointment made me feel more guilty and on edge. It was a relief by the time she'd left the house with Hana for it.

I tap the spoon against the edge of the pot, dropping some of the rice that clung to it before setting it aside. Let's hope she won't find this stuff nasty. Its my first time making it.

The moment she walks in, I pick her up in my arms and spin her around. Stealing a kiss before she can break my heart with whatever news she has. I eventually have to set her back down, taking her hand and leading her into the kitchen.

"Kyo? What the-whoa," she trails off, sniffing as she catches a whiff of the air. "This smells really good." She looks up at me, licking her lips. "What'd you make? It smells like crab or something. And-" She sniffs again, her mouth practically watering. "Fish."

I puff out my chest, feeling proud of myself for pulling off the illusion of the scent at least. "I made seafood for dinner because its your favorite. But don't get mad if it tastes awful. I didn't mean to poison you on purpose."

She rolls her eyes, clearly not taking me seriously. "I'm sure its fine. But what would you like? The news or the food first?"

I sling the dishrag over my shoulder, lifting the pot's cover to check on the meal before answering. "I want to hear how it went. Then we can eat."

Even though my heart might give out on me. Well, I guess you're never too young for a heart attack.

Once I finish, I seat myself at the table, Gina spreading her legs on either side of me as she sits right in my lap. What? Was she trying to get a head start?

"As you know I went to see my gyno. And he said-"

"-Wait. He?!"

I thought she was gonna see a woman! Not some pervert that chose to be a gynecologist just to look at them all day. I'll kill him.

"Calm down, Kyo," she says, pursing her lips. "I won't continue if you're not going to be mature about this. There's hundreds of male gynecologists and they're always accompanied by a female nurse during pap smears and other exams."

I open my mouth to tell her just what I think of this, only to be stopped by the cold glare she gives me. I guess for her sake, I'll listen and come back to the whole man doctor thing later.

"I'm fertile enough to have a baby. But..." She scowls, avoiding my eyes. "I don't have many eggs available. I have a low count so that means I'm limited in my chances of it happening more than a few times. But it _can_ happen." She looks up again, a mix of relief and nerves battling one another. "That's the good part."

I feel my chest expand with something like happiness at the fact its not impossible. "So, does this mean you want to try with me? Or have you changed your mind?"

She nods. "I still want to make a baby with you." She laughs a little, biting her lip. "As weird as it sounds, the idea of it is kind of sexy."

I smirk, using my thumb to free her lip from her teeth. "It is. But its even sexier to think about you having my child. And what we get to do to make them."

She blushes, her hands resting on my shoulders. "As much as I want to start now, I'm really hungry. And you put so much time and effort into cooking for me." She leans forward, brushing her lips along my jaw and exhaling against my skin. "Besides, I'll need the energy to keep up with you."

I move my hands to her waist, stirring a little as she shifts on my lap and kisses my jawline. "You're right. I could take you for hours with how you're making me feel right now."

She runs her hands down my back, feeling the muscle beneath her hands and purring. "I don't think I want to wait now." She presses her chest against mine, her thighs clamped around my hips. "Take me to bed, Kyo."

She didn't have to tell me twice.

...

The next morning, Gina made a trip to the drug store and came back with two pregnancy tests. I offered to go with her but she said she'd rather get it by herself, then taking it on her own. During the wait, she held my hand and nearly crushed every bone as we listened out for the timer on my phone to go off. Both tests were set up around the same time to check the accuracy, and both were beyond difficult to be patient for.

_Ding. Ding._

That chiming sound meant time was up.

I raise up off the edge of the bed, only for Gina to tug me right back down. She shakes her head fast enough to get whiplash, trying her damnedest to stop me from looking.

"Don't. I don't want to know. I'm scared its going to be negative."

"Gina-"

"I can't, okay!" She jumps up, pacing back and forth across our room. "You say you won't be upset. But if its negative, how do you know if you won't leave? I can tell you want this way more than you let on."

"Gina." I take her cheeks in my hands, bringing my forehead against hers like I did when she panicked. "I'm yours. Don't worry so much. If its negative, we can try again. Or we can look into adopting. Whether they're related to us by blood or not, its not important. I'm proud to be Kazuma's son. He's my real father. And whoever our child is, they're ours."

I drop my hands to grab hers, taking slow strides towards the bathroom. "Let's find out which way it'll be."

We step onto the cool tiles and I search the counter for the two white sticks, finding them near the soap dispenser on my side of the bathroom. She keeps her eyes squeezed shut as I look down at them, my insides twisting with something I never knew existed.

"Gina," I breathe out, spinning on my heel to face her.

"What?" She asks, squeezing her eyes that much tighter.

"We're...parents..."

And I can't believe it.

"What?!" She repeats, her eyes flying open and zeroing in on the tests. When she sees the two plus signs, she looks back at me with watery eyes.

"I-I..." She swallows, like she's unsure of what to say or how to feel. Just like I am. "I can't believe I'm actually going to be a mom. This is so strange." She bubbles with laughter, her eyes twinkling. "This is so bizarre and surreal and crazy. But..." She steps forward, dropping her head to my chest as my arms wind around her beautiful body. "I've never been more excited and terrified as I am right now. And I'm so thankful we're doing this together."

I smile, bringing her mouth to meet mine in what feels like a thousand kisses that just aren't enough to express how I feel about her and the child we made. But I don't even care about anything else as we stand together in the bathroom, our lives changed by two little plus signs.

"I wouldn't want this with anyone else," I admit, taken aback by how honest those words are. "I'm glad its you."

"Same here."

* * *

**Experimenting**

The ceiling fan spins and circulates cool air through the living room, made just the right balance with the blanket draped over our legs as we read next to each other on the sofa.

I'm nestled comfortably between his legs as my head rests on his chest, tucked under his chin, having found a pleasure read from my most recent library excursion. I usually only went for medical volumes and cases from the past, never really having the time or energy for fiction these days. But for some reason...this particular novel caught my eye as I was about to check out.

Its cover was a deep red with scattered black rose petals and thorns on its stems. The title was done in fancy font, called Scorned by His Thorn. Its name was silly enough that I picked it up, flipped it over for its synopsis, turned to a random page for a preview, and added it to my stack of dignified reads. As embarrassing as it is to have a smut book on my record, I was too swept up to care how it looked.

"This book says that teething is painful," Kyo says, holding it in front of me. "And if its a boy, circumcision is recommended. But it all sounds awful to me."

I dog ear my book to not lose my place, taking the parenting guide from him to see for myself. "Yeah, its natural for it to hurt when their teeth come in. I could have told you that," I tease, flipping to the next page. "Circumcision isn't the gentlest procedure, but it isn't a bad idea either."

Instead of replying, he's silent for a long and nerve wracking moment. Its with this that I tear my gaze from the section on vaccinations, angling my head to look up at him. "Kyo? What's wrong?"

"Scorned by His Thorn?" He asks, an eyebrow cocked in question. "Is that some kind of chick novel or something?"

I feel my cheeks heat up, unsurprised when his smirk overrides his confusion, and he plucks the blasted thing from my lap.

"_He gets down on his knees, lowering his dignity in the same instance he lowers his lips. It was the plea in his eyes and the trembling of his hot mouth that begged to taste me_...Gina...what is this?"

I try for nonchalance, shrugging my shoulders. "Just smut with a piece or two of a plot. So far, its only really been the leads sexing it up. Trying every single thing imaginable. Nothing interesting."

Kyo clears his throat, turning the page. "What kind of things?"

"You know..." I squeak, fiddling with my hands. "Ice cubes, whipped cream, handcuffs, blindfolds...anything."

"Oh," he mumbles, handing it back to me. "Why read about it, though? Its not like..." He stops short, his brow furrowing.

"Its not like what?" I prompt, waving my hand to get him to finish.

"Its not like...you- we can't try something different. If you're bored or whatever." He looks away, his Adam's apple bobbing when he swallows. "You could have just told me that our sex life was getting old."

Is that what he thought?

"Kyo." I laugh, taking his hand. "I'm not tired of it just because I read a book about the kinky stuff. Its just...sometimes, there are things I wouldn't ever do. Or ask to do. Besides, I'm pregnant. Once that happens...the sex is dead. How could you find me attractive like this?" I glance pointedly down at the minor swell of my stomach, reminded of all the moments I had morning sickness or felt bloated. Yeah, that's far from anyone's definition of hot.

"Are you kidding?" He exclaims, startling me with the surprise in his voice. "You think that I don't find you sexy like this?" He shakes his head, setting both books aside before he cups my cheeks in his hands. "You have no idea how many cold showers I've taken because I didn't want to make you uncomfortable if I wanted sex and you didn't. I thought that you might not want me when you're pregnant. But I'm an idiot."

His thumb strokes my cheek, his lips lifting into a small smile. "I never stopped seeing you as beautiful or anything. If I'm gonna be honest, the fact that I got you pregnant is one of the things that turns me on the most." He sighs, resting his forehead against mine. "I should have just asked you. I had no idea you doubted my attraction to you."

I smile, bringing our lips together in a slow kiss that grows into a passionate one that kindles the heat already stirring in me. I tilt my head back, allowing him to sweep his tongue over my neck, his hands sliding the straps of my tank top off my shoulders.

"You meant what you said...about trying some new things?" I breathe, closing my eyes when his hand slips between my legs. "Because I've been needing this for three weeks and if you don't decide, I'll just strip down right here."

He laughs against my skin, before he resurfaces to look at me, lust darkening his eyes. "Either way is fine with me."

Once I've completely gotten rid of my shorts, I wrap my legs around his hips from our seated position, my chest colliding with his as our lips gravitate to find their better half. He tangles his tongue in mine as he carries me to the kitchen, seating me on the island to search the fridge for something. I carelessly fling my top off, watching him break out chocolate and some strawberries.

He sets it all down, his hands coming to rest on my thighs to spread them around his waist. He dips his head down to lay open mouth kisses over my bare chest, his eyes flicking up to meet mine as he does so. I shiver when he blows on my skin, making me hyper aware that my body really liked him. He leans back to pour the melted chocolate all over me, from my chest to my stomach, before popping open the container of fruit. He tears off the leaves and stem before facing me again, a devious look in his sienna eyes.

I brace myself by gripping the counter's edge, thinking he's about to dip the strawberry into the milk chocolate covering me. Only to be pleasurably surprised when he licks it right off me instead. A gasp parts my lips when he runs his tongue over his lips, biting into the strawberry. He feeds me the uneaten half, his eyes following my lips and tongue and teeth as I taste its sweet juices.

And its with this night, that I decide how much I love trying new things.

* * *

**Olive Branch**

"You have the wrong house."

I thought I would have grown a spine after how many years ago it was. I couldn't wait to be a well established adult to show him that he may have clipped my wings, but I'd regenerated. Healed.

I didn't plan for the terror that gripped me when I answered the door, coming face to face with my bully.

"Gina, who's at the door?" Kyo calls from where he sweeps the kitchen floor.

"Uh...I'll take care of it," I squeak, cringing at how pitiful I sound. I turn my attention back to the man standing outside, nervously running a hand through his buzz cut.

"Sorry to trouble you. But, may I come in? I understand if you say no."

"I guess that's fine," Kyo's voice makes me jump, and my face pales.

"Thanks...uh, bud," he replies, Kyo stepping aside to allow him access.

I remain rooted in place, finding it impossible to move an inch as every organ in my body seems to seize up. Kyo doesn't even know the type of cretin he let slither into our house.

"Are you okay?" He questions, his hand coming up to shut the door for me. "You're acting spacey today. That's unlike you."

Oh, nothing. You just sorta kinda brought in a demented psycho and invited him to stay for tea. So really, nothing much.

"The guy that you just let in..."

Kyo nods. "Yeah, what about him?"

I lower my voice to a hushed tone, pointing at my leg. "Remember how I told you I got this scar? He's the one."

Kyo's baffled expression smooths out into obscure blankness. His lips flatten into a firm line, only his darkening eyes allowing me a window into his thoughts.

"Are you sure, Gina?" He asks.

I give a reluctant nod, just beginning to wonder if cluing him in was a good idea after all.

"Hmm," he says.

Then slowly, oh so gradually, his expression is that of hatred and utter disgust. He cracks his knuckles, laughing darkly. "I actually let that bastard get near you."

He shakes his head, not a trace of amusement remaining.

"If I knew who the jackass was, I would have never allowed him in our house," Kyo says, his voice gaining volume as his anger reaches a new boiling point. He glimpses around the corner, his eyes narrowing hatefully at our unexpected guest.

"He needs to leave before I lose my temper. He better be glad I'm letting him go with his balls still intact after hurting my wife."

"Kyo," I say, attempting to diffuse his rage at the same time that I want him to do something. I was tougher now, but I wouldn't mind him stepping in to protect me if it wouldn't mean being arrested for murder in the third degree. Especially now that I'm eight weeks pregnant and am a little more at risk if I get caught in the crossfire.

"No," he resolves, his face hard and his posture stiff as he makes his way past the alcove. "I'll deal with him. He's not getting near you again."

I grab onto the back of his shirt, effectively halting his conquest for the time being. He was still seething, even when he swiveled around to look at me. Though its clear who the anger in his eyes is really directed at.

"Gina, I need to do this. I don't get why you'd try to stop me from breaking his face in," he growls, his knuckles white with his diminishing self control.

"As much as I'd like that for a few minutes, it wouldn't make up for the way he treated me." I frown, smoothing my hand over my not-so flat stomach. "Besides...I don't think you want me to tell our child that their dad's in the slammer. Do you?"

At this statement, he visibly softens, the inevitable gradually chipping away at his irritation. His hands come to rest on mine, a small smile dancing along his lips. "I want to be around with you and the baby. I won't hurt anyone..." his eyes flick up to meet mine "...for you."

"I know. But...I think I should hear him out. I doubt he'd go to all this trouble for nothing."

Kyo starts to argue, but I rush to finish explaining.

"I want you present if he tries anything. But for some reason...I don't think he's a threat. Not like I assumed when he first arrived."

He sighs, pulling me close to him protectively. "Fine. But if he even thinks about touching a hair on your head, I might have to go to jail. Or worse."

We enter the kitchen, the man straightening as soon as we do, dusting off his shoulders and pants like he's trying to make himself more presentable.

"Have a seat," Kyo commands, yanking a chair out and pointing for him to sit.

He scrambles to do just this, sweat gathering on his forehead under Kyo's scrutinizing gaze.

In stark contrast, Kyo is gentle as he helps me into a seat across from Inashi, positioning himself directly beside me and glowering at our 'guest.'

Inashi fiddles with his thumbs, tentatively meeting my eyes.

"Hi there...I...um..." he gulps, perspiration beading on his upper lip. "I have something I've been meaning to tell you, s-since we became first years and I moved away."

"Spit it out then," Kyo demands, throwing his arm over the back of my chair. "I'm aging."

Kyo does _not_ mess around.

"I'm sorry for hurting you," he rushes out, his hands trembling as he splays them on the table. "I let my dad get into my head and I messed up. I got mad at you for my own inadequacy. And I'll do anything to try and make things better. Even though it'll never be enough."

"You're not actually believing him, are you?" Kyo directs at me.

I stare down at the table, wrestling with my past and present, and what this would make of my future. It would mean burying the hatchet. Forgetting the laceration on my leg and focusing on making peace with an enemy. It was hard, though, because he made me despise the core of who I was. The intellect that set me apart from the rest.

How could I forgive him for that?

"I never graduated," Inashi breaks into my thoughts, earning my attention. "I left school and entered the service. I felt so guilty for what I did to you that the idea of grades and all that appealed to me less and less. I wanted to do something to help others. Something good for the first time in my life." He looks down at the designs coiling along the table, as if losing his courage. "I'm out now and I started going to church. Its not enough to only have Sunday mornings sitting in a pew. I made the decision to get baptized last year and started doing outreach programs to reach people in bad situations. I came back here to make amends because I did you wrong." He meets my gaze, years of suffering and misery reflected in his eyes. "I'm more sorry that I can ever say."

The room is rent with silence heavy enough that we can hear each other breathing. The aggression that was in Kyo and the fear in me melt away with his heartfelt apology.

I close my eyes, thinking of a way to respond without betraying myself and being unfair to him.

After a minute more, I make up my mind, reopening my eyes to boldly look him head on.

"I can't tell you I forgive you. It will take time for that. But...if you want to repay your debt, I want to ask you one thing."

He bobs his head, like an eager puppy. "Anything. You name it."

"You stand up to your father and tell him what you truly want to do with your life, if you haven't already. Don't run from him...that's my request.

His eyebrows crease, and his expression turns solemn, though he gives his agreement. And he reaches out to shake my hand.

"Ok."

* * *

**Playing The Name Game**

"I'm apparently going to college," I declare, moving my car filled with a pink figurine to the space on the board. "That actually fits me."

Kyo snorts, spinning the rainbow colored wheel until it ticks down the number of spaces he can move. "Well, at least this game is better than Clue. Who would even use the noose? I can understand the revolver and the knife."

I shake my head, amusement flitting across my features. "Someone that's trying to frame the victim for what happened to them. That would likely be premeditated."

He moves his car forward, landing on the get married space before I go again. "You put so much thought into everything...I like that about you."

I look up at him, moved by his bluntness in regards to his feelings. Maybe the game of Life was making him step up his game.

"I was wondering..." I hop three spaces, my lip finding its way between my teeth. "What should we name the baby? If its a boy or a girl."

"What else could they be? An alien?" He asks, his lips twitching into a smirk.

"Shut up." I laugh, folding my arms. "I'm serious. I don't think that it should be something common. I would want it to be a name you don't hear every day."

"Fine. Whoever wins this game gets to pick the name."

I grin, an I-gotcha on the tip of my tongue. "You rhymed just now. I remember how you couldn't stand poetry back in high school."

He scans the board, his hands clasped in front of him. "I use it where it matters. But nice attempt at trying to get me riled up."

It was true that his general temperament was a lot less likely to be rattled as it took more to make him go ballistic, these days. But to say he had no temper at all was far from the truth. If someone so much as looked at me funny or insulted me, he'd be about ready to snap their neck. Okay, okay...more like break their arm. Either way, messing with the very few people he loves makes him furious.

I nod, moving another two spaces forward. What was with these horrible spins? "If you win, what names are you thinking? For a girl...I'd choose Aimi or Akari. I like those a lot."

He takes his turn, his eyebrows creased in concentration. "I'm not creative enough to come up with that. Your names are fine. If its a boy, its gotta be something masculine. Nothing cutesy like Yuki." He snorts, sitting back as he waits for me to go. "As if looking like a girl isn't enough punishment."

I shake my head, both at his antics and the bad space, painfully aware of my losing streak. "I thought you guys ended that feud of yours."

He nods, tapping his foot while the wheel determines his fate. "We did. Doesn't mean I have to like him or anything..."

I smile knowingly, and even more so when he scrunches his face up at me. I twist my ring around my finger, recalling his earlier words. "If you don't mind me naming the baby if she's a girl, then what would you want our son to be called?"

He pauses his mindless foot tapping, his gaze shifting to the ceiling. "Maybe...Tsunari or Kata."

I purse my lips, imagining the faces that belong with those names. "Are you sure about Tsunari? The name sounds really cute. But I thought that wasn't your intention."

He gives a half-shrug, propping one leg up beside the colorful game board. "Forget I said that. What matters is if we both think its good. I actually do like Tsunari."

A blend of happiness and excitement rush me at his statement, and even more so when I find reprieve in a pay day space. "Tsunari it is, then. Unless you think we should have a backup name..."

"Nah, we'll be fine." Kyo simply shakes his head, finding himself adding a blue figurine to his car when he 'has a baby boy.' "Its not like another baby's gonna pop out of nowhere or something."

I laugh, finding that hard to picture. "That could only work if they were actually an alien. So, Kyo...what aren't you telling me?"

He rolls his eyes, grinning. "Just go already. I want to beat you at this game as quickly as possible."

My eyebrow lifts, curiosity distracting from the annoying reminder of my place behind him. "Why? We decided on the names. What's there to lose?"

He doesn't meet my eyes as I move my car forward. Nor does he say anything. Instead, he drops his leg to the floor, wrapping it around the leg of my chair to bring me closer to him. I see and hear what he has in mind, defined in the satisfied curve of his lips and the desire in his words.

"Thinking of that name made me tired. I'm ready to go to bed soon." Its then that he glances at me, bringing his lips an inch within my ear. "Aren't you tired, Gina?" He brushes his mouth over my earlobe, traveling towards the shell with the heat of his words. "You look exhausted."

I toss my accumulated life chips down when I pick up on his double entendre before climbing into his lap, throwing my arms around his neck. "I am now that I think about it...though I wouldn't mind you tiring me out a little more."

He raises up to his height, his hands moving to my back and down as he walks us to our room. Just as he lays me on my back in the middle of our mattress, his gaze intensifies when it passes over me beneath the moonlight. "Then lets get ready for bed."

* * *

**Crazy Cravings**

"You know what I could go for right now?" I start off, batting my eyelashes all innocent.

It doesn't seem like he buys it by the suspicious look on his face. "What?"

"Pickles and chocolate chip cookies," I blurt out, craving it more now that I've said it. "Please, with a pickle on top?"

"No way," he answers, shutting me down immediately.

I place a hand on my stomach, grimacing. "Come on, Kyo. I'm pregnant with your kid and you can't do this one thing for me?"

"What?! Why's it suddenly my kid?"

"They're yours when they make a soccer ball out of my rib cage."

His eyes widen, taking slow steps forward. "You felt them kick?"

And there goes my conviction. Rest in peace backbone. "Yeah...its incredible..." I admit, feeling another kick in answer. "And incredibly painful."

I let out a breath, taking in his marveled expression. "Do you want to feel it?"

He hesitates, considering it before giving a tentative nod. And as I raise my sunny baby-doll top, he places his hands on my stomach, bowing his head as if in reverence of a privilege. And as soon as I feel it..he does, jumping a little as his eyes collide with mine. A small sound escapes his lips, preceding a more powerful kick. Like the baby knows its the center of attention.

"They're being really active today," I remark, smiling despite myself. "I still can't believe that _this_ is our child. And now that I can feel them..." I shake my head, words falling short of this beautiful thing.

Without saying anything, Kyo kneels to the floor, lowering his head to my stomach.

"Kyo? Are you-" The smallest of sniffs cuts me off, followed by a broken sob. My smile falls away as his shoulders shake, tremors rippling down his body as he kisses my stomach.

"I don't deserve this. I don't...I-" he turns his head, sniffing again. "I can't tell you why my chest is hurting or why I'm actually crying. I just..." He whips his head back around, meeting my eyes again. "I love you. I love our child. I never thought I could ever have a life out of that damned prison. But I have way more than I deserve." He touches his lips to my stomach again, his eyes closing. "I don't deserve to even look at someone like you. Or be around you. You're too much for me."

His words socket me in the heart, bringing about tears I hadn't planned to release. I crouch down just enough to take his hands, silently asking him to stand. "Don't say that, Kyo. You're the only man that's stuck around with me." Instead of standing straight he slouches a little, his shoulders hunched as he looks down at me. My hand seeks his cheek, swiping at the tear tracks that looked so out of place against his tanned skin. "If it wasn't for you, I would have never believed a guy could love me. Or accept me. And I absolutely despise that you have such a low opinion of yourself. Face it, Kitty Kat. You're my dream man. You protect me, you care for me, and the thing that shocks me the most...you could have any girl in this massive world and yet you want me."

He chuckles, removing my hand to kiss my knuckles, before taking the other. "Why did you even want pickles and cookies?"

I laugh, dropping my head to his chest. "I just wanted something sweet n' salty..."

He pecks me on the forehead, his hands moving to the small of my back. "If its what you want, I'll get it."

I smile. "Thank you."

"Always."

* * *

**The Edge Of Uncertainty**

I'm now 17 weeks along, waiting in the clinic with Kyo to find out whether we were having a boy or a girl.

Though oddly enough, it felt like I was carrying two babies instead of one. I also looked bigger than what I'd expect for someone in their second trimester with only one baby on the way.

My bladder was on the verge of combustion, my back was aching, I was starving, and I've been experiencing crazy heartburn all week. But finding out just what we were having would make it all worth it.

"Congratulations Mr and Doctor Sohma, you are having twin baby boys."

I gasp, just hearing the two heartbeats that the doctor hears as he passes the wand over my stomach. I swing my head to glance at the monitor, beaming when I see two grey figures with their heads together and the faintest outlines of fingers and toes. Kyo squeezes my hand from beside me, recovering from the shock of having two babies to look forward to instead of one.

"How come we didn't know sooner?" Kyo asks, directed at both of us. "Shouldn't we have already seen two babies, before?"

"Sometimes one can hide behind the other which makes it challenging to detect twins early on. We're roughly eighty percent certain of the sexes of your babies, but we always double check around week twenty to make sure we keep you informed."

The doctor's eyebrows pinch together, his eyes darting back and forth between my chart and the ultrasound.

"Uh." He scratches his chin, sighing. "The good news is that you're not at risk of an ectopic pregnancy or in danger of having low amniotic fluid, doctor." He squints at my file, before clucking his tongue and shaking his head. "In your family history, your mother has had a stillbirth and there are several health concerns that could affect your sons. While you were born only two weeks prematurely and you didn't have to remain in the ICU long, your mother was also premature but by five weeks."

I nod, gnawing on my lip. I already knew all of that. But what else was there?

"Your mother has also had a miscarriage when you were three, all the result of her own medical conditions..."

My eyes widen and my jaw drops. _That _I didn't know. She never told me that she and dad tried to have another baby after me. Was that also part of what made them divorce? All of this new information is just opening the floodgates for more and more questions.

"The bottom line is that we need to monitor you more frequently, and you need to immediately contact me if you notice spotting or anything out of the ordinary." He closes the manilla folder, folding his hands together. "I trust you know the difference between an unhealthy pregnancy and a normal one."

I knew it. I knew it. I knew I should've never let him talk me into it. The worst part is that I could have done something. I could have doubled up on birth control, had my tubes tied, done something to stop it.

My chest squeezes painfully as my joy morphs into grief and frustration and tears sting my eyes.

"Yes," I answer, softly. "I'll let you know if anything goes wrong."

...

I stare down into the lukewarm cup of tea in my hands, untethered from the world and my dark reality. I couldn't register the alien lack of feeling that was gnawing at my heart the longer I perpetuated the silence. It takes the regular rhythm of Kyo's heartbeat as I lay on his chest, and his thumb making circles into my arm to jar me from my despondency. His hand pauses, his voice rumbling beneath my head when he speaks.

"This is gonna sound like a stupid question..." he presses his lips to my hair, drawing me closer to him. "But are you okay?"

I snort, a bitterness I'd never experienced choking the happiness out of my heart. "Who cares? No matter what way we look at it, I'm screwed on all sides."

"Gina-"

"Don't even try to tell me that's not true," I snap, ripping myself out of his embrace and setting the cup down. "Even if they make it out of the womb, they could die in the hospital. Or develop defects...its all my fault. I shouldn't have agreed to this."

He shakes his head, his arms locking around my waist to keep me from bolting. "You're wrong. Its not your fault."

"Yes it is!"

"Gina," he bites out, his hand tilting my face in his direction. "Don't you think I'm mad, too? I hate that they're at risk. Our sons are at risk of so many things. But they could beat all the odds. This won't happen to us. It can't."

I cover my face with my hands, trying to stifle this overwhelming helpless feeling. "It _can _happen," I say, my voice cracking. "That's the problem." I move his hands to my baby bump, fiercely meeting his eyes. "These are our babies. But I'm their mother. They get their food from me. They're connected to me. They already know me. But I failed them before they were even born." I close my eyes, uselessly as tears slide down my cheeks. "And there's nothing I can do to ease this suffering. This wait just to see if they'll even make it. To see them and hold them for the first time. I can't go through this again. It hurts too much..."

He takes me completely in his arms, rocking back and forth - for my sake or his own - covering me in the warmth that usually set fire to my worries. "I'll always support you. We got through that time. And I'll tell you what I told you then." He kisses my head again, causing pain to twist my insides. "You can complain to me about how much life sucks. And I'll listen. Tell me what I can do to make this better...I can't have another person die on me. Especially not my own sons."

I sniff, swiping at my tears. "I know you want to, babe. And I'm sorry for getting mad at you. But...I don't think there's anything you can do. I'm already taking every precaution and vitamin and making appointments as needed. There's nothing more to do."

He laughs a little, though its not as genuine as it usually is. "I meant about helping you feel better, silly. We can watch your favorite movie. I'll even run to the store and get one of those crazy food combinations you like." He nuzzles me in that catlike way of his, making me smile the smallest of smiles at how good he makes me feel all the time.

Then I feel one of the babies kick, and I'm forced right back into reality.

_What if I never got to see them face to face?_

I gently slip out of his hold, getting to my feet. "Maybe tomorrow. I'd rather just go lay down, tonight. I don't think watching Rocky II will put me in a good mood this time."

He starts to protest, but I simply lean down to get a goodnight kiss before waddling to our room. I know even before my head hits the pillow that Kyo will give me an hour of space before joining me. He respects me having the time to sort out some of my feelings, but he loves me too much to leave me alone.

I'm not disappointed when I feel the bed dip and his legs tangle in mine, his arms finding themselves around me and his head resting on my shoulder. He seems to think I'm asleep because he drops his guard and talks himself to sleep, as if speaking to me. Something I discovered he did to deal with the times he had nightmares of his mom. Though this time, he's not the only one suffering from night awakenings.

...

I blindly grapple for the sheets, pawing for something Kyo and I snatched back and forth, despite his claims that I hogged them, only to find his side empty. I sigh, my hand instinctively rubbing my stomach as I return to laying on my side. He must have gone to the store or his dad's. He doesn't usually have a class today.

I settle back into the lingering warmth of the bed, intent on going back to sleep, only for a brash voice to shatter that dream.

"Come on Gina, up and at em," Uo calls, flinging the blinds wide open. "We got a big day ahead of us."

I shield my eyes, suddenly very aware of my acute need to pee.

"Uo? What are you doing here?"

"Kyo asked us over to snap you out of your funk."

I narrow my tired eyes, inwardly seething. Kyo, you're going to get it when you come back home. And I'm not talking something pleasant.

"I was planning to spend the whole day in bed. So, where is that delightful husband of mine? I want to thank him."

"Oh," Tohru chimes in, perking up. "He's at the dojo. He said he'd be back in time to make dinner."

"Tohru, you weren't supposed to tell her," Uo says with a groan. "She'll slaughter him. Pregnant ladies are crazy."

"I don't think so, Arisa. I'm not detecting any murderous vibes from her," Hana adds, her dark eyes probing me. "Antagonized, yes. Enraged, no."

I sigh, attempting to rub the sleep out of my eyes. "I appreciate you all showing up at his request...again. But I'd rather do something around here today. You're welcome to stay."

"Ooh," Tohru cheers, her eyes sparkling. "Its never too early to have a baby shower. That's my motto."

"I thought your motto was never giving up," Uo says.

"It is," she agrees, bobbing her head. "But since I had Kaichi, I decided that you also can never have too many mottos."

I blink, not really following her logic, but having bigger fish to fry. "I don't want a baby shower. I'm trying to do things completely different from my mom. I'm in a dangerous situation."

"Yeah, but-"

"I'm fine with having a spa day instead. A massage and facial work wonders for times like these," I continue, forcing a smile. "I'd be fine with that."

"That could prove scintillating," Hana says, seating herself on the edge of the bed and taking my hand to examine my cuticles. "I would love to try my newest black nail polish on you. Blacker than black. Or black as night. Or-"

"You and your gothic ways," Uo jokes, poking Hana in the arm. "I guess I could girl it up and make a facial." She glances at all of us, adopting a business tone. "But this never leaves the room. What happens at Gina's, stays at Gina's."

* * *

**Lessons In Lamaze**

Today, Kyo and I are at the local rec center for Lamaze classes. Thanks to Kyo skipping that chapter in the parenting book, he has no idea that I dragged him to a childbirth/parenting class. As I look around the large room filled with pregnant women - middle aged, young adults, and even some teenagers - I feel a lot less self-conscious about my belly and loose maternity clothes. Though I had to admit, Tohru had cute taste in them and was a huge help when it came to shopping.

I take a seat between a woman with curly red hair and a blonde that looked to be around seventeen. Kyo helps me to the floor, taking a seat behind me like the board requests, helping me to begin the stretches everyone else was doing.

"I'm gonna pay you back, Gina," he says, his lips brushing over my ear before he leans back to raise my arms up. "I can't believe you tricked me."

I make a face, knowing he can't see it. "If I hadn't, you would have run for the hills."

"No I wouldn't," he counters, bringing my arms back down as his chin comes to rest on my shoulder. "I promised to be there for you and our babies. I'd do anything for you and our family."

My eyes fall closed, a slow exhale leaving me as guilt comes knocking. That was really dumb of me. Sure, Kyo wasn't the warmest and most sentimental person with just anyone. But our babies and I weren't just anyone. He loves us with his life and his breath and his being.

I angle my head, my hand moving to direct his lips to meet mine in a small apology. "I'm sorry...I should have just asked you. I know you'd do anything to protect us and be there. I'm really sorry."

He shrugs, his hand drifting towards mine to take it. "Its okay. I filled you with a lot of insecurities in the past as to how I felt. I get why you thought differently."

All of a sudden, a clap sounds through the room and cuts our moment short, beckoning us to face front. A peppy older woman with a beautiful head of silver hair, and glasses suspended from a lanyard around her neck is the source of noise. Her wide cerulean eyes shine from across the room, her wrinkles spreading across her cheeks when she smiles.

"Hello all you expectant parents. Thank you for showing up to class, today. It shows how all of you are already so devoted to your little ones. It makes this ticker of mine have a reason to beat," she says, patting her chest for emphasis. "Today we will be practicing - or as they say in the theater, rehearsing - breathing techniques that you can use in the delivery room. You should use whatever strategy necessary to conquer your birth."

I smile at this, finding myself amused by this woman's speech. I like her. She's not like the other women you see around the senior home. She kind of reminded me of Celia.

"We will also be running through feedings, diaper changes, and baths with practice infants." She cups her mouth with both hands, as if sharing a secret. "But don't worry. They're just dolls. We will also be teaching you how to swaddle your baby, hold your baby, and methods that you can use to help calm your baby when they're upset."

The crowd begins to talk again, discussing their fears of dropping the baby or being so tired that they shake them or screw up some other way. I run my hands over my stomach, a worry crease forming between my brows. What if I did something like that? I already had enough stress with this risky pregnancy. I could use a dose of eustress instead of more distress, right now. Kyo massages my shoulders, tearing me away from my miserable train of thought. "It'll be fine. We'll learn every thing we can about what to do. We won't mess up. I'll change a million diapers and let them spit up on me just as much if it makes you happy."

I laugh a little, finding hope in this maze I'm in for another month. "Does that go for one baby? Or is it two for the price of one?"

He nips at my cheek, making me laugh again. "What do you think?"

I pretend to think about it, making a show of looking to the ceiling as I lean into him. "I don't know. I'm not fluent in Kyo-nese." I glance up at him, a smile on my lips. "One day I will be, though."

His eyes run over me, like he likes what he sees, before colliding with mine again. "You're always beautiful. But as the mother of my sons, you're gorgeous. And a whole bunch of other sappy stuff I won't say."

I turn back around, trying to hide the incriminating pink in my cheeks. He said one of the other things I needed to hear, needed to be reminded of. He still found me attractive when I'm swelled up like a balloon and dressed for it. Though there was the perk of longer hair and even bigger boobs. So who am I to complain?

"Alright, let's commence with our breathing exercises," the woman says, clapping her hands again. "When you're giving birth, its much like driving a car. There are so many things happening at once, you have to be on your guard, pay attention, and focus. When you're in labor, the contractions will hit you like a train. Consider this breathing technique an air bag that will cushion the impact of pain. Let me demonstrate."

She breathes in slowly before exhaling in short, choppy staccatos. "See...you lead off with the Hee. Then you begin the Hoo's. Or you can do the second one; Hee-Hoo-Hee-Hoo-Hee-Hoo. I know you might feel silly now, but you won't care when you start feeling the need to push."

The thirteen other ladies start mimicking the instruction, and I glance back at Kyo, narrowing my eyes. "No making fun of me..."

He smirks. "Can I think it?"

I roll my eyes. "Fine, whatever. Just don't say it out loud."

I face forward again, jumping in and repeating the second breathing exercise. And for Kyo's well-being, he doesn't comment on it. Instead, he joins in to do it with me and make me feel less stupid.

...

"Now, we shall start off with preparing the food for your baby before we move onto holding," the instructor proclaims, passing us warm bottles of formula and a rag. "To test if the milk is too warm, dab a little bit of it on your wrist to test its temperature."

I peer up at Kyo, wordlessly asking if he wanted to do this part. He takes the bottle from me, dropping the tiniest of samples, only to flinch the second it touches him. "Ow...what was this bottle heated up with? The fires of Mordor?"

A fit of laughter falls over me as I take the bottle back from him and trade it for the towel. "Now we know its too hot. We need to figure out how to get it at the right temperature."

He frowns, scrubbing his wrist. "Throw it in the freezer for an hour and it'd still be hot."

I jut my lip out, pouting. "You know that the babies can hear you at this stage. No angry voices or negativity, Kyo. A stressful environment doesn't make this ordeal easier. You know how I feel about that."

He sighs, extracting the bottle from me and making his way to the kitchen area. "I'll take care of it. You just stay here and relax."

"Thank you," I say, receiving only the wave of his hand as he walks.

...

"I'll be coming around with the 'babies' you'll be using the rest of the evening," the woman explains, handing us our tan baby with a pink cap and diaper. "I'll be showing you all how to cradle them and the tip to seat yourself as you do until you feel comfortable and get the hang of it." Once she finishes, she takes the helm of the room again, a brown doll in her own arms.

"First and foremost, let's practice taking them out of their cribs. In this case, we'll be using the blankets on the floor."

I gently set our doll down, careful of how slowly her head meets the blanket as I lay her down.

"Very good, all of you. Now, for the way to pick up your baby...Remain calm and collected when you do. They can smell fear." The woman chortles at her own joke, only earning a couple of nervous laughs from some of the adults. "Anyhoo, make sure you lift first by the head and use your dominant arm to lift its bottom. The head must be supported at all times as their neck can't support its weight yet."

I go to do it, only to chicken out and turn to Kyo. "You go first. I'll do it after you."

He cants his head, squinting as if trying to solve me like a riddle. "You don't have to be scared, G. I'm gonna do it. But I know you're way more capable. You'll be the best mother for our sons. The kind every kid deserves."

My heart breaks and fills with love in its fragmented spaces. "You're way too sweet to me. I love you for agreeing to go ahead of me, by the way...thank you, Kyo."

A warm smile graces his lips, before he directs his attention to the doll. "Alright. Its just you and me. Don't let me look like a moron in front of my wife." He peeks at me, lighting up when I return his smile. "I can't have her thinking her man is a wimp or something."

And with that, I watch as he scoops up the doll flawlessly on his first try, before handing it to me so I can have a go. And I'm ecstatic when I'm able to do it just as well, cradling the doll in my arms and wondering what it'll be like when its one of my sons. When the plastic is exchanged for someone real and of Kyo and of me. And my heart springs around in my chest with anticipation.

...

After swaddling, diaper changes, and baths, the class was almost at its end. And it was time for a surprise from the instructor.

"Fantastic job parents, you did wonderful today and with very few mistakes. As a treat, I want all the men in the room to come forward."

"Isn't that what got us into this?" One of them jokes, causing a couple of the guys to snicker.

Kyo gives me a quick peck on the lips before navigating to the front of the room, following the thirteen other men.

I look to the red head and blonde at my side, surprised to see them approach me.

"Hi, Rari here," the red head says, jabbing her thumb in the blonde's direction. "This is Jaesori."

I smile politely, offering a hand for both of them to shake. "Gina. Nice to meet you."

"Likewise," Jaesori squeaks, her cheeks flooding red. "Its nice to see a welcoming face. Usually everyone judges me cause of how young I am. Which is a lot of baggage to unload on you. I'm so sorry-"

"Don't be," I say, waving that off. "I totally get it. I had a bit of that myself when I was around your age."

Her eyes grow wide like a doe's, reminding me of Tohru. "You were a teen mom _too_?"

I clear my throat, awkwardly. "Not exactly..."

"Ladies, may we have your attention please?" The woman requests, causing all our focus to shift to her and the men. And I think I can speak for everyone when I say my jaw drops.

Every single male in the room are either blushing or scowling as their stomachs resemble blimps from beneath their shirts, none of them daring to meet our eyes.

"What is this?" Rari breathes, her hand supporting her back as she makes her way over. "Do you men know you look pregnant?"

I snort, finding my own man in the group. "I think that might be the idea, actually. We worked with these sympathy bellies in my child development class back in my first year."

"That's right, sweetheart," the woman says, patting my shoulder as I stand next to a disgruntled Kyo. "This is for fun, just so the men get a taste of what it's like to be pregnant. If they can give the sperm, they can deal with this for an hour."

I fish my phone out of the pocket of my pants, opening up the camera and holding it up to Kyo's scowling face. "I don't think you've ever looked sexier, babe. I could totally do you right now."

"Shut it..." he grumbles, grimacing as he observes the men walking around the room with pained expressions. "This thing is heavy. Who would actually go through this kind of torture?"

"Ahem," I clear my throat again, regaining his attention.

He sighs, allowing me to loop my arm through his and start on a lap around the room. "I'm only doing it because you haven't smiled this much in a long time. And..." he shyly meets my eyes, his ears pink. "I missed seeing it. I missed the Gina that made me do things I wouldn't do for anyone else, if it meant making you happy." He leans into me, planting a kiss on my cheek before returning his focus to our trip around the room. "I'll do any thing you ask me to."

I lay my head on his shoulder, gratitude and fondness making my heavy heart lighter. "Same here."

* * *

**Its Time**

"Ow," Gina cries out, making me shoot upright as terror grips me. I snap my head in her direction, feeling a stab of worry to see her face twisted up in pain.

"Gina? What's wrong? Are the babies okay? Are you okay?"

Shut up and let her talk, Kyo. Why are you rambling like an idiot?

"I think...no, I know my water broke," she says, her hands landing on her stomach. "But something doesn't feel right."

No, no, no, no, no! This isn't happening. I'm probably having one of those nightmares again. I'll wakeup and everything will be fine. She won't give birth a week early.

"Babe, you have to calm down," she cuts in, rubbing my back. "You're not dreaming, you're awake. And I need you to be all the way here to help me get to the hospital."

Did I say that out loud?

I rake my hands through my bed head, trying to make some sense of all of this.

"Hospital, got it. What else?"

She hisses in pain, sending alarm and dread to the bottom of my stomach. Without thinking, I jump up, acting only on instinct as I sift through the closet for her hospital bag. I snatch up my keys with my mouth, stepping into a random pair of shoes, before running it to the car and throw it in. By the time I get back inside for Gina, she's standing in front of the bed, sweat darkening her hair and her cheeks flushed pink. Its the first time that sight makes me afraid.

I bend my knees a little, scooping her up in my arms bridal style and ignoring her protests. I make a mad dash for the running car, shifting her weight to open the door.

"Wait, Kyo!" She shouts, her eyes wide. "You're not wearing pants or a shirt."

I pause, suddenly aware of the lash of wind against my legs and my arms. At least I wasn't sleeping naked like I normally do.

"Uh...yeah. Right, sorry." I shake my head, unsure of what I'm apologizing for as I pop the car door open to buckle her in. I gently shut it, racing back inside to quickly yank on sweatpants and throw on an old baseball shirt before picking up my cellphone. I lock the house behind me, tucking the phone between my ear and my shoulder as I shove my shoes back on to make a call.

"Hey, mom?" I climb into the driver's seat, buckling up before putting it in drive. "Yeah...I know its three am. Gina's going into labor." Her mom gives an excited shriek at my words, causing Gina to startle as she hears it from beside me.

"So you'll be at Sonata Hospital...?" I ask, booking it at twenty miles over the limit. "Ok. Can you call my dad and Gina's friends? I gotta focus on my driving...thanks. See you soon."

I hang up, returning my other hand to the steering wheel. My foot presses down a fraction further on the accelerator, trying to not freak out over the painful sounds she's making.

The moment we arrive at the emergency room area, I hand off my keys to the only available valet after having tossed the hospital bag in through the automatic doors, carrying Gina in after them. I hurry to the front desk, the woman recognizing her on sight.

"Dr Sohma? Is that you?"

"Yeah..." Gina pants, swiping at the sweat beading on her upper lip. "I need a room...contractions are coming in...four minutes apart in increments of approximately fifty seconds." Her voice is weak as she explains, a wheel chair being brought around for me to seat her in. "I need to know how dilated the cervix is," she continues, one of the nurses stepping in front of me to take the chair's handles.

"W-Wait," I say, gaining everyone's attention. "What's happening? Gina says there's something wrong. A-And we agreed to a water birth."

Gina asks me to stand in front of her, taking my hand and squeezing it. She offers me a small, strained smile, her forehead covered in the sheen of her sweat.

"Kyo, I'm going to see how close I am to labor. But based on how bad this pain is...and the fact there's a complication, I don't think a natural birth's going to be possible anymore."

What? Why?!

She sighs, coughing as if its too taxing to breathe normally. "Remember when my doctor said my pregnancy was unhealthy?"

I don't like the sound of this.

"There's two things against me. My medical history and the fact I'm having twins. If they're not facing the right way...it's unavoidable. But I'll see what happens when I get changed and they check for dilation."

I stroke the back of her hand with my thumb, feeling so many things that it seems like my heart will explode just looking at her. I need to be with her in there. I can't focus on anything else before I know she and our sons are ok.

"I'm going with you," I say, driving the fear out of my voice with conviction. "I want to..." And I need to for the sake of my sanity.

She looks at the young nurse beside her, the lady shrugging before Gina faces me again. "You can come with me, but you can't interfere if they have to do something you don't like."

I nod, though I have no idea if I won't regret agreeing as I follow them to a room on the first floor with a bunch of machines only they know the names of. The nurse breaks out a hospital gown in a bag, tearing the plastic with her teeth before handing it to Gina.

"Are you able to sit on the table or will you require assistance, Dr?"

She waves a hand, tugging off the shirt of mine she was wearing. "Kyo can help me. But I need someone to do the whole shebang, since I can't legally do it for myself."

"Yes, Dr Sohma," the woman says, stepping out of the room to get something as Gina undoes her bra and slips into the gown. I hoist her up onto the table as gently as I can manage, pushing the wheel chair aside with my foot.

Gina blows out a breath, leaning back on her hands before inhaling again. Either she's in a lot more pain than I thought or she's practicing those breathing exercises.

"What happens?" I start, feeling a pang of guilt when it interrupts her breathing. "What happens if they aren't facing the right way?"

She looks down at her feet, her hands gripping the sheet covering the table. "Then that means I have to get a c-section."

I close my eyes, trying to stay calm for her as anger and fear and sadness assault me with deadly force. I hop onto the table so that I sit beside her, my chest aching as she doubles over in pain. Why was that nurse taking all day to get back here? My wife's hurting this much and I have no choice but to sit here just as useless as always.

I sound so selfish whining about myself when she's suffering this much.

So in that moment, I do the only thing I can think of short of Googling an answer. I wrap my arms around her and I say hundreds or thousands of things that I don't even hear over the sound of my heartbeat. I think I tell her that I love her and how strong she is and that I'm always here. But I don't know. By the point her breathing is less shaky and her tears have stopped, the nurse has gotten back, and her hands fall from my shoulder blades. When she pulls back from me and I have to move off the table for her to have room, she gives me the first genuine smile before she lays back. And it makes me wonder if she's feeling remotely better or if our sons have a fighting chance as I silently watch her get hooked up to those nameless machines.

I plop down into the only chair, clasping my hands in front of my mouth as I search the room for some kind of diversion. It takes me finding a poster of the body with detailed functions to keep my attention the ten minutes before I hear, "You're at 7 centimeters. Its time to get you to the OR."

I glance up at Gina, shocked to see her eyes red with tears and exhaustion as three men arrive and the handles of her hospital bed go up. I get to my feet, trying to keep up as they make their way down the hallway with no explanation.

"Gina! Hey, wait-"

I finally jog up to her side, grabbing for her hand as I keep pace with the speed they're going.

The deadness in her eyes rips my heart out and completely destroys it. Like she's already given up...that whatever was wrong was too grim to fix. I try to speak but my mouth won't work and words don't come.

She doesn't even attempt a smile as she softly frees herself of my hold, her green eyes dark and lost.

"They're going to operate to try to surgically deliver them..." There's a weighty message buried in the silence of what she doesn't say.

_They're going to try, but I think they'll fail._

"Gina," I say, my voice breaking on just her name. "When this is all over, we'll see them. Both of them. You'll have a scar, but it will be the best kind because you got it for their lives. And for our sons to be with us safely." As the bed comes to a stop and the nurses and doctors scatter to prepare, I lean over her, bringing my face as close to hers as I can.

"You don't quit, you hear me? You fight, Gina. That's what you do. You stay alive through this and when you get out, we'll see them and hold them and call them by name. And in three days we'll go home. But you have to fight no matter how tired you get or how bad it looks." I slam my fist onto the bed, my insides turning out. "I won't lose you or anyone else. I've lost too many people. And I have no reason to stay alive if you're not here."

I capture her lips with mine, my hands on her cheeks as I kiss her until I run out of breath and kiss her some more. I breathe her in for oxygen and try to hold what I never deserved but can't help but want. It all ends so quickly when it comes time to separate our lips and our bodies from one another. The ghost of her scent and touch and taste stay with me as she is wheeled into the operating room.

But it isn't before she tells me that she loves me more than she ever has. And that she will fight to get back to me. That she refuses to not see her sons and go home with them.

Her voice and face echo in my broken soul long after I'm left alone in the empty hallway.

...

"Gina," a familiar voice calls, stirring me from a heavy slumber. "I'm here..."

Those words trigger something in my subconscious that beckons me to open my eyes, even though my mouth's dry and my head's filled with a foggy grogginess.

As I slowly blink, I see a blurred head of orange. Then a blend of tan and red. And soon, those red eyes are clear as they stare into mine. I try to raise my hand to touch his cheek, only to find my hand unresponsive to what I want it to do.

A faint soreness steals a fraction of my attention, though its more of a background noise when Kyo's eyes fill with tears. His forehead presses against mine and its then that I realize he was in my bed with me, reminding me that I was in a hospital.

Speaking of which...why am I?

His eyes fill with tears as he looks deeply into mine, his hand intertwined in my hand beneath our shared blanket. And if Kyo was crying...that meant bad news, didn't it?

I bite my chapped lip, my nerves coming back to life in the worst way as tears don't stop falling down his face.

"Gina...you did it."

I did what? What was he blaming me for? I don't remember much before I went under the knife. At least, it feels like I have based on the pain and drowsiness.

"Did what?" I ask, beyond confused as to why I was here.

He gives a disbelieving laugh, his tears forgotten in the wake of his smile.

"You had our sons. And they're so healthy and..." he shakes his head, bringing our joined hands to his lips to kiss over and over again. "You're amazing. I can't believe you all pulled through."

The first sensation to hit me is shock. Like my entire being has been run through an arctic bath and then left out to dry in a blizzard.

I can't begin to process what he said or what that meant or the connections between his words and the dull pain in my stomach.

But its a few seconds more before my large brain catches up. And I don't even consider my pain another moment as I fling my arms around him and cry into his chest.

They made it. They made it. They made it. They made it. They made it.

But where are they?

"They said you can see them the minute you wake up and get your pain meds. We gotta be here a week so I asked your parents to stop by our place and bring more of our clothes. They'll be back soon. I expect everyone else will be here in a couple of hours to see you and the twins."

My parents were here? And I was going to be visited by others? Probably my friends and our cousins.

"I really want to see them. But...now that we have two sons, the name Tsunari won't cut it for both of them."

"What do you want to call them?" He questions, softly.

"Seika," I say, brushing my thumb over his lips. "I want to call one of them Seika."

He nods, moving my fingertips from his lips as he covers my hand with his. "Seika it is then. I'll buzz them to let them know we're ready."

"Yeah...we are."

...

"Are you ready to hold Tsunari?" One of my co-workers asks, smiling brightly down at me.

Kyo releases my hand, reassuring me with his eyes that there was nothing to be scared of. Just like in parenting class.

I take a deep breath in before nodding, watching as she waves another nurse in, cradling the oldest of the twins in her arms. When I lay eyes on him, I'm barraged by tears and joy and shock as he's brought closer.

His head is covered in a soft baby blue cap, his tiny eyes closed and his body draped in a matching satin blanket. His ankle has a tag on it with a built in tracking chip and his name, standard issue for all infants we've delivered. And yet...its the most emotional I've ever been.

"Tsunari Miyata Sohma is older by three minutes and is weighing in at five pounds and five ounces." I sit up in bed, holding my arms out as the hospital bracelet shifts on my wrist. He's placed in my arms, his head coming tucked beneath my hand and his soft small body over my forearm as I lean into Kyo.

He looks down at Tsunari with me, as I tickle his teeny cheek with my finger. "Hi, baby," I coo, my heart melting away when he wiggles his button nose.

It was an amazing experience being able to hold my baby for the first time. To be reassured by his heartbeat and the color to his cheeks and the rise and fall of his chest. To know that he was born with a clean bill of health as opposed to what we feared. And he completely topped my greatest imaginings of what he would be like.

"Now, for Seika Kata Sohma," the next nurse says, ushered into the room with the second born in her arms. "He weighs at five pounds and three ounces and is the younger twin by three minutes."

I gently give Tsunari over to his father, before accepting Seika and bringing him to my chest to keep him close and get my first look. The moment he is placed in my arms, his lips form the smallest of smiles, as his tiny eyes remain closed. I grin until I can't stop, enjoying the soft sounds of his breathing as he sleeps on.

I look to Kyo and exchange a smile, before leaning in to kiss him to try and defuse the explosion of emotions threatening to detonate inside my chest. No other time in the history of being a living, breathing being have I been happier. Not once.

...

"Hi. May we come in?" Comes the timid voice of my mother as she and Satoshi peer into our hospital room.

"Of course," I say, glancing over at the twins that are fast asleep in their basins beside me.

Kyo was off on a coffee run and to stop at home to grab chargers for both of our phones. So much had happened in so little time, it was hard to keep up.

My mom and Satoshi step into full view, both smiling when they see Tsunari and Seika together. Satoshi gravitates towards them while mom makes her way over to me, seating herself next to me.

"I still can't believe my baby had a baby," she says, happy tears in her eyes. "How are you feeling?"

"Better," I reply, rubbing the sore spot on my stomach. "Still a little tender, but I'm healing nicely overall."

"Good...great," she says, a little awkwardly. "Uh, things are going well with volunteering at the nursery. I'm actually working on a mural for the hospital."

"Wow," I breathe. "That's amazing, mom. I'm happy for you!"

"Yeah well, its my way of making new moms and their babies feel welcome. And I'm designing the one for the psych wing of the hospital for the grieving mothers. Something to cheer them up a little." Its with these words she looks down at her hands, folded in her lap.

And I watch as a tear slides down her cheek and plinks on her joined hands.

"Mom, what's wrong?" I ask, wrapping my arms around her as she sobs into my shoulder.

"I'm so, so proud of you. I really am Gina. But I still wish that I could have had a moment like this. I wanted to have a brother for you, and it didn't work out both times. I'm sorry. I'm sorry..." she repeats, over and over again.

I shake my head, finding it hard to swallow as her cries fill the room. "Don't be. And I would have liked to have a brother, but I know he has to be better off now than he would have been here. We have to believe that, mom. And you know what has helped me the most?" I pull back from her, looking her in the eyes strongly as I'm able. "Having these two beautiful boys that are a reflection of my brothers. I like to believe that whatever calling they have will be carried out in Tsunari and Seika. So don't be afraid or ashamed to meet your grandchildren. None of is your fault and you deserve to live without that burden." I smile at her and feel my heart grow when she returns it.

"I love you, mama."

She reaches over to wipe the tears from my eyes, grinning. "I love you too, baby girl."

* * *

**Midnight Lullabies**

A shrill cry pierces the air, jolting me upright in bed but not disturbing a zombified Kyo. I tap his shoulder, painfully aware of one of the newborn alarms sounding off.

"Kyo, we both need to get up." I shake him this time, earning a groan. "If one starts, you know the other is sure to follow, and I'm way too exhausted to be juggling screaming twins."

"Its the middle of the night," he says, rubbing his forehead as his bloodshot eyes open. "Do they ever sleep more than two hours?"

"I don't know," I answer, tying my robe into a knot. "Maybe other babies. Ours don't."

I start for the door, hearing him drag his feet from behind me as we make our way into the halfway done nursery. One mobile dangling over Tsunari's crib were stars and the other over Seika's were crescent moons. Usually, they helped a little with keeping them calm. But tonight was one of many cranky ones that lead into long mornings.

I bend down to reach into Seika's crib, scooping him up and bringing him to my chest. I bounce him, shushing him and trying to run through the checklist. Smell? Nope. Hungry? Fed two hours ago. Burp? I apply just enough pressure when I pat his back, only to be interrupted by the smallest of sounds.

I breathe a sigh of relief.

Finally.

That's all it took.

At least...that's what I thought before he starts to holler at the top of his lungs.

I force back a yawn, resorting to the couch in the living room. Plan B: sing and rock him to sleep.

I plop down onto the side with the right arm rest, and softly sing whatever lullabies I knew. I feel comforted when Kyo's presence appears beside me, and count the small blessing of Tsunari not crying his head off too.

"Rock-a-bye baby in the treetop. When the wind blows, the cradle will rock. This song is dark, darker than I thought. So I will change the words, even though I can't rhyme."

Kyo snorts from beside me, and I let my head drop against his shoulder when Seika's cries go down an octave. A notch down is better than no change at all.

"Go to sleep. Go to sleep. Go to sleep, Seika," Kyo sings, purposely off-key. "Go to sleep. Or we'll weep. Please don't do this to us..."

I laugh at this, feeling overcome with punchiness as I nestle fully into his side and his thumb strokes my hip. Much to my surprise, Seika's wails soften to quiet sobs to light snores. And when this happens, love and affection drown me as I lay on the couch with my man and one of our sons. If Tsunari were out here, my world would feel almost perfect. I love all three of them so much...

And its in this position with Seika in my arms as I lay on Kyo's chest that we all sleep on, with nothing but the sounds of snoring and the heater in the background.

* * *

**The Wrong Kind Of Sparring**

"Oh my- Kyo! Can you get in here?" I yell, putting my hands on my hips as his feet thunder with his impending arrival. He glowers at me through tired eyes, paying no mind to the cleaner on the bathroom floor.

"What?"

"Explain this," I demand, gesturing at the toilet with the seat up. I tap my foot as he stares at it without saying anything. "Well? I'm waiting..."

He scoffs, leaning against the threshold. "For what? For me to sprout girl parts and go with the seat down? You'll be waiting a long time for that one, Gina."

I shake my head, grinding my teeth. "Or you can just think of me and put it down when you're done. Its not that hard."

Kyo just rubs his temples, like I was his headache. "Get off my back, I'm tired. I forgot."

"You forgot and you're tired?" I echo, tempted to mock him. "How about me? I'm working long shifts and getting called in all hours of the night on top of taking care of the boys. You don't think I'm tired? Now I know you've lost your mind."

"Alright, relax already," he says, holding his hands up. "Its not like I bring up everything you do that annoys me." He looks away, mumbling under his breath, "If I did, you'd kill me in my sleep."

I force a laugh, applauding him. "Wow...how clever. Except the fact I'm hardly here to take you out." I throw my hands up, making my way to the cabinets. "But please, do tell me about what you find so repulsive about me. Don't hold back, _babe_."

"You're overreacting to one measly thing I said. I don't like that you're on my case about stupid stuff. There. Now can we let it go?"

I snort, pretending to be busy rummaging through a drawer as I examine the dark circles under my eyes. "Really? I don't like the fact you can just mow me over and expect me not to talk back. How's that feel?"

He comes up behind me, eyeing me in the mirror as his hands come to rest on the counter and his chest presses into my back. "Like crap. I hate fighting with you." He dips his head, a hand moving from the counter to my stomach. "Do you really think I do that?"

I place my hand over his, slipping my fingers through his gaps. "N-No...I don't know." I tilt my head back, looking at him from upside down. "I'm just really sleep deprived and so are you. We're being stupid is all."

He nods, his other arm wrapping around me and bringing me fully against him. "We're acting ridiculous over something that doesn't even matter." He sighs, nuzzling me. "Can't we ask your mom if she can watch them for the weekend and we can get some sleep?"

"No, I can't," I say, feeling my heart tear in two with the mere thought. "I wouldn't want to be away from them that long. Even if she is back from that artist expo."

"Then for the day," he counters, withdrawing just enough to look me in the eyes again. "We need the rest, G."

He was right about the lack of shut-eye. Especially considering us alternating between careers and our four month old twins. But the part he won't say is that he'll miss them just as much as I would. Even for a day.

I reluctantly nod, spinning in his arms and placing my hands on his chest. "One afternoon and evening only. We pick them up tonight."

"Tomorrow morning," he says, giving me a small peck on the forehead. "I haven't slept since yesterday afternoon."

"But-"

"_Gina_."

"Fine. I'll pick them up tomorrow morning before my shift."

Satisfied with my answer, he takes my hand in his, handing me the landline to dial my mom. With the hesitation of a new mother (which I am), I punch in her digits and find myself dreading it when the ringing stops and I'm connected.

"Hello?"

"Hey, mom. I need a favor..."


	32. Grow Old With Me

**Chapter Thirty-Two: Grow Old With Me**

**The First Word**

"Shouldn't they be talking at this point? Or is it too soon?" Kyo asks, over the lip of his coffee cup.

I dunk the plate I'm washing into the sink of water, drawing it back out to dry and put on the rack. "From a clinical standpoint, I can tell you that children develop at varying rates. Some are natural and learn quicker than others. It can happen as early as six months and their speech becomes stronger anywhere between 18 months and 24 months."

He comes up beside me, his hand resting on the small of my back as I begin on a ceramic bowl.

"Ok. But since they're eight months old, what does that mean? Are they slower to get it?"

"Buh," Seika babbles, slapping his hands on the high chair tray. "Buh. Buh."

I smile, giving a shrug. "We can try to help them learn, today. But we can't get frustrated if it takes them a few weeks or a month."

He nods, swiveling the tap to rinse out his cup before setting it aside to be washed. "I'll work with Tsunari and I guess you'll practice with Seika?"

"Sure," I say. "I just need to finish these last three dishes and we can start."

"Alright." He pecks me on the head before making his way to Tsunari, removing his bib and lifting him out of his high chair. "Come on, Nari. Let's go practice."

...

_Three Weeks Later..._

"Come on baby, say mama," I repeat to Seika, pausing to give him time.

"Mah...mah..." he says, crinkling his forehead. "Mah...m-mah..."

"You're getting there. Say ma-ma. Mama."

This is mostly how its been these few weeks when I haven't been working or visiting my parents. Tsunari had already said our names the middle of last week, as he latched onto new concepts quicker. But Seika was different and took more attention and rehearsal. Kyo's been sitting with me every night, trying to get Seika to say his first word. I really think we're on the precipice of it.

"You want to try dada again?" I ask, caressing his cheeks. "Say da-da."

He stops, looking up at Kyo and holding out his arms. "Da...d-dada."

"He said it," Kyo exclaims, taking Seika's hands in his. "Gina, he said it!"

I grin, nodding. "I know. Good job, Seika. You said your first word."

He glances at me, blinking. After a few more seconds he tries again. "Mah...m-mah...mama?"

"Yes!" I cheer, swooping him up and blowing into his belly. "That's my baby."

Seika giggles, bright and bubbly as always. "Mah...mama."

After nearly a month of trial and error with diverse inflections and short words, we finally managed to get the twins started with talking. And I'm beyond excited about the progress made and what's to come for the future.

* * *

**Bath Brawl**

In the movies when the mom breastfeeds, its all sweet and beautiful, sometimes accompanied by soft music. But what the movies don't tell you is that it hurts. A lot. Don't get me wrong, I liked being that close to my babies. But the pain wasn't a fun time.

It was a completely different story to be giving them a bath with Kyo. There were a couple of rubber duckies and boats and other bath toys floating across the warm water.

I'm emerged up to my elbows in suds as I squirt baby shampoo into the palm of my hand and massage it into Seika's scalp. He giggles, slapping his hands on the water to send it splashing up and getting me square in the face.

"Seika," I scold lightly, blindly grabbing for a towel as Kyo laughs. And when I least expect it, I'm met with a wave of water, more powerful than the last. I spin my head around to face my new adversary, an amused and devious husband with his hand poised over the water for more.

"Alright, that's it." I raise up to obtain the shower sprayer, aiming it directly at Kyo and wiping the smirk off his face in one go. "The next person to splash me...gets it." I look over at our sons, mustering up a poor look of intimidation. "Even mama's babies."

But before I can blink, Kyo has wrapped his arms around me, pinning me to his chest before giving the order, "Now, guys! Open fire and splash mama."

I gasp as my own babies turn against me, sending relentless heaps of water all over me, the tub, and the wall as Kyo keeps me secured in place. It wasn't even a fair fight being disarmed like this. It was a pretty cheap move for this brawl if you ask me.

"Too bad you're not wearing white," Kyo remarks, his lips just brushing my ear. "Or the moment they take their nap, I'd take you to bed and start in on the next one." His voice drops lower, the warmth of it and the cold of water making me shiver. "I might do that anyway."

I ignore the zing of pleasure that shoots to my stomach, instead, twisting in his arms and spraying him with the shower head at half blast. Tsunari and Seika burst into laughter as they watch their dad get blasted into the third dimension.

When I'm finished and he is satisfactorily looking like a drenched cat, I shut off the water, blowing on the nozzle like the barrel of a smoking gun.

Take note ladies and gentlemen; when it comes to a fight between a husband and wife, the woman always wins.

* * *

**Things That Go Bump In The Night**

A soft noise sounds from our bedroom door, forcing me awake with a jolt.

Was it my pager? I am on call this weekend.

Wait, that can't be right. Its coming from outside our room.

Tsunari and Seika?

"Come in," I say, sitting upright in bed and nudging Kyo's shoulder. He groans when he rolls over on his back, blinking blearily as the door swings open.

And like I suspected, our sons stand in the doorway, Seika cradling his stuffed penguin to his chest as his other hand stays linked to Tsunari's.

"What? What's wrong?" Kyo asks, his voice deep with sleep. "You two are supposed to be in bed."

And that's all it takes for Seika to burst into tears, being the more sensitive of the two. And it breaks my heart in half to hear one of my babies upset.

Kyo's eyes widen for fear of what he might have said, as I open my arms to invite Seika to me. He lets go of his brother's hand to run over, jumping into my arms and sobbing into my chest. I pat his back, placing kisses on his forehead and trying to calm his cries. "Its okay, Seika. Did you have a bad dream or something?"

He nods against my chest, and this is when Tsunari speaks up. "He dream mama died." He drops his head, fiddling with his hands. "It sounded real scary."

I can feel the burn of Kyo's stare even without turning my head to see it for myself. But I don't know how to feel about this information. Though the first emotions that run through me are disturbance and heartbreak.

"Shh, I'm here Seika. I'm still here," I say, reminding him and myself over and over again. "It was just a nightmare."

He pulls away from me to rub at his eyes, sniffing. "Whats a night horsey?"

My eyebrows draw together, until it dawns on me that he associated the mare suffix to a horse. I laugh a little, taking his hands from his face to wipe his tears away. "Its another word for bad dream, sweetie."

"Oh," he says, sad understanding in his crimson eyes. "I don't like them very much."

I nod, looking over to Kyo as to what we should do. In turn, he motions Tsunari over, scooting to the edge of the bed to make room. "Do you guys want to sleep here tonight? Or are you okay on your own?"

"Here," Seika demands, climbing up onto the bed and throwing his arms around my neck. "I want mommy."

"With you, dad," Tsunari agrees, allowing himself to be picked up and seated in between us. "Ka is too afraid to go back."

"Then let's get to sleep." I lay down the best I can with a restless toddler clinging to me for dear life, throwing the blanket over us as he snuggles closer to me. I glance over at Kyo to see him getting Tsunari situated by sharing a pillow, his eyes meeting mine in wordless conversation.

'You think we did it right?' He asks.

I offer a small smile, before closing my eyes.

'Yes. I think we did.'.

* * *

**Mommy's Day**

"Go wakeup mommy," I hear, still on the edge of a dream as my body drags me back into the world of awareness.

"Oof," I say, pounced on by a small body and attacked with cheek kisses.

"Mama! Mama!" Seika squeals, kissing me again. "We got a surprise for you."

A surprise?

Oh, it was Sunday.

My fourth but first _real_ Mother's Day.

I crack an eye open, noticing Kyo in the threshold of the door with a tray of breakfast and Tsunari wrapped around his leg.

I let out a yawn as I sit up, giving Seika a hug that makes him giggle. He was easily the most ticklish baby in the world. I guess he gets that from me. Seika tugs on my hair, directing my gaze to him.

"Mama! Look what we got!" He jabs his chubby finger in their direction, and I watch as Kyo makes his way over to me and Tsunari detaches from his ankle.

"Alright, I need to give your mom her breakfast," Kyo says, amusement written all over him. "And you haven't given her what you made."

"Oh," Seika yelps, scrambling off me to join Tsunari. "Nari and I made you cards for mommy's day."

This was seriously too cute for words. I don't know if my heart can take all this.

"We finger painted," Tsunari explains as Kyo sets the tray down in my lap. "And we got you flowers."

"Flowers, huh?" I ask, smiling up at Kyo. "Any special meaning to that?"

He smirks, whipping out a small bouquet from nowhere. "Maybe they do. You'll have to figure that out."

He hands it to me, leaning over to kiss me softly on the lips, whispering against my mouth, "Happy Mother's Day, G."

I grin to the point of my cheeks hurting, but its a small price to pay to express a fraction of my gratitude.

"Thanks, babe."

He jokingly rolls his eyes, crouching down just enough to lift the twins up one by one and set them on the bed. Each has their own card clutched in their fists, though Seika was outwardly more eager to show me his.

"Read mine. Read mine!" Seika shrieks, bouncing up and down. I laugh at how energetic he always is, admiring his bright outlook and Tsunari's more reserved and observant nature.

I accept his card, my hand flying to my chest as its overwhelmed by the appreciation that floods it. The front was done in crayon letters that said 'Happy Mommy Day' and stick figures of the four of us in front of a house, beside a bean shaped dog. I look to him, shaking my head lightly. "You still want that puppy, huh?"

He bobs his head, playing with his toes. "Yeah, mommy. You're a good guesser."

"We should enlist Shigure for that one," I joke, opening up the folded printer paper. "Wow. This is amazing, Seika," I marvel, taking in the rose he made just by finger painting. "You did this all by yourself?"

"Uh-huh," he confirms, making a goofy face. "Daddy thought it was good."

"He's right. I think you might have a gift," I say, poking him softly in the belly and earning another giggle. "Very good, Seika."

"What gift, mom?" Tsunari inquires, squinting at the card as if deep in thought. "Like a present?"

"No, I mean...hmm." How do I explain this in simple words? "Having a gift means...that you are good at something. But the gift doesn't come from your mommy or daddy or brother. Not even you. It comes from up there," I gesture towards the ceiling, beyond lost as to how I could explain the concept of Heaven to four year olds.

"Like where we come from?" Seika asks, scrunching up his face. "We're a present?"

"Yes, but you're a different kind of present. You come from mama's belly."

"But how do we get there?" Tsunari asks, looking at me like I hold the answers to the universe.

"That's a talk for another time," Kyo jumps in, coming to my rescue. "We'll talk about why there's a Mother's Day one day." He glances at Tsunari, gesturing him over to me with a nod. "Don't you want to give mom your card?"

I prop Seika's up on my nightstand, turning back around as Tsunari places his in my hands. I give him a kiss on the forehead, lifting my arm for him to sit beside me.

"Ooh, this is beautiful," I coo, running my fingertips over the purple glitter on the front and the 'Happy Mother's Day' written in bright red glitter. I open it up to see a pop out smiley face in the middle that's binding it together, and a sketch of Kyo and I holding the two of them.

"Tsunari's really smart," Kyo remarks, giving me a warm smile. "Sounds like someone else I know."

I bite my lip, blushing a little at his veiled compliment. "We should have him take an IQ test before kindergarten. I just didn't want him to be separated from Seika if he's placed differently."

Kyo nods, seating himself at my feet as his hand comes to rest on my leg. "I get that. But we should also let him have a chance at achieving his full potential. And who knows? Maybe Seika will go on to be an artist like your mom and be in Arts school someday. We'll keep them together as long as we can."

I shrug, agreeing that's a fair way to look at it. Besides, it was far off before we'd have to really consider our options.

"This was really sweet of you guys," I say, looking at my family individually. "Thank you. I love you all."

Kyo smirks, standing to pluck my bouquet from the bed. "You're welcome. You eat your breakfast, I'm gonna go hunt down a vase."

I set out to do just that, surprised when Seika grabs my slice of toast and steals a nibble. "I'm hungry."

I snort, sliding the tray over so he and Tsunari can share with me. "Alright, you guys get the toast and I get the scrambled eggs. Deal?"

"Okay," they chime in unison, digging into my Mother's Day breakfast with me. And I have to say, this is the best one by far.

* * *

**Smash Bros**

Ever since pre-school and daycare, the twins have been attached at the hip to each other and their friends. Yuki and Tohru's daughter Kaichi and Kagura's daughter Honami were always spending time with our sons from play dates to school. And tonight, they were showing up for the twin's sixth birthday sleepover, chaperoned by all of us.

I pour a bag of buttery popcorn into one of the largest bowls we have, hit with the cold blast of the fridge being opened and closed over and over as Tohru rushed about searching for ingredients.

"Tohru, what are you making?" I ask, wondering if she were at the twentieth ingredient by now. "We already have a cake in the fridge."

She nods, swiping at imaginary sweat on her forehead. "I know. But I thought it might be nice for them to have another treat in between. And since Kaichi has a peanut allergy, I tend to make something separate for her just in case.

Oh.

"Well, I promise there's no nuts in the cake. But be my guest if you want to make something extra. I'm sure the children won't mind."

"Uh-huh," she chirps, beginning to separate eggs into a blue mixing bowl. "Kaichi has my sweet tooth, but Yuki's manners. She's so polite to everyone she meets."

I laugh at this. "That sounds more like you, Tohru. Although I have to admit that Yuki is really civil towards just about anyone. Its my husband that he fights with."

She giggles, looking up as said husbands fight over who really won this round of Smash Bros from the living room and who cheated. They just need to be happy Uo and I aren't playing. Whenever it came down to my main Zero Suit Samus and Uo when she fought with Link, we always came out on top over Luigi and Ganondorf.

"I don't get why everyone gets so excited about those things. Its just a video game."

I gasp, slapping a hand over my chest. "Tohru! You can't say that. Its never just a game. Its the battle of the century whenever it goes down on Smash stages. And you can just forget Mario Party and Mario Kart. Those games can make even Yuki rage quit."

And it was true.

I remember having the same exact amount of stars as a CPU, only to lose by one coin in the end. And don't even get me started on all the times I lost a race to DK by the very last second in any Mario Kart you can think of.

She simply shrugs, beginning to blend everything together. "I guess its just not something I'm interested in. But as long as you guys have fun, that's the important thing."

"Hey guys," Kagura trumpets, springing in. "Are all the women gathering in the kitchen or something? The boys are still going at the game."

"Yeah," I say, folding my arms over the counter. "Kagura, I was wondering when your man would be making an appearance. You know...the one we heard so much about," I tease, wriggling my eyebrows suggestively.

She snorts, stealing a handful of popcorn. "Oh, he got here ten minutes ago. You just don't notice him because he's so quiet and shy. I kind of wear the pants in our relationship."

"Really?" I ask, failing to disguise the surprise in my voice. "You only ever told us what a hopeless romantic he was and how he surprised you with flowers and chocolates and dates all the time."

"Of course, that's what you tell your best friends," she admits, tossing in another mouthful. "Its not a lie. But its not the only thing about him I'm attracted to. He may be shy on the streets, but he's a freak in the sheets."

I blanch the same instance Tohru blushes. "Uh...TMI, Kagura."

She scoffs. "Oh, puh-lease. You're thirty-one and I'm thirty-two. We're not just some blushing schoolgirls anymore. Well..." she looks pointedly at Tohru, amending her statement "...most of us aren't."

That's Kagura all right. She was nothing if not blunt and honest at all times. She doesn't have a filter and couldn't care less about getting one.

"Alright, I'm going to bring the popcorn-" I slap Kagura's hand away, stopping her from getting thirds, "-to the kids. If you stop trying to grab it."

She pouts, before going to the pantry in search of something else as I make my way towards the twins' room. I have to pass by my living room to get there so I get a glimpse of Kyo and Yuki duking it out on the Pikmin stage as Kagura's boyfriend sits there awkwardly watching. I shake my head in amusement, knocking on the bedroom door before slowly opening it.

"You guys ready for some popcorn?"

"Yay!" They cheer, scrambling to their feet to take the bowl and rush back to the TV before they miss any parts of the animated movie.

I smile at their childlike enthusiasm, leaning against the threshold and taking the moment to appreciate the sight of all of them together.

Kaichi and Tsunari were both sharing a book, only glancing up at the movie during the funny parts. Seika and Honami were immersed in the vibrant colors and the goofy characters, devouring the popcorn as quickly as they can while still holding hands. It amazed me that the twins paired off on their own with the girls they found suited their personalities best. Kagura, Tohru, and I often joked that they'd all end up married some day. But I'm perfectly content that they're enjoying their innocence before they had to worry about love and relationships.

I close the door behind me, relocating to the war zone taking place in the living room, and perching myself on the arm of the chair closest to Kyo. At this point, he's furiously button mashing as Yuki performs an 'Up, B' attack, sending his character flying into the screen in a K.O.

"Game," sounds the TV when Yuki rids Kyo of the stock he had remaining.

"Again?!" Kyo screeches, throwing the controller down. "You cheating little rat."

Yuki gives a dignified scoff, clasping his hands delicately in his lap as his eyebrow twitches. "I cannot cheat. I could only hack the game, which I didn't do. You need to learn to suck less."

My jaw drops at such a crude word leaving cordial lips, noticing the irritation radiating off of Kyo as he seethes from beside me.

"What did you say to me, Princess?"

"Cool it, guys. We're here to celebrate birthdays. Not mourn funerals," I cut in, bending down to pick up Kyo's controller. "I'll play you, Yuki. And try to redeem Kyo."

Kyo looks aghast at how I took up for him and insulted him all at once, but I don't pay it any mind as Yuki agrees to accept my challenge. We're brought to the stage selection after choosing our characters, picking a random one that neither of us could possibly have an advantage on.

And we're brought to the one of the smaller ones in the game, allowing us to truly compete without CPUs getting in the middle of it. The Kongo Jungle from the first game in the series.

I waste no time getting on the offensive, pre-preemptively striking Yuki as he uses a shield to dodge my attacks. As easy as I made it sound to go head to head with him, I knew it would be anything but. He was strategic, level-headed, and very difficult to get a read off of.

We spend the time running through each other's three lives (stock) until we enter sudden death and have to find out who's really a boss at this game.

"Come on, Gina," Kyo says, clapping from beside me. "Destroy him!"

I flip backwards, just as a Smash Ball appears and I go after it like my life depends on it. This smash attack could be the difference between who wins and who loses. Especially if its executed just right. As expected, Yuki chases after the coveted prize, nearly snagging it before I force him back with an attack and take it for myself.

My heart beats at a thousand miles a minute as my character is transformed, having set off the final smash attack as I fire my lasers at Yuki and send him careening off the stage into a K.O.

And that's when I hear some of the most beautiful words.

"Game! The winner is...Player 2."

Yuki scowls over his loss, though Kyo pounces on me before I can tell him that it was a good game and he was a worthy opponent. Kyo practically barrages me with kisses and 'thank you's' for how soundly I managed to whup Yuki in the end. And I can't help but feel a little giddy at the fact I pulled a win against a formidable foe.

Good game, Yuki.

Good game.

* * *

**The Birds And The Bees**

"Hey dad," Tsunari begins, lacing up his shoes. "I was wondering about the birds and the bees talk my friends told me about."

I almost gag on my orange juice, caught off guard by how random it is. I swipe at my mouth, setting my glass down on the kitchen bar.

I never planned to talk to them about this stuff until they were sixteen. They're only twelve! I only had two choices and both of them sucked. I could leave them ignorant for three more years and have them confused about what sex is. Or I could explain it and get Gina pissed at me for not discussing it with her first. Either way, I can't win.

"Oh, I already know _all_ about it," Seika brags, bouncing on his feet like Momiji. "Its where a boy puts his penis in a girl's vagina. Right?"

These kids are trying to kill me. That's what it is. Who even taught him that?

"Guys," I say, holding my hands out to stop them from continuing. "Instead of teaching you about that and having your mom go to jail because she did me in, there's something more important to learn. I can teach you that."

"Like?" Tsunari asks, curious.

"Like...how to treat girls the right way," I say as I seat myself in one of the stools. "That's something you can use the rest of your life. Sex is an adult thing and its not the biggest part of life."

Which sounds crazy coming from me. I know. But I had to make a lot of mistakes with loving Gina the wrong way to know that for myself.

"You mean by calling them pretty and opening doors for them? Stuff like that?" Seika asks.

"Yeah, those are good things to do. But respecting them is better. Like only being in a committed relationship with them instead of playing with their feelings. If you don't love them with all your heart, don't lie and say you do. That's what leading someone on is."

"That's really cruel," Tsunari mutters, shaking his head. "I couldn't imagine doing that to anyone. If someone did that to Auntie Tohru or Mom..." he balls his fists, frowning. "I wouldn't let them get away with it."

I gulp, still nonplussed at how wise and insightful my son is. He picked up on a lot of things, even if he wasn't aware of how true something really was.

"Exactly...its no good. Women and girls should be made to feel beautiful. Wanted. They don't deserve to be called bad names and pressured into doing something they don't want." I look firmly at the both of them, hoping to drive my point home and make them remember. "When we have the talk - which we will - never force a girl to go to bed with you and never tell them you love them just to make it happen. I don't want you to repeat my mistakes."

Granted, it was always consensual between Gina and I. And I never told her that I loved her until we got together. But I screwed with her heart and her head making her believe the opposite. I was no better than anyone else.

"What happened?" Seika asks in a small voice, his eyes shining with tears. "Did you hurt someone?"

And then there was Seika, the son with a heart bigger than his body. Talking to him about this and hearing him was almost painful because he looked and acted so much like her. He had Gina's soft heart and it stuns me that if I hadn't learned what I'm telling them, this family of mine wouldn't exist.

"Your old man was a messed up person. I still am damaged, but your mom makes me better. I didn't always treat her right. We used each other to survive all the awful things in our lives. And we focused more on the adult side of things instead of trying to love each other. But its different now. I love you and your mom more than anything. And I would _never_ hurt any of you on purpose or let anyone else do it."

"Hmm," Tsunari hums, closing his eyes as he thinks over everything. When he reopens them, flashing those emerald eyes at me, he walks over and holds out his hand.

I cock an eyebrow, curiously shaking it and growing more confused when he smiles.

"This is me forgiving you for what you did. I know you love mom and I know she forgives you. Its okay, dad. Don't be mad at yourself."

Its those words and the gesture that blows me away. He forgives his dad - me, someone that did so many things wrong - when I couldn't forgive my father. It took my son a few minutes and its taken me years to work through the fact my father lied about how my mother died. I can't believe that my son is the one influencing me instead of it being the other way around.

Seika throws his arms around me, burrowing his face into my chest. My heartbeat skyrockets because he doesn't seem to hold a grudge like I thought he might.

"I love you, daddy. Just please don't do that to mama again. I promise to be nice to all girls. Even if they're mean to me."

"Me too," Tsunari adds, lightly patting Seika's back. "That goes for me."

I smile, almost speechless with how mature and kind and protective they are at just twelve. And there's never been a moment where I've been more proud than I am of my sons and who I know they'll become.

* * *

**Wake-up Call**

The screech of our analog alarm rings across the room, but its too much too early so I shove my head under the pillows.

I feel the bed move beside me and the disappearance of Kyo's weight seconds before the alarm is shut up. I breathe a sigh of relief, snuggling further into the warmth of blankets and our bed.

"Gina, its your turn to get them up for school," Kyo reminds me, making me pout.

"Come back to bed. I'm tired," I whine, squeezing my eyes shut in hopes of the sun making itself scarce so I can sleep in. "I just worked on my feet seventeen hours."

He climbs back in beside me and I feel satisfied for a minute before he shatters my hope. "I'll do it then. I have a class in two hours, anyway."

"No," I say, sticking my head out before wrapping my body around his like a cage. "Please? Sleep with me a little longer. You're so warm."

He laughs, his hands coming to rest in my tangled hair. "That's it, huh? You want me for my body because I keep you warm and not because I'm sexy."

I nod against his shoulder, tightening my embrace. "I took time off for you, before. Why can't you?"

"Gina," he says, his hands moving to pry me off him. "I need to get the boys up. When I get back from my class, I'll get back into bed with you."

"Its not the same," I mumble, pulling away from him before he gets it in his head to tickle me. "I'm off today. I was hoping you would be."

His lips curve into a smirk before he brings them an inch within mine, his heat a breath away. "I am after this teen class this morning. And when I get back...I have a lot of ideas for what we can do." He kisses me long and slow, conveying his plans with each pass of his lips and stroke of his hands. "Creative ways to spend the day in bed."

My breath hitches when his hand slips under my old holed up t-shirt, inching upward to kindle heat in my lower body. I kiss him one more time, resting my forehead on his to catch my breath. "Okay...I'll wait for you."

He smiles, his hands cupping my cheeks as my eyes open to meet his. "In nothing but bows?"

"Nope," I tease, shaking my head. "In nothing at all."

He swallows, ripping himself away from me and hurrying for the door. "I'll be back soon."

I laugh at this, flopping back on our pillows and stretching.

Works every time.

* * *

**In The End...**

**Tsunari** went on to win a Nobel Prize for his innovative solution to dermatomyositis, saving millions of people from the skin and muscular condition, residing in a peaceful gated community with his wife Kaichi and their three girls.

**Seika** went on to earn countless prestigious awards for the artwork displayed in his gallery, finding his passion in learning the acoustic/electric guitar in his free time to perform with his best friend Honami. He decides he prefers the single life and chooses to not marry, though he's excited for Honami when she finds love in an American she meets in Okinawa.

**Kazuma** enters early retirement and spends the rest of his life traveling the world with Hana, free spirits roaming the Earth with no attachments. They swing by Tokyo three times a year to visit their son, daughter-in-law, and grandsons. Though Kyo still refuses to consider Hana his mom, he loves her appreciates how happy she makes his dad.

**Uo **and Kureno take a page out of Gina and Kyo's book, running off to elope before starting their own motorcycle gang. It kept them occupied during the moments they weren't working with youth and visiting prisoners to advise them to steer clear of trouble.

**Hanajima **began to write her own romance novels under an alias as she traipsed the globe with Kazuma at her side. She went on to have five acclaimed best sellers and started dabbling in screenplays in hopes of transforming the silver screen.

**Tohru **decides to not only continue on teaching elementary school, but opens up her home for foster children so that they have a place to stay and family to be loved by. She and Yuki go on to adopt five children in their lifetime - mostly teens as they had a harder time finding a home - and stopped having children after Kaichi.

**Yuki **decides to become a prosecutor, in pursuit of the truth and bringing criminals to justice. After he passed the bar, graduated law school, and started at a firm, he decided to give Ayame a chance. The passage of time along with his wife and their children softened his heart, and allowed room for his brother. Though their relationship has developed slowly, within a decade they're close as they always should have been. Yuki even attends Ayame and Mitchan's wedding to show his support.

**Gina's Parents **both eventually finish their life's work as a full on accountant and artist, though they continue to serve the public through volunteering at nurseries, founding a group for parents that have suffered miscarriages and stillbirths, and spending time with their grandsons. They find a light at the end of the heavily dark tunnel, at peace with GOD and looking forward to seeing their sons one day.

**Kyo **manages to forgive his father for his lies as he visits him in the hospital. His father suffered with the curse of cancer only to lose the fight in the end. But not without apologizing to his son for the pain he caused and his poor judgement with his last withering breath before he passed away. Kyo tends to the dojo every day for the rest of his life, training his students in martial arts and how to treat women the right way. Most of his students visit him years later and beyond that when he eventually has to retire, throwing a party to commemorate him and all that he has done for them. His heart grows empty with something unfulfilled, a void that couldn't be satisfied. And he desires to love Gina even more than he was able to in his own efforts. This is what leads him to pursue more...to pursue Someone greater than he. And he never regrets that decision, thankful for the relationship and life he's guaranteed beyond this world.

**Gina **comes to terms with loving who she is, deciding that she can be free to shed the Kitty mask she wore throughout the beginning of her relationship with Kyo. Its with Help and Love and valuable Insight that she realizes her worth and hopes to tell everyone of theirs. She becomes Chief of Staff at the Sonata hospital, the place she lost her brother but had her two sons. The place she discovered life and death, but also found purpose and a reason. And its with her dedication that she eventually opens more wings to the hospital, expands the staff, and helps bring life into the world as opposed to the death she'd seen. She lives out the remainder of her time with her husband, family, and friends, resting in the fact that it would be continued even after they're long gone.

I say to all of you...

Be with those you love.

Love those you're with.

Accept people at their best, love them at their worst.

Don't sell yourself short of what you deserve.

Don't settle.

Step out in faith and trust that someone will love you.

No matter how goofy or different or unique you are.

No matter how broken.

Do away with your masks and facades.

"Be real. Be random. Be who you are. Because you never know who will love the person you hide."

Try.


	33. Love On The Brain

**Chapter Thirty-Three: Love On The Brain**

**The Alphabet Game**

I wake to the sound of rain pouring like a hurricane is brewing on the horizon, lightning flashing rapidly in the absence of thunder. Much to my relief.

I stretch my arms above my head at the same time that I do my legs, and the pleasurable pops and sensation sends me reeling into a frame of relaxation. The only thing that would make this better is if I had my man right beside me.

And he is. Only, he's already wide awake, laying on his side and propped up on his elbow. His eyes run the length of my body, before settling on my face.

"Hey."

I grin, rolling over and taking one of his hands, intertwining it with mine. "Hey, back."

He smirks. And in the breath of a second, he's pinning me to the mattress, his lips teasingly brushing over mine as his hair falls into his eyes.

"I have something to tell you, G."

That single sentence is enough to make me giddy all over again. And I nearly collide with him as my body buzzes with an untamed thrill.

"Yeah?"

"Tohru, Hana, and the Yankee..."

"...yeah?"

"They asked if you wanted to go to the nail place with them. They figured you should get out of the house after working so long. And for once...I agree."

"Oh..." I try not to sound disappointed, but it steals into my tone anyway. "Sounds like fun. What better way to spend today than with friends, right?"

Please say no. Please fight for me to stay so you can have me all to yourself. As much as I love them, I really need this to be special, considering how it was in the past.

"I guess. Its not something I would do. But you enjoy going out a lot more than I do. You actually like that junk."

But I want to lie in bed with you all day, and have a peacefully quiet Saturday.

"You're right," I force out, smiling with all my teeth on display. "I'm gonna go get ready." I throw the blanket off, long since having been left to my side of the bed since he dropped the news. "Did they give you a time?"

He gives a lazy shrug of his shoulders, folding his hands behind his head. "One, I guess. They said they'd pick you up."

"Great," I say, rummaging through my dresser for a shirt and a pair of black jeans. "That leaves me an hour to shower, get some brunch, and have coffee. Thanks for the heads up."

He scoffs. "I wouldn't mess with you and _not_ tell you. Have I ever pulled that before?"

I recall our water gun fight, trying not to laugh at what happened when we were still just seniors in high school.

"Yes. But I can take anything you throw at me." I spare him a coy glance over my shoulder. "Including you."

And with that parting barb, I disappear behind the bathroom door, stripping as I go.

...

I spent the entire day, out and about with the girls for a day of pampering. I only had just enough time to get a french manicure before being whisked off to the mall for a free makeover, followed up by a more than decent action flick at the cinema. It was after everything that I had a revelation. That it won't (and shouldn't) bring me down if it turns out Kyo truly forgot what today was. Because at least I had the time of my life with my closest friends, when I wouldn't have been able to say that just a few years ago. And our group had grown inseparable as we became each other's support system through all the tough and beautiful times.

I unlock the front door, ushering them inside and closing the door tightly behind us. They all hang back as I kick off my shoes, boring holes into my soul with their perpetual stare. I look from them to my cockeyed shoes, feeling slightly embarrassed about my sloppy work, and re-positioning them.

I thought this would abate the guilt created by their unwavering eyes, but it doesn't.

They still watch me.

Like they're waiting for something.

When I start for the kitchen, they follow. And I can't help but look at them through my peripherals in suspicion.

Talk about acting weird.

I flick on the switch, tossing my keys on the counter before reaching into the fridge for some orange juice. I figured I'd save the Sherry for later, when it was Wine o'clock, like a lady should.

I could be ladylike when I wanted to...

Just as I start pouring the liquid into a glass, I hear shouts that make me fly back against the fridge in shock.

_"Surprise!"_

I light up at the sight, my hands flying to my mouth. Electric currents zip through my pulse as I take in all the extravagant decorations of balloons, presents, and intricately designed table cloth.

Not only were the girls there with their own banners and noise makers, but Rin, Kagura, Haru, Yuki, and Momiji were here. Along with Kyo whom carried in a large double-decker fudge cake with chocolate icing.

"Happy Birthday, Gina."

I gasp, running a hand through my just-been-styled hair. "I thought you guys forgot. I didn't expect anyone to come through, especially to this extent."

Uo scoffs. "As if we'd let this day slip by without us showing up to make it more awesome."

"We'd never forget," Tohru adds, beaming. "You're an amazing friend, and a stellar doctor."

"Not to mention the milestone," Uo drawls, allowing a soft smile. "Twenty-five is a special year for anyone."

"She's right," Momiji chirps, his energy clashing with his matured voice. "You're halfway to fifty."

"Alright, enough with the speeches. My arms are getting tired," Kyo breaks in.

"You should start lifting then, doofus," Haru retorts, smirking at his expense. "Maybe then, we can finally prove once and for all who's the strongest."

Rin huffs. "Men."

"You said it, sister," agrees Kagura.

"You wish you were in my league," Kyo quips, staring Haru down from where he stands with my cake.

"You mean level. Not that it matters." He gives a lazy shrug. "I'd have to play limbo to stoop to your level with how low it is."

"Wow. Nice one," Uo cheers, holding her hand out to receive a high-five. And isn't disappointed when he gives one, smiling just as wickedly.

"S-Shut up, yankee." Kyo scowls, his gaze moving back to mine. "Do you mind if I put this down, babe? I feel like an idiot carrying this forever."

"Its understandable considering it is you, after all," Yuki chimes in.

Kyo growls, setting it down on the table to roll his sleeves up. "You want to take this outside?"

The former rat scoffs, his arm firmly hooked through Tohru's. "And damage my suit beating you for the 405th time? There are far more important things to do with my time. Things with a point to them."

"Alright, little girls. Stop your cat fight and go grab some punch to loosen up," Haru says. "This is a celebration. Save the fight for when we can actually place our bets."

"Did I just hear about a bet?" Uo demands, rubbing her hands together. "Because if so, count me in. I'm in the mood for high stakes."

"What are you even doing here?" Kyo fires at Haru, shooting him a dirty look over his verbiage. "You weren't even on the invite list."

"Neither was I," Rin jumps in, raising a perfectly shaped eyebrow. "I know you're not crazy enough to tell me I don't belong."

"Come on, Kyo. Let them stay," Momiji says, taking an eager gulp of his choice of strawberry lemonade. "Its more fun this way."

I shake my head, looking at our crazy mismatched group in amusement. We were dressed to the nines - except the enigmas, Kyo and Haru. But somehow, it felt incredibly casual. Like we were right back in high school. Up to our old antics of hot tub parties with games of 'Never Have I Ever.'

"What about a round of the Alphabet game to kick things off?" I suggest, gaining the eyes of the entire group. "It can be winner takes all, bets welcomed."

Uo nods approvingly, a devious smile filled with schemes crossing her face. "I like your style, Gina." She looks around. "Any protests?"

"Kagura's actually not allowed to drink anymore," Yuki speaks up, putting some distance between them with a few steps. "Hatori said it makes her violent."

"Isn't she always?" Kyo mutters under his breath, and I lightly smack him.

"What was that for?"

"Careful. She might hear you."

Uo rolls her eyes. "Fine. Anybody else sitting this out?"

Silence.

"Good. No pansies are worth playing against. That'd be too easy. Now, any takers?"

Hands around the group go up, including mine, which coaxes a quiet Hana and a reluctant Kyo to do the same. Not to be called out by my husband, Yuki also raises his hand, and Tohru tentatively follows suit.

"Sweet," Uo says, nodding her head towards the table the forgotten cake sat. "Now that we have our players, let's get this party started. The betting pool opens now."

Uo was put in charge of keeping track of everyone's wagers, and I broke out our finest bourbon to take shots of whenever one of us broke rhythm.

Going clockwise, Haru was up first.

"May the best man win," I offer to Tohru, allowing a smile in hopes of comforting her.

She nods, relaxing her shoulders a bit. "Thank you. I hope that you don't go easy on me. I'll fight to the very end."

"You're road kill, rat." Kyo makes a gesture across his throat that threatens removal. "Dead where you sit."

Yuki scoffs. "I hope that head of yours has more substance than your empty words, foolish cat."

"Alright, let's get the show on the road," Uo commands, clearing her throat. "I got twenty-five down on Gina, five on Kyo and Haru, and twenty on Yuki. Feel free to place your bets now or forever hold your peace."

With no more deliberating, our game commences.

"Ok, category is...colors," she says, nodding in Haru's direction. "You start."

He begins, creating the pace with his hands. "Apricot."

"Beige," Rin deadpans.

And it continues down the line from Momiji to Yuki to Tohru.

"Caramel."

"Dandelion."

"Um...er-" Tohru stutters, mind blank. "Oh no! I don't know of a color that starts with E."

"Ebony, Tohru," Uo says, her expression every bit as sorry as her tone. "I guess we could give you a free pass since this is the first round."

"That's not fair," Rin counters, crossing her legs with attitude. "You're only doing that because she's the most inexperienced of us. No offense."

"None taken," Uo mutters, sarcastically. She sighs as she leans forward, tipping the bottle so that it fills the shot glass to the very top. "Rules are rules...I'm really sorry, Tohru."

Yuki glares at Rin, and she shoots him a nasty look right back. Only breaking their death glare showdown long enough to watch as his wife downs the drink like taking unpleasant cough syrup, sputtering and coughing as it undoubtedly burns a trail down her throat.

"Way to go, Tohru," Momiji cheers, bouncing with anticipation. "Its your turn, Hana."

After ensuring that the girl she loved dearly had recovered, she calmly picks up where they left off with the letter 'F'. "Fuschia."

"Green," Kyo supplies, to the amused snort of Yuki for such a simple word choice. Earning another angry look in his direction.

"Honeydew," I chime in.

"Indigo," breezes Uo, starting it back over again.

"J...crap," Haru curses, grasping for straws when its too late to continue. "There's no color that starts with J."

Kyo snickers, looking every bit as haughty as a cat with a mouse in its trap.

"Not to add insult to injury, but there's Jade, Jam, Jasper..." I trail off when his eyes darken, sitting down a little lower to hide myself.

"Its your turn, Haru," Uo taunts, filling his glass up so much that some of it spills over and onto the table. "Drink it _all _up."

He scoffs at this, knocking it back like a drinking champion, swiping his mouth as unfazed and cool as usual. He almost seemed to take it in stride, oddly enough.

"You're up, Baby Cakes."

Rin's nostrils flare at the sobriquet. "What did I tell you about using pet names with me?"

He throws his arms over the backs of her chair and Uo's, slouching down with a grin of triumph. "To only call you that when we're alone...just like I call you Bunny Butt as we-"

"Khaki," Rin cuts in, quickly dispersing anything he could say that would make her blush. She'd be damned if she let anyone else know that she was capable of such a thing. "Go, brat."

"Lemon," chirps Momiji.

"Meringue," Yuki adds, smoothly.

"Nectarine?" Tohru squeaks.

"Orange," Kyo says, smirking at getting another easy one.

"Periwinkle," I offer, breathing a sigh of relief as I'm saved once more.

"No way," Uo growls, snatching up the bottle and pouring herself a shot. "Of freaking course I get a stupid letter. Who's dumb idea was this anyway?"

"The birthday girl's," Hana volunteers, studying her black nail polish. "She has the right to decide as it is her day, after all."

"Whatever," Uo says, scowling. "I hate losing. Even it means I get to drink."

"Serves you right, Yankee," Kyo not-so helpfully points out, purposefully twisting the knife further.

She turns angry eyes on him, raising a finger that points at him like a gun. "Shut your trap. Now. I'd like to see you keep that stupid smirk of yours when you get a hard one."

"This probably is rigged to work out in his favor," adds Haru, his eyes narrowing conspiratorially. "Green and orange. What is that?"

"Guys, can we just play? Let's do one more so we can have Gina blow out her candles," Momiji pleads, sticking his lip out and giving puppy eyes. "We're supposed to be having fun, remember?"

With a collectively defeated sigh, the game is revived for one final go.

"Red," Haru says, dryly.

"Scarlet," Rin drawls.

"Teal."

"Ultramine."

"Violet."

Kyo's lips twist into a grimace, and it becomes clear to everyone that he's completely stumped. And it makes me feel so bad that I'm tempted to throw him a line. There's a simple one, but the pressure of him copping out with the basic must have caused it to elude him.

But I can't even suggest White or anything else before Uo seizes upon him.

"Sucks for you, Orangetop." Showing no mercy, she fills not one cup - but two - up to the point of overflowing and cackles manically when he bristles. "You get to drink two since this is the last round. Enjoy."

"No way in he-"

"-don't tell me you're a pussy, Kyo," Haru mocks, feigning innocence with the tilt of his head. "I guess it makes sense with you being the kitten that you are."

"Shut up, idiot," Kyo snaps, downing both in quick succession and schooling his features to not express the effect of liquid fire in order to save face. "There. Happy?"

"Very," Uo says, getting to her feet. "Now...who's ready for some cake?"

...

After I've already blown out my two purple numbered candles to the tune of "Happy Birthday," we all spend the rest of the party dancing and playing other games, tipsy as the night is young. We went through three bottles as a group, and by one in the morning, Kyo and I were the only ones left standing. Considering everyone else went home. We both lie in bed wrapped up in one another as the alcohol and exhaustion of the day's events call me to sleep. But I hang on long enough to hear Kyo's drowsy, but honest words.

"Your first birthday with me wasn't a happy memory. I kept my distance and left you in the cold, and that was something I'll always regret. You deserve more than that. You deserve 'fanfare' and chocolate cake with frosting, and people around you that actually treat you right. So, I arranged for a whole day dedicated to making you feel like how you deserve...you're my Queen, Gina. I know it makes me sound so stupid and whipped. But that all sounds like a bunch of lame excuses for guys to not appreciate and love their woman. But I think it makes me more of a man to actually tell you that I love you, because it is the scary thing to do." He punctuates this with a kiss to my brow, his lips lifting into smile. "And just like in our vows...I want to always cherish you, G. You _are_ everything I got. And I could never see myself not beside you, again. Happy birthday."

I toy with the cat necklace he gave me tonight, not even minding that I'm tearing up at the parallel to my eighteenth birthday. How far I've come in his eyes, taking up permanent residence in his heart, and him in mine. And its with his words that I fall for him a second time.

"Thank you."

* * *

**Puppy Problems**

I'm lying in bed with a magazine, reading up on the latest trends for something mind numbing, when Seika pounces on me. And I let out an 'oomph.'

"Mama! Mama! I wanna get a doggy."

I set the magazine aside, brushing my hand over his dark locks. "I was starting to wonder. You haven't brought it up since Mommy's Day a month ago."

He giggles, rolling onto his back so that he looks at me upside down. "I waited a _long_ time."

"Yes, you did," I agree, tickling him and making him wriggle as he falls into a fit of laughter. "And...I suppose you're big enough to get one. As long as you promise to take care of it."

He nods eagerly, flipping back over so that he can make his way up my body and snuggle. "I will, mama." He gives me a long smooch on my chin, before pressing closer to my body heat. "I prom-prom..." he scrunches his face, trying to sound it out. "I prom-

"-mise," I supply. "Promise."

"Yeah," he affirms, yawning.

"Ok." I pat him on the back, sitting up after ensuring he's secure to me. "After nap time, you and dad and 'Nari can go to the puppy store."

"Mama too?"

I smile, carting him off towards the room he shared with his brother.

"Yeah, mama will be there."

...

A few hours later, we arrive at an an animal shelter, filled with dogs that didn't get placed in the pound when picked up by dog catchers. All narrowly saved from the fate of being put down.

Seika's tiny hand is enveloped in mine, his other occupied by his thumb in his mouth. It was a habit I'd yet to get him to quit. Just like Tsunari and the fact he tugged on his ears when he wasn't walking around on his toes, the result of his flat feet. Kyo walks beside Seika with Tsunari on his other side, his hand tucked into his daddy's pocket to keep him close.

We take in the sights of all kinds of breeds - retrievers, poodles, basset hounds, and pugs. But what truly seemed to catch Seika's eye was the Scottie, a black terrier that was moving about her hold without a care.

"I want that one!" He bubbles, bouncing up and down. "It looks like car - carpet."

I take him over to the dog, its eyes shielded by tufts of black fur, its body small and very similar to a carpet the shade of licorice. I'd done my fair share of research on various types. And I knew Scottish Terriers were feisty, loyal, protective beings. And if my son wanted one...why would I deny him that?

Plus...I always had a soft spot for them, myself.

"Can I pet her?" He questions, tugging on my hand. "She looks friendie."

"Please, uh-" a woman hustles over, her heels clacking angrily on the tile floors. "We don't touch animals unless we are buying them. Especially not Darlia."

"Okay, if we buy her..."

"Then you may, yes. But you seem to have young children. And I wouldn't recommend this dog for them."

"Why not?" Kyo pipes up.

The woman turns to acknowledge the new voice, her hazel eyes becoming moons as she smooths her hands over her blonde flyways. "Because...um, nothing against you. But she has some violent tendencies due to mistreatment from her last owner. I would say a pug would better serve you. And your family, of course."

I didn't like this woman, one bit. The way she was looking at Kyo like she'd eat him alive.

"But aren't they prone to breathing problems?" I pose, earning her reluctant attention. "Pugs are genetically created, susceptible to struggling in the heat, and they have a hard time breathing."

"Well," she drawls, folding her arms. "Aren't you the animal expert? By all means, do tell me how much you really do know about the pug we have here. Did you know he was kept by a veteran of our armed forces until they passed away six months ago? Or about the fact that same pug was around their neighbor's grandchildren with no complaints about his reactions to this alleged Tokyo heat you are so concerned with."

I breathe in to not roll my eyes or exhibit my disgust in front of my children, knowing that its 'monkey see, monkey do' in any given situation. Instead, I choke back my dignity.

"No. No, I don't know."

"Exactly," the woman sneers, reverting her gaze back to Kyo, practically screwing him with a look. "What about you, handsome? Are you interested in the pug?"

Seika whimpers, releasing my hand to grab his dad by the waist, gaining his attention. "Daddy, I want the other doggy. The car - carpet."

"You heard him," Kyo says, his sienna fixated on her hazel. "We'll take Darlia."

"But, sir-"

"We'll take the Scottie," I add, barely keeping back my smug expression. "That'll be all."

She gasps, looking between Kyo and I. "Who are you to dismiss me? I run this establishment. A subject does not dismiss a Queen. Don't think for a second I'll hesitate to throw you out quicker than you can say 'sorry.'"

I scoff. "Then we can always find another place to go, just as easily. You're not only highly unprofessional and lacking in morals, judging by the way you're hitting on my husband. But, you're also not psychologically stable if you're this territorial over this building. Its a sign of a power trip waiting to happen. So..." I take a few steps forward, getting right in her face. "I can report you to the better business bureau for unfair treatment over some shameless vendetta you seem to hold towards me. Especially when I have the leverage of a host of attorneys, and golden gloves from my boxing days. Or, you can simply get me my paperwork so we can leave with Darlia, and never see each other again. Do we understand each other?"

Kyo gives an impressed whistle, a smile dangling on the corner of his lips as the woman before me turned purple with irritation.

"I will set it up," she says in a clipped tone, rounding towards the front to stalk away.

"Smart answer," I call after her.

Kyo chuckles, crossing over to loop his arms around my waist and pull me against him. "You know..." he grazes his teeth along my earlobe, only pausing to whisper "...you taking charge like that was the one of the hottest things you've done. I like you intimidating."

I smile. "She was stepping in on what was mine. And she wasn't allowing us a say in whether we were willing to take on Darlia. There are ways to condition her, to help her heal. And I'm willing if she's what Seika really wants."

He kisses my cheek, my nose. "I love that you always try to fix what's broken...you just can't help yourself, can you?"

I'm about to respond when Seika speaks up first.

"Eww. That's yucky," he says. "Kissies have cooties."

Tsunari shakes his head. "'Ka, mothers and fathers kiss."

"Its still icky."

Kyo and I both laugh, the moment gone as quick as it came, moving towards the checkout to finalize the adoption.

* * *

**Father's Day**

"_So_," I drawl, hugging Kyo from behind as he brushes his teeth. "Tomorrow's a big day for you."

He shrugs, and I detach myself from him just so he can spit in the sink, running his toothbrush under the water.

"Its just a day. It doesn't mean anything."

My eyebrows draw together, and I step in between the sink and him once he's stuck his toothbrush back in its cup.

"Kyo, that was then. You're the one being appreciated. And this is your first official one where the twins are old enough to understand that."

He looks down at me, his features set in a grim fixture. "Its not like how it was with your day, Gina. You deserve all that. You're able to love them in ways I don't know how. I didn't always have Kazuma."

"And I didn't always have Satoshi," I refute, placing my hands on his hips. "Do you really see yourself that way? Incapable of loving your own children properly? Because I know for a fact that's bull."

He removes my hands from him, moving around me to dry his hands on the red towel. "I don't want to talk about this, anymore."

I grind my teeth, trying to push back my annoyance. "Goodnight, then."

Out of spite, I turn off the light when he's still in the bathroom, before climbing into bed and staging a coup. Holding the blanket hostage so that he couldn't get any.

He scoffs at this, tugging on the lamp cord to condemn us to pitch black. And much to my surprise - instead of grabbing pillows and sleeping on the couch - I feel the mattress dip as he lays beside me. Our breaths carry between the valley of our space. And it takes mere seconds for me to miss him, to feel lonely. It wasn't that I was mad at him, per se...just the way he saw himself. Because I thought he was starting to actually realize his worth instead of remaining blinded to it.

I guess that was nothing but a hope of mine.

I force my eyes to close and try to slow my breathing, hoping the melatonin of my body would kick in so I could get through this night. When I hear the rustling of the sheets, something grabbing for the comforter around me.

"No," I protest. "You can't have any."

"Wanna bet?" He challenges, flipping me over to his side with a sharp tug, taking me and the blanket all in one try.

I weakly attempt to slip out of his embrace, though I honestly don't put in much effort at all, succumbing to his warmth and touch. Immediately eradicating any feelings of loneliness that were there.

"I shouldn't have shut you out, like that." He gives a long sigh, his fingers stroking my hip bone. "I know we're both in this, and you were only trying to make me feel better."

I shake my head, looking up at him once my eyes adjust. "I was telling the truth. I meant it when I said that was nonsense. Because I've seen you and them together. I've heard the way they go on about 'playing with daddy' and them constantly asking when you were done with work. They're always eager to spend time with you."

"...maybe they don't know any better."

"Or maybe, they see more in you than you see in yourself. What's that analogy Tohru gave? About seeing the plum on someone's back." I poke him in the chest, ghosting my lips along his jawline. "They see your plum. Just like you see mine. They love us equally, just like we love them."

He leans into the touch of my lips, his smile lighting up the dark room. "You're incredible. And convincing...how am I supposed to argue with that?"

I throw my leg over his to move in closer, finding it far easier to get sleepy now that I'm near him. "Who says you have to? The wife always knows best."

He chuckles. "When its you, yeah. You do."

* * *

**Citrus Hero**

"Thank you for agreeing to spend the day with me," Gina's mom says, smiling in a way that I'd only ever seen on my wife. And somehow, it made me less nervous about what she thought of me.

I shrug. "You don't gotta thank me. I just don't get why we had to meet here..." I nod towards the chicks that sat in chairs as they got their nails done. The entire place smelling like an acetone toxic spill.

She lightly swats at me, before plucking a bottle of pink polish off a shelf. "There's nothing to be ashamed of. Real men are able to get pedicures without revoking their 'man card.'" She smiles, leading the way to one of the only two seats remaining, and she dips her feet into the bin in front of her. "My husband and I frequent this place every Sunday afternoon. Surely, you won't let him show you up. Gina tells me how you competitive you can be."

I snort. "Did she? You should see how she acts when she gets in a boxing ring."

She pauses at this, resting her head on the back of the seat. "I...actually never watched one of her fights. I can support her in everything else. Being a doctor, getting married young, living with you early...but I just don't have the stomach for that sort of thing."

I nod slowly. "It can get bloody at times. But, Gina has never lost a match. Any damage done is usually bruises and cuts on her opponent." I smile, proudly. "She's really one of the best I've ever seen."

"For a girl?"

"No...for anyone."

She nods with a warm smile of her own, seeming pleased with this fact. "You're really good for her. You know that I love you, very dearly. But what you don't know is why I approved of you in the first place." Her lips flatten into a frown. "You know that she was bullied, correct?"

"...yeah."

"I'm glad she told you. She...how should I put it? She wasn't a shy child, but she was pretty recluse most of her childhood. Never really having friends or dating. From elementary school to high school. And then, you came along. During her twelfth year of school." She shakes her head as if still not sure that it was all real or imagined. "I used to think that her dad and my divorce had ruined relationships for her. Of all kinds. And then with that boy that hurt her, I thought she'd never be able to open up. Or feel comfortable as herself."

"I had a little talk with him," I say, still a little angry over what he did to Gina. But not as much. "I was gonna straighten him out-"

"-when Gina stepped in, right?" She asks, flashing me a knowing smile. "She can make a falsely accused man with a heart of gold out of a hardened fugitive. She gravitates towards the most troubled people, then does what she can to help them get on the right path. It could be the doctor in her. But I think it runs much deeper than that."

That...actually makes a lot of sense. And it makes me wonder if that's what she saw in the old me. The one that vibrated and radiated with hatred for my very existence. Spending every second of life wanting to die than to be under lock and key for the rest of it.

"Like how?"

She shrugs, extending a thank you to the Vietnamese lady as she starts on her nails. "I think that it has to do with what happened with my ex-husband and I. She has never gotten over the divorce. Even though she's started to see Satoshi as her father, and absolutely adores him...she is still so heartbroken. She just wants to go out and remedy all the hurt in the world. And to save people from themselves." Her eyes grow wistful, her mouth set in a sorrowful line. "One might call it a hero complex. I just see it as someone that's never healed, and internalizes it."

I sit back in awe or shock...the heck if I know.

I just can't help it as everything seems to just fall into place, lining up with everything we've gone through together. How she didn't react to anything I told her with disgust or confusion. Like everybody else did. But she just somehow...got me. She understood me in a way no one else ever could. And it made me want her for more than just what she could do to me, or how she looked.

Her girly laugh, and fancy handwriting, and feisty side made me hurt when I didn't have her. Like holding air, unable to do more than just have it slip through your fingers, with the ghost of a sensation that's untouchable.

Even when they want to start on me, and I change my mind, fighting to escape...my thoughts are overruled by something else the entire time.

Gina.

And now, it made me curious about how she felt.

If she needed _me _to save her now.

To be the hero I never thought I could be.

But I'm deciding right here and now...they'd have to take my life to keep me from being that person to her. And even then, to my last breath, I'd spit in the face of death out of spite.

If it meant being there for her, one last time.

* * *

**Wake Up And Smell The Coffee**

"Daddy! Mama!" Seika squeals, he and Tsunari making it a joint effort to shake us awake. "Its time to open presents!"

I run my hands down my face, cracking an eye open at a blurry silhouette for how early it is. "Seika..."

"Why don't you go wake Grandma or something?" Kyo grumbles, rolling back onto his side and curling his arm around my frame. "That way we can sleep longer."

"No! Bad daddy!" Seika protests, lightly smacking him on the shoulder. "You gotta get up, too."

"I want to see if I got a rocket," Tsunari adds, boosting himself up with his thin legs, squeezing between us. I laugh at this, inevitably attacked by Seika's body weight as he latches onto the idea, wrapping himself around me.

It takes a minute - maybe two, tops - before Kyo caves, sighing all the way.

"Fine, ya brats," Kyo says, his tone contrastingly gentle as it always was with them. "Go press the on button for the dirt pot, and we'll meet you downstairs."

They both babble in glee. Tsunari the most excited he's been about something technically not brain-stimulating, following Seika with their hands linked to start the coffee. What they first assumed was soil - or 'dirt - because of the grounds.

My mouth opens wide in a yawn. And I prepare to sit up when he tightens his hold, molding the fullness of his body to me.

"A few more minutes," he asks, sleepily.

I giggle, angling my head back to peer up at him. "You literally want to wake up and smell the coffee?"

"Mm. Yeah...sure."

I fail to push back another smile, my hands resting on his arm as I close my eyes. "Fine. Three more minutes. I'm sure the boys will jump us again we don't."

* * *

**Spring Cleaning**

"Phew," I expel a breath, fanning myself. "Its hot in-"

Kyo straightens, his entire body coming erect in his stance, giving me an eyeful of a toned body glistening with sweat. Sending my thoughts racing through a vortex of what I could do to him to make him just as hot.

"-here." I gnaw my lower lip, knowing the forecast of sexual clouds are up ahead, but not really fighting it. I cant my head to the side as he - oblivious to my racy thoughts - crouches down to sweep a pile of trash into the blue dustpan. His biceps flex with the movement, paired with the muscles in his back that shift as his sweats ride lower so that the dip in his waist band stops clinging to his tan skin.

"Babe, you missed a spot."

He grunts to confirm he heard me, unknowingly feeding into the exact thing I wanted.

The Kyo show, where he was hot, wet, and shirtless for my viewing pleasure. And he had no idea I was getting turned on by watching him sweep crumbs into a dustpan.

My eyes droop a little, under the weight of lust as I remember two nights ago. The way he slipped his hand beneath my skirt at this dinner table. How he stroked my thigh with strong, agile fingers that know how to go deeper than they boast. How they knew just how to touch on me to get me off. And the way they teased me into holding my breath as they inched closer. And closer. And closer...

To the part of me only he knew his way around. The private party that only he was invited to. And I'd be lying big time if I said I didn't want him now. Looking at me. Inside me. All over me.

Feeling his hips kiss mine as his tongue wrapped itself around mine, sending a burst of his cinnamon fire into my mouth.

I inhale a little too sharply, causing him to jump from where he's dumping everything into the trash can. Whipping his head around to take me in with those beautiful, entrancing sienna eyes.

"Gina?"

I shake my head, shamelessly uncrossing my legs, and beckoning him over with a finger.

"Come," I purr, my tone masked by the sultry one I wore whenever the Kitty act came on. Only this time...it was all me.

He lets the pan drop as recognition and heat flare in his eyes. And he strides over, his gaze never leaving mine, even when he drops to his knees in front of me. And I run my hand through his hair.

"You need me?" He asks, just a fraction breathless so that I know he's not really asking. He's working me up. Teasing. He eyes my mouth, and I rub my lips together, wishing I'd remembered his favorite lip gloss. Creamy Orange. His palms slide over my thighs, and I dare my body to stay still.

"Am I wrong, Gina? Because I felt you staring at me the entire time. I was waiting for you to tell me you wanted it and to take it."

He leans into me, his own lips roaming over my neck, and I let my eyes roll back as he nips me. Right in the spot he'd always got me to moan for him. To arch my back, and to exhale in bliss that no other man could bring me to.

"You thinking about the other night?" He says, his voice lower and darker as his hand moves to my hip. "About how loud you got...how you never screamed like that, until that night." He takes my skin between his teeth and bites me with just the right pressure. And I gasp against my will.

His hand gradually makes its way up my leg until its between the material of my shorts and my thigh. His mouth making history in its journey down my collarbone to other places. Places that weren't talked about to just anyone. And I barely hear what he says over the sound of my breathing and heavily beating heart.

"You liked all the nasty things I said in your ear as I pushed into you. Over." Bite. "And over." Lick. "And over." A moan. "And over, again." He smirks when I push him back slightly, practically tearing my t-shirt off and sliding forward in my dining chair. Wanting and needing us to touch, there. Now. "You want me to make you lose your mind, again. Don't you, G?" He taunts, the faintest sensation of his fingertips ghosting over my inner thigh.

"Yes, Kyo."

"Are you sure?"

He presses against me, and it takes everything in me to stifle myself when the heat between us, and the pain of desire overwhelm me. I nod my head, barely keeping my eyes open.

"If you don't take off my clothes and stop torturing me, I'll lose it. So, yes. I'm sure I want you to get naked with me and do anything in your wildest imagination." My cheeks warm, burning when his eyes scroll over my chest and my abdomen without any shame or discretion. "Will you do me on this table? Right now. Or are you scared we'll break it?"

He blows out a breath at my flirtatious word foreplay, bringing his lips against mine as he yanks my shorts down - and the sheer purple number with it - and slips them down my ankles. I gift him with the moan I was holding back in our kiss, my fingers deftly running along the ridges of his abs, down towards the famous male 'V' outline. The one that aimed like an arrow to what was mine, and only mine.

He drags his tongue along mine to the same pacing of his hips, creating friction between us that makes my legs turn liquid from my front row seat to him. I wrap my legs around his, pulling him closer and setting a faster tempo. For a moment I'd remember. A new one to replace two nights ago's.

"I want," I pant, turning my head as his kissed up lips find their way back to my skin, "You to give it to me right here. But I want you touching me the whole time." I demonstrate by throwing my arms around his neck, flattening my back to the cold table, creating pleasant chills and zings of sensation in those unspoken places. "I don't want to stay empty...I need you, Kyo. But I want you to beg for me this time." I kiss his nose, his chin. "Plead for the right to taste me. And to let me try for myself. Tell me that you want me, and need me around you. How you are so _desperate _to be in me." I look him right in the eyes. "Tell me."

"I want you," he groans, his thumb dancing down my torso, his lips anywhere they crave me. "And I really need to be in you. Deep. Now."

"Now?" I breathe, watching as he kicks off his boxers and hovers over me.

I glance down, my cheeks still failing to not turn rosy at how...impressive he is. To not marvel at how he managed to connect with me, and for ecstasy to always override discomfort. But he was drop-dead sexy, and when we were together, skin-to-skin, I felt safest.

At my most comfortable.

He gives me one long kiss, pulling away just enough to whisper to me that he couldn't wait anymore. That he was hurting for me as much as I did for him. And we both wanted the aching to stop, and the sexual tension to mount.

I trail my hands down his back, encouraging him to move against me with a smile. And that's all it takes before he pushes into me and our voices bounce off the walls, and the table's surface. We start off slow, building up in a crescendo of gasps and grunts and moans. And we get frenzied, messy, frantic. We move at insane speed, a rhythm an expert drummer couldn't carry a beat to. And I feel everything in me coiling, heat searing my belly, his chest on mine and his tongue in my mouth. And its a dynamic like no other as the table beneath us rocks with the motions, though I forget where we are in the moment. And all I know are the sounds, sights, smells, and feelings of him in the middle of our kitchen. And when he brings me to orgasm, following after, we both stop. Worn out from cleaning and sexing. And I faintly register the stinging red nail marks on my hips and his back, and the hickeys decorating my neck, and the unbroken connection of our bodies.

But its the intimate fun I adore about us. What healed us in the same instance it broke us. What became an exciting tradition that only stayed the same in name only.

It was what made us, us.

* * *

**History Repeating Itself**

I hum the song blasting from Kyo's phone under my breath, filling out the last half of my paperwork for the night. It was a testament to how much I meant to Kyo, with how wary he was of others, sharing his pass-code with me. Despite some of his most private, personal thoughts recorded in the note section of his device that he'd only recently let me in on. If that wasn't enough, his pass-code was actually my birthday with a GK at the end. Both of our initials.

I smile warmly at this fact, having to use it any time my phone had exhausted its backup battery, and I wanted to listen to music to expedite menial tasks like paperwork.

"_Loving you is really all that's on my mind__..._" I sing, redacting a few things that were no longer open to the public, and jotting down a few notes in the margins. I'm so occupied in doing so that I don't even notice Kyo having left the shower, his arms wrapping around me from his standing position in the living room. I finish scribbling one last tidbit, tilting my head until we're lips to lips, and I grin.

"Hey, hottie. You should have asked me to join you." I kiss him again, breathing in cinnamon, soap, and aftershave. "I like it better when you wash my hair for me."

He rolls his eyes, though a crooked smile tugs at his lips. "You're just lazy, G. What would you do if I wasn't here?"

I shrug. "Go around with raggedy, oily, smelly hair."

"Sounds sexy."

"Right?" I say, nodding enthusiastically. "As sexy as I can get while busy with the influx of pregnant ladies at the hospital. What is this? The baby boom?"

He chuckles at this, resting his chin atop my head as I pick up my pen again. "I don't really care about trends, usually. But..."

"Not gonna happen," I sing, to keep the mood light, looking over the next page at a glance. "I can't go through that again, especially with how low the odds are. Even though I love nothing and no one more than Tsunari and Seika."

"Hey!"

"Yeah?" I prod, raising an eyebrow daringly. "You say something?"

"...never mind."

I toss my hair triumphantly, preparing to go back to work when the front door closes with a slam.

We both swivel around in unison, Tsunari making a break for his room upstairs and closing the door, though Seika storms in with his sienna eyes burning with a vengeance.

"Seika? What's-"

"Some big stupid punched brother," he growls, a temper rivaling Kyo's, but so out of place on such a sweet face.

At this exact moment, my world feels like its finally ended. Or maybe, there really is an edge to the earth, and I've just stumbled over it at a momentum that won't stop.

"What?" I croak, jumping to my feet, though my knees threaten to knock together as anger and nerves arrive. "What happened?"

Seika huffs, practically tearing his backpack off and dumping it on the floor. "Some idiot gave him a black eye, and made fun of him. He said dumb things about how much of a nerd he was, and knocked his books out of his hands." His face only grows more red as he recounts it. "So when he did that, I stepped in and shoved him before he could keep hurting 'Nari."

My heart leaps, then stutters. Beats, then murmurs. I feel torn between consoling my son and running away to my room, or punching something. Maybe a combination of all three. Because, this couldn't actually be a thing. There's not a chance that my _baby_ was being bullied like I was.

"Go upstairs and make sure your brother is okay, we'll be up in a minute," Kyo says, nodding his head for Seika.

He sighs, stomping his way up as his fists remain balled up. If it weren't a situation that actually called for it, I would be applauding how protective he is of his twin.

Two hands that have gotten to know every last inch of me, and I them, land on my shoulders. And with a squeeze, I look up, and into concerned depths.

"You okay? I can handle this if its too much for you."

I shake my head. "Its fine...I'm fine, I can do this." I straighten my spine and command my legs to stop shaking. "I have to. That's our son. And he's hurt. Oh gosh...Kyo, our baby boy got hurt, today," I say, my voice breaking to the tune of my heart doing the same dance.

"I know." His fingers press into me a fraction more. "It makes me want to go to the kid's house, and deal with him personally. But...I can't. There is another way to fix this."

"How?" I demand, desperate. "What else is there?"

He pecks me on the nose, his hands moving to the small of my back. "The same way we dealt with the guy that hurt you. We gotta love Tsunari through whatever pain he's feeling, and discuss the problem with the moron's parents."

"Okay..." I agree, begrudgingly. "But we shouldn't call him names. Or it'll only cause more trouble."

Kyo's smile has never faded faster. "...fine...but I ain't talking to him. I might blow a fuse and end up doing time or something."

I snort at this, making my way into the kitchen to grab a bag of frozen peas. An age old remedy for shiners and inflammation of all kinds. "I'll dictate it, then. You can just be there to support me in case I need it."

"What are we waiting for, then? Let's go deal with this." He slams his fist into his palm. "If any of us go down, we go down fighting."

I mock roll my eyes, starting the ascent to the twins' room, with Kyo not far behind. "You're such a drama queen."

He growls under his breath, playfully running up closely behind me and making me yelp, double-timing up the stairs faster than my lungs are used to.

"And then you go and try to kill me, like some twisted version of Macbeth." I place my hand over my galloping heart, still trying to catch my breath. "There's no need for that. You're already a Queen all on your own."

He reaches out as if to tickle me, almost catching me by the waist as we stumble into the boys' room, causing them to jump in surprise.

"Mom! Dad!" Seika groans, planting his hands on his hips. "Are you trying to give us a heart attack? That's _not _cool."

Kyo and I exchange an amused look. But to my credit, I manage to swallow my laughter. "You're right, sweetie. That was really insensitive of us. We'll remember to knock the next time."

He throws up his hands, flopping on his bed with dramatics worthy of an Oscar. "That's all I ask."

I sit beside Tsunari, followed suit by Kyo pulling up the rolling desk chair he sits in backwards, arms folded over the top of it. I gingerly press the bag of frozen peas to his swollen eye, my heart breaking when he winces, taking over to hold it up for himself.

"Seika gave us his version of the story. But, are _you _alright?" I bring him close to me in a one-arm embrace, his head resting directly over my heart. "I know how it can make you feel. Like you're inferior and that your worth is zero. They make you feel ashamed for who you are, like they have a say in who you become. Authority to put you down for your gifts, whether it be your IQ or your artistic abilities. So I'm asking how badly it hurts."

He physically wilts, his other hand fidgeting. "A lot. But mom, I didn't do anything. I was studying hard because I know that's what you and dad want for me." He ducks his head. "I didn't know I'd end up thrashed for my trouble."

I massage my temples, fed up that people were like this. Annoyed that someone got to my child in the same way they got to me, for the same reason.

Its Kyo that sees this, choosing to steer the conversation. "Don't let those fools stop you from achieving things. You stand up to them or you ignore them. There is no in between of cowering or quitting. That's not how we taught you to handle hardships."

"Your dad's right," I admit, waiting for Tsunari to look at me before continuing. "I know its absolutely terrifying. And it feels easier to run from someone that makes you feel bad. But if you let them scare you off, they'll do it to someone else. Its up to you as to whether it stops with you, or continues when they get bored of having you as moving target."

He pauses, contemplation crossing his features as he takes his time with what we've said. And when he faces me again, his request is all it takes for the remains of my heart to splinter.

"Will you kiss it better?" He removes the frozen bag, tilting his head up. "Please? It always seems to make 'Ka feel better. I want that, too..."

I nod silently, taking his cheeks in my hands to bring my lips to his bruise. And I give him a long kiss, light enough to not hurt him more as he cries. I hold him to me and rock him like I would in the rare moments he was upset as a baby, praying that it would all go away. That everything would start making sense.

It helps when Seika and Kyo join in the embrace, all of us just trying to get through this together.

As a family.

...

I lean forward from where I sit on our bed, cross-legged, letting my head drop to my place on his shoulder. And its as if I'm taken back to one of our Friday nights. Where I complain to him about how much life sucks under a body of stars that cover us both in their glittering light.

"I foolishly believed the cycle of violence towards people like me would have _stopped _with me." I shake my head. "How could a so-called genius think something that stupid?"

He rubs circles into my back. "You hoped it would. No one can fault you for something a messed up person did to Tsunari. Or you. And If I know you like I think I know you..." he grabs me by the shoulders, pulling me slightly away from his body. "Then you're beating yourself up over what happened. But if things were different, and the cat spirit had been passed on to one of them, you would tell me what I'm gonna tell you. That I'm not in control of what gets passed on to them. And guess what? Neither are you."

"You're correct about that. But, it doesn't help me feel better about it. For lack of a better word...it sucks."

He snorts a laugh, drawing me into an embrace and laying back with me on top of him. His hand sweeping the curtain of my hair from my face so that he can look me clearly in the eyes. "It really does. You sure I can't go kick this kid around a time or two? Is it really _that _illegal?"

"Yes," I say, fighting my smile. "But it doesn't make you any less of a father because you can't do that. He knows that you love him, even though we can only report it and try to talk to the parents. He gets it."

"I could say the same about you." He tilts his head, a smirk tugging on his lips. "It doesn't mean you aren't a good mother. I like to think they see that."

I sigh in defeat, pinching his nose in retaliation for him using my own words against me.

"Ow."

"That's what you get for being right, Kitty-Kat."

He shakes his head, smiling that cocky smile of his. "Nice try, Kitty. But you're not getting a rise out of me. You get points for effort, though."

"That does it," I say, reaching around for the nearest pillow and smacking him with it.

"Yeesh, will you stop it already?" He rubs his head, narrowing his eyes. "So violent. Remind me to not let you make breakfast tomorrow. You'd probably sneak rat poison."

I grin deviously. "Wouldn't be the first time."

Before he can ask me to elaborate on that, I spring off of him and race into the bathroom. Trying and failing to not laugh when he chases after me and captures me in his arms, twirling me around as we laugh ourselves hoarse.

And that's all it takes for my world to shift back on its axis, where everything was right again.

* * *

**Act The Part**

The moment Kyo steps into our room, I smile. I allow my hands to drop at my sides as he drinks me in like I'm his beer and he can't wait to put his lips on me. I run my teeth over my bottom lip, delicately seating myself at the end of the bed, not bothering to cross my legs this time.

"Are you here for your appointment?"

His eyebrows furrow, though his gaze rakes over my partially unbuttoned doctor's coat, to the smooth skin of my legs, slightly spread.

"Huh?"

I laugh a little at this, running my hands down my thighs so that his eyes follow, and I feel victoriously naughty when he swallows.

"I figured you'd have an appointment if you wanted to be my patient. Unless...you're one of my walk-ins..."

He drops his duffel, gradually approaching me while covered in the sheen from the class he just taught. His sexily sculpted body only concealed by the martial arts uniform over it.

He stops right in front of me, tipping his head downward to meet my gaze. "I don't understand."

I grab my ophthalmoscope from behind me, rising up into a kneeling position on our bed as my hand comes to cup his chin. "Let me have a look at you."

Before he can even think of a response, I shine the light in one eye. Then the next. Noting how much larger and darker they seem as they never leave me. I flick the switch off with a bit of satisfaction kindling in me.

"Your pupils appear to be dilated. And you know what that tells me?"

He cants his head, his hands moving to my hips. "What?"

I lean into him so that he breathes my perfume and natural scent, brushing my lips along his jawline until his eyes flutter closed.

"That means..." I kiss him there, hungrily. "That you're turned on." I nip at the point his jaw meets his neck, and am rewarded with a growl that made me hot every time. "And now, its only fair that I check your pulse. After all-" I pull back a little, my fingers finding the pulse point of his neck. "-Being a martial arts instructor probably gets your heart all worked up. I, on the other hand...want to get you ready to bang me."

"Gina," he exhales, his voice thick with lust as his pulse rages through his veins. "You weren't kidding about being my doctor, were you?"

I grin. "You remember..." I set my scope aside, my hands retreating to the material that separates my skin from his, making my way down to the expertly tied black belt. And I give it a tug just as I kiss him and pull on his lip with my teeth, earning a moan that reverberates in me.

"What do you want to check, now?" He questions, darkly as his hands grab my backside.

"I'm into this," I say, tracing his belt with my thumbs. "I want to see how to make it come..." I purr the last word, right on his lips, "...undone. But eventually, I want to see if you still feel me the same. That you still want me as badly..."

He nods eagerly. His hands about to make quick work of stripping, when I stop him, clicking my tongue.

"Not so fast...I'm your doctor. I need to do this."

He trades the grip on his belt to run through my brunette tresses, his eyes falling shut as I remove it at a tortuously slow pace. And we both share sighs of relief when its on the floor, and I'm able to freely hook my thumbs in his waistband.

Only, he would see it coming.

And I didn't want that.

Out of the blue, I lift the top half of his uniform, kissing down his torso to his abs and reveling in the salty taste on my tongue - that tastes like another place - as he moans in surprise. Directing me closer with his hands behind my head. I lick one of the ridges, my tongue dancing along its outline like I would his shoulders. And I have to remind myself why I'm not yanking his pants down and taking him right now.

Its because this was a game...and I'm the boss, this time.

My mouth closes over the skin just above his pants, and he trembles beneath my lips, and their feathery sensation. With teasing on my mind, I withdraw from where he wants me, until I'm staring him in his sienna eyes. And I know he's already too far gone.

"You want to go hot and heavy. Don't you, sexy?"

He bobs his head, his lips slightly parted as if unable to contain his thirst. "More than anything."

"Hmm..." I tap my chin, feeling every bit the seductress that came out in our bedroom. Around him. "I think I need to take your temperature first. Its really unfortunate I forgot my thermometer."

"So what does that mean?"

I shrug. And in a matter of seconds, I've slipped his dobok off his tan shoulders, revealing the naked upper half of his body to me. "It means I have to improvise."

Before he can say anything, I've yanked his hips forward so that they touch mine, as I kiss a feverish trail along the hollow of his neck, towards his shoulder. And he groans to the rhythm, his strong hands slipping beneath my coat to meet bare flesh. And he takes in a quick breath of shock.

"Oh, you didn't know?" I ask, slyly. "There's nothing under this coat but me. And I'm all yours, babe."

His breaths quicken, and he tenses like an animal about to pounce. But I shake my head.

"Tonight's my night. I'm just deciding what I want to do with you. Maybe...I should tie you to the bed posts with my bra and move on top of you." I smirk, grazing my teeth over his earlobe before whispering another fantasy in his ear. "Or maybe, I should lean over the desk and have you do me until your legs give out. Or..."

My name passes his clenched teeth, his hands moving between my legs to tend to me. And I can't help but bite back a sound of my own.

"N-Not yet."

"I need to touch you," he says, and I shudder as his fingers make me chase after my breath. "I need to know how badly you want me inside..."

My eyes squeeze shut as I surrender control for just a moment of pleasure. One that he was offering me on a doable, naked platter.

He manages to tear a gasp from me, and its then that I reverse our roles, pushing him on the bed and moving to sit on his lap. I roll my hips and he throws his head back, letting go of a moan he was withholding, as his nails sink into my thighs.

"I'm almost done with the check up, but there's a few things I need to observe."

"Like?" He whispers, his hazy and cloudy eyes gravitating towards me when they reopen.

"Like how you react when I do this," I say, lifting up just so I can yank his pants down to his knees, and this time I brush against him without anything between.

"Oh, Gina-" his hands fly to the sheets to grip them, and I arch my back to get him in the right place.

"I...I need more time. So this won't- so it won't end so fast," he gets out, though he helplessly thrusts so that we touch again, and we both fill the room with our sounds.

"My diagnosis is that you want me like mad." I can't help but bubble over in laughter. "Am I wrong?"

"No," he groans, pushing up against me again, and I can barely keep from positioning myself over him to let him fill me. "I want to bang you like crazy."

That's when I can't take it anymore. Both of us too impatient for own good.

I pop open my doctor's coat, not bothering to manually undo each button, before stripping it off and throwing it somewhere in the room. His breath becomes pants as I lay my naked chest over his, and I try to not cry out as I move our bodies together in slow motions. His hands return to my hips to make me go faster, and we both call for each other as the friction becomes fire sizzling between the point we almost joined, and the maddening sensation of our chests. He nuzzles my neck, periodically picking his hips up as we breathe harder.

"You want to try something else, Kitty?" He growls, biting me to the point I see colors flash across my vision.

"Yeah," I breathe, forcibly having to sit up so that I can pull myself away from the magnet of his body. "Let me get a condom."

"Be quick," he practically begs, his fingers twitching for something to feel as I rummage through our closet for what my brain concocted.

When I get back, I ask him to sit up on the bed cross-legged, before I get back on top of him. Directing his arms around my waist as I sink down on him with no introduction. We both sigh in relief and pleasure and excitement. And I waste no time capturing his lips with my own. Missing the feel and taste of them for way too long.

He slips his tongue into the heat of my mouth, kissing me deeply as he slowly rocks his hips. And everything feels soft and intense, patient and desperate as we move together. And its something so powerfully intense that I don't want it to ever end.

But it isn't long before he wants to dominate, that he flips us around so that I'm in missionary as he slows our pace to a snail's crawl.

"Am I going too fast?" He taunts.

"Not fast enough," I say, loving and hating that he's in charge, now. "Go deeper, please."

"Say that again."

I'm tempted to scowl, when he gives me a rewarding push, and I'm quick to spit out, "Go deeper, _please_."

He decides to grant my request, increasing his thrusts until I'm blazing with his kerosene. "I want to finish in you, G."

"Yes. Yes. Yes." I say, over and over again. Each one louder than the last. "This is all I can take-"

I ride out the feeling as long as I can hold onto it, the release something I couldn't dare stand up to. I press my cheek into the sheets as I'm hurtled into the throes of loud bliss, sobbing at how incredible and wild and reckless his loving feels.

And when it concludes, he nearly lands on top of me, barely holding up his weight with his forearms beside me. Even as he still calms from the high, he tucks a strand of my hair behind my ear, giving me a long kiss to my flushed cheek as we remain connected.

I laugh, relaxed and overjoyed over what this night became.

"This is one of the most fun nights of my life," I pant, giggling through it all.

"Same here..." he gives me a lopsided grin, a cross between a smile and a smirk. "I love you."

I lean back into him, as he nuzzles me. "I love you, too.

And with that, we don't bother cleaning up. Our bodies too weary, our legs too wobbly. Instead, he sends the room into the dark with the light switch, and he climbs into bed beside me. Getting under the covers with me. Our clothes are still strewn in random places, but I can't find it in me to care when we become skin-to-skin, the heat of his body pouring onto me like honey love. And I close my eyes as he tucks my head under his chin, our legs tangled together, and his arms locked around me in a protective embrace.

And it truly marks this as one of the best nights in the world. He is my Aurora Borealis. Vibrant. Mystical. Rare. Indescribable. And untouchable.

For anyone but me.

* * *

**Stupid Cupid**

I arrive at home after working on my feet for fifteen hours with a woman in labor. My back aches and I want nothing more than to settle into a hot bath when I notice Tsunari at the table. His form hunched as he cuts some pink and red card stock into the shape of a heart, addressed to someone in white marker. I try to inconspicuously steal a glance when he notices, abruptly turning away with the card held protectively to his chest.

"Mom, I'm entitled to privacy in matters of the heart, aren't I? When discussing logistics and ethics...I am an open book. But this is more than just formulas and algorithms. Its hard."

I hold my hands up, keeping them where he can see them as I take the seat adjacent to him. "You're right, I apologize. I just think its cute. That's all."

"Mom," he groans, pinching the bridge of his nose. "That's highly emasculating!"

I shake my head, trying to choke back a laugh. "You are your father's son. That much is certain." I nudge his shoulder. "So, you don't need my help? Like on what a girl might want for Valentine's Day. Or how to completely woo her. You're sure?"

He pauses, chewing his lip in thought. Something that struck me as familiar. But with a few moments more, he brightens a bit, setting his card down so we can both see.

"Well...science is only as good as the majority ruling. I doubt this is any different. I'd like to test my hypothesis of Kaichi's reaction by fielding it with you first. If you don't mind-"

"Yes!" I squeal, reaching over and squeezing him in the tightest of hugs. "I would love to. I seriously thought you would never ask."

He waits patiently until I get my gushing out of my system before I sober up, regaining my focus towards the task at hand. I calmly clear my throat, gesturing for him to bring something to me.

"Let me see it. I'll be honest from start to finish and give you the toughest critique, okay? Completely unbiased theory based on what has been presented."

"That's...fair. Okay, what is your take on my card? Is it the wrong shade of red or pink?"

I snort. "No, honey. My one complaint is that you need to elaborate far more than you have here."

"It is not enough?"

"You only wrote Happy February 14th. Why not personalize it and say something like...'even though pain scares me, I don't mind these feelings for you. I'd like you to be my Valentine, baby. Because cupid hit me hard when I first saw you.' Its corny, but its plausible."

He taps his pencil against the surface, his eyebrows bumping together in befuddlement. "But, Valentine is actually a person. And Cupid is no more than a mythical creature depicted with wings."

I suppose I have to fight logic with logic in order to get through to him. "Yes, these are both true. But...why don't you spin that? Be real about how she disarms you with her smile or her eyes or her scent. Tell her that she makes you want to believe in cupid. Tell her...that she makes you feel just as much as she makes you think. And if she genuinely knows you, she knows how much you dig the evocative and that this is one of many steps you're willing to take to meet her halfway."

He looks up at me with his emerald eyes, his lips graced with a contented smile. "Only if I get to leave in February 14th."

I laugh at this, handing him some glue and glitter. "February 14th it is."

* * *

**Bottoms Up**

"Highlight is your best friend. Right next to deodorant and pepper spray," I advise, applying a coat of a rich scarlet lipstick that demanded the ravishing of the century. As the girls and I discussed the plan for tonight's festivities.

"Maybe for you, Grandma," Uo says, wiggling the wand of her mascara over her short lashes. "But for people from my neighborhood, clubs are like safe houses. Worst case scenario, you may need a really good steel baseball bat or lead pipe..."

"Uo!" Tohru balks, scandalized at the mere mention of resorting to violence. Even out of self-defense.

"Aw, how cute. Let me know if you ever earn that chip or whatever at the PTA. But let's face it, that kind of innocence won't fly at a seedy, sleazy, club like this one," Kagura chides, adjusting the bust of her top so her cleavage no longer spills out. "Its better to be packing in case they try to grope you or run you out of there."

"Which brings our reason for going into question for the tenth time," I say, folding my arms. "Where's the fun in body-guarding our purses in a huddled squabble like a bunch of penguins in really tight dresses?"

"Ugh. Guys, you're killing the vibe. Scratch that - its DOA, with no hope for resuscitation," Uo gripes, swiveling on her heel so that she's directing all that frustration Hana's way. "Tell em', Saki. You get what I mean, don't you?"

Ever the voice of reason, she opts to simply blink up at her friend, all rebuttal and talking points remaining silent.

Uo feigns hurt at this, her fists landing on her hips as she towers over us. "Fine. So be it. But don't come crying to me if someone gives one of you babies a bruiser, or the tooth fairy treatment..."

"Babies?" Kagura echoes.

"B-Bruiser?" Tohru squeaks.

"Uh, what exactly is a tooth fairy treatment?"

Uo scoffs, as if these questions answer themselves. "Babies because you're a bunch of pacifists, and pacifiers is exactly what you need. A bruiser is exactly how it sounds. And that last one-" she shoots me a look, "-is code for taking teeth and taking names. A swift punch to the jaw and you become somebody else's payroll."

She sighs, pinching the bridge of her nose. "Look, guys. I know I'm coming off as someone that's horrible and a lowly, good-for-nothing gangster that sees blood spill as her form of paper view But...I care about you. So if I'm going a little bit over the top to protect you...then screw it. Its worth it. And I can't bring myself to be sorry for a second."

The entire room takes a collective pause, considering the reason behind Uo's snippy, short attitude, and where we could have been more open-minded about her argument.

Taking us all aback, its Kagura to extend an olive branch, suggesting that we change things up.

"Like, going to a different club altogether. One with another type of crowd."

"Like?" Uo and I prod in unison.

"Like...a strip club." She shrugs, like suggesting we grab fast food instead of sushi. "Think about it...you and Hana aren't getting any."

"That's...none of your business," Uo fumes, her cheeks bright pink. "And I recommend you shut your mouth before I shut it for ya!"

"Wait!" Tohru cuts in, her bright eyes darting between them. "I can't do this. I'm married. See!" She holds her left hand up, impressive diamond proof sparkling from its throne on her ring finger. "I would never do that to Yuki!"

"Me neither," I throw in. "I honestly thought this was just harmless dancing during one of our GNOs. Not...not this."

Kagura rolls her eyes, groaning like the beast she used to be. "Have you ever heard the phrase, 'married, not dead'? Live a little. We're not getting up on stage and demanding a lap dance."

"Oh, that's real comforting," Uo comments, dry as the day is long. "Whether we're single or not...I'm in. This is the bachelorette party we never had for Tohru. Or Gina. I say, that I'm down."

"Should we take a vote?" Hana questions, raising a delicate hand in the air. "While I am no longer single, I wouldn't mind attending for the experience. It could be just the material I'm lacking from my latest story."

"Duh. Its a given that I'm going," Kagura says with a snort. "It was my brilliant idea."

And then there were two.

All eyes in the room are on us, the two women that have been in relationships the longest, and the only two with children.

"Uh-uh. Not happening," I say, putting my foot down. "You'd have to drag me out by my hair to get me to go along with this harebrained scheme."

...

The throbbing bass of sensual music pours all over me, though failing to deter me from making a beeline for the bar to forget I'm actually here, weaving in and out of the crowd of chicks getting drunk on the beat. And the adrenaline of seeing the men waiting in the wings dressed in whatever fed the patrons' role-playing fantasies.

I wave down the bar-tender to order the strongest drink they have on tap, only to find myself swept off to the tables by a persistent Uo, her booming voice just heard over the heavy instrumental.

"Chill, Gina. Pace yourself...we still have quite a night ahead of us. If it makes you feel any better, I'll get the first round so we can pre-game."

I spare a longing glance over my shoulder at the exit, sighing. "Yeah. _That'll_ help."

We're all seated at a booth near the front, where we'd soon be served rippling and corded muscle heads as they flung their clothes in the audience like a teenage girl's concert.

The light above us is dim, thought it casts an ethereal blue glow over us that bathes our skin in hues that bring out the sparkling art of body glitter.

I set my purse in my lap, commanding myself to not be such a scaredy-cat, as Uo orders us all liquid courage. The cheap beer that Kyo would drink when it was just slightly better than being without.

"So. Who are you most excited to see?" Kagura asks, speaking to no one in particular. "I hear there are some real hotties of all kinds, tonight. Like him." She points to the stage, where a man dressed in board shorts with a whistle around his neck takes front and center. A hush falls over the crowd when a single spotlight falls on the man dressed like a lifeguard, and he flashes a smile towards the back to cue the music.

It begins blasting from the speakers at a deafening volume, and the crowd goes wild when he's tossed a beach ball, gyrating against it like its a woman he wants to take to bed. And dreamy sighs blend with rousing cheers.

Kagura shoves her fingers in her mouth and catcalls. "Yeah, baby! Take it off!"

I slouch down in the velvety seat of the booth, shielding my eyes.

I cannot seriously be here right now. Where was the waiter with my drink, anyway?

As if reading my mind, a man with an Adonis bod arrives with a tray of brown bottles.

"Here you are. Five beers for five beautiful women. Enjoy the view and the rest of your evening, ladies."

"Thanks," Uo says, speaking for a mortified Tohru and a surprisingly distracted Hana. Kagura was practically standing in her seat as the man gave a swift kick to the rainbow colored inflatable, only for two battling women to pierce it with their long nails in their attempt to catch it. A hiss of air let out, though unheard as the shrieks came like frequent contractions.

I take a long swig of my beer, almost spitting it out when the man hooks his thumbs into the waistband of his trunks, moving them up and down to tease the sight of his hips. And the unforgettable anatomy that could make anyone with ovaries go insane. The moment he begins to inch it downward, I immediately look away, knowing its all the way off when Tohru squeals, and the women crow.

"That is so hot!" Kagura compliments, and I hear the rapid flapping of a napkin as if fanning herself. "He can give me mouth-to-mouth, anytime."

"Uh, Kagura...don't you have a boyfriend?"

She shrugs at me, her eyes quickly swinging back towards the stage as the stripper retreats to make room for the next. "Its harmless attraction. Its not like I'll ever act on it."

But, wasn't it just as bad to cheat emotionally?

I take another large gulp and ignore the very familiar taste that I associated with Kyo's late night kisses. The ones we'd share after a long day of work, when the boys were in bed, and we had a drink together.

What would he think if he knew where I was at this very moment?

"I wish he could tame me," Kagura jokes to Uo, in regards to the man costumed as a Lion Tamer parading about the stage. "I bet he's really good with a whip and some handcuffs."

"Totally," Uo agrees, looking at Hana. "What do you think? Your type?"

The brunette cants her head, observing as he slowly slips his vest off of one shoulder, then tugs it back up in a taunting fashion that earns sexually frustrated groans from everyone else.

"He's far too arrogant. And...loud..."

"But imagine him dressed in all black. Better, yeah?"

"I am not sure that anyone can be as attractive as Kazuma. Everyone else seems to pale in comparison. Though, he does seem to be well-rehearsed in getting people to want him."

I nod along to what she says, finding that I concur on both points. I didn't think anyone could ever top Kyo. Even on their best day. But...I wouldn't mind it if Kyo performed like that for me, one night.

"How are you holding up, Tohru?" I ask, noting how frazzled she looks as she peeks out through her fingers.

"Um...I don't know." She gets to her feet, slinging her bag over her shoulder. "I don't think I'm cut out for this sort of thing. Maybe I should just wait in the car."

"Aw, Tohru," Uo whines, rolling her bottle back and forth between her palms. "Please? Its not the same without you."

"Its okay, Uo. I'll wait with her," I suggest, standing in the booth and collecting my almost empty bottle. "I'll order two more drinks, and we'll be outside until you guys are ready to leave."

Uo sighs. And in a turn of events, she drops a tip on the table, before getting up. "If you guys aren't gonna stick around, there's no point. Besides...the night is still young, and we can always hit up another dance club. Its newer so its less likely to have a bunch of thugs."

I smile, though a sudden thought wipes it away. "But, won't Kagura be disappointed? Or Hana? I know she wanted to be here for research."

"I am intrigued by human behavior, whether it is in this context or the next," Hana answers, smoothly. Lightly tugging on Kagura's arm to get her to her feet as well. "This isn't all its cracked up to be. We can do better, Kagura."

"What?! No!" She shakes her head, sticking her lip out in a pout. "We haven't even seen the chef or the judge. I hear they're two of the best."

"You can always look up pictures, later," Uo says, picking her up like she weighs nothing and heading for the door. "Be sure to get us some drinks, Gina. I gotta deal with this one."

"Put me down! I'm a grown woman," Kagura snarls, struggling in her grip. "Don't make me start kicking and screaming. I'm not above that."

I snort at this, taking my time in ordering plenty alcohol to hold us for the rest of the night as Kagura screeches at being man handled and deprived of naked men.

Yeah...our group wouldn't know normal if it hit us.

...

I hear the jingling and fumbling of keys from our front door. And I smile knowingly, raising off the couch the instant the door swings open.

"Gina-"

-Is drunk as the day I met her.

I falter, completely thrown as my wife hangs limply by her arms over Tohru and Hana's shoulders. As incredible as Gina was - intelligent, sweet, and driven - there was one thing she was not.

She was not a drinker. At least, not a heavy one.

Later, she'd prescribe a drugstore of painkillers for her massive hangover.

"Should we help her to the bed? We don't mind it," Tohru says, only for Hana to confirm this with a nod.

"Thanks. But I'll take it from here," I mumble on auto pilot. I really wasn't sure if I was in over my head or if I wasn't. It had been years since I've dealt with a wasted Gina, even though we've had drinks here and there. She's beautiful with the way she loves me and can make me want her in bed in seconds, but she's never been able to hold her liquor well enough for a few drinks. Let alone a full out bender.

The two delicately set her on the couch I had just been sitting on, giving me the run-down of where they went and all the beer she downed in one sitting. They couldn't stay much longer because they had a passed out Kagura and a vomiting Uo in Tohru's running car, and they were worried about them.

The moment they leave, I turn to Gina with a sigh. I loop her arms around my neck and hook my arm under her legs, hoisting her up so I can carry her comfortably. She's out cold the entire time I place her on the mattress and begin to undress her so she won't be in a tight dress that reeks of bourbon, liquor, and smoke. Just as I manage to slip it down her legs, she calls for me.

"Kyo? What are you doing here?" I glance up to see her run a hand through her messy but sexy hair, her words slurring as her head lolls to the side. "Its not a Friday..."

"You're right. Its three a.m. on a Saturday. And I live here," I say, smirking despite myself.

"Don't s-sass me you...you fruity, patootie." She pouts her irresistibly cherry red lips, and I'm almost painfully reminded of why I'm starting to love red more than orange. "At least you're hot."

I bark a laugh. "If you say so, babe."

"Mm," she moans happily, peering out at me through sleepy lids. "Its hot when you call me Kitty. But its _dead _sexy when you call me babe..." She breaks out into a giggle fit that doesn't stop, as I try to finish helping her get under the covers. And I move around the mostly dark room to toss her dress in the dirty clothes basket.

"I'm in trouble for sure," she drawls, her s' loosened by slurs. "I think I might just let you wife me up." When I sit back down on the edge of the bed, she caresses my cheek, trying and failing to lift her head and look me in the eyes. "You're such a hottie hot hot mchoterson. You're my cute little Kitty-Kat. You're..." she shrugs. "...everything."

Is it dumb that I'm actually smiling in the dark over that?

"Glad you think so. We _are_ married."

All of a sudden, her eyes fly open. Her mouth forming an 'o'.

"_Whoa_. No way."

I bob my head, trying not to laugh. "Yup."

"Shut up. There's no way."

"That's what I should be saying."

"Well." She huffs. "What do you plan to do about it...?"

"I'm gonna take care of you tonight. And after you wake-up, when the lights kill, and you wish you could erase every single noise..." I smile, leaning forward and brushing my lips over her forehead. "I'll be around."

"You're such a nice boy. I should take you on a date, sometime." She yawns, and nuzzles into my chest when I climb into bed beside her, tugging her closer.

"Yeah, you really should. What's keeping you?"

Playing along can't hurt.

She smiles sleepily, cozying up to me until her shapely thighs come firmly locked in mine. "I don't know...must be nerves."

I smile. "No worries. I won't say no."

* * *

**Visit From Mom**

I frantically race about to clean up straggler toys like train sets, bouncy balls, hot wheels. I nudge it into a corner with my foot, zipping back to yank the bulging white trash bag out of the bin, and hauling it into the trash cans in the garage. The next two hours are a complete frenzy in my race against time to vacuum, mop, tidy, and clean the main rooms from top to bottom. I could only hope and pray my heart out that she wouldn't want a house tour. The twins' messy bedroom would be off-limits.

On my knees, scrubbing down the grout in the bathroom tiles with bleach is exactly how Kyo finds me, his hands resting on the threshold of the door.

"G, why are you acting like this? Its just your mom visiting."

"Exactly," I huff, putting my back into it to scrub more vigorously. "Ever since she lost the two babies, and everything I went through having mine, she worries. I want her to see that I can handle things and take care of them."

I sigh, brushing a fussy curl of hair out of the way with my wrist. "Can you help the boys wash up? And would you _please_ remind them to be on their best behavior, today."

I expect to hear the sound of retreating footfalls, only for there to be approaching footsteps instead. A warm, calloused hand wraps around mine, helping me to my feet. I only stand for a second before he hoists me up by the waist and sets me on the counter, stepping between my legs and boxing me in with his arms behind me.

"Gina...relax. Your mom's not gonna bust in here and report you if the toilet doesn't shine enough."

I frown, folding my arms across my chest. "That's not funny."

"Really?" He tilts his head, a smirk tugging at his lips. "You know you want to smile."

I shake my head. "Inaccurate and pure speculation, not backed up by facts or sound information."

He scoffs, getting close enough that his lips nearly touch mine. "That's not what your body tells me." He locks gazes with me. "I can always tell your mood when I get close to you."

I cock an eyebrow, more curious than I care to admit. "How so? What's this so-called 'tell' of mine?"

"For starters..." his eyes fall on my lips, and I fight the instinct to bite them. "...whenever I get this close, you look at me like I'm what saves you from your own thoughts. Everything that's stressful and the things that make you scatterbrained. You typically get feisty when I'm right about how you feel - like now - which means you really do find it funny. You're just stubborn as crap."

I mock roll my eyes. "Gee, you so get me. Jokes aside...I really need you to work with me on this. Her opinion means the universe to me." I let my head fall to his chest, my hands curling into fists. "I can't let her down."

His arms go around me, resting his cheek against my head as he gives me a world-conquering hug. And I wish I could live in his embrace.

"You won't. She actually loves you. But you'd have to be stupid not to."

I laugh, sniffling pitifully. "So its safe to assume that you love me, too."

He snorts, his hold that much tighter and secure. "I'd be an idiot to not be all sappy for you. I doubt your mom will get upset about a few things being out of place. She'll probably lecture us on spicing up our food selection, and how to hack it up into a million pieces."

I crack a smile, smoothing my hands up his body as I meet his burnt sienna eyes. "That is pretty true. And, you're probably right. I just need to chill out a bit."

"Would it help if I whipped up dinner?" He pulls me against him, his forehead on mine. "Maybe something simple like rice and vegetables?"

"That would be amazing," I breathe, my heart full of him. "Thank you, Kyo."

He shakes his head. "Nah, you don't gotta thank me for anything. I'll help Tsunari and Seika get ready, then get started on boiling the water. You-" he lands a kiss on me "-should get changed into something comfortable and take a nap or something until she arrives."

I nod, content on doing exactly that, and not bothering to protest when he carries me to bed.

...

When I feel someone shaking my shoulder, I'm jostled from my sleep. And my eyes snap open as if expecting to see Tsunari or Seika in distress from a bad dream, or Kyo if he was lost in thoughts of his mom again. I jump like I've been zapped when its my mom instead, her soft and kind features filling my view.

"Hey honey. Did you have a good nap?"

I blush heavily, though still gathering my thoughts. "I am so, so sorry. I thought that Kyo would wake me. And, I, um...I only meant to be out for an hour." I run my hands down my face, in hopes of wiping away the last traces of sleep. "I'm usually better about this, being on call most of the time. I just-"

"-Gina. Its really okay. I get it," she brushes it off, her hands clasping over her knee. "You work so hard at the hospital, and taking care of your sons, devoting yourself as a wife..." she giggles. "You handle yourself like an old pro. I'm deeply impressed by your work ethic and - more importantly - your big, beautiful heart."

I throw my arms around her, sobbing into her shoulder as my crazy emotions take the wheel again. "You have no idea how much I needed that. I was gonna offer you coffee, and show you their accomplishments, and tell you all about my work to get your approval. But...you already...just, thank you."

She laughs. "Of course I approve of you, sweetie. You never even have to ask me that." She leans back a little, her hands cupping my cheeks as her lips lift into a warm, maternal smile. "I still would love to have that cup of coffee while I hear all about that. When has coffee ever not been the answer? But I need to know, why do you think I would feel any different?"

I sigh, shying away when thoughts of explanation bombards me. Because I really don't want to hurt her by dredging up ugly memories that still never fully healed.

For any of us.

"I think about them every day," I begin, my voice no louder than our breathing. "What they would have accomplished had it been them instead of me that lived...if I'm living a life worthy enough, one that means something. One to ease this _pain_ in my chest." My fingers clutch at the material of Kyo's shirt, bunching where my heart would be. "Its one of the only things that keeps me going. Thinking that I make you happy, and them. Satoshi."

Understanding floods her emerald eyes, her hands taking mine in them. "Oh, honey..."

"I just hate the thought of it all being a waste. That I'm just not doing as much as I could be each day. It never feels like enough."

"Its not ever a waste," she admonishes, the conviction in her tone weighing like a ton of bricks. "I miss them every second, and always will play the game of 'what if' in idle moments. But I never once want you weighing your life to anyone's, using your success or lack thereof as a scale to measure up to what could have been. That kind of thinking...that's a mentality that could kill you if you let it. And I refuse to lose my most prized possession. The only child-" her voice breaks, her hand squeezing mine. "The only child that I got to love in full, and raise into someone so capable and respectable and beautiful. Someone women and men could get behind, a person that children would draw for and write letters to for you helping them or other babies arrive into this world. Their siblings." She beams proudly, and I feel my fear collapsing. "You are doing wonderfully. I just want you to enjoy it. And not feel guilty over sadness or heartbreak or anger because you debate on having the right to experience negative emotions. Please let yourself feel, Gina. Experience it all full throttle instead of throwing up a shield, and dulling your pain with remorse."

I bob my head, unable to make out her face through blurring tears. "Thanks, mom. I love you beyond myself."

"I love you. And I have never felt more proud of anyone or anything than I have of you. Now..." she rubs her hands together. "Where are my grand-babies. They need to give me some sugar. Its long overdue."

I burst into another round of laughter. "If I tell you, I'd be a sell out."

"Or a strategist." She winks. "It all depends on your perspective."

* * *

**Compromise & Motels**

Kyo only allowed people to see what he wanted them to see. At least...everyone but me. I'd seen him clothed in his strengths, naked in his weaknesses. I've tasted the love on his lips, composed the beat of his heart, and intertwined souls every time he cried and I cried with him.

We didn't know how to handle conflict. Both of us witnessing failing marriages, experiencing isolation, and being each other's firsts. We were still coming to grips with not overcoming tragedy in the give and take of our bodies, even though it was all we knew. How two broken and lonely hearts found themselves within the same orbit.

We were strangers to anything else.

So, this is why the biggest argument we ever had almost brutally ended me. And him.

Us.

It all began on a day that seemed so ordinary, after we'd dropped the twins off at their Auntie Tohru's for the weekend.

"We have the entire weekend to ourselves," I drawl, falling back onto our couch and stretching. "We can do something crazy naughty like see a movie and not fall asleep in the middle of it."

He snorts, lifting my legs to sit down, before setting them in his lap. "Or...I could give you a full body massage. How's that sound?"

A smile breaks out on my face, and I sit up so that our noses practically touch. "That sounds lovely. How about during the movie?"

He shrugs, though he wears a dopey grin of his own. "It doesn't matter. We can do whatever you want."

"Remember the time we fought? In the ring?" I ask, running my fingers through his hair.

"I remember winning and the sex I got after." He smirks. "It was a good night for me."

I roll my eyes. "Well, the next match won't end the same way. This time, I want to secure a victory. Then...Then we can celebrate after. The way we do best."

He looks at me dubiously, though he doesn't bother saying as much.

"Yeah, sure. But no cheap tricks like distracting me with your body or something."

I giggle, bringing my hands up to cup his cheeks, squishing them together. He cocks an eyebrow at my behavior, though his lips refuse to frown.

"What are you doing?" He questions, his words muffled.

"This amuses me," I say, imitating his expression. "You know what I found, today?"

He takes my hands from his cheeks, playing with them. "A condom?"

"Kyo!" I burst out laughing, that being the furthest guess from my mind. "No, silly."

"Its not like it's impossible," he says, a smirk pulling at his lips. "We've had sex in almost every room in this house. Especially the closet."

A memory takes the helm of my focus, recalling our previous conquest in our bedroom.

_"Why don't you take a seat on the bed?" I suggest, balancing a bag full of clothing on one arm. "And...I'll come out with my anniversary present for you. Okay?"_

_He nods slowly, sitting down on the very end of the bed. "Okay."_

_With that, I hurry to the bathroom with my bag, and change out of my dress from tonight's dinner. It was surprisingly romantic for my Kitty-Kat. Dinner at a ritzy bistro that catered to its customers like they would Kings and Queens, serving the most exquisite champagne and cuisine._

_But, hopefully not nearly as mouth-watering as my little surprise would be._

_I step out with a flourish, and I immediately grab his attention. And the way he looks at me like he did the fish course sends a blush over my body that rivals a virginal bride._

_I saunter over to him in my heels, bending at the waist as my hands land on his knees, daring him to refrain from looking anywhere but my face. He swallows, his gaze straying for seconds that feel like delicious minutes, before faithfully returning to my own eyes._

_I straighten up, taking his hand in mine to run over the lace of my flyaway, just allowing an inch of his fingertips to brush over my bare abdomen as he eyes tracks the movements breathlessly. My lips dance with a come-hither smile, though I don't allow him to do more than graze along my skin before I retreat completely._

_"Tonight, I'm giving you your very own private lingerie fashion show. You get to see me in any outfit you desire. But..." I lean into him, speaking softly into his ear and making his breaths grow shallow. "The rule is that you can't touch me. Not until I'm done. Okay?"_

_I pull away to see his expression, and am more than pleased to see how at war with himself he is over my proposition. As to whether seeing me draped in his fantasies was worth waiting to reenact them._

_Though I eventually do receive another nod, and he sits up just that much straighter. "What else are you gonna wear for me?"_

_I hum, clasping my hands behind my back to give him the full view of this look one last time. "You'll just have to wait and see, Kyo."_

_With that, I turn on my heel and re-enter the bathroom to make another change. My heart beating wildly with excitement. Over the years I've been with him, I've gotten to know his tastes really well. And he favored see-through, caged, short designs strapped to silky material by garter belts. But lace...that was his number one preference._

_That's why the next thing I model for him is something with all of those things. A hot red plunging bra secured with tiny satin bows, the cups partially see-through just to tease what was left to the imagination. Paired with two garter belts hooked into a cage bralette that clung tightly to my toned abdomen like his hands yearned to._

_Though instead of just strutting around in it. I decide to be a bit more...devious._

_I amble out at an achingly slow pace, with a bottle of vanilla scented lotion and kick my foot up to rest on the chair I pull away from the desk. His eyebrows furrow in dark curiosity, though his leg bounces as he undresses me with his stare. And it makes heat flare in my stomach as fire blazes in his eyes._

_I run lotion between my fingers before smoothing it down my calf, purposely eyeing him as I do it._

_"I feel so smooth...and silky." I cant my head, innocently. "Do you want to feel?"_

_He folds his hands in his lap, in an effort to hold himself back when I know he would have jumped me by now._

_I lightly smack my forehead, as if just recalling something. "Oh, I'm sorry...I forgot. You can't touch me, yet."_

_"Please," he croaks, and I cease in applying the creamy, white substance to give him my full attention. "Can I?"_

_I cluck my tongue, folding my arms. "But, Kyo. If you do that...the show's over. Are you sure?"_

_"Because..." I bring my leg back down, before approaching him and pushing him down onto the mattress with the fullness of my body. "I can always stop...at your request." I pass my lips over his, and he groans in relief of being able to feel me. Even if its only a sensation as small as a kiss. "But, then you won't be able to see anything else I bought just for you."_

_I release his mouth, pursing mine. "We wouldn't want that? Would we...?"_

_He grits his teeth against the pleasure of me enthroning myself on his hips, and the moment I move just a fraction, he bucks upward as a moan finally falls free of his restraint._

_"Tell me what you want," I say, alluringly low. "And I'll make it happen. Its all up to you...you call the shots."_

_His hands roam over my curves like clockwork, and I begin to wonder if he already decided to surrender. I thought he'd last at least one more outfit._

_He flips us over so that my legs still straddle his hips, but from a new position. And its my turn to become a puddle of trembling arousal. But I don't expect it when he separates our bodies so that he's standing. Looking over me like he wants to ravish me from head to toe._

_He retrieves the bottle of lotion before squatting in front of the bed, squirting it into the palm of his hand to work it into the skin of my leg, slowly making his way up with warm caresses. My eyes close as I bask in his slow, careful strokes. And I reach a new high when he climbs over me, smoothing lotion over my stomach as his lips find my neck, and he drags his teeth across it. A breath is driven from my lungs as he creates harder, rapid strokes while his tongue boldly sweeps across the expanse of my throat in a duel of buzzing sensitivity-_

I clear my throat, shaking my head to clear it of its fog. "_Anyways, _my point is that I found some things from high school. Like your secret admirer notes for example."

He gapes at me. "You kept that? Seriously?"

I scoff, flipping my hair over my shoulder. "Of course. Why wouldn't I? They're special."

He looks away, his eyes staring off into the distance as if caught up in a thought he's debating on sharing.

"What is it?"

When I receive no response, I tilt his head towards me with my fingers. "What, Kyo?"

"I just...I thought once I fessed up, you'd throw it out. That it would remind you of why we broke up in the first place."

"Um...no. We broke up over you lying to me. I never had a problem with the notes and gifts."

He huffs, narrowing his eyes. "I didn't lie. I just didn't tell you that I liked you when you wanted me to. Its not like I got upset with you about it."

"Excuse me?"

"Yeah, I could have gotten pissed at you. Before you knew they were from me, you thought it was from someone else. The fact that you were okay with someone hitting on you while you were with me-"

"-I wasn't _with_ you," I throw back. "We weren't exclusive. We weren't 'in-love'. And we weren't dating. You made it clear to me on my eighteenth birthday that I was nothing but a good lay. So, yeah. I was happy that I was being romanced for more than just getting into my pants. It was the first time in years that I actually felt valuable. It was just better that it was you in the end."

He exhales slowly, angling his body away from me, causing my legs to fall from his lap. I notice the way his shoulders tense as he bristles; I hear how his breathing grows less calm the more we sit in heavy silence. And it doesn't help that I'm confused and frustrated as he's becoming.

He jumps to his feet and begins pacing the room, like he can't sit still long enough for unbearable feelings to catch up and never let go.

"Kyo, this is stupid. We're arguing about something that is no longer an issue. I kept it all because it meant something to me, being from you."

"It is still a problem," he snaps, stopping dead in his tracks to glower at me. "You never forgave me for that, did you?"

This time I stand, holding my hands up. "Ok, now you're taking this way too far. Of course I'm not mad about it anymore."

"I don't believe that."

I fold my arms, canting my head. "Honey, that's your problem. If I didn't I wouldn't have gotten with you. Otherwise, what would be the point in us being together if I hadn't moved on from that? You know what this is really about...?" I take a few steps forward, until we're toe to toe, and I'm staring directly up at him. "You're still hurt over me dancing with Haru. That's the only half-logical reason for you blowing this out of proportion now. And you're projecting. You're still hurt about how easily you could have lost me when I found out about the notes. And that night he and I danced must have been a painful memory."

"I can't believe you said that," he mutters, hurt and anger incinerating me with his eyes. "That was screwed up. And low."

"It wasn't my intention. I was only trying to back up my point with factual information."

"See that?" He spits. "You're the perfect one that doesn't make mistakes and is never wrong. You forgive perfectly and completely, and you're so much smarter than me that you know the answer to everything and everyone. I'm just the flawed, screwed up douche that you fixed up to feel good about yourself. To feel good about your dad leaving because you couldn't fix him. That didn't hurt did it?" He lifts his voice's pitch, mocking me. "But, _I was just trying to back up my point_."

My hand flies across his cheek at crippling speed. Without warning. I slap him, and pull back with a shaky hand as all oxygen and life is sucked out of my body like a vacuum.

His jaw goes slack, his cheek stinging pink from where I hit him, and tears well up in my eyes. It was never this bad before. I never felt so angry and hurt and devastated all at once. By the only one I was brave enough to give my heart, body, and soul to. And an altercation like this was all it took for my parents to end in divorce papers and wet ink. Before my dad took off, and our relationship was reduced to annual calls, and then nothing at all.

I force my legs into motion so that I can run towards the front door, ripping my key off the hook, and shutting him out as he yells my name with the door closing.

I need to get away.

I need to get away.

And I take off down the road, barely able to see through the tears that threaten to blur my vision as they spill over. I just escape from the pain tearing at my heart, the fear of my nightmare coming to life in the daylight, and how Kyo would react as I burned rubber for over an hour.

I need to get away.

I need to get away.

I passed by gas stations and a hospital and civilization. Until I reached a motel with nothing but the clothes on my back and a car that only had half a gallon left in the tank. But none of it matters when everything breaks apart within me to send me headlong into hysterics. And I bury my face into the steering wheel I grip like my life is bleeding out of me.

And I cry until I'm too exhausted to breathe and do both at the same time. And I check into the not-so cheap motel, no clue as to what to do next.

The room has one King bed in the middle with questionable white sheets, complete with a heavy blanket and four pillows topped with mints.

And, its all just so...

Lonely.

And its the desolation of an empty bedroom away from my heart and my home that makes me go numb. Because...what if I used the worst thing to hurt him with? What if it was_ his_ worst nightmare that _I _had dragged into the daylight.

Its this that transports me to a moment in a dystopian future, where tension spread us apart like tectonic plates to form an earthquake that cracked our foundation. A what-if scenario of what an existence would be like if this argument went on unresolved.

_After everything went south...I experienced a comminuted fracture. My heart was broken in three places. Kyo and I split up and spent ages waging a custody battle for our sons, the ruling determining that we would have them for six months at a time before trading off. It was ugly and painful. And I still had never healed._

_I just pretended that I did._

_The twins were only thirteen when I ran into Haru at one of his concerts. Well, more accurately, the band he headlined with. It was after the show had wrapped and I met him at the bar, sitting in a stool with a beer in hand. It started off with dark jokes about our divorces, segueing into the blurry haze of drinks, and engaging in drunken sex. It was supposed to just be a one night stand. But the gaping wounds were voids that hurt too much to not be covered up. Though never filled. And a year later, I find myself falling into the same old patterns of lust without love._

_I'm reminded of how damaged and unsteady we truly are when I cross paths with Kyo, finding him leaning against the brick wall of the alley we lost our virginity. His head hanging low as he staggers about, too smashed to keep his balance._

_"Kyo?" I shout, jolting him to attention and causing him to swing around to face me._

_"Gina-" he chuckles loudly, his fingers raking through his disheveled hair. "Oops. You're Kitty, right?"_

_"What are you doing here? Like this." I look around, noting how the rainy streets are empty otherwise. "You should be at home with our sons."_

_He ceases in his movements, tilting his head to the side. "Really? Since when have you stopped saying they were just yours? I thought Haru was too busy doing you every night for you to notice anything else."_

_I narrow my eyes at him, folding my arms tightly across my chest. "Real mature, jerk. You're the one that pushed me into his arms. You have no right."_

_"Now that's funny," he slurs, taking several sloppy steps forward so that he corners me. And I find myself against the wall, just like the night of our first time. "Still blaming me for your own problems...like how you can never get enough in the bedroom, so you take whoever will let you jump them."_

_I swing my hand to push him back for space, only for him to catch my wrist, and I glower up at him. "I'm gonna let that slide because you're drunk. And you're jealous of anyone that so much as looks at me cross-eyed, which makes you miserable."_

_He grabs my leg, throwing it over his hip and surging towards me. And he brings his lips an inch within mine, the smell of whiskey on his breath as it fans over me. "You really think I can't get any woman I want? You're not the only one I've ever stripped and kissed and been inside. You're just mad that I won't touch you like that. You're jealous of them."_

_Before I can tell him off, he crushes his lips to mine. One hand slipping beneath my top to surface on the small of my back and bring me closer. I shove against him. Desperate to not go there again. Too afraid to never be able to get out, again._

_Though I'm not entirely sure I ever got free._

_He releases my mouth to send a heat wave of kisses down my jaw and neck, working away at his spot. The very same that I loved thanking him for in moans and touches in kind. The one that I hated now because it still made me want. It made me want him all over me. For every last inch of my skin to be romanced by him, and for us to be together again. Something that was now impossible. And it killed me to think about._

_To recall all the moments that we spent building a life together. With the birth of our sons that proved miracles still occur. The careers we worked hard to stand tall in. How our dreams had been realized in each other, fantasies of overcoming loneliness that life had forced on us since childhood. Saved from the perils of rejection, bullying, and opposition._

_And now...it was being thrown away._

_For the sake of still causing each other pain with our words._

_"Stop," I pant, gritting my teeth over any noises of satisfaction. "I'm with someone. We're over."_

_Over something stupid that should have been discussed. Something that wasn't worthy enough to end all the love we made, and the life that should have been sustained._

_"We should have made up," he says, straightening to look me in the eyes. His rimmed with red as they swam with tears that rivaled mine. "You...you shouldn't have run out. Now its too late."_

_No._

_"No," I whisper, the last blackened bit of my heart starved of any remaining hope. All the pain of our disaster flashing right before me._

_How desperate I was to fix it. To erase our years apart and live as if they never happened._

That's why I felt relief edge along the sadness as I was reminded that none of this actually happened. That it was merely my worst imagination conquered by the sound coming from the front door.

A sharp knock that I'd only ever associated with him.

I stand on my tip-toes to peer into the peephole, and I gasp when the visitor is confirmed to be the one I want to be around more than anything.

But also the same I felt too upset and ashamed to face.

I blow out a breath, to try and force the tension from my body as I unlock and open the door. His words faster than his thoughts keep pace with.

"I followed because you terrified me running off like that in tears. Especially after you..." he shakes his head, unsure of how to hedge the subject. "Never mind. I just need to know that you're okay, and that we can still stay together. Because, losing you means losing myself. My life. My reason. I don't really know myself apart from you."

My chest rises and falls in sync with his, and I don't bother swiping the tears from my cheeks. Not concerned with hiding myself or the emotions that assault me. Instead, I slowly make my way towards him, and he staggers backwards. As if to avoid another slap. And it makes me all the more determined to make it up to him. I back him into the door, once again rising up on my toes and looking him in the eyes. My lips so close to touching his that I can't help myself. His eyebrows furrow in question, though they smooth out a fraction when I claim his mouth with mine. And our bodies slide together the instance I loop my arms around his neck.

His hands move to grip my waist and pull us apart, his sienna orbs filling with a million questions.

"Gina...what are you doing?"

In favor of avoiding for just a little longer, I dip my head to kiss along the nape of his neck, and back up to his jaw. Just because I knew he was sensitive to my mouth, and he would forget that anything was going on between us. Even for but a moment. His eyes flutter closed as his hands clasp behind my back, dragging me towards him when he changes his mind about wanting me close. And I drop one hand to slide the side zipper of my skirt so that he can slip his hand inside when he'd rather die than not touch me.

Right on cue, a masculine hand larger than mine dips into my skirt, and I moan as I arch into him. My heart beating dangerously fast when the sensation of him travels lower.

"Gina," he whispers, his fingers achingly close. "I thought we agreed to talk...instead of us sexing our brains out whenever we fight."

"Doesn't sound like you want to talk," I say, pointedly covering his hand with mine. "Let's sex first, then argue after."

"We-" I cut him off by crashing my lips against his, slinging my leg over his and grinding against him. He exhales ruggedly, though he doesn't protest further as he walks me backwards until we fall on the bed. And he redirects his lips to kissing everywhere else, my fingers becoming rooted in his sunset locks as we choose to forget in each other. Fighting the pain for as long as we can.

"I hated that you danced with him," he growls, taking my skin between his teeth. "You're mine, and I almost lost you..."

"I'm sorry I slapped you," I get out, breathily. He traces my pierced navel with his tongue and I practically break down. "You feel so good."

"I'm sorry for throwing your dad in your face." He lifts his head to train the most sorrowful eyes on mine, brushing his thumb over my cheek. And in that moment...I'm paralyzed with heartbreak. Torn between laying it all out in painful conversation and masking the rift behind colorful sensations. His gaze falls to the blanket beneath us with the snap of his breath released sharply, something wet splashing and darkening the fabric. My eyes widen in shock as it clicks that he's crying.

"Kyo, you-"

"I know," he says, running a hand through his tousled hair. "You hurt me, so...I hurt you back. But saying that when I know how he makes you feel. How I feel about mine..." his hands fist the material of the comforter. "Its unforgivable."

"No," I say, taking his cheeks in my hands to bring his nose to mine. "I love you. So much. It was my fault for using your fear against you. That's what's inexcusable and unforgivable, And, maybe it makes me weak. But even though we have to talk things out...I know I'll always forgive you."

"You shouldn't."

"Yeah, well..." I shrug. "I'm an ignoramus when it comes to love and lust when you're involved. But that I'm not sorry for."

I drag his hips down to touch down on mine with my legs wrapped around him, and he groans the first thing that pops into his head.

"I need you naked. Now."

"Really?" I ask, coyly, as I undulate against him in heady motions. "Do you want to take it off me? Or do you want me to do it by myself?"

In substitution for a verbal answer, he yanks my skirt down. And he doesn't hesitate to put his lips startlingly nearby without ceremony.

"Kyo," I pant, my voice strained with my effort to keep cool. "You don't have to do this."

He drops open mouth kisses in his descent to what belonged only to him, and I squirm beneath him in anticipation. "Consider it flowers and chocolates to apologize with."

I sit up on my elbows, lost about what he could possibly mean when his tongue dives with reckless abandon. And I throw my head back as my body begs to arch off the bed, a gasp flying past my lips as he makes languid strokes.

"Mm, K-Kyo," I stutter out, my heels digging in, in a weak attempt to keep me grounded. Though I want to experience the sight of him in my ecstasy. To fall asleep in the afterglow of the daring, hot love we made. Even when we were emotionally volatile and unsure of what to feel.

His fingers grip my hips tight to keep me in place, to stop me from lifting them to get him deeper.

"Let me..." A moan cuts my words short, sent reeling by the addition of him humming. Fully aware of just what vibrations did to me.

"Not yet," he counters, dark seduction dominating his tone.

His words send a shudder rippling through me.

"You've been naughty again," he says, smirking knowingly. "Not wearing anything under that tight, short, little skirt of yours. Its almost like you planned me to do you senseless, today." He licks his lips, his hands parting my legs to move in for the kill. "How do you want me today?"

I barely stifle myself, looking out at him through hazy eyes as I shove down the urge to hook my legs around his torso to experience a new angle.

"Yes, sensei..."

"Desperate, aren't you?" He taunts roughly, scooting me towards him in one harsh thrust. And his own gaze fills with pleasure.

"I want you and I don't want to hide it. But..."I drop my tone lower, my body coming alive in its anticipation. "I need you."

He groans as if the sound of my voice is his undoing, and I smile satisfactorily when he rushes to strip off his pants. Only to find he went commando, too.

"Looks like you expected me to spread my legs for you, tonight," I purr, relieved when his hands wrap around my ankles as he poises himself between me. "How long did I keep you waiting?"

"Too long," he replies, giving a test thrust of his hips that makes my lips part in a cry.

"I mean..." I take in a shaky breath, dying and coming back to life with each pass of his hips to mine. Like water kissing sand. "When did it happen?"

His sexy smile deepens, because he knows my dirty side like he knows his last name. "The second you touched me at the door."

I bite my hand when he plunges inside me, the mild pain overwritten by my arousal that fed off of his.

"You know, I picked that skirt with you in mind," I pant, my fingers tight around the sheets. "I wanted you to have easier access. For when I needed you between my legs." He breathes harder with the physical exertion and my intimate words, his hands landing on mine to brace himself as he quickens his pace.

"I think about you all the time."

"Look at me," he pleads, his own red eyes glossed over with skyrocketing desire. "I want us to see each other when when it happens. Just like looking in the mirror."

A breath rushes out of me, the inane need for my eyes to close in pleasure dropping on me like a weight.

"Can you do that for me?" He asks, memorizing my every curve and maneuver of my body.

"Y-yes..."

"Yes what?"

I exhale thinly, forcing myself to greet the bottomless passion of his intense stare. "Yes..._sensei_..."

And just like that he destroys the last barrier of fight in me, driving faster without caring to control the pacing any longer. Too much is happening for me to do more than scream his name and cry. Conquered by one wave of pleasure that crashes over the other with boundless momentum. My nails drag over his biceps as we dare each other with the sensual focus of our eyes, a challenge for one of us to cave to the engulfing chaos of sexual euphoria.

His eyes grow hooded, and I can tell he's about to lose his own bet. Which only ignites the competitiveness that roars in my spirit, demanding that I move my hand to his backside to create an explosive wildfire of strokes that makes him cry out and finally close his eyes. Our tug-of-war of wills falling by the wayside.

He drops his head to bury his face in my neck, his breaths uneven with each gasp and expletive that heads up his desire and need.

"You feel, so..." his arms tremble until he falls forward, barely supporting himself with his forearms as they cage me in.

I pick up the sloppier pacing of his rhythm, and make him forget everything he thought he knew about sex with the relentless invitation of my hips. And that's all it takes before his form tenses and the plunges inside my searing heat become broken when he reaches the crest of where only I can take him. The fierce and primal act sizzling out like a firework doused with its deprivation of oxygen in the wake of awe-inspiring displays.

When we come down from the ceiling, we collapse back on the bed, and he throws the blanket over us. Wrapping an arm around my shoulders as I nestle into his side, reveling in his body heat.

Silence reigns supreme over thoughts that bare down on us the more we put off divulging them. Unable to keep quiet any longer, I speak first.

"So...I guess we have a lot to talk about, huh?"

He snorts, resting his cheek on my head. "Yeah. You start."

"Seriously?" I pull in a breath to reclaim some patience, racking my brain for where to begin. "I feel like its important to be honest in a marriage. Or in any relationship. So, in the interest of full disclosure...there are several things that bother me."

"Like?"

"Like...whenever you step out of the shower, you always leave the bath rug damp. And you never replace the toilet paper. They're small things. But they can get really annoying after awhile."

"I guess I could be more considerate about that and dry off more."

He ponders this, before giving a complaint of his own.

"You take too long in the shower."

I quirk a pierced brow. "That can't be right."

"But it is." He peers down at me, his thumb stroking the skin of my shoulder. "I'm not trying to hurt you. But its something that's been a problem whenever I need to go teach a class. You tie up the bathroom on weekend mornings."

"That's another thing. Working commitments. We hardly spend time together, and when we do...its usually just sex."

"What's so wrong about that? You never complained before."

"Don't get me wrong. I enjoy it every time, and I'm a lot more comfortable in my sexuality than I used to be. But, I feel like we do that more than we talk."

"But sex _is_ the way we communicate."

"Yeah, but that doesn't seem normal. And I do want us to talk about things. Like what I think about politics or world affairs; the state of the weather or how things are going at work. I love it when we make love. But...I need conversations, too."

His eyes flicker past me, fixating on one of the knock-off art pieces in the room.

"That makes sense. You just, never really said anything about it until now. I don't know unless you tell me because you're still opening up to me. And I get it. Because I'm still doing the same. I just wish you brought it up before tonight."

"Me too."

"How is it? Work, I mean."

"Actually, I've been meaning to share that." I turn over so that I rest on my side, barely able to contain myself with my news. "There was a woman misdiagnosed with endometriosis, and thought it impossible to have a family without adoption. For some reason, I had a strong unction of running another test because something just felt...off. And its a good thing I did, because I happened to notice ovarian cysts that had been overlooked. Completely treatable and caught early enough that the woman is now pregnant. And it was thanks to one of my finds. Me, of all people."

"Wow." He blinks in surprise, warmth overtaking his expression. "That's great. I'm happy for you, G."

"Thanks," I say, still practically bubbling over with joy of such a discovery. "What about you? Is class going well?"

"As crazy as it sounds, sometimes I wish I could run the place 24/7. The kids I work with are all so different, with so many problems. And...I want to make it go away for them. Kind of like with you. One of them is part of a foster home, and he doesn't have much of his own. The only thing he's ever been able to say was his is his ability to fight. And I'd never forgive myself if I didn't do whatever I could to make him wear that title proudly."

That's one of the things I loved about him.

He cared, even when he denied it.

He loved as well as he hated.

"Well, I hope you do whatever means something to you. If this is important...go for it. Don't get pissed at yourself if mistakes are made, but don't quit if its something you're hungry for. Even if its hard and it feels hopeless. That's the time when you need to push back the hardest."

"You're right." He looks at me, as loving and vulnerable as he ever has. "And I can never thank you enough for the time you worked extra hours to support one of my students. That...was everything to me. And then some." He touches his lips to my forehead, taking a shaky breath. "I was a moron saying all the things I did. Who cares about some dance that happened years ago? You chose me. And that should always be enough."

"Babe, if it still bothers you, its okay. Its even more offensive when you apologize for what you're feeling. Emotions rarely make sense. And I know how much pain that caused you. I know that its different with you, and not just jealousy." I twiddle with his fingers, chewing my lower lip. "I know you feel like you've been chosen last so many times before. And I hate that I made you feel insecure for even a moment. I wasn't thinking it through, then, or earlier tonight."

He closes his eyes, brushing his lips along my head as he pulls me closer. "You...are what I'm afraid of, Gina. You make me feel so _much _pain, that I can't even process it sometimes. You don't see the way other men look at you. And I'm always aware of how there's better out there than me. Guys that are CEOs of big companies and doctors and lawyers that see how smart and beautiful you are. And they have less issues than me. Losing you _and_ being with you scares me."

"Kyo, I never see the way they might watch me because I only notice you. Ever since I started having feelings for you, I didn't really entertain the idea of dating around. Or sleeping with anyone else. When my mom asked me about why I was single years ago...the only person that came to mind was you. Not some fantasy man I dreamed about as a little girl, or a wedding I'd mapped out since I learned what marriage was. As far as I'm concerned, you're the only guy I ever have, ever will, or ever could love. I'm incapable of looking at anyone else the way I do with you. Or being comfortable in their arms like I am in yours."

"And I'll keep telling you that until I get too old to form the words." I cup his cheek, boldly challenging him to look away. To deny my love and loyalty to him, ever again. "I told you, babe...you're stuck with me for life."

"You know what..." he leans into my hand, closing his eyes to hide the tears he refuses to shed. "I can't do any better. And, for once-" his lips wobble slightly, transformed into a shaky smile as he reopens his eyes. A confidence I've never seen in them. "-for once...I'm choosing to believe that I'm the only one you want. And...maybe, that no one else could fit you the way I can."

I nod, my own tears spilling over my cheeks as he showers kisses over my palm, down to the inside of my wrist.

"There's no better match than you, Kitty-Kat."

He brings his forehead against mine, mirroring the glow of assurance in my expression. "I think I can live with that."

**Author's Note:**

> This is a story I am currently rewriting on Fanfiction, and hope to post the rewrites to this site as well. A handful of the chapters are re-written, thus far. But the rest needs to be reworked. I hope you enjoy it anyway!


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